Chapter Text
Are you gonna hurt me now?
Or are you gonna hurt me later?
Are you gonna go to town?
Maybe you should play it safer
Rey sat on the window seat, resting her chin on her hand--watching the cars pass by. Car tires swishing on the wet road and the occasional honks filled her ears. The illuminated street began to fill with pedestrians as the rain eased up.
She was taken out of trance when she felt the pressure of big paws by her feet. She smiled at the dog keeping its vigil by the big window and gave it a quick scratch behind its left ear. She tapped her phone screen to look at the time, ‘Monday 8:37 PM’ . She breathed out slowly through her nose, Ben was running late again .
Rey was never the person to distrust someone close to her, but the late arrivals, the passiveness, the secrecy, and the absence of affection began to disturb her.
At first she thought it must be her, perhaps she was working too much. But, no. Her hours stayed the same, she wasn’t taking new patients, and she was still social outside of Ben. She wanted to wait for him outside of his office at some point, but Rose talked her out of it. Doing so would begin a pattern of suspicion between each other. Even a psychiatrist needs their own therapist-- Thank the heavens for Rose. However, Rey was about to reach her breaking point.
‘Fuck this.’ she said to herself as she stood up from the seat with the german shepard on her heels. She slipped on her rain boots and slowly put on her jacket and headed to the door. She rested her hand on the door knob and patted the dog on their head.
“Sorry, Ren. You’re staying home this time.”
Ren whined before sitting down, like a proper gentleman. Rey let out a half-hearted chuckle at his big eyes and placed a quick kiss on his forehead. She peered at the kitchen, dinner went cold. She twisted the doorknob and headed out the door.
She stepped her foot outside, gripping the building’s door handle, she could still go back inside-- this is ridiculous. But her body lied to her, her other foot followed and she released her grip.
Rey turned right and started walking down the street, she watched her moving reflection on the big shopping windows. Hoping that she’ll bump into Ben and they can walk home together, like they used to. She counted the traffic lights she passed, she’s three more away from Ben’s office. Her hands started to feel clammy in her pockets and her forehead warm. She was afraid that she was going to start looking crazy for no reason.
Rey crossed the final traffic light onto Ben’s office. It was one of the smallest buildings next to Gucci’s America.
She stopped in front of his office, The Republic . The sign shined bright against the dark windows. She looked up to the second floor, third window to the left--his office; the lights were off. The whole building seemed unoccupied. She signed and shook her head and turned around. The sky made a loud crack, it sounded like thunder. Rey looked up and felt droplets landing on her cheeks. She put on her hood and started walking fast back to the crossroad. She didn’t bring an umbrella and her jacket wasn’t going to hold up in the storm.
She walked for a few minutes before reaching the crosswalk, waiting for the light to flash, while looking around, that's when she saw a familiar head of hair in a small coffee shop next to someone.
Ben.
Rey approached the large windows wanting to get a better look when the crosswalk beep signaling to cross. She turned around to cross but had to do a double take when the familiar head of hair stood up. It had to be him.
Rey entered the loft and closed the door behind her slowly. She was greeted by Ren before he made his way back to lay on the window seat, looking out the window.
She hung her jacket on the coat rack and slipped off her boots. Her movements felt robotic, she was going through possible scenarios in her head. Maybe it was just a simple outing with his coworker or a friend from university catching up. She went to the kitchen to clean up and put away leftovers in the fridge.
She sat down next to Ren who made room for her on the window seat. She looked at her phone screen, ‘9:44 PM’ .
Rey heard the door opening and closing, keys rattling. Ren hopped off the seat, sprinting towards the noise.
“You’re still up.” A velvety voice called out.
She peered at her phone again. ‘11:04 PM’. She must’ve lost track of time.
She turned to him and put on a smile, “I couldn’t sleep without you.”
Ben was scratching behind Ren’s right ear, “You seemed fine these past few nights.”
“Long day at work today.”
He hummed in response, hanging his coat on the rack. “You went out?” He asked, staring at her boots on the floor.
Rey looked out the window, “Went to a coffee shop for a while, needed a small distraction.”
Lie .
Ben hummed again. He went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, putting food to warm up in the microwave oven.
“What time did you leave your office?” Rey called from the living room, walking towards the kitchen.
“20 minutes ago.”
Lie .
“Did you take a stroll? Takes you 10 minutes to get home, today must’ve been hard for you if you needed to cool off.” She grabbed a mug from the cupboard and filled it with water.
Ben hummed in agreement, taking out the leftovers and letting it cool down. He sat down on the island with his phone in his hand, browsing emails.
Rey finished her water and put the mug in the sink. She cleared her throat and passed him, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. She mumbled “goodnight” and headed towards the bedroom.
Only Ren came to bed that night.
Few days went by, same old routine.
Rey remained quiet, smiled, observed, and waited. Rose told her not to act on impulse, that she should just speak with Ben and perhaps it was time for them to go their own ways. Talk about it like the adults they should be.
So she waited for Ben that Friday night in the living room. She left him his dinner plate covered in cling wrap on the island table. He showed up late, saying a quick hello to her and gave a belly scratch to Ren and headed towards the bedroom. She followed him and watched as he put on a leather jacket.
“Are you gonna go to town?”
Ben nodded, “Meeting up with Hux.”
“Oh, is Gwen going to be there?”
He shook his head as he changed into black sneakers “It’s just us and a few other friends. Guy night out.” He stood up and walked past her.
“Don’t wait up for me.” he turned to look at her as he reached the door.
She smiled at him and crossed her arms, nodding. He nodded back at her before closing the door behind him.
Her smile fell and ran towards the window, wanting to see which way Ben was heading to. He turned right.
She waited for 30 minutes before she slipped on her jacket and shoes to follow him out. She kissed Ren’s forehead and went out the door.
She pulled her hood on, and turned right, taking long steps. The restaurant and bars were down the street, a 10 minute walk. Ben liked hanging out at the Cantina , maybe he was there tonight.
She reached the bar, looked around for a few minutes but didn’t see him. She looked around other places but had no luck. She laughed to herself and rubbed her temples. This wasn’t her anymore, she needed to go home and take a vacation.
Rey gave up and started walking back home. She was at the light waiting when she heard a distinct loud chuckle on her left.
He was right there, outside a bar, his arm around another woman’s shoulders, flashing his famous smile. They were too close for comfort, he gave her a kiss on the mouth.
Rey’s mouth turned into a deep frown and her chest tightened. The crosswalk beeped, she turned her head and started walking. Her vision became blurry as her eyes felt hot with tears. Her legs felt like they wanted to go limp in the middle of the street. ‘ Feet don’t fail me now, please.’ She whispered to herself.
Everything became hazy, she didn’t remember getting home, or how she started packing her things in suitcases.
She made three trips to the car in the parking lot, when she went back upstairs for her final belongings, she finally stopped when she saw Ren sitting on the window seat. He was watching her from his spot. She didn’t realize that Ren had been watching the whole time. The only thing that was on her mind was trying to figure out when everything went wrong. Where was she going to go?
She shook her head and wiped her eyes then smiled at him.
She grabbed his harness and leash from the coat rack. His head perked up and his tail started to wag.
“Come here.” she managed to whisper.
He sprinted towards her and she put on his gear. She let out a deep breath that she didn’t know she was holding. She put her hand on the door knob but looked behind her into the home she built with Ben. She let out a small whimper and saw his dinner sitting on the table.
Rey decided to leave him a note with his dinner.
Turning off the lights, she grabbed Ren’s leash and went down to the parking lot. She helped him up the car and put his dog seatbelt on in the back seats and closed the door. She went in the car and sat in the driver's seat, pondering how impulsive this was. ‘Very’ , she thought to herself.
She sighed while putting on her seatbelt, she didn’t need this, she could be on her own. She made her way out the parking lot, her tires screeching.
Ben entered the loft, it was too quiet. He turned on the lights and hung his coat on the rack, sliding his shoes off.
“Rey?” He called out into the hallway, no response. Ren hadn’t greeted him either. He checked his phone for calls or texts, none from Rey. He had two texts from Joy, letting him know that she arrived home and had a great time.
‘Saturday 2:26 AM’ was on the screen.
He went to the bedroom and saw how some drawers were clumsily closed. His mind raced and he ran to the front door. Before he put on his jacket again, something caught the corner of his right eye. He turned slowly. There was a folded piece of paper on top of the dinner plate.
He approached the plate carefully and picked up the piece of paper, it was the wedding invitation for Hux and Gwen that was on the fridge. He flipped open the invitation.
“ You caught me once
Maybe on the flipside you could catch me again
--Rey”
Ben stared at the note before crumbling it and tossing it in the garbage disposal. His mind was blank.
He sat on the window seat, looking out, hoping to spot Rey.
But that’s when it hit him, Rey's not coming back.
She even took the dog.