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"Gazian? Never heard of it," Elzar spoke, looking over the records.
"There's not much information to go off of from what it looks like," Avar pointed to the projected image of the planet in front of them. "Yoda seemed to believe there was something on the planet that could help the Order."
Maybe something to help me decipher the rest of my visions, Elzar thought.
Days prior, Yoda had approached the two masters to help him find anything that could possibly help the Jedi with the Nihil threat. He had given them a list of planets to research and left them to work. Every planet had been a bust until then, but Gazian seemed promising.
"I don't want to question Yoda's judgment, but how would he know that the planet would have anything that could help us?" Elzar looked to Avar, who just shrugged. He sighed. If only Stellan were here. He'd know what to do.
"I think it's worth checking out," She broke Elzar’s train of thought. He looked carefully at Avar, something he had often done since they reunited on Eiram. Small scars littered her face, and she hadn't been sleeping well by the look of her eyes. No one had. After everyone had been recalled back to the main temple, it was just non-stop work to find ways to stop the Nihil.
Elzar reached over and grabbed Avar's gloved hand, grasping at it tightly. Avar would've immediately pushed him away any other time, but now it seemed like she welcomed it and tightened her hand around his.
"I can go to Gazian," He spoke softly now. She turned to face him.
"Are you sure?" Elzar nodded. Their faces were close enough now that he could feel her breaths. By the look in her eyes, Elzar could tell she was thinking, trying to figure out if it was a smart idea for Elzar to do this alone. She sighed heavily. "You keep me updated every step of the way, and if anything seems off, you come straight back. Promise?"
"I promise."
Avar smiled softly, letting go of his hand. Elzar kept his eyes on her a bit longer. She looked worn, like any moment could be when she just finally gave up trying. He didn't know the extent of what she had been through during her time as Marshall of Starlight, but he understood how much of a toll it took on her mentally. He knew she would try to take reign of the task given to them the minute Yoda asked. All he could do for her now was relieve some of the stress she carried.
The next few days moved like a blur, and with his mission to Gazian inching closer, Elzar felt less sure he was ready to take on the task. He wanted to go to Avar, to tell her he wasn't prepared to go on a mission alone but knew she was overwhelmed with her own worries and didn't want to burden her with his.
The night before he was due to leave, Elzar found himself in one of the various temple gardens. It was peaceful, most of the Temple's inhabitants back in their quarters for the night. He found a spot and got on his knees, closing his eyes and trying to meditate. Elzar tried to focus on the quiet and imagine the Force engulfing him, like the sea he had trusted for so long.
Silence.
The Force did not want to comfort him. He opened his eyes and looked up to the sky. Coruscant never slept; the sky was still full of skyspeeders zooming past the Temple. He couldn't see the stars, the light from the planet making it almost impossible, but he imagined them shining brightly. Stellan always told him that he saw the three of them as a constellation, and Elzar wondered if he was right. Stellan is one with the Force now, but what if he's one of those stars, waiting for the rest of us to join him?
"I thought I'd find you here," A female voice said. Elzar turned to find Avar standing at the entrance of the garden. He turned around as she walked over to join him and sat next to him.
"This was always his favorite place to come when we were younglings. He always felt the most connected to the stars here," Elzar whispered, looking up once more. He could sense Avar smiling at the memories.
"You think about him a lot, don't you?" Avar asked. She was right as always. He thought he had finally moved past his anger about the events that led to Stellan's death, but if what the last few months had told him were correct, Elzar felt more guilt than ever.
"Avar, back on Starlight… before it crashed. I did something-"
"Whatever happened on the Beacon before it fell doesn't matter anymore. We all made mistakes we regret," Avar trailed off in thought. Elzar grabbed her hand and held it tightly. He didn't know what she referred to exactly, but she was right. He shouldn't dwell on the past now. There was too much at stake with the mission to Gazian.
They sat silently for a bit, Elzar resting his head on her shoulder. A slight melody began playing in his ears, startling him. I wish we could just stay like this forever, he thought.
I do too. Avar and Elzar shared a glance. They hadn't communicated like this in months; their relationship had been complicated for so long. What was once an unspoken bond between them had been strained, with the loss of one-third of their trio throwing the final two in a place of unknowingness. Elzar could sense Avar's conflict regarding her feelings towards Stellan. He couldn't blame her. Those last few months between them were terrible, with endless days and nights of arguments. He also knew that she could sense his conflict, Avar may have been unaware of what truly bothered Elzar, but she wasn't an idiot.
Avar leaned in closely, reaching up to hold her head in his hands, with Elzar’s fingers tangled in her blonde hair. He could've easily kissed her in this position, yet part of him knew he shouldn't. Their relationship was already complicated, and Avar had made it clear that she didn't want to cross that line again. No matter what had happened when they were Padawans, and no matter what had happened between them on those few days on Eiram after everything, they found themselves in a similar place of pretending their feelings didn't exist. It was better that way, Elzar decided.
"Will you see me off tomorrow when I leave?" He asked her in hopes that she would say yes.
"I wish I could," Avar replied. Elzar just smiled. He removed his hands from her face and got up to stand. Elzar offered her a hand, one she accepted and helped her up to her feet.
As he turned to walk away from Avar, she grabbed his hand, pulling him close. "Please be careful, Elzar. We don't know what you'll find on Gazian, and I can't lose someone else that I…." She stopped herself. Elzar wished she would finish what she was saying, but knew she wouldn't.
"Goodnight, Avar. For light and life." Elzar walked off, leaving Avar with the stars.
—
Gazian was an odd planet.
When Elzar landed, all he found was a forest of mushrooms. Of course, there's nothing here. He sat in his Vector for a few moments contemplating whether he should just head back to Coruscant, but something deep down told him to explore. Maybe it was the Force, perhaps it was something or someone else, but he needed to see what was out there.
At first, he considered wearing his breathing mask, but that feeling told him to leave it. He touched his hip, feeling around for his lightsaber. Having found it, he jumped out of the Vector, landing on the floating platform. He looked out to the distance, the horizon full of mushrooms. There was a scent in the air that should've worried him, but instead, he ignored it, waking to the edge of the platform. He looked over it, trying to figure out how deep the spores went.
"Tell Avar I've landed, and I'm going to investigate. Watch the ship until I return." Elzar told the droid that was in his Vector. Then he jumped.
Elzar wasn't sure what to expect from the mushrooms, but he slipped in between, feeling himself being pulled down by an invisible force. The scent only got stronger, causing him to close his eyes from the burning sensation they felt. Eventually, the air was almost impossible to breathe, and he could feel his insides begging for clean air.
He felt himself stop, but he couldn't feel anything. It was silent, causing him to clearly hear his deep breaths. He opened his eyes, trying to adjust and understand the sight surrounding him.
At first, he didn't recognize where he was. The room was sleek, clean, and had a large window looking out to dead space. Then it hit him. He was on Starlight.
"What are you doing here?"
Elzar turned to face the voice coming from the opposite end of the room. Elzar couldn't believe his eyes.
"Stellan?"
Elzar got a good look at him. He looked and sounded like the Stellan he knew, yet he looked younger. This was a version of Stellan that Elzar hadn't seen in a long time. A version he had missed. "How is this possible?"
"You came to Gazian looking for answers, did you not?" Stellan asked, walking closer to him. Elzar nodded, slightly jumping at the sight of Stellan nearing him. Stellan paused a few feet in front of Elzar.
He studied the other man's face, trying to search for anything that could explain how Stellan could be standing in front of him. Elzar didn't know what to say.
"Are you the Force trying to mess with my head?" Elzar asked instinctively. He was extremely tired of the Force and its cruel visions. Maybe this was another one he could add to the list.
Stellan chuckled. "I'm not the Force. Gazian is a unique planet, taking imprints of every mind that has ever graced it, now including yours. Maybe one day you'll pass on your knowledge without ever knowing it."
Elzar thought to himself. It made sense that the planet wasn't related to the Force, but now, Elzar wondered why Yoda would want them to research the planet in the first place. "If you're not the Force, then why am I seeing you? Unless… you came to Gazian looking for something as well."
Stellan nodded.
"Why?"
"That's not important right now. What matters is that you're here looking for answers," Stellan replied. Elzar smiled. Typical Stellan. Keeping things to himself even in death, if this is even that.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," Stellan broke his thoughts. Elzar guessed he stared a little too much at Stellan, still in shock that he was standing right in front of him.
"Well, you see," Elzar spoke before pausing. How was he supposed to tell Stellan he was dead? "A lot has changed since you came to Gazian, Stellan."
"Like what?"
If Elzar’s prediction for when Stellan came to Gazian was correct, there couldn't have been more than two years between the Stellan he was looking at right now and the one that died on Starlight. So much had happened since; he didn't know where to start.
"Stellan, you died," He blurted out suddenly.
Elzar stared at Stellan, trying to find any reaction from the other man. Elzar could sense the bond between them flare up, a sensation he hadn't felt from Stellan in a long time.
Suddenly, a wave of anguish hit Elzar, causing a pounding headache. He winced in pain, almost toppling over. Stellan ran to catch him.
"Elzar, are you okay?"
He couldn't focus on what was happening. The room around them started to change. What was once new and beautiful became ravaged and destroyed. The pain subsided. He sat up to find Stellan staring at him concerningly. Stellan's hands were resting on his cheeks, his thumb gently rubbing against the skin.
"El?" Stellan asked worryingly. He brought his hands up to Stellan's, holding onto it.
"I'm fine." Elzar breathed heavily. Blood dripped from Elzar’s nose. He wiped it clean and stood up, pulling Stellan with him. "I'm here looking for answers, right? Let's look for them."
Now that Elzar could focus, he realized what had happened to the surrounding location they were in. The hallways around him were precisely what Starlight looked like in its final moments. Elzar shuddered. Surviving the first time was hard enough- and in some sick twist of fate, now he had to relive it all over again. Elzar had no clue what to even look for. All of it was extremely vague.
"Where are we?" Stellan questioned from behind him.
Right. Starlight hadn't been built yet. "We're on Starlight Beacon. Sort of a station the Republic built for the Outer Rim. It was magnificent." Elzar paused when Stellan and he came across numerous bodies scattered across the floor.
"Obviously, that's not the case here. What happened?"
"The Nihil bombed Starlight. It's why I came to Gazian in the first place. We hoped I'd find something to help us stop them," Elzar spoke, motioning for Stellan to follow him once more. "I really want to know why this god-forsaken planet is making me relive it."
Stellan shrugged. "What else happened when Starlight crashed?" He paused to think for a few moments before continuing, "Maybe the answers lie in choices that were made that day?"
Elzar stopped dead in his tracks. Force, whatever this planet really was, wanted him to relive the worst moments of his life. Just breathe, Elzar. It's not real.
Stellan grasped his shoulder, looking at him, and as if he knew there was something wrong with Elzar, asked, "Are you sure you're alright?"
Elzar nodded. "I know where we have to go, but you have to trust me on this, Stel. You trust me, right?"
"Of course, I do, El, with my life." Elzar winced. Eventually, he would have to find a way to tell Stellan he's the reason why he died, but not now. He wouldn't ever get time with him again, and even if it was all fake, he wouldn't waste this opportunity.
He led Stellan to where the maintenance pods were, mumbling for Stellan to get in the pod first and following after. As they rode down to the lower levels of Starlight in silence, Elzar tried to ignore the scene he and Stellan would find once they got there. When his Stellan had come across him and the body of Chancey Yarrow, he simply ignored it, for the time being, probably telling himself there were bigger things to worry about. Now he was with a Stellan who lived in a galaxy before the Hetzal disaster. What would this Stellan think of his best friend being a murderer?
"Where was she in all of this?" Stellan asked quietly. Elzar felt the bond flare up again, the 'she' obviously meaning Avar.
"She was in the top half, but she made it out okay," Elzar spoke. Stellan hummed in approval.
"What about the three of us? Our relationship… Are we still the firebrands we once were?" Stellan chuckled, and Elzar smiled slightly. I haven't heard that nickname in so long.
Elzar shrugged. "You and I are great, but your relationship with Avar, it's-"
A beeping went off, cutting Elzar off, signaling that they had made it to the bottom. Elzar took in a deep breath. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, almost as if it was going to go off any minute. The doors slid open, revealing even more structural damage than above. He wondered what they would find down here and what Stellan would think when he saw it.
They both walked out of the pod at a slow pace, carefully watching where they stepped. The rest of the hallway was dark, causing Elzar to reach down to his hip to grab his blade and ignite it, hearing Stellan do the same. Eventually, they made it to where the positional thrusters were, with Elzar sighing and quickly glancing at Stellan before turning back to face what they would find.
Elzar entered the thruster control room first, gawking at the sight. Other than the same typical damage they found on the rest of the station; it was otherwise barren. He sighed shakingly in relief as he felt Stellan come up from behind.
"There's nothing here? You're not the type of person to get scared over nothing," Stellans' voice sounded puzzled.
Elzar closed his eyes and sighed once more before turning to face Stellan.
"I did something unthinkable," Elzar hesitated, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I killed someone."
Stellan looked thoughtful, possibly trying to make sense of what Elzar had just told him.
"How?"
Elzar swore to himself silently, hoping Stellan wouldn't ask. Then he moved to sit on the floor, motioning for Stellan to join him.
"I thought she was trying to sabotage us, and I was blinded with rage, and the next thing I knew, my lightsaber was in my hand, and I-" Stellan put his hand on Elzar’s shoulder, cutting him off.
"Then what happened?" He asked. Suddenly the words spilled out of Elzar, and he found himself telling Stellan everything, including the events of Stellan's death. Elzar observed him during those moments, curious as to how Stellan would react to his sacrifice.
"Our issues with the Nihil have pushed me to do things I'm not proud of. I-I tried to get help, I really did, but I can't seem to shake what I'm feeling," He was crying now. This was the first time he had really spoken about what happened on Starlight. Elzar had meant to tell Avar the whole truth, but he found that he couldn't.
Stellan shook his head. "Avar and I, where were we in all of this? It doesn't sound like us just to leave you suffering in silence like this."
"Avar was busy being Marshall; stopping the Nihil was her main priority, and you tried to help, especially after Valo, but your duties on the Council prevented you from doing much."
"I'm sorry we weren't there for you. That we prioritized our duties over our friend," Stellan spoke softly now.
Elzar shook his head. "Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault. Look, I'm not telling you this for pity. I'm telling you because…." He hesitated for a moment. Why was I telling Stellan? Elzar thought. Finally, it hit him. "I'm telling you because I hadn't told anyone before now. Avar has been so caught up in her own problems that I knew I couldn't go to her, and you died. Who else could I go to at that point?"
He looked at Stellan, who said nothing. "So many lives lost, and for what? The Order doesn't even seem to know what it's doing anymore."
"The Order obviously knew something when they sent you here."
Elzar smiled halfheartedly. "Yeah, I doubt Yoda would've sent me here knowingly what this planet really is."
"He's not a grandmaster for nothing," Stellan shrugged. "Maybe Yoda knew more than he led on with. Maybe he knew exactly what you'd find on Gazian, and that's why he gave you the mission in the first place."
"Yoda believed there could be something here that could help us stop the Nihil once and for all, but unless you can somehow leave the planet, that's unlikely."
"You know not everything is hopeless without me, El. I'm just a regular Jedi," Stellan looked at him deeply now, as if he was trying to figure out the whole deal with Elzar.
"You were the best of us, and now because of my poor decisions, you're dead," Elzar said blatantly.
"You cannot keep blaming yourself for my death. Did you kill me? Did you force me to stay behind on Starlight? You keep saying it's your fault, but from what I've heard, I had no other choice but to stay behind."
Elzar stayed silent. He knew deep down Stellan was right. He reached out to Stellan's hand and grasped it tightly. He felt Stellan squeeze back. The two of them sat in silence for what seemed like hours, but Elzar knew it couldn't have been more than a few minutes at most.
"I wish we could just stay here forever, talking to oblivion," Stellan spoke absentmindedly before turning his attention to Elzar, "but it's time you go back."
"What if I said I wanted to stay?" Elzar asked softly, looking up at Stellan, who was standing now.
"You have a duty to get back to, and it wouldn't be fair to Avar to leave her as the last living firebrand." Elzar nodded as he joined Stellan standing now. He looked into Stellan's blue eyes again.
"My polestar, you still shine so brightly…." Elzar whispered as he pulled Stellan into a tightening hug, not wanting to ever let go. Stellan hugged him back just as tight, knowing that this was probably the last time they'd ever see each other again alive.
Elzar heard the Beacon creak and groan, and he could feel the station moving faster and faster towards its final destination. He pulled back from the hug, and suddenly Stellan looked a bit older and now dressed in the clothing he wore in those final hours before reaching his watery grave. Then Stellan handed him his lightsaber.
"Hopefully, this will help you. Help you stop the Nihil once and for all."
Elzar was at a loss for words for a moment. "How do I go back?" That was all he could say.
"Do what you do best, El. Let the sea guide you."
Suddenly, he felt Starlight hit the water. The room quickly began to fill with water, faster than he could think of a proper escape route. He looked for an exit, but couldn't find any. They both were swimming now, and if Elzar wanted to live, he needed to think smarter. They were both quickly running out of breathing room, and if he wasn't fast enough, he'd be stuck on Gazian permanently. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, begging for the Force to give him the air he needed to live. There was so much more left for him to do, and he promised Stellan he wouldn't leave Avar by herself. If Elzar lived past today, then he would do it for them.
If you can hear me, my polestar and my song, guide me like you've done countless times before.
Elzar opened his eyes, fighting against the burning salt water, and found Stellan swimming a few meters below him. Elzar reached out for Stellan's hand, pleading for him to come. All Stellan did was shake his head. You have to move on without me. Elzar heard Stellan speak across their bonds. There was so much more he wanted to say. So much he didn't get to say, but he was grateful he got a few more moments with Stellan. Elzar let go of Stellan's hand and swam upwards, too scared to glance back. He found a hole in the wall leading out of Starlight and could see the sun shining above him. He continued to swim upwards, the surroundings changing from water to the mushrooms that covered Gazian’s surface. His lungs burned, begging for air, and he could feel himself growing weaker as he continued, but he couldn't give up now.
When his first hand broke the surface, he felt someone grab it, trying to pull him up even more. His vision was blurry from keeping his eyes open during his journey back, and he couldn't tell who it was.
"El! Force, I thought I'd lost you too," The voice was distraught.
He was pressed against her body, with his back on her legs. They were both breathing extremely heavily as she forced a breath mask onto his face while still holding onto him. After a few moments, his vision cleared, and he could tell who had come for him.
"Avar, how?" was all he could mutter, still trying to catch his breath.
She looked towards his Vector. All Elzar could hear was the droid beeping quickly in the distance. "She kept me updated, and when you hadn't returned in a while, she signaled for me, and I came as fast as I could."
Elzar tried to remove the breath mask to thank Avar, but she quickly pushed his hands away. "You need it," she promptly muttered. Then shockingly, she brushed the damp hair away from Elzar’s forehead and kissed it softly, still holding tightly onto him. Elzar gasped quietly and held on tighter, wishing to never let go.
Elzar and Avar sat in silence for a while before he reached for his hilt, looking for Stellan's saber to show to Avar, but instead, he found something else.
"A Holocron?" Avar said, stealing the words out of Elzar’s mouth. He pulled the breather off and sat up to face Avar now.
"He told me it could help," Elzar said quietly.
"Who?"
Elzar thought of telling her what had happened. Yet he decided that it was something he would hold off on once he fully understood what happened. "Not important right now, but we should head back to Coruscant. We need to figure out what's in this thing." Elzar spoke, referring to the Holocron. Avar sighed and nodded. He tried to figure out what she was feeling, but recently she had gotten better at hiding her genuine emotions from him, so he gave up quickly.
As the two of them flew further away from Gazian, Elzar found himself staring at the orange surface. Would he leave an imprint as Stellan did? Would Avar's brief time on the planet leave one as well?
"El, are you okay?" Avar asked, breaking his thoughts, "You seem… different."
Elzar stayed quiet. He thought for a bit before speaking up. "I'm fine. I'll tell you soon, I promise."
He couldn't see Avar from where he was, but Elzar could sense her smile slightly. He missed this. Maybe one day, they could return to that closeness they had before everything. Maybe they'll be alright.