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His face was on every other cadet for the next week or two. His face plagued her nightmares, something new from her usual ones. His face would flash in her mind when someone smiled. And she cried, knowing her face was the last one he ever saw.
*
When Annie inherited one of the nine, she knew her hands would be drenched in blood, convinced that she was fine with it, because, in the end, they were nobody to her, people she didn't know or care about. But hearing their screams in 845 made her realize the irredeemable sins she's committed. Knowing she shared them with Bertholdt and Reiner brought comfort no one could.
From then on, her exterior was unbreakable despite the consistent nightmares. They often depicted a mountain of corpses, begging for their lives; children looking for their mother, tears of blood trailing down their cheeks; men and women surrounding her and calling her every name under the Sun, the most prominent one being 'devil'. And she truly felt like one. She deserves that name, and no amount of apologies could bring back the lives she's stolen.
On nights like those, Annie would wake with a short gasp, and she would curl into herself as if she's still hiding from the people in her dreams. If she was unable to conjure up sleep again, she would slip on her boots and throw on her hoodie, on a quest for fresh air, and she would often find him.
Marco Bodd was a naïve sweetheart whose dreams of serving the king levelled Eren's bloodlust for titan blood. Marco's heartfelt encouragements made him popular and well-liked by most of his peers. Most, but not all. Annie despised his over-the-top positivity and ability to find something good in every incident. She found it hard to understand why something couldn't just be bad with no redeemability in his eyes. She craved for the day that Marco would openly judge people and call them out on their bullshit.
Or maybe her disgust toward his positivity was a front for her desire for someone to find the good in her. For someone to point out everything she's done right. Because no matter how hard she looked, Annie Leonhart was forever irrevocably corrupt.
On her first night at the training campus, she lost sleep to images of a young girl drenched in blood, asking Annie what she'd done wrong to die like that. She would ask, 'What did I do? Did I do something wrong?' to the point where she would be sobbing. Annie had woken with a short gasp, tears in her eyes. She changed into her workout clothes as quietly as she could, not wanting to awaken the others.
Outside, she jogged toward the forest, and it didn't matter where to, as long as it was far from the campus, hoping to shake the image of the girl. Yet she kept thinking about her and every other person she had killed, and with every new thought grew the intense desire to cry.
Stopping to catch a breath, her inhales were short and ragged, body tired as she leaned on a tree. Looking around, she saw a broken bird's nest in the ground, the babies dead due to the fall. And this is what broke her. She cried. She fell to the ground, right by the nest, and cried.
In her hysteria, all Annie could hear were her wails, and all she could see were the blurry baby birds. Marco's comforting words fell on deaf ears, and she only noticed him when he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. Her head whipped to the side and made out a blurry, worried face of her fellow cadet. She scrambled to her feet and wiped her tears, attempting to regain her composure.
"Annie, isn't it?" he spoke quietly as if talking to a fidgety deer about to flee. "I'm Marco. We haven't had the chance to properly get to know each other."
Still silent, Annie looked him up and down, noting his dishevelled hair and nightwear, as well as the lack of socks in his trainers. After taking another look at his face and the gentle smile on his lips, she strode past him, back toward the girl's dormitories.
Marco blinked once, then twice, standing in a mixture of awe and worry. Amazed at her strength to compose her feelings, but worried as to how easy it came to her, worried how long she had been hiding those feelings. Jogging after her, he remained quiet, still sensing her distress despite her stony face.
Annie couldn't understand why Marco was out there. And why was he the one to see her in that state? She found it difficult to comprehend his reasoning to stay by her side; they had nothing in common and they've barely spent any time together.
Halfway back, she stopped dead in her tracks, Marco repeating her action. "Why are you here?"
Thinking for a moment, he replied with a simple, "Couldn't sleep."
"No, why are you here, with me? Do you need something?" Her words conveyed her annoyance, as her icy blue eyes made contact with his soft brown ones.
He once again smiled slightly. "Because I can tell you need someone. You're a strong person Annie, and I can see you've been through some horrible things, but you don't have to punish yourself by keeping it all in."
Annie scoffed. "I'm not punishing myself."
He looked up at the sky with a deep inhale. "Maybe you're right. But I can see something is eating you up. Is it what happened 5 years ago?" Her silence was her answer. "Annie, it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done to change the outcome. I'm not sure what happened, but I can tell you that it was out of your hands."
His words made her stomach drop and pierce her already bleeding heart. If only he knew.
For the second time that night, her eyes filled with tears, and she lost her composure. Sensing this, Marco took a gentle step toward her, seeing how she would react. Not moving away, he put an experimental hand on her shoulder, gaining the same reaction as before, he closed the gap and took her in his arms, resting his head on top of hers.
At this gesture of comfort, Annie froze, unsure what to do in his warm embrace. "You're a good person, Annie." His words demolished the dam holding back the remainder of her tears, and she was wailing once again, desperately clutching into Marco's shirt.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Words she kept repeating, like a spell that can forgive most wrongdoings but is unable to erase sins.
Marco tightened his hold on her, murmuring soft reassurances of her innocence and strength. He repeated that she has nothing to apologize for, as she hasn't done anything wrongful. Anything that she blames herself for are baseless accusations, for she was a child back then and things were out of her control.
They stayed like that for a while until her tears ran dry and the sun peeked over the horizon. They were something that she had acquired over the years, guilt shredding her from the inside, gathering tears, but she now has nothing left. She detaches herself from Marco, unsure as to what to say, so she just mutters, "Thank you. If anyone finds out about this, you're dead."
Marco lets out a quiet laugh and watches Annie stomp back to the dormitories. He himself was out there to calm his mind, fear of a new breach plagued his mind, but being with Annie calmed him. Looking up with a smile on his face, he found it difficult to see the stars he'd come out to count, the sky getting lighter by the minute.
For what seemed like the first time in forever, Annie was able to sleep with no dreams.
***
For the next three years, a tradition started. At first, it was odd coincidences, and then it became a silent mutual agreement to fetch one another on sleepless nights. They were spent with only the stars and nature's melodies, but it was comforting for both of them.
Annie would sometimes apologize out of the blue, something Marco never learned to understand, but he would always forgive her. He would reassure her innocence. And sometimes he would confide in her his fears of a new attack on humanity, and how he thought at times that his desire to protect the king was actually a front for his cowardice of dying. Annie would say that being scared is okay, especially in this cruel world they lived in. She would share her fake fear and lie to him about how they were both in the same boat. Marco would sigh in relief and tell Annie she's a good person. Each time he said it, a ghostly smile could be seen and Marco would take great pride in himself for that.
During dinner, Marco would always stick close to her; not in the obvious sense, but by sitting at the table closest to hers. During ODM training she would silently set up a competition between them and in hand-to-hand combat, she'd challenge him to a match and Marco would joke about bruises on random parts of his body; "There's one inside my belly button. How?!"
Despite her nonchalant behaviour and general disinterest in other people, Marco felt like Annie cared about him in some sense. Why else would she correct his posture or show him more efficient ways to slice the nape of a titan?
But he would often find her loitering around Reiner and Berthold, or sticking close to Armin, and he would feel proud of her, like a mother whose child has learnt something new.
One sleepless night, Marco got out of bed and trudged towards the girls' dormitories to see if Annie was awake, only to see her step out. As he was about to quietly call out her name, he catches sight of Reiner and Berthold by the tree line. When Annie gets closer, they all trudge in the forest, Berthold looking around anxiously while Reiner tries to start a conversation with Annie. Unsure what to do, but caving into his curiosity, Marco follows behind them, not too close, but close enough to make out bits and pieces.
“How are you, Annie? Making any friends?”
“Shut up Reiner.”
“C’mon, don’t be like that, I’m just trying to be nice. Are you sleeping well? You seem tired.”
Are they close? I see them sticking together at times.
“Reiner, leave her alone.”
“Reiner, refrain from walking so close to me, your stench is making me nauseous.”
“Watch it, Leonhart, I won’t hesitate to teach you a lesson again.”
Again?
“Sure, whatever you say, Marcel.”
Marcel? Who’s that? Maybe his middle name.
“Annie!”
“You’re starting to piss me off.”
“Cry me a river.”
“Like you’d know anything about that. Do you even have feelings? Do you feel bad about what you did? How can you walk around, feeling fine? Do you feel guilty?”
At this point, the party has come to a halt. Behind a tree, Marco can see Annie’s back, standing in front of Reiner and Berthold, the former stepping closer to her, practically breathing down her neck.
“Reiner!” Berthold gasps, in disbelief as to what was just said. “Stop it!” He takes Reiner by his arm, attempting to diffuse the situation while looking around anxiously. Marco ducks behind a tree, hoping he hasn’t been seen.
“No, she needs to be told what she is: a stone-cold bitch, “ Reiner spits out, pulling his arm from Berthold’s grasp. Walking in front of Annie, he lowers himself to eye-level with Annie, boring into her expressionless eyes. “God, I can see why Magath picked you. You’re a psychopath.”
Marco can’t see Annie’s face, but he can tell she’s bored and done with this conversation. “Your breath smells like shit. Did you eat ass before you came?”
Marco stifles a smile at her dull reply. But his amusement disappears when he reminds himself of what Reiner just said. What she did? Feel guilty? Is this what she's been apologizing for? These thoughts take over Marco’s mind, feeling the desire to leave his hiding, but that would probably destroy any trust Annie has in him. Following her and eavesdropping on what seems like a personal conversation is a breach of confidence that he probably couldn't rebuild.
Letting out a humourless laugh, Reiner straightens and steps back. “Didn’t your daddy teach you to be polite? Or was he as anti-social as you? Did he not love you enough? What a disappointment you must be to him.”
“Reiner! Stop! You’ve gone too far!” Berthold steps between them, as if to shield Annie from the onslaught of insults she's been thrown at. “Annie. Are you ok?”
“You want to talk about dads? Where’s yours, Reiner? Is he proud of you? Does he love you?” Her dead words seem to hit the spot. “You’re weak Reiner. At least I didn’t have to lick Magath’s boots to get in.”
Who’s Magath? Someone in the military? Or someone personal to them?
At this point, Berthold is holding Reiner back, dragging him away. “Stop it! Both of you! You’re trained soldiers, stop acting like you’re children. Besides, you're making a scene, we’re not that far away from the dormitories.”
Pushing Reiner to keep moving, Berthold grabs Annie’s hand to bring her along. After she takes the first step, she pulls her hand from his, walking past both of them. Looking down at his palm, a ghost of a smile on his face, lost in his daydream until Reiner pats him on the back with sympathetic eyes and brings him back to reality.
Deciding he’s heard enough, Marco sticks behind the tree until he can no longer hear them. Questions swarm his head, like how do those three know each other? They seem to know a lot about each other, even though she always seems to ignore them. Who’s Magath? Get into what? The military? But Reiner seems strong enough to get in on his own merit. What’s this about their fathers? Annie really seems to dislike, if not hate, Reiner, so why is she meeting up with them? And what did she do that was so bad that she should be eaten up by guilt?
Distastefully content that he’ll never get the answers, he goes back to bed, however for some odd reason he’s slightly resentful towards Annie, maybe because she’s so secretive despite how close they are. But for the past three years I knew I would never really know her, so why does this bother me so much?
After witnessing this, he limited his contact with her. During sleepless nights he would wake Jean up instead, something he would grumble about but would happily stay up with him. Marco considered Jean to be his best friend, someone he got along with the most, whose views aligned with his own, and who he saw in his life in the future. He would often imagine the two of them being roommates, living their lives out serving the king alongside An-
He began ODM training with Jean more often and turned to Mikasa for hand-to-hand combat lessons, who, although surprised, was more than happy to help him out. Getting closer to Mikasa was surprisingly easy, they were both fiercely loyal and loving, and despite Mikasa’s devotion to Eren, she looked out for everyone, especially people she was close with like Armin and Sasha.
Although he was avoiding Annie, he was still civil towards her, smiling when he passed her and training when they were paired up. They reverted to how they were three years ago: just comrades, people they trained with but never bothered to find out their name. They know each other’s deepest fears, but they know their secrets will be safe.
***
After Annie’s encounter with Kenny and meeting with Reiner - who she hates more every passing day - and Berthold - the poor boy who follows Reiner around like a lost puppy while harbouring an unrequited crush on her - her social battery was drained and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and fall into an eternal sleep.
For the next couple of days, she strayed away from most people, only speaking when she had to. Her nightmares came back, worse than what they were before, and on nights like those she wished Marco was next to her, but his distance is not something she will disturb; if he’s tired of her, she doesn’t blame him, it’s not like she makes an interesting company. She felt like a leech most of the time, clinging to him as a lifeline to erase her guilt for a moment, while never telling him the root of it. However, she misses his company, she enjoyed his rambling of his day, on what Jean had done or said and whether or not he had gotten into another fight with Eren. She loves hearing about Armin and the new things they had learned that day. They didn’t air out their fears as much as they did before, but on bad nights when nightmares plague their dreams, they would talk about them, or in Annie’s case, lie about the root of her fears but mention her fear of failure and how the year 845 still gave her anxiety. He would turn their fears into hopeful dreams of a future in the walls, where they would stick together, along with Jean - someone she was never close with - and live the rest of their lives in peace, maybe even find someone to love, someone smart, patient and kind, like Armin.
This was a dream she wanted to believe in, something she secretly thought about; leaving the mission behind and staying inside the walls, alongside people who saw her as person, free of discrimination and hatered, and the only thing she would have to put up with was social class inequalities. But this fantasy would only exist at the back of her mind, because she promised she would return to her father. It’s one of the reasons she suggested taking what they have and going back to Marley, alongside the fact that the Founding Titan still hasn’t made an appearance and the real royal family is in hiding, alongside the fact that she’s getting tired of pretending to be a soldier and living amongst people who suffer because of them.
There were nights where she really wanted to seek him out, like when she had that meeting with Reiner and Berthold, and Reiner had managed to push some of her buttons, but restrained herself and ended up wanting to be by herself.
Another one of those days came a few weeks later, where she had an excruciating dream in which the guilt resurfaced tenfold and all she wanted was a warm hug. However, she reminds herself of their estranged relationship, and bares the feeling herself by going on a jog to escape her desire to fall back asleep, her body reaching its limits after the rigorous nights along the sewers and almost getting caught by an Ackermann. Besides, if the clan still exists, one of them being in the military, it makes it even more dangerous for them to be crawling around the capital’s alleyways to find answers and clues. Reiner isn’t the king of subtlety and his conflicting personality makes it even more dangerous; at times she thinks he actually believes he’s a soldier fighting for the walls with his friends, while then contradicting himself and saying they’re devils and not friends. What if someone figures out his warrior persona or comes across one of their meets then -
Come to think of it, their latest meeting was the day Marco began to distance himself. Anxiety creeps in her; what if he overheard the conversion? What if he came looking for me and found all three of us instead? But wouldn’t he have said something by then? What’s he waiting for? The conversation was vague to outsiders, but Marco is smart, so the idea that he might’ve figured out we’re outsiders isn’t so barbaric.
Deciding to talk to him as soon as possible, she runs along the rays of early morning sunshine and bird song, the grass slightly frosty from the cold night. The stars are still mingling with the newly lighter blue sky as the moon and sun share their presence above her.
As Annie nears the boys dormitories, she’s stopped by a calloused hand on her shoulder. She tenses, fully aware who it might be, as no soldier would willingly be up this early in the morning.
“Visiting your boyfriend, are you Leonhart?” Commander Shadis grunts out. Confirming her suspicions as to who it was, she straightens her back and salutes the older officer, right fist above her heart. “Which one is it? Braun? Hoover?”
“Neither sir.” She says, body tense and eyes hooded and sleep deprived. She would never admit it outloud but Commander Keith Shadis unnerves her just as Commander Theo Magath does. Although equally intimidating, they hold different reasons; Shadis has knowledge on titan killing and with his experience, could easily take her down if he found out her identity; however Magath has power over her only remaining family.
He walks around her and peers down at her with a raised eyebrow. “So there is one? Is it Bodd? Don’t think I’m unaware of your nighttime rendezvous. Are you having a lovers quarrel? Might I remind you that love is a very fragile thing in the career path you have chosen.”
“There’s nothing going on between Bodd and I, sir. We’re simply comrades sir.” Deciding to reveal some of the truth, she confesses he helps her with nightmares some nights.
“At ease, soldier.” Annie’s arms fall behind her back, feet closer together. Shadis thinks for a moment, assessing the situation and what to-do. Looking down at her, he forgets sometimes that these are still kids, brave individuals who have offered their services to their people.
Letting out a sigh, he motions for Annie to follow him. In a rare act of kindness, he leads her to the dining hall, weaving between the tables to the kitchen, where he motions for her to sit down, while he moves to the stove to make a cup of tea.
“Nightmares about what?”
Unsure how to answer, she simply states, “845.”
“I see. Where are you from?”
“A small village in the southeast of Wall Maria.” The reply comes out robotic, perfectly rehearsed.
“I see,” is all that he lets out.
He places the cups of tea on the table and takes a seat opposite her. He gets lost in his head, full of littered thoughts on his students who had to witness the titan horrors.
Annie on the other hand found the whole situation awkward and tense. She would rather run laps than sit and drink tea with her commanding officer.
“Alright.” Shadis stands after five quiet minutes and takes both of their empty cups, washing them by the sink. “You’re dismissed for the day.”
Annie’s mind blanks for a moment, and is then brought back to reality once she’s comprehended what he said.
“What?”
“I’m giving you the day off. You’re exhausted and will work yourself to an early grave. I don’t want the training grounds to smell of death.” he strides to the door. “I’ll have someone bring you your food. I don’t want to catch you sleep deprived again. Make peace with Bodd and sort your shit out. The real world won’t give you a day off, so don’t expect me to give you another one. Dismissed.” With that, he walks out, slamming the kitchen door shut.
Annie doesn’t need to be told twice. The clock says 5.34am when she walks past it to the back door, trudging her way back to her room, the sun almost over the horizon and the stars no longer visible.
Sasha and Mina are still dead asleep, while Mikasa is gone, her workout clothes missing amongst her uniform. It’ll soon be breakfast time, but that’s the last thing on her mind. Completely forgetting to talk to Marco, she crashes, the nights awake catching up to her.
***
Despite Annie’s silent demeanor, everyone notices her absence throughout the day. Sasha’s seen leaving with extra food, which no-one takes notice of, but she’s always known to clean up after herself, which is why it’s odd that she returns without a plate.
Training goes by uneventfully, although they did practice target shooting, and Connie almost shot Commander Shadis after he started messing around with Sasha, which resulted in Jean scolding them and Connie losing focus on the target.
Throughout the day, Marco frets over Annie. He fears one of the worst: that she’s dropped out due to her worries, but he shakes that thought, knowing Annie wouldn’t do that. He then worries that she might have fallen ill, but for whatever reason, he finds it difficult to envision Annie Leonhart ill.
"Bodd." Springing up from his seat, everyone in the dining hall dead silent to hear what Shadis had to say for their comrade. "You're in charge of taking Leonhart her food. Dismissed."
About to remind the Commander of the anti-gender mixing amongst the dormitories rule he had reinforced during morning drill, Marco's thoughts are lost as Jean grips his forearm in excitement, face in awe. Connie's jaw drops, and both Mikasa and Armin raise their eyebrows. Eren slams his hands on the table, leaning over it to get closer to Marco’s face, as if he won't hear him from a meter away.
"Dude, you just got permission to go to the girl's dormitories! How'd you do that?!"
"You know Annie Leonhart?"
"No way Shadis gave Annie a day off! I thought her slacking bit her in the ass and she was told to leave!"
Marco dismisses the rapid questions, deflecting them by simply saying he was given an order.
"God you're such a boot licker, it's embarrassing," someone matters loud enough for their table to hear.
While Jean jumps to his defence, Marco makes his way to the kitchen and slips out through the back door so as to not draw any more unwanted attention to himself or Annie.
Outside the girls dormitories, he remembers the last time he was here, which was the night he overheard stuff about Annie's personal life. Thinking about it, he realizes how immature it was of him to hold it against her for not telling him about her past. Mulling over how to approach her and potentially apologize, Marco misses Annie walking up behind him.
"Is that my dinner?" Her voice holds no emotion, a common trait of hers, but the tiredness that's laced amongst it is easy to spot.
"Annie," he gasps out, eyes wide and face slightly flushed. Her appearance matches her voice, dark circles under her blue eyes, blond hair messy with a sheen of grease covering it, while sporting her hoodie and some sweats.
Striding past him, she grabs her plate from his hands and mutters a 'thanks'. Just as she's about to pass the threshold, Marco says her name again, louder this time.
"I'm sorry. For not being there for you." His voice conveys his guilt, head lowered in shame as his hands just hang by his side, like a kid who's just been told off for doing something he shouldn't have done.
Letting out a deep sigh, Annie turns to face him." Meet me out here at 11. We'll talk this through."
Once she has disappeared behind the door, Marco lets a small smile grace his lips. I'll make this right, I promise Annie.
***
Just as promised, Marco waits outside, nervously overthinking his apology and explanation, faring that it's better to come clean about what he heard and how his childish response was the wrong way to go about it. Yet admitting to this will most likely break her trust and she might decide to never speak to him again, but this time there's a valid reason.
Wordlessly, she walks out and past him, tugging at his sleeve to follow her. Together they break out to a slight jog, the night crickets singing for them while light bugs dance around them as if to show them a way to a secret hideaway.
15 minutes pass until they end up at a creek where Annie slumps along the water, slightly out of breath. Marco stays by the treeline, waiting for her to speak first. His presence is quiet but comforting, his slight pants tethering Annie to this quiet moment.
"I know you followed us."
Annie's bluff holds true when Marco confirms her suspicions by simply saying 'yes'.
"How much did you hear?" Unknown fear seeps between her thoughts, and her fingers grip the edge of her sleeves tighter.
"Just about your father." Marco treads this conversation cautiously, unsure of her response. The silence that follows puts both of them on edge.
"Anything else?"
Unsure what other answer she's looking for, his answer comes out more as a question, "Your hatred for Reiner?"
Her shoulders deflate in what looks like to him, in disappointment, however for her all tension leaves her body and relief seeps in.
"I'm so sorry Annie, I left as soon as Reiner brought up your dad. I thought maybe they were going to extort or bully you because you humiliated Reiner during training, even though I know you would beat their asses, but then I realized you know each other and it was a personal meeting and I left. Please believe me, Annie." His panicked words came out as if they were stitched together, one after the other with no break between them. He'd moved closer to her while ranting, now standing behind her, anxiously waiting for any acknowledgement.
His words both infuriate her and bring her an odd sense of comfort at the same time. Infuriated that he followed her, eavesdropping on her conversations and thinking she was that weak that she couldn't take care of herself. Yet it was comforting that someone was looking out for her, thinking of her wellbeing and safety.
"I'm disappointed in you Marco. I thought you knew better than anyone that I don't need protecting. I can take care of myself alone." She stares ahead, reminiscing of a time when she believed she needed her father to survive, but now she realizes it's the other way around. Her sole existence proved to him that his life has purpose after leaving the military, and she was his next mission. He worked and moulded her into a perfect soldier, something he wished he was. Annie was her father's legacy, and he needed that as proof of his hard work in the military, or otherwise his life had no purpose. She was his greatest pride because she was the soldier he wished he could have been.
"I know Annie,but you can't blame me for worrying about you, you're my friend." He takes a seat next to her, peering at her face, his brown puppy dog eyes wide as he flashed her a small smile.
Rolling her eyes,she mutters "You're so corny," while giving him a slight push.
"So are we OK? I'm sorry for ignoring you. It was partly because I felt like you don't trust me and that I barely know anything about you, so I can't help you, especially since Reiner was being so mean towards you, which I never knew he would be rude to anyone, but also because I was petty over not knowing anything, so I figured-" his ranting is stopped by Annie's hand over his mouth, a clear indication that she wants him to shut up.
"I forget how alike you and Armin are sometimes, neither of you know when to shut up." She takes her hand from his face, stretching her arms behind her, face showing a small smile. "We're OK, don't worry."
Silence falls between them again, but this time more comfortable, like how they used to be.
"A guy I knew hung himself. After our village was trampled by titans, he took us in. Reiner, Berthold and I. He said he had kids and a wife who were killed by titans, so he took us in to repent for not being able to save his family." Annie picks at her fingernails, face neutral. "I wonder sometimes if he killed himself because he missed his family or because we reminded him of his kids and he couldn't bear living with the guilt."
Marco thinks about this new information, unsure what to say.
"Do you feel guilty?"
"Yes." Partly because I'm the reason his family is dead, and that's what led him to the noose around his neck.
"It's not your fault or responsibility to bear his guilt. You were kids, nothing you could've done would've changed the outcome." Marco's words penetrate her heart
"Thanks."
Pushing his luck a bit more, he continues to pry. "Was your dad killed by the titans?"
This put Annie on the spot. She rethinks all the lies she's fed him to match her newest one. "No, he injured his knee pretty badly, so he'd gone to see Dr Jaeger in Shiganshina, but last I heard he was living somewhere in Wall Rose."
The lie seemed believable enough; he had injured his knee, and Dr Jaeger was a well known doctor across both Wall Maria and Rose.
"Have you tried to find him?" Marco's thoughtfulness and sincerity was heartbreaking, and he always managed to pierce her heart.
"No. I don't want anything to do with him." I just want to get home and prove to him I'm a better soldier than he ever was.
Marco thought over what she had just confessed. He feels like this isn't the whole truth, but decides to not push it, and changes the subject instead.
"Do you know that Berthold has a crush on you?" His voice is teasing, and a slightly mischievous glint in his eyes.
Walking to the creek, he slips his shoes and socks off, rolling the bottom of his pant legs to his knees. Dipping his feet in the cold water, he hisses before stepping in, the current carrying away the initial chill, replacing it with warmer waters.
"Yes. Not interested." She goes back to leisurely picking on her cuticles, eyes growing slightly heavier. "Besides, the career we've picked doesn't have space for romance."
"Awh, don't be like that Annie," he whines, splashing her. "You never know, maybe someday, a dashing smart person may sweep you off your feet and make you forget you ever said these kinds of things."
She rolls her eyes at him, while an image of a certain bookworm flashes in her mind, but she pushes it down.
"Love is illogical and emotional, something I have no time for."
"Sure sure." Leaving the creek, he slips his shoes on, shoving his socks in his pocket while walking towards her. With a hand on her shoulder, he nudges her to get up, "I can see you're tired. Let's go."
The walk back was uneventful and quiet, the stars leading them back while the moon shone the way. Shadis spots them leaving the forest, proud of his antisocial cadet. Introverts have a hard time working in groups, and that won't get you anywhere in any of the military branches.
By the boys' dormitories, before Marco slips through the door, he hears a quiet 'I missed you' and it lets him fall asleep with a smile on his face.
***
The Battle of Trost takes everyone by a storm. Annie and Reiner make sure to stay away from the wall, even if they're straying from orders. Although they're amongst devils, none of them want any of them injured, so a shiver of guilt runs down Berthold’s spine, yet Reiner manages to remember what their mission is and makes haste to drill it in Annie and Berthold’s head, as if they're the ones forgetting.
Although she's distant from the rest of 104th, she never wishes ill on them. Contrary to her exterior, Annie isn't heartless. After their plan to break Wall Rose comes to life, she seeks out Marco, trying to somehow influence the squad leaders to pair them up. She sees him with Jean, the two of them huddled together. Annie can't make out who's comforting who, but they share a quick embrace.
When Jean catches Annie lurking in the background, he leans by Marco’s ear to discreetly let him know they're being watched. Turning around and seeing her, free of visible injuries, he rushed towards her and shamelessly engulfs her in a hug. This leaves passers-by surprised, even Mikasa’s eyebrows rise up slightly. However, it's forgotten when Eren picks a fight with Jean.
Annie pries herself from Marco, flustered and embarrassed of the PDA, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she hisses, backing up further, attempting to blend in with the shadows.
"I couldn't find you anywhere. I didn't know how close you were to the wall and no-one had seen you. Everyone is freaking out about the titans that they seem to forget about the soldiers who died because of the wall debris. Jean was panicking over Samuel because he fell off the wall during the attack and Sasha had to put one of her grappling hooks in his leg to stop him from hitting the ground. And I then thought about you and where you were, but I'm so glad you're safe." He breathes out, words seeming to run out, but his wide eyes remain, releaf evident as he rake's them across her body, looking for more visible injuries, satisfied when he finds none.
She rolls her eyes, hoping neither Reiner nor Berthold saw the hug or they might think she's going soft. "I'm fine. Come on, grab your boyfriend, we're on the middle guard."
Despite the situation, he flashes her a smile and follows Jean, who now strops off to get more gas. Annie turns the other way, finding a remote corner to test out her gear, checking her grappling hooks work and that the handles hold no scrapes that might become an issue later on.
"Annie!"
Peeking past her fringe she sees Armin jogging towards her, slightly out of breath and definitely on the verge of a mental breakdown. His ocean eyes are wide and a sheen of sweat coats his forehead.
"Are you with me and Eren?" He gasps out, hands on knees to regain his breath.
"No, I'm with Marco, Jean and whoever else." She wonders whether to say something endearing to ease his mind, but decides against it. He's with Eren, it's fine.
"Oh," his face fell, somehow more nervous than before. "I think I heard that Ymir and Krista are with you guys."
"Really? Great," she rolls her eyes. Ymir's a bitch and Krista's a goody-two-shoes. They'd be doomed without Marco, Jean and I.
An officer shouts out orders for groups to dispatch in an orderly manner, and she sees Marco waving her over.
Giving Armin a final look, she breezes past him, giving him a final piece of advice, "Replenish your gas regularly and don't be dumb. Use your brain and try not to freeze."
Tossing him a look over her shoulder, she loudly tells him she's looking forward to meeting him on the battlefield, a faint mischievous smirk on her lips.
Trost looked as expected: panicked civilians mixed with titans slowly making their way in through the breach Berthold made. Boulders and building remains littered the ground, innocent people caught underneath them. Their work was cut out for them, and none of them attempted to stray too far from the assigned group. Annie found that Krista and Ymir worked surprisingly well together and kept each other safe, the latter not seeming to care for anyone else but Krista. Marco and Jean were constantly side by side, assisting with kills, but she knows Marco would come to her aid if she needed, mindful of his glances towards her.
Hours seemed to have passed, and she was hoping to pull through on her promise to see Armin out here. This came to fruition when her group caught sight of him sitting on top of a house with his back pressing against the chimney. Connie was crouching beside him, trying to coax him to speak.
Krista and Ymir landed on the rooftop first, and although unable to hear what was said, it's safe to say Ymir said something distasteful by the way that Krista harshly pushed her body against her and Connie's face was fixed in a scowl.
Landing among the others, Jean and Marco follow suit, both springboarding questions onto Connie and Armin. Connie tries to explain he found Armin like this and has been trying to talk to the boy, however he seems shell-shocked. It's obvious in the way he's unmoving and no focus in his once bright blue eyes.
This is not how I was hoping to see you, Armin.
The roof becomes a meeting point, Reiner and Berthold landing behind her, the former stepping up to be a leader and asking what's going on, while Berthold softly asks Annie whether she's ok or not. This exchange is caught by Marco, who's reminded of their history and wonders whether Annie was as worried about Reiner and Berthold as they seem of her.
Sasha comes next, informing everyone of the lack of supply teams and her suspicions that they're stuck in the headquarters. Mikasa follows, rushing to Armin, taking his delicate hands in hers, softly asking if he's hurt and where Eren is. Hearing his name, Armin shouts out the names of all his group members and how they died valiantly protecting civilians. Everyone tenses at this, having to acknowledge the casualties of fellow soldiers. Jean curses under his breath and kicks a rock, while Krista sheds silent tears. Mikasa’s reaction is most anticipated, and it's surprising how composed she is when she directs her worries onto Armin, asking if he's ok and helping him to his feet. However, her eyes hold no emotion and everyone can see her loss, whether of herself or her only remaining family, or both.
She makes a point to tell everyone that she'll clear the way for everyone to make their way to HQ to get more gas. Annie can see she's on a suicide mission, disregard for her on life, as evident in the amount of gas she's using when slicing titan after titan. Annie understands; she might act the same if her father was killed in such a manner, however her method of suicide was decided when she inherited the Female Titan.
They follow suit, continuing when Mikasa falls and both Connie and Armin follow her. They all manage to make it, with an assistant kill or two, crashing through the glass. Jean stands for a moment, realizing that his order to push forward killed many of their fellow soldiers, however these thoughts dissipate when a titan appears in front of a hole in the building. Marco yells out, running towards him, the sound making Annie turn towards them, and is taken aback on how close Jean - and subsequently Marco - is close to the hole.
Instinct to take care of Marco on some level, Annie takes a step toward him, ready to help him. This is taken note of by her fellow warriors, who share a confused look, both unsure of how to interpret the situation; has she all of a sudden grown a heart and started to care for her fellow cadets, or is she singling Marco out? Something always seemed strange between the two, yet Marco was friendly towards everyone.
The titan disappears as a titan-sized fist collides with it, and Mikasa, Armin and Connie crash through the glass, explaining that this abnormal only targeted titans and knew basic combat. It's clear to Annie this is a titan shifter, probably not the Founding, however, the Attack did go missing over a decade ago, before her time; could this be where it found a new home, or was it stolen for protection?
This seems like the first lead as to what's going on in the walls. Since they've been unable to get information on the king, and they've lost Marcel and the Jaw, taking home the Attack isn't a complete failure. This should be resolved quickly, however getting gas should be a priority.
The supply team is cowering in fear under upturned tables, a pitiful sight that enrages Jean, making him grab a soldier and shake the poor thing, as if answers will spill from his lips.
They tell them the basement is filled with loitering titans, and Armin's brilliant brain comes up with a plan for the best fighters to take them out while the others distract them through the elevator. Marco supports this, leading this team along Armin, deciding to ride down as bait. Annie can't decide if she should be happy or not, questioning his safety, but decides he can handle himself, and even protect Armin if needed.
Going down the steps, Reiner says some dumb shit about titan assholes, which illicit an eye roll from Annie, who mutters "What a bunch of bullshit."
The plan works with a misstep or two, but they manage to overcome it with her and Mikasa’s quick reflexes, helping Sasha and Connie out. He gasped out a 'thank you', which she shrugged off while looking towards the elevator, spotting the blond bob and freckled boy sighing in relief.
They all scramble for gas, letting out whoops of joy, everyone feeling like this is a small victory for humanity. Jean and Marco huddle together, while Mikasa takes Armin somewhere quieter. Sasha and Connie stick by each other, cracking jokes on how they both pissed themselves a little. Annie finds this slightly disgusting, but she understands; she ran when the titan from the ground emerged, positively frightened and not thinking straight.
Continuing with the mission to recapture Trost, they all disperse in different directions, however, Annie decides to find the Attack and her thought pattern aligns with Reiner and Berthold. They find it being devoured by pure titans, and the three stand next to Jean, shocked. Along with Mikasa and Armin, they question why it isn't protecting itself. Reiner suggests protecting it, however the thought process is cut off when it starts to move again.
What's wrong with it? Has it tired itself out? Or is the person creating a diversion to escape? But that means they have ODM gear, therefore it's someone either in the Garrison or training corps. Or is this the King's way of giving the military some aid. Jeez, this is getting harder to figure out than we thought.
After attacking a blonde titan, the Attack collapses, and the nape opens up. Someone none of them thought they'd see again emerges: Eren Yeager in the blood. Mikasa shudders in a breath, immediately going to him.
What the fuck? What the actual fuck is going on?
After helping him on top of the wall, they're dismissed and sworn to secrecy. Numbly nodding, Jean dismounts the wall, and Annie has to nudge Berthold and Reiner to follow him, all of them still stunned and confused. Armin and Mikasa stay, something Annie spares a second thought to, on whether they were in on whatever Eren's plan was, or if he even had one.
Landing amongst the rest of her comrades, she's immediately ambushed by Reiner and Berthold, the two of them dragging her to a quiet alley.
"What the fuck was that?" Reiner forcefully whispers, a form of panic in his eyes.
"I-he…what…" is all that Berthold is able to stutter out, looking between Annie and Reiner for some sort of answers. She has none, eyes wide, and they both turn to Reiner.
"Go on dickhead. You spent most time with him. Are you in on this?" Annie accuses him, hands forming fists. "Who's side are you on? Have you actually fuckin' lost it?"
Reiner takes a step back with his hands defensively up, as if to show he's not the enemy. "Why would I know anything? I'm just as confused as you are." His gaze goes from confusion to annoyance. "Why would you think I was in on this? They're devils, not our friends."
"Oh, now they're enemies?" She wheezes out a humorless laugh. "You seem pretty friendly with them if I'm honest. You're easily manipulated and you're weak, so I wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly believed your own lies."
Invading her personal space, he glares at her, pushing her against the wall. "You better shut your fuckin' mouth before I do it for you," he hisses, breath fanning her face. "I'll report you to the Commander for inappropriate conduct and defamatory language."
Berthold grabs Reiner's shoulders, pulling him off. "What are we going to do about this? Eren has the Attack, if not the Founding." He bites his lip, looking around anxiously. "Should we just take him and go? This is the most information we've got so far. It means the Attack was stolen, and he might have information about the king. He's close with an Ackermann, this could be a sign that they're still protecting the King, and under his orders, Mikasa is probably close to Eren as protection."
"Well. That's a start," Annie mutters, his words making sense. "We'll wait a bit. The military has him surrounded, no doubt the higher-ups taking care of him. We won't stand a chance. I don't know why the King hasn't done anything yet, but we can't chance this." She looks at Berthold, quiet and genuine, Annie smiles at him for the first time. "Good job Berthold."
She leaves, not sparing a single glance behind her. Berthold seems starstruck, a smile on his blushing face, following her like a lost puppy.
During this, Marco was comforting his fellow students after being called back behind Wall Rose. He worries over not being able to see Annie in the crowd of survivors, but positive he caught a glimpse of her when they first retreated.
He spots Jean, whose face looks white as a sheet, whole body seemingly shaking. Walking toward him, Jean looks up making eye contact with Marco, and eventually collapses against him, desperately clutching onto his shirt as a lifeline. Marco whispers soothing words in his ear, letting Jean bury his head in the crook of Marco’s neck.
Jean is covered in sweat, dust and blood that isn't his. But past that, Marco can still smell fresh cut grass and hay, like a warm day in spring. He buries his face in Jean's hair, to escape into those brighter days and forget about what's going on around them. And for a moment Marco feels like he's surrounded by grass, the sun warming his face and he feels at peace.
They stand like that for what seems like hours, both finding solace in each other, pretending they're anywhere but the battlefield. Until they're not. The chaos around them brings them both to reality. Jean detaches himself first, wiping tears but composing himself to look as if he's not as shook up about the situation than he actually is.
"I think I saw Annie down there, in case you'd want to know," he points behind him. "She was with Reiner and Berthold, but she left them to get some food."
"Really? Did she look ok?" Marco's eyes flit from person to person, trying to notice her blonde bun.
Jean scoffs, "Other than generally disinterested, she looked fine if not a little shook up. Sometimes I think she was a psychopath, this stuff barely bothers her, but there are moments where she shows emotions."
"Jean! Don't say that, you don't know what she's been through. She's really tough, but I know this is eating her up inside."
Side eyeing him, Jean finally asks, "How do you know? Are you two close?"
"I'm her friend, we've talked sometimes." Now that he thinks about it, he's never told anyone about how close he is with Annie. It's not that they'd agreed to not speak of it, but it seemed like a mutual agreement to keep it primarily between themselves. "I care about her. I trust her with my life."
Realizing what he's said, he puts his hands out in front of him, quickly amending himself, "Of course I care about you too, and trust you, I actually care about everyone, but some people more. Oh lord, does that make me sound bad? I just mean I'm closer to some people, like you and Annie and Armin and Mikasa so I care about you slightly more, and I trust you all."
Jean smiles slightly, patting Marco on the shoulder. "It's okay to be selfish and care about some people more. If you're close to Annie, I'm glad you can trust her, it means I can also rely on her to take care of you out there."
Relaxing, Marco smiles at him, slipping past him to find Annie. She was with Reiner and Berthold, does that mean she does care about them? I mean, they did grow up, I'm sure they're close. They're like Mikasa, Armin and Eren. Oh lord, Eren. He's dead. He finally processes this, that his friend is dead. Is that why she all of a sudden cares? But she always seems to dislike Reiner, and that must run deep. Marco is once again stumped at trying to figure out what Annie's relationship to Reiner and Berthold is.
He finds her leaning against a wall, a stale piece of bread in one hand and a cup of water in the other, distancing herself from the crowd. But she seems out of it, staring at her feet, hands slightly shaking as she takes small bites from her ration. Her fringe covers her face, but Marco knows her eyes must be wide and complexion pale.
When his boots enter her line of vision, she lifts her head, dull blue eyes making contact with his soft brown ones.
How is he still like this? How is he still positive?
"How are you holding up? Are you ok?" He asks, ready to gather her in his arms like he had with Jean.
She remains aloof while she nods, "Peachy."
Marco sighs, leaning next to her. "I'm pooped. I really don't want to go out there." Rolling his head to look down at her, he flashes a shaky smile. "Do you think if we go now anyone would notice?"
She remains quiet, thinking whether leaving is actually an option for her. Marco's right. If we go now, no one would notice. We could start anew in Sina, find the royal family and finish this fucking mission. We - we? I would do that and go. Gosh I'm starting to sound like Reiner. Fuck you Marco for making making me care.
"You should do that. Get away from here. Take Jean, Armin and whoever with you."
He nudges her, still smiling. "Awh, you care about us and -"
"Don't read too much into it. I'm just telling you what you want to hear." She pushes off the wall with a grunt, leveling him with a glare. "You want to go? Do it."
"Will you come with me?"
"..."
"I guess that's my answer." Letting out another sigh, he runs a hand across his face. "I'm not going without you."
Rolling her eyes, they make their way to where most of their fellow 104th cadets are. Sasha sits on the stairs, face downcast and eyes unfocused while Daz is freaking out. Marco goes to try and calm Daz down as Annie makes her way under a solitary house where she can be by herself but still hear what's going on. Like annoying magnets, Reiner and Berthold gravitate towards her, the latter leaning on the other side whilst Berthold sits on the steps. Jean sticks close by, hands trembling while he drinks, muttering about the gag order and how it was necessary. Unbeknown to others, Annie hides her own shaking hands by crossing her arms, agreeing with Jean. The hysteria it would cause if they found a titan shifter was amongst them (oh the irony).
On cue, a cannon goes off and everyone freaks out about the smoke that's coming from inside the wall. While everyone stands in shock and manic panic spreads across the crowd, Reiner takes action and speeds off towards where it went off. Without thought, Annie and Berthold follow, and she registers that Jean followed them as they rush to the spot under where they had dropped Eren off a mere hour ago.
An already dissipating huge hand is stretched out and steaming, assumingly having caught the cannon what was thrown at it. If he's mastered enough to only form partially, how long has he been a shifter? But the hostility from the MP's would suggest that they knew nothing of it. So is he doing this on the down-low? Is he even working for the king?
The thoughts intrude the warriors' heads, seemingly as dumbstruck as Jean as an MP leads them away. They're immediately bombarded with questions once they get back