Chapter Text
Five months.
One-hundred fifty-two days.
Three-thousand six-hundred forty-eight hours.
Eddie wasn't sure, most of the time, what day it was. He never knew if the moon was puncturing the night sky with its dewy gloom or if the sun shined bright beneath the ashen clouds. He never knew what class he was in, whether it was science, english, or history.
But he knew how many months, days, and hours that you were no longer by his side.
Well, let's rephrase that. He knew how many months, days, and hours since he broke your heart into a thousand different pieces.
His too, though. As he watched your tear-stained face crumble, your hands shake, and your voice cracks. His heart, too, broke into a thousand different pieces. He didn’t know why he did what he did—why he pushed you away.
But it seemed so easy— so effortless —in the way of trying to make sure that you’re safe. After Chrissy’s death, Max’s almost death, and the events of the Upside Down, he knew life was going to be hell. He knew that with all of those chains of events, it would only be the beginning .
So, in a way, he did know why he pushed you away. It pained him every second of every ticking minute that he did what he did. And yet, now that the long, hellish months of his trials were over, everything was starting to be placed back to where they’re supposed to be—everything except you.
Today was May 12th, 1986. His year. His month. His last and final week at Hawkin’s High. It was really supposed to be like any other week like the rest of them.
He would get up. He’d smell like booze and weed. He would shower said booze and weed off of him. He’d get dressed. He would stare at the moldy blueberry muffin you had baked for him one long lost Sunday morning. He would then drive to school. He’d go to class. He’d drive home. He would drink and get high. And at the end, he went to bed. The never-ending cycle was bound to continuously spin in circles for what felt like an eternity. The same day over and over, again and again. The same routine started all over again on May 12th, 1986.
He got up. He showered all the booze and weed off. He stared at the sad blueberry muffin. He drove to school. But as he parked his van in the school parking lot, he immediately regretted looking up in front of him.
There you were. You. The person he’d been dreaming of stumbling across for the past four months.
You were dropping off Mike and Lucas, waving goodbye to them as they opened the car door. His eyes watched as your lips curled into a smile, the wounds that deepened his heart only cut further. You looked happy, the little crinkle next to your eyes as you smiled, and your pearly whites on full display. His heart sunk as you looked happy.
Eddie couldn’t help but freeze as you screamed Mike’s name. Even the sound of your voice—something he hadn’t heard in months —sent chills down his spine. Mike ran back to your car, giving you a quick thanks at you for giving him the book he forgot.
Eddie sniffled. It was the first time he realized that tears had fallen against his cheeks. He looked down to see small wet patches on his jeans. He put a hand over his mouth, slowly sliding against his jaw as a sob racked through his body. He didn’t expect to see you today or any day for that matter. He wasn’t ready to see your perfect lips. He wasn’t ready to see the way your eyes shone beneath the sun. He wasn’t ready to see you in the parking lot at Hawkins High.
He wasn’t ready.
He couldn’t help but let out a small, frustrated scream, trying to yell into the dark void that seemed to only let him sink further.
But then he saw you walking toward him. Fuck, you were really walking towards him. His eyes widened, his heart rate increasing with each step you took. He tried his hardest to wipe the tears from his eyes, but he knew everything would still be visible—the redness, the dried tears, the stuffy nose.
He watched, swallowing thickly, as you tapped the van window. He bent down, cranking down the window. “Hey.”
He almost choked at the sound of your voice, his heart pounding loud in his ears. “Um, hey.”
He couldn’t look into your eyes, and all he could do was stare at your wrist. He knew he was avoiding the inevitable as much as possible.
“How are you?” If Eddie wasn’t so focused on suppressing his current emotions, then he would’ve caught the strain in your voice.
He swallowed, “I’m—uh—good. How a-are you?” He cringed on the inside, knowing that he sounded entirely too nervous. However, you either didn’t notice or didn’t seem to comment on it.
“I’m—um—doing good. Jus’ had to drop the kids off today, ya know?”
He nodded, trying his best to form a small smile. He could tell that it was probably the most unconvincing smile he could ever muster. And then he saw the look on your face. He could see the small sliver of hope that rested between your irises. He could see the way your feet shuffled, and your hands fiddled with the end of your shirt in nervousness.
But then everything comes crashing down into the pits of reality. He broke your heart. He didn’t want you anymore. He didn’t love you anymore.
All he could do was watch as the scene unfolded before him. He watched as you started to close yourself in—the walls that he had managed to crumble down at one point in time were building their way back up. One brick at a time.
“I’ll see you around, okay?”
Eddie didn’t respond as he watched you walk away. He just stared intensely at your back. “Fuck!” He yelled, smashing his hands on the steering wheel. He felt himself slipping—stumbling into the everlasting darkness of a life without you.
Today marks four months and a day of Eddie’s worst demise. One-hundred fifty-three days without your smile. Three-thousand six-hundred seventy-two hours without you.