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Glinda frowned at the dresses in her closet. Out of the thirty-eight dresses, she couldn't decide what to wear. None of them seemed right. That morning, she'd been so excited about the parade, to have her maids dance around her as they helped her dress and accessorize. But now, she couldn't even remember what the parade was for, and she was starting to lose her excitement. She dismissed her maids, saying she'd get ready on her own.
She pulled out a cotton candy pink dress with a long, ruffled skirt and bustle. Pink had been her favorite color all her life, even her first word. From her dresses, her bedding, and her walls back home in Frottica, pink had encapsulated her life. She remembered all of her green-skinned roommate's sarcastic comments about how much of an eyesore her side of the room was, back before they became friends.
Then she had given her that pink flower clip the night of the Ozdust party, with that funny one-liner that she'd meant in earnest.
Pink goes good with green.
But now, her green was gone, so she couldn't wear the pink anymore. She put the dress back, sifting through her other clothes. She pulled out a black gown covered in feathers and shiny gemstones.
Black is this year's pink.
The quotes of her past haunted her. She could wear black. She was still in mourning; mourning the loss of her best friend. It wasn't through death, but it might as well have been.
No. The Wizard would disapprove of that choice. And Morrible would have her head.
The past five years had been hard, to say the least. To say the most would've taken too much energy; energy she didn't have at the moment.
Five years of being nothing more than a pretty girl in a pretty dress. Five years of feeling like she was nothing more than a pretty girl in a pretty dress. Morrible made sure the press used her to get what they wanted out of the citizens, and to give them what they wanted.
Galinda always thought she knew how to use fashion to make a statement. But now, she was surrounded by people who put statements in her mouth based on what she wore. Her wardrobe and accessories had been carefully selected (by Morrible) and while she had a choice in her day-to-day wear, she felt like she didn't, since she didn't pick anything out fully on her own.
"Glin."
She turned, forcing a small smile. "Hi, Fiyero."
The Captain of the Gale Force stood in the doorway, his hands awkwardly locked behind his back. "It's almost time."
"I'm almost ready. If I could just find something to wear."
"You have a closet full of clothes," he chuckled softly. "Surely something will fit today's theme."
No, it wouldn't. She wanted to curl up back in bed. She wanted to transport herself back to Shiz, back to a simpler time where all she had to care about were boys, dresses, and how the boys would complement her dresses.
"You look positively emerald."
He shrugged. "They wanted me in full uniform today."
It took her a moment to realize Fiyero didn't know the full extent of what that meant. She forced a chuckle. "I guess that means we can't match today."
He shrugged again, seemingly too distracted to be fully absorbing everything she said.
She knew Fiyero wasn't hers. She'd known he was changing since Dr. Dillamond was fired all those years ago. She wasn't in class that day, claiming she needed her beauty sleep after giving the hardest makeover of her life. She couldn't help but giggle; all she did was take the green girl's long, raven hair out of its usual tight braid and put that flower clip in her hair, but it felt like so much more.
It was so much more. She could see it on her face. She had smiled, the first genuine smile she'd ever seen the green girl give.
She shook her head. "I… I tried to convince myself that by staying… I'm helping her. Somehow. I don't know how, but… I might not even be helping."
"I thought the same thing, too."
She had to stop replaying the past in her mind. It was gone. She had to start using her energy to make good… just like her Elphie wanted to. She couldn't waste her precious life clock-ticks stuck in the land of what-might-have-been. But it didn't soften the ache she felt when reality set back in.
"Clock's still ticking."
"I'll be ready in a bit."
"And 'actual' bit or a 'Glinda' bit?"
She rolled her eyes. "Actual."
"How much longer are we gonna do this?"
"Do what?"
He sighed, taking a moment to choose his next words carefully. "These lies. Me pretending to hate and hunt her; you pretending to be happy smiling and waving. I know this isn't what you wanted."
"No. This is exactly what I wanted," she corrected with a stern glance, then softened. "This just isn't how I wanted it, nor how I thought it'd be. I'd give anything to turn back the clocks and do everything right this time. But since that's impossible, I want to change the way things are now. But I can't."
"Why not? I don't understand why we can't clear her name."
"Because, Fiyero, the last thing we want to do is give Oz more enemies."
"Elphaba's not the enemy."
"We know that, the Wizard and Morrible know that, but the people don't."
"They've been brainwashed into thinking we're the 'good guys'."
She bristled. "Well, we're not the bad guys. I mean… you and I aren't. Not really." She gave him a pleading look, but he didn't take her bait. "Fine. Hypothetically, let's say we tell the truth. A few people might believe us, but at the end of the day, the Wizard is the one with all the power, and Morrible has the voice. I have pretty dresses and bubbles, you have –"
"A gun."
"Yes. One gun. They have hundreds." She gripped his shoulders. "We can't let our façades crack. We're walking this very delicate line, and one wrong step will make us fall." She released him and went over to her windows, overlooking the garden.
"Do you want to continue? I know you said you feel like you have to, but do you really want to?"
She pondered the question. Did she really want to continue wanting this? She got to be one of the celebrated figureheads she'd talked about with Elphaba, but at the price of them not being together to enjoy it. She was living her childhood fantasy, but was missing the joy she had when daydreaming about it. "While this came naturally to me, this is in no way 'easy'. I've been trying to make this life like a fairytale, but some things should just be left in colorful picture books."
He nodded. "I guess I'll leave you to finish getting ready."
She hummed. "Fiyero?"
"Hmm?"
"We could… continue to be happy together, couldn't we?" She bridged the physical gap between them and gently took his hands.
"You know me; I try to always be happy. We have to make the most of our situation, right?"
Her true feelings almost broke through her fixed smile, but she buried them before they surfaced. "Right."
He smiled, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and left. Once she was alone, she allowed herself to relax and chided herself on her lack of confidence to be direct with Fiyero. Elphaba had the confidence she aspired to have when she was doing things she had no idea how to do, and she wished she could be more like her.
She wished she could be braver, stronger, wiser, better…
She loved feeling loved by the public at first. She loved the praise and adoration the people showered her with. She couldn't imagine her life any other way. But that was back then, when she was naïve and – dare she admit it – perhaps a bit shallow.
She shook those thoughts from her head, reminding herself she had a parade to prepare for. It took more effort than usual to drag her feet to her wardrobe.
She looked at the cerulean dress hanging in the back. It was her usual petal dress she wore when traveling in her bubble. It was her signature look, an easy way for people to spot her in a crowd. She ran her fingers over the bodice, when a seemingly-new detail caught her eye. She'd never noticed the emerald stitchings before.
They were tiny, shaped like flowers or stars or… She squinted. Hearts? No, hearts didn't have sharp corners. Then again, neither did most flowers, so she settled on stars. The emerald stitchings were so subtle, no one would notice them. Especially the people standing beneath the balcony.
But she would know. She would know and remember. And having this small detail close to her heart would help her.