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*Our eyes met for the umpteenth time, your body was leaning on mine.
I could see your face clearly, as the sun's rays hit your face.
Those feline eyes, plump lips, and chubby cheeks that I never got tired of.
Your fingertips were grazing on my shoulder.*
It was a sunny day in August 2013, and the wind blew your hair as you chewed the beef sandwich I packed you for our little picnic.
There was a mayonnaise smear on your lips. I reached out for a tissue and wiped it off.
You grinned as I rested my head on your chest, enjoying the park view.
The old radio was playing our favorite song, the same melodies that we were never gotten bored with
“Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you”
You hummed the melodies and then sang along.
“Sara, I lovee youuuu” you said all of a sudden while peppering my lips with your kisses. Your stubbles tickled my face as yours moved down to the side of my neck, placed your head on it, and hugged my waist.
We were staring at the sky, talking about a lot of things, losing track of time.
It was one of our fleeting moments that I hold dear.
July 2022
I am standing in front of an old chapel in Bordeaux, wearing my white dress. With one steady step, I walk into the chapel, smiling as wide as I can.
My mind is suddenly taking me back to that little ivory gazebo.
I still remember vividly that day, August 2019.
Your wide grin was waning after hearing those two words I said. And slowly your warm fingers traced my cheeks and asked,
"Did I do something wrong?" As those feline eyes pierced into mine.
Back then, I was never sure about this feeling, until you kneeled down before me. A diamond ring on your right palm, your left hand holding my right hand.
You started recalling our first night spent together, our first kiss, our first in everything. How you feel so grateful about our rendezvous, how you always want to spend the rest of my life with me.
Then, with one deep breath, you asked me,
"Will you marry me?"
With a sweet smile on your face, those gleaming foxy eyes, and your softest voice.
I fixed my gaze on the dusky pink horizon behind you, looking at the clouds being blown by the wind. The park was quiet and I could hear my heart beating faster.
Fear appeared in my mind, in my heart. Knowing that I was full of catastrophe. My mind was a messy place. That under this body of mine, I was just a trainwreck of fucked up persona.
And he deserves someone better.
After 6 years of being together, I never knew this feeling between us wasn't right until this moment happened.
"I can't."
I replied after what felt like an eternity, letting my hand free from your grip.
You stood up and asked if you did something wrong. I only shook my head, turned back, and left you at that small gazebo in the middle of the park.
Now, I am sitting inside the old chapel,
Looking at the man that I've loved before
Exchanging vow and kissing the bride,
The woman he deserves after what he’d been through with me.
After their sacred kiss, I hear the wedding band sings a familiar song,
"You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you"
It was our song. Do you still miss me?