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Zhou Zishu was coming back home after a long and quite dreadful day of work. He wished he could quit working in the company, but the money was good and he couldn’t afford to be jobless right now. And any time after that, either.
He was probably overreacting. The job wasn’t all that bad, his boss was a good and considerate man, and his co-workers weren’t all terrible. He was friends with some of them, went out sometimes, though now not as much. His life was perfect just the way it was, even though he was tired after so many hours spent in front of a computer. It could have been weird, but his dream job was to be a P.E. teacher. Maybe someday.
Right now, he could maybe talk to his boss to give him more work outside of his little cubicle office with a huge computer screen. That way, he could go through every day of work more peacefully, without having to wear glasses whenever he had to stare at the bright screens for too long.
But that would have to wait for tomorrow. Zhou Zishu was going to be pretty busy at home as well and didn’t want to even think about calling his boss. Any other time, he perhaps would, but not now. Not when he had his seven months pregnant husband waiting for him at home. It was exactly why he never worked overtime anymore. He could have been wasting money that way, but he much preferred to be at home rather than by his desk. He thanked the Heavens he had a tolerant and overall liberal boss—otherwise he would have been fucked. His boss knew about his husband and their imminent baby as well and was pretty chill about it. Which, frankly, was the best thing that had ever happened to Zhou Zishu in his workplace.
He entered his house after his twenty-minute-long drive home and was met with complete silence. Not even the TV or the radio were on, but it wasn’t all that out of the ordinary. Kexing often fell asleep wanting to watch something, which he—of course—ended up not doing, lying down on the couch with the remote in his hand or next to him. It was always a cute sight, though Zishu was not going to admit it out loud. His blush and a soft smile were revealing just enough, anyway. He was always the more of the… physically affectionate kind, as opposed to his husband, whose abilities with words were better than anyone else’s Zhou Zishu knew.
This time it was barely different. Noodles were on the stove, low heat on and the stove locked, just in case (his husband could have been a mess sometimes, but he always took extra care of everything in the kitchen)—Kexing always did that before he went to do something else while the food was heating up. Even if that something was just taking a nap.
There was, right where Zishu suspected he would find his husband today. He was on the couch, lying on his side with the remote a few inches away from his face, turned towards the TV, as if Kexing had been considering turning the device on before he passed out. One of his hands was under his head, gripping the red throw pillow he had placed on the couch some time ago, the other hand Kexing had lightly resting on the side of his rounded belly.
He looked so beautiful like this, not troubled with anything at all. Sometimes (it was a lie, it was all the time) Zhou Zishu wished he could take all of his husband’s worries all the time. Hiding behind his smile (mostly sincere, or at least it always was with Zishu), he was—or had been, partially, at least—a broken man, much like Zhou Zishu himself once was. They had been through a lot, though Zishu believed he was finally able to help Kexing get back on his feet and settle down again.
At first, he was alone with A-Xiang in their little shared flat. That was until he met Zishu and decided he was the one and only he’d want to spend the rest of his life with. Kexing sold the flat moving in with Zishu, claiming it would be dumb to pay for it if nobody was going to live there. You could rent it?, Zishu, always the more responsible of the two of them, had asked at that time, but soon he decided against it. For whatever reason, really. Whatever made his husband happy—he was not going to argue about it. The flat wasn’t his, anyway, so he couldn’t make any vital decision, anyway.
Kexing stirred a little, as if sensing the presence of his husband in the house, but didn’t wake up yet. Zishu took off his jacket and tossed it to the side, onto a big, comfy armchair they had picked out four months ago and which Kexing had been using so much that it was never free for Zishu to use. He faked being mad sometimes, knowing how important it was for his husband to be comfortable, far more than himself. He was fine with sacrificing himself for the sake of his husband, for as long as he needed to.
Zishu knelt down beside the couch, resting his chin on his palms, watching his husband smile in his sleep. Zishu found himself thinking that, despite everything, he was the happiest man on earth to have found himself a husband like Kexing. Even though the start of their relationship wasn’t perfect and neither was the relationship now, he could never picture himself with anyone else. Zishu had had a Kexing shaped hole in his heart before, whether it was something he was consciously aware of or not, and only after meeting him did it fill out, making Zishu feel whole again.
And even though he didn’t always feel like their relationship was perfect, he sure did feel this way now. Looking at his husband, Zishu didn’t feel like he needed anything else in his life right now. Except, of course, the baby that would be born a little over two months later.
Kexing had already been a father before. Well, A-Xiang barely ever called him that, he didn’t teach her to do it, but he was exactly that. Her father. Zishu thought it was straight up awesome, how hard Kexing worked to give this girl all he could. He once heard A-Xiang talk over the phone to Kexing and calling him Baba. Her face burned deep and violent shade of red right after, causing Zishu to pretend he never heard anything, but he had been even fonder of A-Xiang ever since. It was when A-Xiang was about ten. A baby, still, but it was the first time she had ever called her Kexing her dad.
Zishu was even fonder of his husband when he listened to him ramble about A-Xiang that night, despite the girl being just a few rooms away. Zishu thought that his husband was the most beautiful then, with his eyes sparkling with joy, the prettiest and widest smile on his face. Kexing was always so beautiful.
Especially now, when he slowly opened his eyes and smiled lazily, catching the sight of his husband kneeling in front of him.
Zishu felt like crying. A few years ago he would never admit it, not even to himself, but Kexing always made him weak. He loved him like he never loved anyone before and, throughout the years, he was only finding out that his love could expand forever, getting bigger and bigger every single day.
“Hey,” he whispered, reaching towards Kexing’s face to wipe his thumb over his cheek. “How was your day?” He felt a painful ping in his chest, knowing he should have stayed home with Kexing. He promised himself he would. Very soon.
“Made dinner…” Kexing was still smiling at him, pulling his husband’s arm, making him sit on the edge of the couch instead.
“I noticed. Thank you, love.” Zishu leaned down to plant the softest possible kiss right in the middle of Kexing’s forehead. “Did you do anything else today?” It was purely out of curiosity. He knew how tired Kexing was these days (he insisted he wasn’t, but the dark eye bags spoke for themselves), so it would be more than appropriate for him to just rest all day.
“Missed you?” Kexing smiled in his casual, dumbstruck manner, making a move to sit up, which Zishu stopped almost immediately.
“Flattering, Xing’er, but don’t move.” He lightly pushed his husband back down, which Kexing obeyed immediately. It seemed like his nap hadn’t been long enough and he was still tired, which, honestly, was fair. He was carrying a baby, he was allowed to be more tired than an average human.
Zishu lowered his hand from its resting spot on Kexing’s neck and brought it to his belly instead. Touching it was his everyday activity now, which both he and Kexing seemed to enjoy a little more than it was necessary. Neither of them minded.
“Not bothering you too much?” He asked quietly, lowering his whole body to lie down next to Kexing. “Did you take your vitamins?”
Kexing laughed him in the face, a soft, gentle sound, not mocking at all. “A-Xu! What are you, my mom?”
“Husband. Close enough, is it not?” Zishu said, rubbing his hand over his husband’s belly.
“Since when are you so good with words?” Kexing closed his eyes with a satisfied smile, squeezing himself next to Zishu, so close there was absolutely no free space between them.
“I had the best teacher, I gather.” He kissed his husband’s cheek and then moved onto his lips, pressing against them gently, with feeling. With longing he’d felt after the whole day of separation.
“Flatterer,” Kexing whispered against his husband’s lips, kissing him again in no time. Parting for the day made him feel lonely and he was going to make it up to Zishu right away.
“I wonder who I got that from?”
Kexing whined unhappily when his husband stopped kissing him. It was not what he wanted right now and he made it known. Pressing himself even closer, hands resting on Zishu’s chest, he made Zishu kiss him more passionately this time, with love and feeling so overwhelming Kexing felt like crying.
While they were kissing, Zishu kept lovingly caressing Kexing’s stomach, making it known to him how much he cared about the baby even though they were yet to be born at this point. Kexing knew he made a good choice marrying this man and deciding to have his kid. He might have been a little stiff and… not quite unpleasant, but something along these lines, to deal with, he was a loving and sweet individual upon getting to know him better and letting him open up at his own pace.
There was something in him now, lying on his side with one hand stroking Kexing’s cheek as they stopped kissing and just lay there together, the other rubbing circles into Kexing’s belly, soothing any pain that could come from the child’s recently increased activity; him wearing his work clothes, the dress shirt now wrinkled everywhere, which he didn’t need to worry about anymore.
“You’re terrible,” Kexing commented, resting his head next to his husband’s chest, listening to the calming, steady sound of his heartbeat. It reminded him every day that Zishu was there, well and present in his and their baby’s life. It might also have made him cry a couple times, but what did it matter when all he cared about was that he was going to have a happy, loving family and home for his child?
“Look how the tables have turned now, love.”
Kexing was officially going to melt. He didn’t care if he was married for a couple years now. He was falling in love with this man more and more every single day, finding out something new and perfect about him. And even though Zhou Zishu was never perfect to begin with, he didn’t need to be.
They didn’t need to speak more. Additional words that Kexing had once been exceptionally fond of had long disappeared, replaced with pleasing silence. Kexing used to hate silence, treating it as some sort of punishment. He could not stay silent, ever.
But now, with only the faint background noise of noodles sizzling in the pan, the trees moving outside, the cars and, finally, his husband’s breath, slow and controlled, a gentle reminder of his constant presence in Kexing’s life, Kexing finally felt that silence was a real treasure.
And he promised himself he was going to teach his child that silence is something to be cherished, not to be scared of.