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“Jacob! Jacob! Where are you?”, Frankie screams, running through the gallery like a squirrel. Jacob approaches her from behind and wraps his strong arms around her, attempting to calm her down. It only slightly works and Frankie sighs. “I am here, Frankie.”. The corners of Frankie’s mouth twitch upwards and if she wasn’t so nervous, she might have even laughed in her gorgeous way. “I know. It’s just… I am not sure. I’m just so fricking nervous. What if no one likes my art?”
In this moment, it hits her. She suddenly has a déjà vu of the almost exact same situation. With only a small difference: It was home. It wasn’t even La Jolla she was thinking of, but Grace. And this sure as hell wasn’t a small difference. It was important and big.
She was so focused on her thoughts, that she couldn’t even hear Jacob’s reassuring words. She simply smiled and nodded. Jacob looked satisfied, so it couldn’t have been that inappropriate. She looked at him when he leaned in for kiss. Frankie couldn’t take this right now, so she made sure it only was a small peck.
Finally, the exhibition started, and it was a great success. All the old hippies of Santa Fey seemed to love her art. They all looked the same and, even worse, the same as her. She hated it. Suddenly she wasn’t the only one with long gray hair, balloon trousers, jewelry, and bright colors. She just…fit in.
Frankie still was caught in her hatred when a woman approached them. She turned to Frankie and asked: “Since it is your first exhibition here, I wondered if you wanted to put those red dots on all the paintings you sell. Frankie just stared at her for a moment, not being able to deal with this. She didn’t even know, what made her so angry about this, but it just did. So, she firmly looked up in the other woman’s eyes and declined. The woman nodded and simply went away. Jacob asked her why she didn’t want to it this time, but she just couldn’t answer it herself yet, so she simply shrugged her shoulders. She apologized herself and went to get something to drink. At the bar, something told her to get a very dry Martini with to olives. She didn’t know why. But she just had to.
That’s when she remembered why she just couldn’t accept those dots. Back at her first exhibition, Grace convinced a lady to give her the dots. And accepting them now, with Jacob by her side, would have felt like replacing that memory. And she really didn’t want that.
At the end of the, she had almost sold all of her paintings and she was happy. But not nearly as happy, as she was when she had sold that one painting with Grace. She wasn’t able to finish that thought though, since Jacob came to her and hugged her. They sat down on the gallery’s terrasse for a while and watched the sun go down over Santa Fey. Frankie loved a good view on a sunset. But this wasn’t her favorite view. And Santa Fey wasn’t home. So, she casually said: “I think, it’s time to go home.”, like she didn’t exactly know what that implied.
Jacob looked at her a bit surprised, but as the gentleman he was, he agreed right away. He glanced at her when she didn’t get up. As Frankie looked up at him, he knew it from the look on her face: “You don’t mean our home, do you?” They both were aware, that he didn’t need an answer, but Frankie still said: “You know, I love you. But this… this just isn’t home.” She gave her a sad smile: “And I am neither, am I?” The tear in Frankie’s eye was everything he needed: “It’s Grace, isn’t it?” It wasn’t an actual question, but Frankie still felt the need to answer: “I love her. Which, of course, doesn’t mean, that I don’t love you. But…” “You just love her. It’s okay, I get it. Don’t worry, I got this.”
All the words had been said between the two of them, so they simply sat there quiet. Frankie was glad, that Jacob stayed, and he knew. She couldn’t help but drifting off to Grace again. She thought about how her mood changed during her stay in Santa Fey. In the beginning It was so great. She was happy. And she and Grace had phone calls every day. It seemed perfect. But then daily routine started, and nothing was great anymore. Jacob had his family, which made her miss her family even more. The calls and texts with Grace got fewer. She knew Grace simply didn’t want to disturb her. But…She was lonely. She hated it. She still did. She knew that it was the right decision, although it hurt like hell to hurt Jacob like that. She loved him. But just not like that, like Grace.
Frankie got up, looked at Jacob, and he knew, she had to leave as soon as possible. He simply nodded and accompanied her to his house. Frankie took a deep breath and dialed her best friend’s number. The only one she knew by heart. Grace immediately picked up and said: “Frankie. Did I miss one of our calls? I…I am so sorry.” Frankie’s heart shattered in a million pieces, when she heard Grace’s voice. Her best friend sounded like she has been crying, confused and sad at the same time. She replied softly: “No, Grace. I just had to talk to you. I hope I didn’t interrupt you. How are you. You don’t sound good.” “Oh, okay, good. You don’t interrupt at all. I actually wanted to talk to you too.” Frankie frowned. What could be so important, that it made Grace lose her control? Did someone die? “Ok, go ahead.” “Ok. I…I know that is incredibly selfish for me to say. But I…I miss you. And I want to say: Just come home. To me. Please.” Grace now couldn’t hold her tears back anymore. “Grace. Grace. This isn’t selfish. It’s just the truth. I need to come back home. To my home. I just broke up with Jacob and I’ll take the train tomorrow morning.”
“What? Why? What happened? When should I pick you up?”, Grace asked even more confused than before. “It’s ok. I’ll tell you tomorrow. And you don’t have to pick me up at all. Just wait for me.” “Oh ok, then, see you tomorrow. Bye.” “Bye Bye” Frankie smiled. Grace missed her too.
She then thought about who she would want for picking her up. There was no obvious choice: Sol would ask too many questions; she didn’t want Bud and Coyote to worry, and they probably had to work. Mallory and Brianna were busy, one with kids, the other with work. That would leave Robert. Objectively there was nothing wrong with asking him, and since she knew, he would be least likely to ask questions, she simply decided to ask him via text message, if he had time. Robert’s response was almost immediate, and although he wondered, why she didn’t ask Sol or Grace, he agreed.
Frankie told him the time she would arrive. Usually, she most certainly would have missed her train and probably even the next one, but this one was so important, that she was sure, she wouldn’t miss it. She also asked Robert to not tell anyone else, that she was coming home. Frankie was pretty sure, he assumed it was, because it was supposed to be a surprise. And partly it was. But in fact, she mostly needed this ride for herself. Without questions or strange looks. And she exactly knew that Robert was the one, she was most likely to get that from.
Of course, she could have asked Grace, but she just wanted to come home. To her. To the house.
She almost spent the whole night packing her stuff up. Since she didn’t bring that much and also didn’t buy that much here, in was only slightly more than when she arrived. Frankie was so grateful, that, although she had had just broken up with him, Jacob still was there and even helped her. After some exhausting hours, they finished and went to bed. Jacob had offered to sleep on the couch, but Frankie couldn’t bear taking over his bed. So, they simply shared it, like before.
Frankie wasn’t even sure if she could survive being alone right now. She felt guilty: Breaking up with Jacob should have been a hard decision, but it wasn’t. Right now, she felt as free as she hadn’t felt since leaving La Jolla. Since leaving Grace.
Frankie decided that she really had to sleep now, because she didn’t want to miss her train or sleep in the train. That night, she fell asleep with the image of her coming home to Grace in her mind. Subconsciously, in her sleep, she turned to Jacob with a bright smile on her face. He looked at her with tears in his eyes: There were only few moments in Santa Fey, which made Frankie’s face brighten up like that. He understood: This wasn’t her home. And he wasn’t Grace.
They both woke up with very different moods. While Frankie couldn’t wait to get on this train, to get home, Jacob was quite sad, that he had to let her go. Although he hated to see her leaving, he made breakfast for the two of them. They didn’t talk as much as usual and when a wave of uncomfortable silence hit them, Frankie’s words cut through like a knife: “How are you? Are you ok? You know, I’m really sorry, right?” Jacob looked at her with sad eyes: “Of course. I’ll be okay. It’s bittersweet, but if you love someone, you have to set them free.” He looked away and continued: “But I have a question: What are you sorry for? The fact that you are leaving or that you hurt me with it?” “I believe you know the answer. And that I am incredibly sorry for it.” He locked eyes with her and assured, that he was going to drive her to the train station later, but told her, that he needed a little time for himself right now. Although Frankie felt really guilty, the next two hours passed really fast.
When they were driving to the station, Frankie started to realize, that she was actually going home. It had felt like a dream before, but now…now it was reality. When they arrived, she rushed out of the car and asked Jacob helping her with her bags. Of course, he did. Such little gestures just made her feel more guilty. Was she a bad person for doing this?
Jacob and Frankie silently walked next to each other, when she couldn’t hold it in any longer: “Do you hate me now?” Jacob looked at her very surprised: “Oh my god, Frankie! What could possibly make you have such thoughts? I could never hate you! I love you! And before you start interrupting again: I know you love me too. I know you never actually lied to me. Not intentionally at least. I know you tried. But sometimes this isn’t enough… This probably is about this morning, right?” Frankie had looked to the ground this whole time, not wanting Jacob to see her teary eyes, so she simply nodded. “Thought so. I probably shouldn’t have reacted that way. Especially given the fact, that you really lived in denial until you really couldn’t take it any longer. But…But last night, you had such a bright smile on your face. Like, the whole night. It just made me realize, that only the thought of Grace Hanson makes you happier than spending all your time with me, doing things you like.” Frankie finally looked at him and said with a big sigh: “You can’t put it that drastically.” “Yes, yes, I can. It’s the truth.”
Frankie decided not to argue any further and just rolled her eyes. When she thought about it, he was right. She simply had hoped that she didn’t make him feel like that. But it is, like it is. She wasn’t even able to continue thinking like that, because in that moment her train arrived, and an image of Grace crossed her mind. She turned to Jacob, breathing heavily, and trying to hide that big smile of hers. She didn’t do a pretty good job though. Jacob chuckled and stepped closer to hug her tightly one more time. “I love you. Forever. Good luck.” “I love you too. And thanks. For everything.” Frankie placed a soft kiss on Jacob’s cheek, smiled at him, and tried to pick up all her bags at once. Jacob couldn’t help but laugh. He helped her get all of them on the train and said one last goodbye.
Frankie was eager to get on the train. She settled in her seats and luckily there weren’t many people around her. She really wouldn’t be able to deal with people all around her. Frankie wanted to call Grace right away and tell her how excited she was and every single thing she was feeling, but she didn’t. She was able to keep her cool and so she did it. She simply texted her, that she was in the train now and when she was going to be home. Frankie decided that listening to some music might calm her down, so she got her phone out of her pocket and started searching for a proper playlist. After some minutes - she was really bad at choosing one thing - she discovered a playlist, that she and Grace had been making together a few years ago. They weren’t that close back then, so it was a bit of a fight, but they somehow managed. Although she tried, Frankie couldn’t remember what they did this for, but however, this felt like the perfect kind of mix for an occasion like this. She took a deep breath and relaxed a little. Since Frankie was Frankie, she decided to get herself some snacks some time later. They didn’t really have many options, so she chose some nuts.
When they were getting near the train station in San Diego, Frankie couldn’t stop herself from pacing in the train. When they finally arrived Frankie wanted to call Robert, but was stopped by seeing him next to his car. She smiled and waved at him. He simply nodded, but Frankie knew he was happy to see her. In his Robert kind of way. She somehow managed to get all of her bags to his car, where he helped her to put them in the trunk. Frankie looked at Robert with a great relief. She really missed being here. Yes, she even had missed Robert. Just as she Frankie was about to turn away, Robert stepped forward, hugged her, and placed a little kiss on her cheek. “Good to have you back.” Frankie smiled. She really didn’t expect this. They both got into the car and Robert drove off.
“Soo, do you want to talk about it?” Frankie sighed, originally, she hadn’t wanted to talk about it, but now she did feel like it. “Well, I don’t know things just weren’t like I wanted them to be. And I was homesick. So, I guess, that’s what led to my decision.” From the tone in her voice, Robert knew, this was all she was going to say for now, although he sensed that it wasn’t everything. “Well, I would fill you in, but I’m pretty sure you had much contact with Grace. Right?” He smirked knowingly and Frankie just rolled her eyes. They enjoyed the rest of the car ride in silence. Freedom. Freedom and Peace. That’s what washed over Frankie in that moment. She loved it. Then finally, Robert parked in front of the beach house, where home was waiting for her. Robert got all of Frankie’s bags out of the car and briefly hugged her goodbye. He knew better than to stay to see Grace. They needed this moment for themselves. He would probably get ignored anyway. However, he couldn’t help but watch a little of the reunion from his car. He was a little curious.
Frankie took a deep breath and walked up to the front door. She didn’t bother to take care of her bags – she could always get them later. Right, when she started to wonder, if she had to knock or just could walk in like before, Grace opened the door. It took them a short glance in each other’s eyes – for realization – before they fell into each other’s arms. Robert smiled and drove off: he had seen enough. The rest of the night should be theirs.
The minutes passed and Grace and Frankie still couldn’t let go. Grace was slowly stroking Frankie’s voluminous curls, while Frankie was painting circles with her hand on Grace’s back. After some more time, Grace backed out first and framed Frankie’s face with her hands. “You’re actually here. I’ve missed you so much.” There were tears shimmering in her eyes and Frankie hated, that she was the reason for that. “I just had to come back. My home is here.” She took a deep breath, before adding: “You are my home, Grace.” With having that said, she crossed the few inches left between their faces and pressed her lips on Grace’s. Grace was surprised, not to say shocked. She wouldn’t have expected anything like this. There were some signs, but still. When she finally realized what was going on, she briefly leaned in, before putting both of her arms on Frankie’s arms and softly pushing her back.
Frankie looked at her terrified. “I am so sorry, Grace. This was so impulsive. You didn’t even give consent. I mean, I am sorry, but I did mean it. Everything. You are my home and I love you.” “Frankie. Frankie! I need you to stop talking.” “Right, sorry.” “And stop apologizing all the time” Grace rolled her eyes, trying her best to hide the fact, that she actually thought Frankie was adorable in that moment. She still was mad at her. “This is it? You run away and when you finally come back home to me, you expect everything to be like you want it?”
With that Grace went inside to make herself a martini. After this she really needed a strong one. Frankie stood in front of the door, not really knowing what to do. She felt the urge to run away or perhaps dig a hole for her to vanish in. But she wouldn’t. She chose this. She wanted this. And she had known before, that it could get complicated. So, she followed, completely forgetting about her bags, which were still laying beside the spot, where Robert had parked. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, when she said: “Let me explain, Grace.” “No. I mean yes. Go ahead.” “When I was in Santa Fey, I just couldn’t feel home. But you already knew that. The thing is, that it wasn’t just the place, but also the people, including Jacob. It just didn’t feel right. The last drop was an exhibition I had. I just wanted you to be there. Cause I love you. I hope we will be able to be friends again, if this is what you want, even after what I just did, because I couldn’t bear losing you.” Frankie took a deep breath and glanced at Grace with teary eyes. Grace locked eyes, took a big sip and answered: “It is not…what I want. It’s just, when you were gone, I missed you terribly. And I can’t get hurt again. I won’t survive it. I’m too fragile!” She slightly moved her head sideways, but her eyes sticked to Frankie’s. “I think that probably it would be best, if I went to stay in a hotel for tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow.”, Frankie said with a sad smile painted on her face. “NO!” Her sudden scream sent shivers through Frankie’s body. Grace’s voice was vulnerable, but firm. Nothing was able to stop her. Frankie stopped, turned around and looked at her with one eyebrow slightly elevated. “I mean: No, that isn’t necessary. Although you probably can’t sleep in your studio because most of your things are still with Jacob in Santa Fe.” “Right. I’ll just take the couch. Good night, Grace. And remember: I meant it.”
Grace did her very best to keep herself from bursting into tears, while walking up the stairs. Her breathing became faster with every step she took, until she couldn’t anymore. Right in front of her room, she broke down. With last powers she managed to get into her room, and she immediately fell into her bed. How could Frankie be just so … Frankie? She was so calm when she articulated her feelings. She must have nervous as well, right? Grace was so happy, that Frankie was home, but why couldn’t things just be like they were before? Why? When Grace was honest to herself, she actually couldn’t imagine what she would have done, if Frankie had denied coming home the day before. She just couldn’t. She probably would have gone to Santa Fe herself and begged her to come home. Life without her was just … senseless. But why did she feel that way? By the time Grace stopped focusing her thoughts entirely on the three words Frankie had said to her, like many times before, but with a completely different meaning, she had calmed down enough to change into her pajamas and remove her make up. While she sat at her desk to put down her earrings, her eyes were caught by a bracelet she had once gotten from Frankie. It was self-made and definitely what she usually wore, but it still brought a smile on Grace’s lips and a light in her eyes. “I love her.”, Grace whispered. “I do.” It was a statement, not questioning like expected, but sure. She did. No doubts.
She was already getting up to tell her, when she noticed that she was in her pajamas with a bare face. Under normal circumstances she would have never showed herself to anyone like that. But this was Frankie and she loved her. So, she decided not to care. She went down the stairs and saw Frankie lying on the couch. She looked like she was sleeping, but Grace wasn’t sure, so she stood there for a while and observed. Frankie’s gorgeous hair was spread out like always and therefore she looked like a goddess. “Frankie”, she whispered, “are you awake?” When the younger woman didn’t move, she slowly approached her. Some strands of brown and grey were flowing over her face, which made Grace’s heart skip a beat. Perfection. That was the only word she could think of to describe the picture being presented to her. It wasn’t the kind of perfection she always was seeking, the perfect wife, mother, woman, but a natural perfection. Grace slowly reached down and pushed the strands out of the way with shaking hands. She couldn’t help but smile lovingly. Grace could feel her eyes getting teary, while looking down on the woman she loved. Suddenly Frankie opened her eyes and murmured: “Grace? Is that you?” Instead of an answer Grace kissed her. Not on her temple or cheek but on her lips. She could feel Frankie’s smile against her lips, which made her smile as well.
The kiss wasn’t perfect or even really good, but it meant the world to both of them. Frankie looked up to meet Grace’s eyes “Seems like it wasn’t just me after all.” Grace couldn’t help but chuckle at the general irony: Exemplary straight Grace Hansson, who has never been really happy with a guy, finds her true love in a woman in her late 70’. “Life really fucked me, so fuck it”, Grace suddenly exclaimed, grabbed Frankie’s head, and kissed her passionately. Frankie was a little bit surprised but melted the second their lips met.
After a few minutes Frankie heard a car pull up in their driveway, so she slowly broke the kiss. “I fear the children are here. I texted them, I would arrive quite late, so we would have time to talk things out.” Frankie smiled brightly. “You know, earlier that day, I wouldn’t have thought, this could happen.” “I’m glad it did.” Grace moved forward to place a quick peck on Frankie’s lips, when the door opened, and all four kids barged in. Frankie expected Grace to pull back and cover it up, but she didn’t. She kissed Frankie just as she intended to and smiled at her. Then she turned to the kids and asked: “Is further explanation necessary or did you all catch on?” Brianna was the first to find her speech: “Sassy! I like it. I think this is not much of a surprise. But anyways. Congrats.” “You deserve to be happy.”, Mallory chimed in. She then went to hug both of them, while the boys stood in the back, shock written over their faces. “Hey, you okay?”, Frankie asks with a worried voice. “Yeahh. I just. Have you ever been happy? I mean you denied who you are your whole lives.”, Bud answered. “Honey,”, Frankie said, cupping his face, “I have loved your father very much. And I still do in some kind. I have been very happy with my family, and I have never had the feeling that I wasn’t living my life right.” “Alright. I’m really happy for you.” “Thanks Bud.” “I mean at least we already are used to it.”, Coyote joked, earning a laugh from everyone.
“Well, it’s late. And we have a lot to talk about.”, Frankie stated after a few minutes. “Understood. We’re heading outa here.”, Brianna immediately replied. “Bye kids and good night. See you soon.” As soon as they were out of the door, Frankie turned back to Grace and started laughing. “Grace! What the! You’ve handled this so well!” “What can I say, I’m not embarrassed anymore.” A wave of silence hit the room and Frankie sensed, that there was something Grace wanted to tell her. “You know, what Bud said before…it actually applies to me.” “Oh honey. I know. I know. But it’s alright. You can be proud of you became, who you are now. And I am too. I love you so much, Kevin.” Frankie smiled warmly and Grace’s lips twitched upward as well on the mention of the nickname Frankie had given her. “And I love you and am proud of you. The past doesn’t matter anymore.” “I know”. Grace kissed Frankie passionately before standing up and helping her girlfriend up. She smiled and led her upstairs. “Our room. Our bed. Our life.” “Together.” Frankie confirmed.