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Some days were much worse than others for Ross. It was just one of the unfortunate parts of having depressive and anxiety disorders. Sometimes small things can throw him off and set him up for the worst for the rest of the day. Maybe even the rest of the week or month if he was unlucky.
He was used to having to hide it a lot too. Even if he was assured he didn’t have to, he still would as to avoid burdening anyone. This ultimately resulted in a terrible cycle of being stuck with his dangerous thoughts and feeling there was no one to turn to.
And normally no one would be able to tell he was hurting.
Once again, this cycle repeated. Something came up that played into the terrible thoughts Ross was plagued with. He didn’t want to bother his friends today. They seemed like they were enjoying themselves, and he wouldn’t want to ruin the mood. His mom wasn’t entirely sure how to help all the time, and recently it seemed like he was becoming more distant from her. He didn’t feel like the issues were worth an emergency therapy appointment. He felt there wasn’t anyone to go to. So instead of seeking help, he took his bike and started riding.
He didn’t have a set destination. All he wanted was to get some fresh air for a bit. It was getting dark, and the temperature was on the colder side, but that was fine. Cold and dark was what Ross wanted in this circumstance anyways. It probably wasn’t helpful, but it felt good mixed with the horrible feelings.
The ride lasted a good while, but soon Ross got worn out and wanted to rest somewhere. He came across an old park and decided it would be a good place to angst. He looked around to make sure he was alone and threw his bike to the side, taking a seat on the rickety playset.
He began to let his mind wander for a moment, letting every depressing, dark thought he had tried repressing on the ride there come to the surface. Thoughts about how much he struggled with socializing, how useless he felt, how much of a burden he was, all of it came flooding in and brought him to tears. There was a very apparent stinging in his chest that only reminded him how terrible he felt and how much better it would probably be for everyone if he just disappeared. The world would be able to continue without him, so why not just go and-
Footsteps in the grass were heard, and Ross was quickly brought back down to Earth. He completely froze, both out of fear and embarrassment of being caught crying, and fear of whatever it was that could possibly be at an abandoned park during the night. Who in their right mind, other than a troubled teen or a criminal, would be at a broken-down playground at this hour? Ross soon got his answer as the footsteps finally stopped next to him.
Pump.
“...Y-you’re out late…shouldn’t you be with Skid or something?” Ross attempted to keep his face hidden by turning away and avoiding eye contact, not wanting the boy to see him like this.
Pump sat down next to him and leaned his head against his shoulder. “He had to go home. I’m supposed to be home too, but…”, The boy messed with the chipping paint on the playset “, I saw you on your bike and followed you instead.”
Ross tensed up. Pump had been following him? How long? How much did he see? Did he need to explain what was going on? Was Pump going to ridicule him for crying like this? He probably should try to get the kid home before-
“It’s not a happy day, is it?” Pump reached for Ross’s hand and held it gently. Ross immediately began to break down once again. He tried to stifle the cries with his free hand, but it was clear as day that he wasn’t okay.
“I-I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know, today just hasn’t been-” The older boy started to explain himself but was cut off by Pump embracing him.
Ross reciprocated the hug, holding onto the small boy as if he was his lifeline. For a moment, there weren’t any words. No sounds other than the ambiance and the occasional sob and sniffle from older boy. There didn’t need to be any words at that moment. The fact that someone took notice, someone cared enough to follow him, meant the world to Ross.
“You aren’t alone. Even when you think you are, you’re not alone. No matter how sad you get, I’ll be here.” Pump tried to give the most helpful words he could to cheer the older boy up. Ross couldn’t help but smile upon hearing them.
Some days were much worse than others for Ross. When those days get worse, however, he at least had his little Pumpkin to help him get through it all.