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At this point her heart feels bruised from all of the longing for girls who will never look her way. Robin had almost hoped it would just give up the ghost so she could just be content slowly withering away into an old spinster with cat hair on her clothes and hard candy in her pockets that she’d force children to accept despite knowing full well they taste like crap. Clearly, Nancy Wheeler was too big of a temptation, what with her sharp mind and borderline divine bone structure, and big blue doe eyes that Robin wants to drown herself in. And that was before she found out what a spitfire Nancy was, how driven she was to accomplish her goals and how fierce she could become when pressed. Her heart hurts all the time because she’s stupidly in love with her best friend, but at least it’s a familiar ache. Most of the time, she can pretend it isn’t there.
“Robin? Hey, Robin?” She snaps out of her reverie when a hand waves itself in front of her face. When she realizes she’s been staring at Nancy without responding for who knows how long she feels embarrassment crawl up her spine and wrap itself around her throat like a noose.
“Yeah?” She asks, her voice hoarse. She clears her throat.
“The movie ended.” Nancy says, smiling in a way that’s clearly amused. Nancy’s lips are so, so pink, and the combination of her tongue poking out between her teeth and the fondness in her tone makes Robin feel warm. Nancy is always so patient with her and she has no idea why. There’s a reason Robin never really managed to keep any female friends, and surprisingly it’s not because she’s a dyke. It’s because she’s a giant mess who alternately spaces out and word-vomits at people. Even if she wasn’t already gone on the girl, Robin thinks she’d still be saying prayers at the altar of Saint Nancy.
Their friendship was unexpected, and Robin had refused to entertain the idea that they’d be close. One too many times of getting her hopes up had steered her away from that cruel siren. Nonetheless, it’s clear in retrospect that Nancy had been serious about missing having a girl-friend in her life after Barb’s death, because the gas pedal of their friendship had swiftly had pressure applied after the situation with Vecna had resolved. It’s been months, and none of them are quite over it (not that she’s sure they ever will be), but things have settled a bit regardless. Nancy’s parents had even felt comfortable enough to go on a short ‘three day weekend’ trip to visit family. Mike was probably with Will - the two of them had taken to spending time together since El spent most of her time at the hospital with Max.
“Oh. Okay! Yeah. I’m glad the male lead finally went and told those guys he was sorry. The excessive angst about it the whole movie was really annoying considering the fact that he literally could’ve just… drove over there to say it at any time he wanted.” Robin says, and she means it, but she couldn’t care less about the plot. She’s here for Nancy’s bony knee resting just-so against hers and the way her night shirt is falling off one shoulder to reveal her delicate collar bones. She’s here for the excited look in Nancy’s eyes when Robin gives her a topic to debate about. Man, does that girl love to disagree. Robin’s taken to saying shit she doesn’t even agree with just because she knows it will lead to heated arguments that make her wish she was allowed to end the argument by shutting her up with a kiss, like couples do in movies. Except that can never be them.
The creeping bitterness sits in the bottom of her stomach like a rock and she only halfway listens to what Nancy’s reply is, giving nods and noises at the appropriate moments. God, Robin wants to tear out her heart as it skips a beat when Nancy leans across her closely to grab the remote. She’d give it to Nancy wrapped in a little bow, blood still pumping, if the gesture would mean anything. If it would make Nancy look her way for even a moment. But the thought passes and they go upstairs to Nancy’s room and get ready for bed. Robin rolls over to cover her face when she changes into a different pair of pants to sleep in, dying a little inside.
It’s in the silence afterward that Nancy says something that makes Robin’s blood freeze. “So, um. I heard you like girls? And that’s - it’s - I’m just curious if it’s true.”
Robin feels sick to her stomach. “I - who told you that?” She says, voice tense. She stares at the popcorn ceiling of Nancy’s bedroom and tries to remember to breathe. Oh, god, she didn’t tell her no, she should’ve told her the answer was no. Nancy tells her the name of a girl she doesn’t know and Robin feels like she’s going to vomit. At least it’s not Steve. If it was Steve she would’ve murdered him their next shift together.
“It’s fine if it’s true! You’re my friend, Robin.” Nancy tacks on, sounding panicked, and Robin doesn’t know what to think.
“Is it fine? Is it really? Because I really cannot fucking handle it if you’re pulling my leg right now, Nance. I will - I’ll leave if you want me to, if you don’t want me here any more.” The words make her want to shake apart and she grips the blanket she’s under like a lifeline.
“Of course it’s fine! Oh, god, I should’ve kept my mouth shut, I knew I’d make you worry I wasn’t okay with it! But I am.” Nancy’s own panic makes her feel a little bit better, weirdly, and the words make her feel like she’s been punched upside the head.
“Oh. O-okay, that’s - that’s good. I’m so,” and her voice thickens, tears flood her eyes, because suddenly Robin is so fucking relieved it’s overwhelming, “glad you’re not upset. I was so fucking worried you would be. Holy shit.” Robin barely manages to get the words out before Nancy is running over and hugging her. She breathes in the sweet smell of Nancy’s shampoo and shudders and cries into her neck, probably getting tears all over her, while a hand rubs soothingly up and down her back and it’s the best and the worst all at once. She is dying on cloud nine. They separate and Nancy is crying too. Robin wipes away a tear with a finger, then flushes bright red and snatches her hand back.
“Sorry.” She whispers.
“It’s fine.” Nancy whispers back. “Will you be okay if we go to bed now?” She asks.
Robin nods, too busy floating off into outer space to take much notice as the floorboards groan, the bed creaks, and the lamp turns off. This is almost too good to be true. Will she wake up and it all be a dream? That’s all she can think as she drifts off to sleep.