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You seem like the kind of guy to play me tonight.
Charles knew Erik was bad for him. The moment he pulled the older man out of that water, he knew. The man’s mind was a disaster of emotions and Charles couldn’t get enough of it. No matter that, Charles couldn’t help himself from falling for the other, even when he was told not to.
I hate what you're doing, I hate that it feels so right.
~
You sure we’re out of their sight?
Erik wasn’t a gentle person, neither was being in love with him. He had an aggressive way of dealing with things. Sharp words and lashing out were his way of showing how he felt, still Charles loved it. He never knew how Erik truly felt about him but Charles was content with being able to call Erik his.
They’re staring through the car lights.
They never spoke up about what they were. Erik said he preferred to keep what they had quiet, always fearing what people would think if they didn’t. What would people say? They were already mutants but being gay on top of that? ‘God forbid they be true to themselves’ Charles always thought to himself. But quiet he would stay, the only person he would tell was Raven and she never understood.
She never understood why Charles was okay with staying quiet. Why Charles was okay with Erik’s harsh way of handling things? Could never understand why Charles put up with so much shit when it would come to Erik. Maybe that’s because she didn’t know what living Erik felt like but she knew if she was Charles, she wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
I hate what you're doing, I hate that it feels so right.
~
But I’m in your garden again until it’s 4.
The two men had been running, well Erik was, Charles? Not so much. Charles was just watching Erik. The older man was in his head, projecting without meaning to, but Charles was kind enough not to speak up. He didn’t even want to until he felt Erik thinking of him.
It wasn’t as loud as everything else but it was present and oh did Charles want to push on it. See why Erik could be thinking of him. From a surface look, it didn’t seem good, he could feel Erik’s fear.
“Erik, is everything all right?” Charles asked, pushing back on Erik’s mind.
Conversations have started, what could this be?
Erik was startled by the question and looked over to the younger man sitting beside him. “Of course, why do you ask?”
“Your thoughts are deafening right now is all,” Charles responded, trying to make this sound casual.
“I’m sorry about that.” This is all Erik says in return and Charles feels shot down.
Don’t be so startled that I wanted more.
Erik would never open up. No matter how close they were, not even when they were in bed together. It pained Charles to know that Erik felt like he couldn’t be truthful about what was on his mind. Charles hated that the only reason he knew what Erik was thinking was that he could read his mind.
“Why do you never open up to me?” Charles asked. He sounded choked up and couldn’t seem to stop his emotions from showing.
I could answer your troubles if you let me in.
This seemed to have startled Erik because you looked over to Charles with such shock on his face.
“What do you mean?”
“I can read your mind, Erik, I know something is bothering you. Why don’t you tell me? I’ve given everything to you but you can’t tell me how you're feeling?”
“Because there’s nothing to talk about Charles,” Erik responded, his tone sharpening.
Charles could feel Erik putting his walls up and scoffing. He felt like he would never be able to truly understand Erik.
I’d be out here longer but it’s just too cold.
“There is no need for you to get defensive Erik, can’t I ask a simple question?”
“There is nothing simple about you asking questions Charles.”
These words caused Charles to physically recoil from the other. Erik had never been so harsh with him before, but maybe that’s because Charles never pushed. He never pushed when Erik would ignore him for days or disappear right after they spent a night together. Maybe if he had he wouldn’t have stayed with him.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Charles asked angrily.
“You know what I mean Charles, don’t play dumb,” Erik responded just as angrily as Charles when he asked.
“I actually don’t Erik. Care to explain it to me?”
They were getting loud. Their volume only increased as they continued to argue with each other. Charles could hear Raven asking him if he was okay, feeling her walking out to where they were with the others.
“Why do you always have to push Charles? Why can’t you just leave it?” Erik asked.
“Because you never tell me anything, Erik. You always shut me out and leave me questioning what you want from this relationship. Do I mean anything to you or am I just someone you sleep with?” Charles shouted as the others came out.
Charles could hear the gasp from behind him as he stared at Erik. The silence that fell between them and their onlookers was deafening. You could hear a pin drop from a mile away.
“Do you feel the same way I feel about you or am I just a naïve fool?” Charles asked bitterly as tears began to fall from his eyes.
Erik watched Charles cry, not responding. Charles couldn’t stand to stay near him or the others any longer. With one last glance at the people around him, he walked away. Behind him he could hear the anger from Raven and Moira, he could hear Hank calling for him but he didn’t stop.
Charles knew Erik was bad for him so why did this realization hurt so much?
And with nowhere to hide us, it won’t come true. A call for a finish before we get old.