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To Mizuki, it all happened so quickly that it seemed like a flash. A glimmer of light, piercing them, the skies, and the worlds beyond. An arrow of light, streaking across the heavens like a shooting star or a comet. Something like that would be considered a good thing, if Mizuki’s knowledge of modern superstition and beliefs was up-to-date. People wished upon shooting stars and meteor showers were considered beautiful, considering that many set up camp to just go watch them. It’s not like Mizuki didn’t understand, perhaps they too would have considered such sights fortunate, beautiful, or all of the above.
But well.
They always felt more of an affinity for dawn.
And such things as shooting stars and meteor showers... Daytime was hardly the time to watch them. Mizuki wondered if those events would even be visible during the day. How good does one’s eyesight have to be in order to see any of that with the naked eye? While they certainly didn’t need glasses or contacts, Mizuki unfortunately did not possess the All-Seeing Eyes of the Gods or had the title of the Seer for their ability to see even military satellites falling from the sky. Thankfully so, as power always came with a price.
They were just like a normal high-school teenager.
Normal.
Absolutely standard.
No peculiarities.
And while they didn’t narrowly walk on the unadulterated line known as the average...
...surely their life wouldn’t be cause for a high standard deviation.
All of the times they lied, withheld the truth, and weren’t forth-coming, absolutely none of it, made them...strange.
Being a normal high-schooler was fine!
It was fine like this.
Such were the lies they told themselves.
...
Just like a normal high-school teenager, rooftop confessions weren’t anything strange. Mizuki had seen such scenes before. On the big screen, on television, on their computer, in books; the scenes were everywhere in fiction. So common that Mizuki was almost capable of seeing it all from the spectator seats, as if they weren’t one of the actors on the stage.
But this was reality.
Luxuries as disassociating techniques weren’t granted to them.
The stage was long set already. Born from the lies they spun and their incompetence; it was waiting on them. Were they the main character? Were they the hero? What were they supposed to do? They never liked being the center of attention and pretending to be empty like a mere side-character—no, not even a side character, just a character on the side of the street—was impossible now. Their back was against the wall, or would it be more accurate to say that it was a fence? No matter. It was a dead-end anyway.
And the light reached them.
All that was left, all that the villain could do, was to greet it.
Hello, world.
“I love you, Mizuki,” Ena Shinonome said.
Mizuki didn’t know what hurt more. Hearing those words, the ringing in their ears, or the bitter taste of failing at keeping a distance between themselves and other people. Not like it mattered. If one got down to it, absolutely nothing mattered in life. Everyone’s actions were futile. Mere play-pretend at exercising free will. Wouldn’t it have been easier if everyone was like the pinkette, living whimsically, with nobody to hold them down? The artist was saying more things to them, but they weren’t listening anymore. Their senses had broken down and all that’s left were distortions. It was funny. Ena didn’t sound like that, nor did she look like that, paying no mind to the tears welling in their eyes. It was in all senses of the word, a blur. Ena looked at them inquisitively, and Mizuki looked right past her. She sought an answer, whether that be reciprocation or rejection.
Mizuki was beyond rationality at this point, however. Maybe if they were given a few weeks to process it all, overthinking everything in the process, and coming up with a twisted outlook that no one would accept but themself, they would be able to properly give a half-truth of an answer. But no such luxuries were afforded to them. Put on the spot, their mind raced to an answer that, while maybe had some sense of truth mixed in, was ultimately one given to get them out of the current situation they found themselves in.
As for the repercussions?
Well.
Those can be dealt with after.
Those were always dealt with after.
Feelings reciprocated.
End scene.
---
Romance was something that Mizuki thought they would only experience in every story but theirs. They did not seek it; it would be horribly contradictory if they did. No, that wasn’t true. They loved the idea of being in love with someone. Of having someone where they can be just ‘Mizuki’ with, without the falsities. It was an ideal. A beautiful fantasy. Something they could never attain. No, something they never let themselves attain. Something to look at, but never to touch. To forge such a bond, connection has to be made. A connection so strong, so profound, it allows for such fairy-tales to become reality. Mizuki was incapable of something like that.
For how strong is a connection if one had to lie to maintain it?
Mizuki sought not the answer.
They merely looked into the box from outside. That was fine. That was all they needed. They would have no complaints, none whatsoever, as their heart rotted in their chest.
So, for them to suddenly be thrown into a relationship, was exciting. It really was. It was better than the fantasies, the stories. And what they had going with Ena was probably the best in the rankings if they had to rank all the other bonds that were severed and left to burn.
They really did love Ena Shinonome.
The days were brighter, so much brighter. And the brunette was growing more radiant everyday, so much so that it was almost blinding. Mizuki had no idea what it was like to be intoxicated but getting drunk on a feeling was something they have heard about before. Was this it? That girl...she really was shining. Every morning, seeing the good morning messages filled them with enough joy to actually leave bed for once and go to school. Every date, they felt such bliss that the whispered, but scathing words thrown at them by onlookers didn’t matter. And every day, they just wanted to stay awake longer, so they had more to spend with her.
Light.
That was the best way to put it.
Ena was light. Dawn’s light.
Even if her personality was foul, had a sharp tongue, and her temper short as ever...
Light.
That was her, in her entirety.
But light is a funny thing, you see. Get close to a light source, and one’s shadow grows larger and larger. A discovery made by children across the globe, no doubt. It really was the most basic of basics, next to things becoming more visible with ample light in the vicinity. Refraction and colors weren’t even topics worth discussing yet. No, Mizuki was stuck on the foundations.
The closer their heart grew to hers...
...the more they noticed the shadows it cast.
Just like light, self-hatred was a funny thing, and love wasn’t a fix-all. No way it could be, then all mental institutes and hospitals might as well close down for business.
To say that Mizuki didn’t like themselves was hardly anything worth noting.
On average, a lot of high schoolers around the world would probably say the same.
It probably had something to do with puberty.
Regardless.
It was just light manifestations at first. Thoughts such as ‘I don’t deserve her’ or ‘Why did she pick me’, among others. Totally harmless intrusive thoughts that no one but them experienced, so it didn’t matter. It’s not as if Mizuki didn’t know of their own imperfections. Humans were made imperfect and incomplete after all, it was hardly anything to fret over. But to think that someone else had to deal with the impurities was a thought that terrified Mizuki. It kept them awake at night. It was consistently on their mind whenever she did something that Mizuki figured should normally melt their heart.
But not even a single yelp left their mouth.
They kept it inside.
They didn’t mention how they didn’t believe they were as wonderful as she said.
That’s...what being a good partner was, right?
They had no one to ask such things, realistically speaking. Their circle of contacts was small and neither Kanade nor Mafuyu seemed like the types to be knowledgeable on romance.
I don’t deserve her.
She can do so much better than me.
I couldn’t bear telling her all of this and making her sad.
Why is she settling for me?
She doesn’t know anything.
In the end, their inner despair never left even now that they were in this relationship. Like an old friend, it remained within their head. And they were never let out. Ena’s insistence on keeping their relationship on the down-low probably didn’t help matters either. But realistically, who could Mizuki vent to? Especially if not Ena, who Mizuki thought they were supposed to vent to. It was a vicious cycle. Ena would be the perfect girlfriend, the despair would increase within Mizuki, and they grew emptier and emptier as the days went by.
The inner turmoil mounted and mounted, and no one in the world noticed. The quiet war within Amia, where negativity was slowly winning, had no one to document it. The other party, while usually observant of the pink-haired underclassman and now partner, was blinded by love; failing to notice how they were self-destructing right in front of her. Perhaps An Shiraishi noticed the frown on Mizuki’s face, but considering they looked so happy not too long ago, she thought it was probably just something temporary troubling them.
The joy of being in love was tainted, as the first thing that came to mind after anything positive was self-deprecation. The spell was over, as the clock hit midnight.
1AM seemed so far away.
The countdown had started.
Mizuki would make sure to not leave behind that glass slipper.
---
It was out of love.
Truly.
Ena could do so much better than me.
She could find someone cuter without the baggage.
Someone who wouldn’t lie to her.
Someone who would tell her everything.
Someone who wouldn’t doubt the reassurance she gave.
Someone who isn’t me.
To Mizuki, it was their final move, their last gambit, made with all the emptiness in their head and the love in their long dead heart.
That’s what they would tell themselves going forward.
To Ena, it was the worst thing that ever happened in her life. Things were going so well...
...or so she thought.
She saw it now. Now that the show was over, she saw the tells she used to notice before. That there was something weighing on Mizuki’s mind. She felt stupid; frustrated at herself for not noticing earlier. And most importantly, sad.
If her tear-ducts hadn’t dried up, then she probably would have continued crying nonstop for days on end.
It all happened so quickly. A date like usual, but she...noticed a glimpse of the big picture there. The strained expression. And she just had to bring attention to it. But what was she supposed to do? Ignore it? When the chances were high that something was bothering her partner? That was also impossible.
Ena screamed in her pillow.
Mizuki left the pancake restaurant.
And they...disappeared.
Completely.
It’s been a week since then.
They wouldn’t return any texts or calls.
Going to their house got no results.
Their social media presence, gone. As if it never existed. No longer on Nightcord or any other social media.
At school, Akito’s group member Shiraishi only managed to wring out the fact that they transferred from the teachers. They wouldn’t tell her anything else.
The Sekai residents didn’t notice anything either, according to Kanade and Mafuyu.
Completely and utterly.
Like they never existed.
But that was impossible.
She touched them.
She spoke to them.
She heard them.
They existed.
That much was true.
But even holding onto the truth was starting to get difficult for Ena. It was slipping away. And who could blame her? She near-locked herself into her room ever since it happened; devastated. She only got to know as much as she did thanks to the efforts others made for her. And while normally she might have been touched by the fact others were trying to help, but right now?
She just wanted to disappear.
Who knows, maybe she would find Mizuki there.
Occasionally, Ena thought that perhaps they were planning this secretly in-case anything went wrong.
But the thought hurt her so much she never got that far.
It just hurt.
The pain filled her entire being. She felt like she got stabbed in the back. Numerous times. Et tu, Mizuki?
The pain wouldn’t subside.
All she wanted was to hear that voice again.
The voice she loved with her entire being.
A demon smiled upon her.
Ena lunged for the phone.
Mizuki Akiyama.
“Hello!? Mizuki!?”
Ena heard the distinct noises of waves.
“Hi, Ena.”
“Where are you!? Are you at the beach!?” she screamed, using all the strength she was saving up over the past week lying in bed and crying all day while asking Akito for ice cream.
No answer.
“Mizuki!”
A short pause. Waves filled the silence.
“Ena, thank you for the past month. Truly, you’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been in years!” their usual enthusiasm felt strained, but it didn’t falter. They kept talking. “But you know, I don’t think I deserve to be happy.”
Huh? What do you mean?
“Of course you des—”
Ena was cut off.
“Despicable liars like little ol’ me should just disappear from the face of the earth,” their positive tone did not match what was spoken. It hurt to listen to. “Remember that day in winter? On the rooftop. I lied to you then, you know? I just wanted so desperately for Enanan to remain my friend~” they took a moment to breathe. “But I guess you could say that I got what I wanted, with your confession and all…”
The memories shot a sharp pain all over Ena. It was too painful to think about the days where she was still happy. Normally Ena would have talked back, but she just...
She didn’t have it in her.
Her mind was collapsing in on itself.
“But you know? I kind of hate myself. Mafuyu was right. I wanted to disappear more than anyone. So I decided to do that.”
“But why…now?” Ena got some words in.
“Because of you.”
“Me?” Ena felt a wave of guilt wash over her. What could she have done? Can she still correct it? Control-Z and try again?
“Oh, don’t misunderstand. You didn’t do anything wrong. In-fact, you did everything right! I felt loved. You are amazing.”
A short pause.
“That’s why I don’t deserve you—deserve any of this,” their tone shifted to a more serious one. “My beloved Enanan doesn’t deserve to be tied to scum like me. You can find someone better than isn’t me, so that’s why this is farewell.”
But all I want is you.
Mizuki took a deep breath to prevent their voice from breaking apart.
Keep it together.
“I really love you, Ena. Please understand that this is the only way. Don’t try to find me.”
A longer pause.
“I hope we can meet again in the next life.”
A large beep resounded through Ena’s ear into her body.
Her tear-ducts managed to find some moisture again, as the tears started streaming down her face faster than they ever have in the past seven days. Perhaps they were waiting for this moment. Was it inevitable, then? Did her body know this cruelty was ahead of her, and that’s why it waited? She wanted to scream, but her vocal cords didn’t agree. She felt exhaustion hit her entire body as she slumped on her bed, letting out a silent shout and clutching her phone closer to her than ever before hoping to hear that voice say hello to her one more time. The time for anger was long over.
As for the owner of the voice.
They threw their phone onto the sand, crushed it underneath their heel and snapped their phone almost cleanly in two and threw the parts in the ocean.
Bye-bye, Enanan. Bye-bye, everyone.
They stood at the shoreline for a brief moment, untying the ribbon in their hair and letting the salty air blow right past them.
As if they weren’t there.
“Guess I should catch that flight now. I wonder if sis is ready to see me?” they wondered out-loud, as they lost hold of their ribbon.