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It all started with that simulation- Well, it wasn't the real beginning of it all, Dick had liked Wally for a long time, but the simulation is what had brought him here, to this point.
It was what he believed to be his final moments, his heart was racing with adrenaline and more, and there was not much to do in this situation other than to get M'gann and J'onn out of the ship. "Six seconds remaining," Robin said shakily, his anxieties about death finally getting to him, "Let's make `em count."
That's when everything's changed, that's when Dick Grayson knew, he wanted to die next to Wally West. Though, he knew that Wally probably didn't want to die next to him, even if he kissed Dick. Yeah, they kissed, what of it? Neither of them had their first kiss, they were already pumped full of adrenaline, and you know what they say about near-death situations.
They never talked about it, anyways. God, Dick really wish he could've, but every time he looked into Wally's beautiful green eyes and tried to bring it up, all the words got caught in his throat and he'd box his feelings aside.
To Dick's knowledge, they never mentioned that their first kisses had not been whatever girl they were seeing at the time. It was their best friend. Dick's best friend who he's had a massive crush on for years. No big deal. Wally couldn't like him like that anyways, and if he did he shouldn't.
Their kiss meant even less of a deal than Dick may have imagined himself, because Wally started dating Artemis shortly after. So, Dick knew for sure he couldn't bring up their first kiss to anyone. He wants his best friend happy, and he doesn't want to sabotage his other friends relationship. So he buried it.
For both of their sakes, he ignored every flutter of his heart, ignored every time his face got hot, and definitely ignored when his hands got shaky. They were just friends, and that's all they could ever be.
That's all they ever were.
It got harder to shove things away the second time they kissed. Look, it was a stupid game this time. The Team had thrown a party for Artemis and Wally's hero retirement, and The Team had stupid drunk ideas and uh-oh, now they're playing spin the bottle. With only two single people on the squad.
God, that was such a bad idea. They all could make jokes about every single kiss, giggle before-hand and even jokingly say "No Homo", despite all of the group being some flavor of fruit. Until Dick's spin landed on Wally, and all he could remember was that simulation, the explosion, their first kiss, ever. All the jokes that Artemis, Zatanna, Conner, Kaldur, and Megan were saying whizzed past their ears as Dick let out a weak "No Homo." before their lips awkwardly crashed into each other.
It might have lasted too long, especially with Wally being in a relationship, but none of the group commented on that fact seriously. Only dumb jokes. Dick gave a feeble smile, and didn't really look at Wally for the rest of the night, because he really didn't want his heart to betray him.
Oh, but his heart betrayed him. A lot actually. So naturally to avoid a third kiss between them, Dick did the only healthy thing and cut Wally off.
It wasn't immediate. Despite the name he wasn't that much of a dick. He just slowly spent less and less time with Wally, asking to hang out less, before not hanging out with him at all. See, Crisis Averted! Though, obviously, it wasn't that simple.
Every night he would plead for something that would never be. For someone who he couldn't love.
So clearly he did the next healthy thing and busy himself with his work.
He kept on upping and upping the stakes until he and Kaldur had an idea.
A stupidly brilliant idea.
A deep cover mission.
Then Artemis and Wally got involved.
Then Dick and Wally fought.
Then.. he realised he was never going to get his ideal death next to Wally. For Wally was gone.
It was fine that Wally died while they were on a bad note! It was fine that they never talked about Dick's feelings! Everything was fine! He could tell everyone except the empty ice cream cartons.
Then he started doing something subconsciously; he had started to look for a replacement Wally. So he went to Will, looking for that replacement. Dick had apparently thought he was close enough to his best friend. Though unfortunately, Will had noticed his subconscious need for a replacement.
He had yelled at him about it, about everything Dick had been avoiding, except the big thing. The big thing that he's held onto since he was thirteen. Even now, with Wally gone, he couldn't tell anyone about his first kiss. About his feelings for his best friend.
So, of course, he did what was only natural to him. Stop searching for a substitute and act like everything's been fixed.
Though, the Universe had other plans. A fever dream where Wally had his heart racing again, where Wally held his hand, and was truly his number two, occured. It had his heart stirred again. Unluckily, the secret didn't just stay with him this time.
Conner, Megan, Kaldur, and Artemis all saw what he saw, felt what he felt. There wasn't much of a mention of his feelings except Artemis comforting him.
Now, it wasn't just Dick ignoring his feelings for Wally. It was all of his friends too.