Chapter Text
A chocolatey aroma fills his apartment as Minho slides the freshly baked cookies out of the oven.
He sighs, staring down at the cookies.
“Ugh.”
They’re perfect.
Why does he have to waste them on a new neighbor again?
Oh, right. Because he’s nice. He briefly contemplates spitting on them before shaking his head.
“What is wrong with me? For all we know, this person could be a literal angel,” he says to his cat. Soonie just glares back.
“Figures.”
While the cookies cool, he stares at himself in the mirror.
“Fuck,” he says. “Why can’t you cooperate?”
His hair, stubbornly, remains where it is, flattened to his head. He looks like an egg.
The water is ice-cold, making his hand flinch when the stream hits his skin.
His hair looks moderately better tamed back with the water, he thinks. He swipes eyeshadow around his eyes, just enough to make his eyes “pop”, like those beauty gurus on Youtube say.
He poses in the mirror, admiring the way the neck of his sweater accentuates his collarbones.
“Fine.”
The cats are all gathered around the stove-top where he left the cookies to cool, staring up at them like a cult about to worship their god.
“You guys are so creepy,” he says fondly, reaching down to pet the tops of their heads.
Minho gently places the cookies into the perfect container- not too cheap, but cheap enough that he won’t miss it. There’s a lot of things in that apartment that he’d never miss. So many objects that carry memories he wishes he could forget.
Finally, he steps out the door.
Every step from his door to his neighbor’s feels like it places another weight onto his legs; when he finally reaches that door, faded white paint peeling off of the wood, he can barely walk.
His fist reaches through the air in slow motion. The knock reverberates through his bones. He winces at the volume.
He’s been standing there for five minutes, and nobody’s answered.
He tries again.
This time, it’s only thirty seconds before the door swings open. At first, nothing seems amiss. There’s a guy at the door, presumably his neighbor, and two more people laughing in the back of the room over a pan of brownies. Then the guys start uncontrollably giggling, and the dude in front of him is staring at him like he’s an otherworldly being, and the smell of brownies is laced with another, more subtle smell, and he realizes. They’re fucking zooted.
“Are you guys eating weed brownies?” is the first thing that he says.
“I am so sorry, hi, do you want cookies? I’m so sor-!” is the second thing.
He’s cut off by the guy in front of him, who whispers reverently, “Dude, you are soooo smoking hot, oh my god. Cookies? Fuuuuck yeah dude, holy shit. Are you my soulmate?”
Minho just stares at the stranger, who’s reddened eyes are dragging over his face and body sluggishly, like they can’t comprehend the sight of him.
“You’re so fucking pretty,” the dude says again.
“I know,” Minho blurts, then turns bright red.
“I, um, bye?”
He spins on his heel and scurries back down the hallway, pausing halfway when he realizes he’s still clutching the cookies.
He flushes even more, and runs back to shove the cookies into the guy’s arms, stuttering an apology and dashing back to his apartment to stew in his misery.
Leaning his head back against the door, he groans loudly.
“Fuck this. Fuck socializing. Fuck…me. What? No.”
This can’t be how life is supposed to be.
*~*~*~*~*
“I’m sorry, Minho. I’m sorry I made you like this. I’m sorry I couldn’t raise you right.”
Saltwater rose up, lapping at his chin, pulling tight around his neck. She bobbed on the surface, eyes glassy, unaware of the sea threatening to swallow her whole.
“Mom- You didn’t- I’m-”
The water rose higher, covering his mouth. Bubbles flew out of his mouth as he tried to tell her. As he tried to tell himself.
“I love you, Lino. I’m sorry, sweet. I’m sorry I did this to you. I’m sorry I made you worthless.”
The water closed in over his head, choking him as he flailed in the water, reaching for her again. Salt flooded his mouth as he sank under the water, away from his mother.
He wakes in a cold sweat. His mouth tastes of salt from his tears, and the dream rushes back to him.
“Mom,” he whispers into the dark. His hands shake as he pries the blanket off of himself. The dark is a comfort, covering him like a blanket. In the dark, nobody can see your tears. In the dark, it’s easy to pretend you’ll be okay. In the silence, he lets the tears come.
A yell cuts through the night.
He yelps, tugging the blankets over himself again.
“You’re fucking trash! Watch me destroy you and your loser team, motherfucker!”
The words are muffled through the wall, but they’re unmistakably trash talk.
Minho sits there frozen in shock, the tears drying on his face.
“Yeah, fuckin’ punk,” they yell again.
“The stoner neighbor,” Minho grumbles to himself. He briefly regrets making the cookies.
“Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, and after I win this game I’ll bend your dad over a table.”
Minho’s mouth drops open.
“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ gay. Bi, actually. Got a problem? No? Good. Tell your daddy and mommy I’ll see them tonight.”
There’s a pause, and Minho hopes that his neighbor has finally decided to shut up.
“What did you call me? You fucking default setting, I’ll-”
Minho slams his fist against the wall. The apartment falls into silence again, and he collapses with a sigh. He’s tugged from the brink of sleep by another shout.
“Are you fucking kidding m-”
He makes a mental note to buy noise canceling headphones.
*~*~*~*~*
Chan looks almost sympathetic, patting Minho’s arm like he’s a child.
“Minho. You need to get laid, like, emotionally.”
Minho bites into his croissant, frowning at Chan.
“What the hell?”
Chan slurps his americano noisily.
“I meant what I said. You’re all stressed. You need somebody to cuddle or something, since we both know how horribly hook-ups go for you.”
“I have cats.”
He sighs, pinching his nose bridge.
“Dude. Really? I meant an actual human being.”
“Just because your partner loves cuddling doesn’t mean that’s what I want,” Minho grumbles.
Chan raises his eyebrow.
“Maybe not, but you did spend three hours cuddling Hyunjin the last time you came over.”
His expression turns sincere again.
“Seriously, though, I know you don’t need anyone, but even introverts need some human contact. Consistent human contact,” he interjects before Minho can protest.
Minho fidgets with his cup, staring down into his tea. They both know how stressful and busy adulthood has been, and Minho knows he needs more social time than seeing Chan once a month.
“Okay, fine. I do need someone, probably.”
Chan leans forward, the concerned expression replaced with a dimpled smile.
“So? Is there anybody?”
Minho almost opens his mouth, almost tells Chan all about his new stoner neighbor who called him hot, and is apparently very, very attracted to men, but then he stops. What if Chan tries to push them together? God no, that would be a nightmare. Totally. Ew. Gross.
“Nope. There’s nobody.” He takes a massive bite of his croissant, hoping that it masks anything his face might give away.
Chan sighs again.
“Boring. Well, hope you find someone, Lino. I gotta go.” He puts money on the table and flounces away, flashing Minho a pitying smile over his shoulder.
Minho sips his tea. Maybe Chan was right. Maybe he’s lonely.
He never really considered it. He always thought he’d be happy with his cats. After all his failed relationships, doomed from the unenthusiastic start, he just gave up, figuring he would be happier by himself. He’s always been a loner.
“Are you done, sir?”
“Uh, yeah! Thank you so much!”
The waitress nods, smiling brightly at him. He beams back.
Chan was wrong. He’s doing just fine by himself. He’s happy.
The waitress walks away, bright smile still plastered on her face. For a second, it flickers like a mirage, a chip in her cheerful facade.
It was a mask.
Suddenly, the warmth evaporates. It’s not like he expected it to be genuine, but even that little glimmer of a smile brightened his day ten-fold. Shit. Fuck. No. Chan’s never right, right? There was that one time that he thought that that one dude in their class had been from Canada when he was actually from the United States. Yeah. Chan is wrong sometimes. Sometimes.
He’s fine.
He’s not lonely.
He scratches behind Soonie’s ears, cooing as the other two wind around his ankles, purring for his attention.
“Hi babies!”
He sits down, not even bothering to remove his shoes, content to let the cats pile on top of him.
“I’m not lonely, right?” he sighs into Doongie’s fur.
All three cats stop purring and stare directly at him. Dori’s tail flicks.
He groans.
“Not you guys too! You’re supposed to be on my side!” He swears Doongie rolls her eyes at that.
“Hey! I feed you guys! I buy you toys! I even clean up your shit!”
Dori snuggles back into his lap, purring loudly. He relents immediately, scratching her back gently.
“Sorry, babies.”
He maneuvers around Soonie to get to his phone, opening up his chat with Chan.
crazy cat lady: i’m not lonely
crazy cat lady: i’m actually really happy right now
old man: you just had another conversation with your cats didn’t you
crazy cat lady: fuck you
old man: i don’t think i’d enjoy that
crazy cat lady: don’t even lie
old man: go bake cookies and feed your cats dinner like the spinster you are
crazy cat lady: go rant to your partner about ryan reynolds like the messy bisexual you are
He puts his phone back down on the floor, then buries his face into the pile of cats.
“Maybe I need to talk to more humans,” he muses.
There’s a loud thumping noise, and the cats scatter.
“What the hell was-” Something thunks again. The noise is followed by a loud moan, loud enough to clearly pierce through the wall.
“Damn these cheap apartments and their thin walls.” Minho buries his face in his hands, cursing himself for forgetting to get those noise canceling headphones.
He stays there on the floor for twenty minutes, tears streaking down his face, as his neighbor gets pounded next door.
*~*~*~*~*
He knows the dark circles under his eyes are only getting more prominent, knows that his friends are becoming increasingly more concerned, but those goddamn noise-canceling headphones still haven’t come in the mail, and his neighbor seems to have no concept of being a decent human being and respecting other people’s spaces.
Hyunjin even buys him a fancy coffee from that café he loves, bouncing up to him before his first class with the offering and a pitying smile. Minho accepts it gratefully, downing the entire thing in five minutes, hoping the caffeine coursing through his veins is enough to carry him through an entire day of teaching dance.
As soon as his door shuts behind him, he slumps onto the floor for the third time in the last week, shoes and jacket still on, staring listlessly at the window.
Dori pads up to him.
“Hi, honey,” he whispers, carding a hand through her fur. She meows at him.
He might just be imagining it, but her eyes seem filled with concern. She meows again, batting his hand with her paw.
“Dori, I’m fine,” he says, forcing a smile. He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince.
He sits there until a dull ache sets into his bones. He forces himself to stand, walk towards his kitchen, take care of his cats and himself. He forces himself to keep going.
He’s sitting on his couch nursing a bowl of soup and watching another cheesy 2000’s romcom when he hears it. The pulsating bass thunders through the wall, almost as loud as the badly written dialogue in his movie.
“You’re shitting me,” he grumbles. He sits through the rest of the movie, trying to ignore the trashy party music, but it’s like the droning of a fly: incessant, not stopping until you smack the source of the noise.
He finds himself curled up on his bed, sipping burning hot tea and blasting music so loudly through his headphones that his brain sorta aches, but it’s better than the muffled music from next door, so he bears it.
It’s so loud that he barely hears it when his phone beeps.
xxx-xxx-xxxx: hey number neighbor!!
Oh. Well. That’s not important.
He puts his phone back down. But then the music isn’t quite enough, and his fingers are itching, and fuck it, he’s curious.
number neighbor: please tell me you aren’t a child
xxx-xxx-xxxx: nope! full-grown adult
number neighbor: so why are you even texting me
xxx-xxx-xxxx: im at a party and it’s really kinda boring
number neighbor: leave the fuckin party
xxx-xxx-xxxx: i cant its my party
number neighbor: oh god you throw parties
xxx-xxx-xxxx: normally no
xxx-xxx-xxxx: ngl this was a mistake
xxx-xxx-xxxx: so whats ur name?
xxx-xxx-xxxx: or a nickname i can call you?
number neighbor: lino
number neighbor: thats a nickname
xxx-;xxx-xxxx: ooh cute!! you can call me hannie that’s also a nickname hehe
lino :D: k
hannie(??): so what do u do?
lino :D: i teach dance
hannie(??): THATS SO COOL
hannie(??): i rap sing and produce songs w 2 friends
lino :D: jesus christ
hannie(??): wait are u like christian
lino :D: not really i mean sorta?
lino :D: im not super religious
lino :D: i mean im literally gay so yeah
hannie(??): you can be gay and religious!!
lino :D: true
hannie(??): yeah idk i don’t think im super religious
hannie(??): also im bi lol so same
hannie(??): WAIT
hannie(??): pronouns?
lino :D: he/him thx for asking. u?
hannie(??): ooh same :)
lino :D: hold on can we go back to the fact that i said “jesus christ” as in “whoa ur talented” and ur first thought was omg what if he’s religious
hannie(??): idk i literally have no idea who you are man you could be like a priest or some shit
Minho definitely does not giggle out loud at that.
lino :D: idk u either but i can still tell you’re an idiot
hannie(??): thats mean
lino :D: cry about it
hannie(??): that would be pretty embarrassing literally almost everyone i know is here
lino :D: crying isn’t embarrassing. fuck it. cry. what even is life
hannie(??): i would say fuck it ur right but if im gonna cry tonight it better be on someone’s dick/strap
lino :D: how. you’re the one hosting the party
hannie(??): fuck.
hannie(??): ur right.
hannie(??): where do you live?
lino :D: why the fuck would i tell you
hannie(??): wait yeah
hannie(??): you’d have to be pretty damn stupid to give out ur address to strangers on the internet
lino :D: almost as stupid as you
hannie(??): well fuck you
lino :D: you’d enjoy that
Whoa. He did not intend to take it there. Hm. Well, no harm in flirting with someone he’ll never meet.
hannie(??): so would u
lino :D: wait so are you literally just standing in the corner of your own party on your phone texting a stranger
lino :D: lol loser
hannie(??): i mean
hannie(??): kinda
hannie(??): but it’s not like anyone cares
hannie(??): i just wanna be sober enough to shovel these drunk ppl out of my apartment at like four a.m.
lino :D: omg no
lino :D: you’re seriously one of those assholes who throws parties when you have neighbors next door
hannie(??): FUCK
hannie(??): ONE OF THEM IS REALLY HOT TOO
lino :D: you really did not think this through at all huh
hannie(??): i don’t normally think
hannie(??): *things thru
hannie(??): sry forgot the last part
lino :D: actually it seems like you don’t think at all
lino :D: you were right from the beginning
hannie(??): shut up
hannie(??): ur so annoying
lino :D: you don’t even know me
hannie(??): just bc i barely know u doesn’t mean i cant think ur annoying
hannie(??): OH FUCK OH SHIT SOMEONE’S THROWING UP
hannie(??): okay this party’s ending rn
hannie(??): i gtg bye
lino :D: bye lol
lino :D: good luck with the vomit
He closes his phone and turns his face to the darkness. Today, it feels welcoming, like a warm hug. Today, it doesn’t feel like the world is made of tiny little push-pins, just pointy enough to keep him on his toes. Today, the world feels like there’s a spot for him. The music pumping through the walls fades away.
Slowly, ever so slowly, sleep reaches up and circles her arms around his consciousness, dripping honey-sweet across his brain.
He wakes up at eight in the morning to the sound of a song ending. His ears feel strange when he pulls out his headphones, the shape melded to his ear. He turns his phone on, pausing the next song before it starts to play. His phone buzzes in his hand, and he almost drops it, feeling like he’s been dunked in ice-cold water.
hannie(??): good morning lino!! how’d u sleep??
He stares at the text. What the hell?
lino :D: thought you’d forget about me
hannie(??): why??? ur kinda cool
hannie(??): anyways i wanna get to know you
hannie(??): whats ur favorite animal
lino :D: cats
lino :D: i have three
hannie(??): THREE??
lino :D: yeah
lino :D: soonie, doongie, and dori
hannie(??): thats adorable
lino :D: hbu? any pets?
hannie(??): naw
hannie(??): i wanna see ur cats tho they sound adorable
lino :D: attachment: 12 images
hannie(??): OH MY FUCKING GOD
hannie(??): SO CUTE
lino :D: my babies
hannie(??): YOU CALL THEM YOUR BABIES
lino :D: is that an issue
lino :D: you can lick a dirty asshole if it is
hannie(??): if it’s yours i wouldn’t mind ;)
lino :D: you are revolting
hannie(??): you like it tho
lino :D: no, i really don’t
hannie(??): don’t lie to me
lino :D: i only lie to the people who deserve it
hannie(??): that tells me nothing
lino :D: so you think you deserve it?
hannie(??): STOP DISTRACTING ME IM TRYING TO DO ICEBREAKERS
lino :D: no no
lino :D: we were making a breakthrough
hannie(??): so we’re already we?
lino :D: that is commonly how one refers to a group that they are in, yes
hannie(??): so we’re a group
lino :D: group; noun: a number of people or things that are located close together or are considered or classed together.
hannie(??): so you think we’re close
lino :D: i don’t even know you
hannie(??): THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE ICEBREAKERS ASSHOLE
lino :D: functioning adults don’t need icebreakers to get to know ppl
hannie(??): IM A COLLEGE STUDENT IN MY SENIOR YEAR
hannie(??): WHAT PART OF THAT SCREAMS FUNCTIONING ADULT TO YOU
lino :D: i should have assumed
lino :D: you did host a party bc of peer pressure
hannie(??): wait so are you still in school?
lino :D: no i graduated like two yrs ago
hannie(??): dilf
lino :D: what the fuck
lino :D: do you know what a dilf is
hannie(??): an older man ;)
lino :D: are you okay
lino :D: also my only children are my cats
hannie(??): i forgot you had cats and mentioning them felt like a sucker punch to the stomach
hannie(??): place and time, man
lino :D: the place and time for cats is everywhere and all the time
hannie(??): EXCEPT AFTER I CALLED THEIR DAD A DILF
lino :D: everywhere. all the time.
hannie(??): smh cat ppl
lino :D: im going to hunt you down and kill you slowly
hannie(??): i’d love that
lino :D: cool
hannie(??): ;)
hannie(??): okay srsly tho ICEBREAKERS
lino :D: fine but ur boring
hannie(??): fuck you okay fav flower?
lino :D: snapdragons
lino :D: they’re pretty but also so fuckin cool like
lino :D: snapdragon is the best name period
lino :D: wbu what’s ur favorite
hannie(??): lily of the valley i like how they look like 1800’s milkmaids
lino :D: true they do
lino :D: you don’t seem like a lily of the valley man to me tho
hannie(??): i’m layered like an onion
lino :D: like shrek?
hannie(??): marry me
lino :D: what
hannie(??): NO PEOPLE EVER GET THAT REFERENCE
hannie(??): high school han used to try to get girls with that
lino :D: no wonder girls never dated you
lino :D: were you prematurely forced into a sexual awakening from pure desperation?
lino :D: cause no girls would date you?
hannie(??): hey!!
hannie(??): i dated a girl!!!
lino :D: singular?
hannie(??): shut up
hannie(??): she thought i was hot bc i rapped in school once
lino :D: there’s no fuckin way you’re that good
hannie(??): but i am
hannie(??): want proof?
lino :D: please leave
hannie(??): my tongue is v muscular
lino :D: my dick has never been more flaccid
hannie(??): shut up
lino :D: you’re the one who just said your tongue is muscular
hannie(??): it is
hannie(??): it’s sexy
lino :D: really
hannie(??): wanna see for yourself?
lino :D: what the hell are you going to do
lino :D: send me a video of your tongue waggling around?
hannie(??): i hadn’t thought that far ahead honestly
lino :D: yeah
lino :D: i figured
hannie(??): i swear im smart
hannie(??): im good at a lot of things
lino :D: like what
hannie(??): i can write and produce music and sorta dance and sing and speak two languages fluently
hannie(??): also my tongue is v talented
lino :D: sexy resume
lino :D: *solid
hannie(??): sexy solid?
lino :D: no solid resume
hannie(??): you said my resume was sexy
lino :D: typo
hannie(??): how did you misspell it that badly tho
lino :D: autocorrect wants to be grated like a block of cheese
hannie(??): it’s cute that you get that mad over tiny things
lino :D: hey
lino :D: my cats are cute
lino :D: not me
hannie(??): lies
hannie(??): i only see LIES
hannie(??): proof that you think i deserve to be lied to
lino :D: you would probably believe it if i lied to you
hannie(??): ur so mean to me
lino :D: you're gullible and i’m a good liar
hannie(??): okay fine
hannie(??): maybe ur right sometimes
lino :D: *all the time
lino :D: looks like i’m not the only one who can’t spell
hannie(??): F
hannie(??): U
hannie(??): K
hannie(??): Y
hannie(??): O
hannie(??): U
hannie(??): how’s that for spelling
hannie(??): WAIT
lino :D: fuk you?
hannie(??): NO
lino :D: typo?
hannie(??): i hate you
lino :D: happens to the best of us
hannie(??): yeah cause i am the best of us
lino :D: no
lino :D: sorry honey you just aren’t
hannie(??): ooh breaking out the pet names already?
hannie(??): at least take a man to dinner first ;)
lino :D: are you an incubus sent to punish me for homosexuality
hannie(??): does that mean im awakening your gayness
lino :D: no ur just bothering me
hannie(??): gayly?
lino :D: i mean
lino :D: yeah
lino :D: you are flirting with me and it is gay and also bothering me
hannie(??): if you weren’t gay that would be pretty offensive
lino :D: lucky for you i am
hannie(??): ?????????
hannie(??): ???????????????
hannie(??): SUIRFHEOURHOUWHFW
hannie(??): SDUFHWOEOBDJNEKRHEHKEHG
hannie(??): don’t do that
lino :D: you can’t handle a taste of your own medicine?
hannie(??): what no what i totally can
lino :D: that’s good
lino :D: now i don’t have to worry about accidentally overriding your brain
lino :D: wouldn’t want that
lino :D: what would i do with that pretty face then?
hannie(??): uh
hannie(??): uh
hannie(??): wuh
hannie(??): um
hannie(??): kiss it?
lino :D: really?
hannie(??): would you like that, baby?
lino :D: i think you’d enjoy it more
lino :D: even though that sexy muscular tongue may work miracles i think mine works more
hannie(??): FUCk
hannie(??): FUCK YOU THATS ITANT FIAR
lino :D: actual words, please
hannie(??): fuck you that isnt fair
lino :D: why so mad?
hannie(??): YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT
hannie(??): asshole
lino :D: what even happened to the icebreakers how did we get here
hannie(??): idk man all i remember is cats and that ur a dilf
lino :D: OH FUCK SHIT CATS
hannie(??): ?
lino :D: i forgot to feed them and they’re mad
hannie(??): OH MY GOD RUN
lino :D: bye
He drops his phone onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. The blurry white blends with the sunshine leaking in from the window, swirling like honey across the paint. His blankets are half-off his body, too hot and too cold at the same time, but somehow it’s okay.
Somehow, he feels okay.
The kitchen tile is cool under his feet. His cats perk up at the sound of the cabinets opening, three heads swiveling to stare at him.
“Yeah, babies, you’ll get your food.”
The kitchen is pleasantly quiet, filled with the soft purrs of the cats and the sounds of birds singing their sweet songs to the world. Today, he drizzles extra honey into his tea, pours his homemade raspberry-maple syrup sauce over fluffy pancakes from his own recipe. Today, he lets himself sing as he cleans, belt the notes he can barely hit, laugh to himself when his voice cracks.
“Maybe this is the way life’s supposed to feel,” he tells his cats. They blink at him. “But you guys would never know, would you? You just spend all day lounging around in the sun.” Soonie purrs in agreement.
“You already know what life is supposed to be like because that’s what it is for you. You’re lucky, babies.” He brushes a hand across soft fur, skimming lightly over all three cats, stopping once to scratch Dori behind the ear.
“I wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.”
*~*~*~*~*
“You’ve been on your phone all the time lately,” Hyunjin whines, stomping his foot like a child.
“It’s none of your business, Jinnie.” His phone ping ed again, and Hyunjin groaned loudly.
“But it’s so weiirdddd, Min, you get a text and then you’re all giggly and smiley and nice all day! That never happens! It’s like you’re-” He pauses to gasp loudly, pointing an accusing finger at Minho.
“ You’re in a relationship. ”
Minho scoffs.
“Wh- no. No!”
“I’m telling Chan right now, I swear to god-”
“I don’t think it’s a rela-”
Hyunjin’s phone almost slips out of his hands.
“So there is an ‘it’.”
Shit.
“Uh-”
“How long? Who is it? Where do they live? Are they hot?”
Minho wrinkles his nose.
“Don’t be so superficial, Jinnie.”
“It’s called having standards, and look where it landed me. Now spill.”
Hyunjin raises an eyebrow.
Minho looks at his shoes. Wow, he really needs to get new Converse. These ones are falling apart.
“We’ve been texting for a couple weeks,” he mumbles.
Hyunjin lets out a maniacal giggle, fingers flying across his phone screen.
“Where did you meet him?”
Minho flushes. Oh my god, were these shoes white before? Gross.
“Min,” Hyunjin says, not looking up from his phone.
“Stop texting everything to Chan and I’ll tell you.”
“Damn, that bad? Well. You know I’m just gonna text everything to him after.” Hyunjin knows him, though, so his phone goes into his pocket anyways.
“Fine. I, uh, I met him online, I guess? Uh. We’re number neighbors.” The silence is so loud that Minho can hear a faint trickle of the music coming from the class upstairs.
“Close your mouth, please,” Minho sighs.
“Do you know who this guy is? Do you know where he lives? Hell, Min, do you even know what he looks like?”
Wow, that dirt stain looks like Australia. Is that shoelace fraying?
“Uh. Well. I know what his favorite flower is.”
Hyunjin’s face twists, his eyes filled with pure pain.
“Lee Minho. Are you shitting me?”
“I-”
“For years, I have tried to get you to become more reckless. Years spent trying to loosen the stick up your ass! And once I finally accept your cat dad self for what you are, you decide to do something that could get you killed?”
He takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Minho. Tell me you didn’t give this guy any info about you.”
“I didn’t give him my name, I just gave him a nickname and told him some random stuff like my career and age and about my cats.”
Hyunjin looks like he’s about to cry.
“So now there’s a creep out there who knows how old you are, what you do for a living, your nickname, and has emotional leverage over you in the form of your cats.”
Oh. Wow.
“Well, when you put it like that–”
“Just don’t get yourself murdered, okay? I’d cry.”
“Wow. I’m touched.”
Hyunjin walks away, muttering to himself about reckless idiots.
“MAKE SURE HE’S HOT BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE,” he yells over his shoulder.
“I sure fucking hope he is,” Minho mutters to himself.
His phone pings again.
hannie🐿: lino!! u there?
lino<3: yeah sorry a friend was interrogating me
hannie🐿: about what ;)?
lino<3: you
hannie🐿: oh wow i really wasn’t expecting you to just say that
lino<3: i know
lino<3: you really always expect me to beat around the bush, huh
hannie🐿: yeah u always say what u mean
hannie🐿: its kinda scary ngl
hannie🐿: this is so weird i just realized i kno so much about u and i dont even kno ur real name
lino<3: that’s so weird
Nausea rises in his stomach, and suddenly, he can’t. He puts his phone on Do Not Disturb, shoves it in his pocket.
Not right now.
He can’t.
Because Hyunjin was right: it’s weird, and it’s dangerous. He can’t deny that. What if he’s been flirting with some old guy who preys on younger men? What if he lied about his age? What if he’s not actually a guy, or lied about his sexuality as a sick joke?
Heat rises in his throat.
No.
No.
Whatever.
He shoves it to the back of his mind. The clock ticks behind him, sternly reminding him of his responsibilities.
When he gets to the studio, he tosses his things into the corner. His phone hits the floor with a loud clunking sound; he turns his head away. Unimportant.
He throws himself into teaching, forcefully shoving the thoughts from his head. At the end of the lesson he’s dripping with sweat and his whole body aches.
“Good work today, people!”
They file out, tossing tired smiles at Minho as they go.
He picks up his stuff, doesn’t check his phone.
When he gets home, he drops his stuff on the ground, walks to his bedroom.
On the way, his head starts to pound. Suddenly, the thoughts are pressing at him again, pushing at the edge of his vision and shoving at the back of his knees. He lands on the ground with grace, a product of years training as a dancer.
Minho shuts his eyes. A scream threatens to tear from his throat. The dark claws at his mind, surrounding it. It’s too much.
He grabs his computer, puts on a cheesy drama, pretends it’s okay. Maybe he can trick himself.
It’s one in the morning when he can’t bear it anymore.
He slams his computer shut and puts it on his bedside table. He lets his thoughts blanket him until sleep finally blacks out his mind.
The salt water was inside his brain now, searing at the sides of his skull.
It must have leaked in through his ears, already fully submerged. He was kicking as hard as he could, trying to uncover his ears to hear her last words, even though they’re always the same.
I’m sorry I made you worthless.
He could see her mouth forming the words, but his limbs were strangely heavy, like they’ve been filled with sand.
He sank to the bottom slowly, fighting until the last second so he could make the most of his last glimpse of his mother.
Sometimes he wonders why he could never see the dark shape of her falling through the ocean next to him. He knows that she was there.
Then he remembers the way his eyes squeezed shut so tightly, like the fear finally wins when the water closes around him.
And if he can’t see it, it must not be there.
Through the windows, he can hear muffled birdsong, not quiet enough for the hour and the pounding in his head.
His vision is still blurry with sleep when he unlocks his phone.
lino<3: i had a dream again tonight
He has to type it three times before the words make sense.
hannie🐿: again?
lino<3: yeah
lino<3: it happens a lot
hannie🐿: do u wanna tell me about it?
Does he?
lino<3: im in the sea with my mother
lino<3: and we’re drowning
lino<3: and she tells me she loves me
lino<3: and that she’s sorry she made me worthless
lino<3: her last words are the same every time
lino<3: and then we sink underwater
lino<3: i can’t swim
lino<3: i can’t even save my own mother in a dream
hannie🐿: your not worthless
lino<3: *you’re
lino<3: thank you.
hannie🐿: seriously tho ur cool and funny and nice and u have three cats and u teach dance and that’s so amazing!! where would the world be without u?
hannie🐿: also don’t forget that u can talk to me whenever k?
lino<3: my mom’s still alive
There’s a moment where Minho can almost picture the stupid expression on Han’s face right now as he tries to figure out how they got there. He decides to take pity on him.
lino<3: we just live kinda far away from each other
lino<3: and i tried so hard to make her happy for so long
lino<3: gifted-child curse
lino<3: i got good grades, i’m a talented dancer, i can sing
lino<3: package fucking deal of a child
lino<3: i guess i never grew out of that phase of wanting to be perfect at everything for her
lino<3: oh my god i totally just dropped half of my life story on you
lino<3: i am so so sorry
hannie🐿: honestly its fine i sorta asked
hannie🐿: but u kno u dont have to do shit for ur mom
hannie🐿: u can do shit for u
lino<3: i don’t even know where the hell you came from or how you got into my life
lino<3: but you were definitely a gift
lino<3: maybe good karma from that one time i helped that old lady cross a street
hannie🐿: oh yeah def
Maybe Hyunjin was wrong about Han. Maybe he’s really just a sweet idiot who decided to text his number neighbor one day. What a coincidence.
*~*~*~*
He only has the nightmare once that week, and still, something feels different. It’s something in the way his mother looks at him when she says her final words. Almost apologetic. Like she regrets the words the second they’re in the air. When Minho goes under the water, it cradles him. Almost like it’s protecting him.
Everyone seems to notice the difference. His students smile more, relax into the dances with ease. Hyunjin doesn’t hesitate to approach him, and Chan texts him full rants instead of small messages.
For the first time in months, he isn’t mad at everything and everyone.
For the first time in months, nothing seems to irritate him.
For the first time in months, he finds himself genuinely smiling.
And it feels like freedom.
He still feels Hyunjin’s eyes linger on him when he’s on his phone, but he can’t bring himself to care when he’s talking to Han.
lino<3: seriously though i did not luck out in the neighbor department
lino<3: this fucker has no idea how thin the walls are
hannie🐿: oof
hannie🐿: im pretty sure the walls are okay where i live
hannie🐿: i never hear my neighbors except when the hot one starts banging on the wall to make me shut up
His stomach cramps. A bitter taste floods his mouth, and suddenly he feels queasy. What the hell? Is he sick?
lino<3: hot neighbor, huh?
lino<3: the loud neighbor isn’t actually that bad
Now that he thinks about it, Loud Neighbor is actually pretty cute. Heart-shaped smile, fluffy hair, squirrel cheeks. Warm eyes, even when they were red from the weed.
Minho mentally curses himself. He’s texting Han! Why is he thinking about Cute- uh, Loud Neighbor?
hannie🐿: ooh ur making me jealous
lino<3: you started it
hannie🐿: looks like im not the only jealous one
Jealous?
Oh.
lino<3: no
hannie🐿: u definitely r tho
lino<3: no
lino<3: do you want me to be jealous
hannie🐿: yeah
lino<3: that’s your problem
hannie🐿: i think ur enjoying this
lino<3: you wish
hannie🐿: never denied that
lino<3: where is your shame
hannie🐿: im only like this cuz u cant see my face
lino<3: i bet its a pretty face though
hannie🐿: sukhfoushflshiofodg
hannie🐿: STOp
hannie🐿: this isnt fair
hannie🐿: u CANR DO THIS TO WM
hannie🐿: FUCK
lino<3: not thinking about hot neighbor now, are we?
Oh shit. Oh holy shit. He’s jealous. He’s really fucking jealous
hannie🐿: see u r jealous
hannie🐿: no denying it now
lino<3: or maybe you’re just obsessed with me
hannie🐿: screenshot.png
lino<3: okay that might have come across as jealous but i swear i wasn’t
hannie🐿: mhm
hannie🐿: tooootally
lino<3: okay bye i have to hang out with my cats
hannie🐿: 🤨
hannie🐿: byeee
Because he can’t lie to Han, he does go and hang out with his cats. Sitting there on the floor, stroking Doongie’s fur while she purrs loudly, he realizes he has no idea what to do now.
He’s fidgety again at work, almost knocking his coffee over when he tries to grab his phone.
“You’re fidgety,” Hyunjin points out, watching Minho cradle his coffee mug in two hands. “You have anything you wanna tell me?”
“No,” Minho says reflexively. Too many years of getting himself into messes by spilling the tea to Hyunjin.
“You’re lying.”
He looks into his cup, watching little clumps of bubbles float around in the swirling liquid.
“Yeah. Hyunjin, I think I have feelings for Han. Like big-time feelings.”
He doesn’t dare look up.
Someone’s arms wrap around him, and before he knows it, he’s sobbing into Hyunjin’s shoulder.
“I know I was harsh on you, Lino, but I just wanted you to be safe. I’m here for you, okay?”
Minho nodded, face still buried in Hyunjin’s now-damp shirt.
“Um.”
“What.”
“This shirt is really expensive…”
Minho groaned, peeling his face off of Hyunjin.
“You and your ridiculously overpriced clothing,” he sighed.
“Hey, Minho?”
“Jesus, Jinnie, what?”
“Love you, dumbass.”
“Love you too, dick brain.”
He manages to go almost the whole day without thinking about Han or Cute Neighbor.
Okay, fine, he does slip up once or twice or maybe like four times. Point is, he doesn’t spend the whole day thinking about Han or Cute Neighbor, which is pretty impressive.
He loses his streak once he gets back to his apartment, which is kinda sad, but how is he not supposed to think about Cute Neighbor when they’re right on the other side of that wall!
hannie🐿: heyyyy
lino<3: hey
hannie🐿: this is super random but like do you wanna call
lino<3: uh
lino<3: sure?
His hands are trembling so much that he almost drops his phone when it starts to ring.
[incoming call: hannie🐿]
Shit. Shit shit shit. Oh god, why did he agree to this?
His phone rings one more time, and now he has to pick it up, right?
He clicks the button.
“Hello?”
Oh my god. Oh my god, he sounds like a nerd. Is it possible to have a nerdy voice? Why is that hot?
“Uh- are you there?”
Oh shit, it’s a phone call. He should be talking.
“Hey,” he croaks. Wait.
“Oh fuck, I promise I’m not a creepy old guy, I just haven’t used my voice in like four hours.”
Han laughs. Even his laugh is cute. Minho is screwed. Minho is so screwed.
“No, honestly, even though your voice was scratchy as hell, uh, it was kinda hot. Uh. I mean, it sounded deep, not. Not, um, old.”
“You think my voice is hot?” The words come out a little harsh, like he’s accusing Han of something. Accusing him of finding him hot. Ha.
“Kinda. Honestly, and I mean honestly, I’m not just trying to make you jealous, you kinda sounded like my hot neighbor for a second there. I mean, y’know, he yells at me all the time. It’s, uh, it’s sorta embarrassing, but the first time I met him I was so high that I took one look at him and went-” Han drops his voice a little, and makes his words run together like they’re melting. “-wooooow. You’re reaaaally fuckin’ hot. What a first impression, huh?”
Minho can’t breathe. He should have seen it coming. He should have seen it coming a mile away.
He raises a shaking fist, and slams it against the wall as hard as he can.
There’s a muffled thump from Han’s end, then he yells, “What the hell! My neighbor just slammed something against the wa-”
“He’s probably fucking someone,” Minho says, the words tripping out of his mouth. He pulls the phone away from his ear and listens as Cute Nei- no, Han, continues yelling, the words blended into nonsense through the wall.
Picking up the phone again, he stammers, “Uh- sorry- gotta go- um, cat emergency,” before hanging up without waiting for Han’s response.
His brain is static.
How.
How.
How?
Coincidence is one thing, but this is incredible. This, this doesn’t happen. How? It’s just not possible.
One thing is for sure: there is absolutely no way he’s coming out of this unscathed.