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“You know… I wish I could run away sometimes. Don’t get me wrong— I don’t hate my heritage nor do I hate Inazuma.”
The hum of water is calm and the sound that leaves Yoimiya’s throat almost mixes with its sound. Ayaka presses her body closer to hers, letting her head fall onto her shoulder.
Yoimiya is an energetic person, but right now she’s patiently listening to Ayaka. Just the way Ayaka always listens to her.
This evening is a quiet, peaceful one. They’re sitting on a beach— looking at the water adorned by an orange glow, not minding the sand that is everywhere; it’s in their clothes, sticks to their wet legs, stays between their fingers, and even managed to get into Ayaka’s long hair, but it’s nothing annoying.
Ayaka closes her eyes, despite the beautiful view present before her eyes. She keeps them closed for a while, trying to forget about this world and remember only Yoimiya whose body heat engulfs Ayaka’s right side and whose arm is wrapped around Ayaka’s waist.
She sighs.
“What I mean is— I wish I could freely express my love for you,” a bitter smile stretches across her lips. But perhaps a smile of a yearning person would be a better way to describe it. She misses something she never had and will never have. Her life might be not too burdened by her responsibilities, but her status is still in the way of love. She’d rather work twice as much as Ayato does than not be able to hold hands with Yoimiya in public. “I wish I could hold your hand without them looking at me in surprise. I wish I could hug you for no reason whenever I’d like to. I wish I could tell you ‘I love you’ without risking a scandal. I wish it weren’t not normal for a lady of my status to love another woman. It’s not like I can train to want a husband. It’s like an eye colour. I can’t train enough to change it to green, can I?” She ends her speech with a small joke, despite her vocal cords being restricted by a sob that wants to be set free.
She opens her eyes and looks at the water in front of her. It’s so vast, leading to the unknown; leading to a place where she wouldn’t have to keep up her appearances in accordance to her status.
Yoimiya squeezes Ayaka’s hand, processing her words. It doesn’t fail to show Yoimiya’s support - Ayaka is fond of physical touch more than words. In her opinion, actions speak louder than words. That’s why she can’t even hug Yoimiya for too long…
“Hey, at least now we can do whatever we want to do— no people to be found here. What if in two months something changes and we won’t have to hide anymore? It’s worth waiting. As long as it takes. Everything requires patience— for example, when I think of a new design I have to carefully design it and look for anything that could be better. Then I actually have to make the firework and, even though it was beautiful in my mind where it was only for me to see, when I finish making the firework— which can be a lengthy process sometimes— sometimes I have to wait for the right occasion to show off the firework and then when I see it in the sky? It’s simply a view even more beautiful than I imagined. Ayaka, some things take time, but when the wait finally ends it’s amazing. It’s like stopping a race after running for five hours straight. We just need patience. We should be happy about the little things. We need to be strong, Ayaka.”
The explanation doesn’t fail to bring a smile to Ayaka’s face as she plays with Yoimiya’s fingers, making her giggle muttering a soft, “that tickles!”. Yoimiya is right, but—
“I might simply hate waiting,” she sighs. “Everything requires patience, but when it comes to us I feel like even a week would be a month.”
“I know, Ayaka,” Yoimiya kisses her forehead, “If I’m being honest— I’m losing patience too.” Then, she brings Ayaka’s hand to her lips and kisses her knuckles before eventually kissing her lips.
Ayaka remembers how flustered she would get when Yoimiya kissed her just a couple of months ago. It was such a new experience for her and she didn’t let many people into her personal space except for her family, Thoma, and sometimes the traveller. Still, such intimate contact was too much for Ayaka, who was used only to platonic affection, and when Yoimiya noticed it, she began to kiss Ayaka on the cheek, forehead, or even nose, but not lips whenever the kiss was sudden.
“I feel like people depict love as something much easier than it really is. They act as if finding love is a quick process that is supposed to be celebrated. It’s something exclusively happy and beautiful. They make it overly poetic. Even forbidden love is called beautiful. Look at us— sitting in the sand and having a conversation about not being accepted by the world.”
“But, at the same time, look at us— kissing and finding happiness in each other’s company, despite the world not wanting us to do this. Look at us— still being hopeful for the future, no matter how impatient we are. Everything has a poetic and beautiful side to it.” Ayaka was about to respond, but Yoimiya added, “People would be too miserable if there was only sadness in sadness,” as an afterthought.
Now, Ayaka is at a loss for words. People would be too miserable if there was only sadness in sadness . It sounds so absurd, but on the surface everything seems sad while underneath there are such cherished memories of hers to be found. All the ‘friendly dates’ she and Yoimiya have had. All the moments when they were together, free to do whatever they wanted to do. All the hidden affection, which Ayaka directed at Yoimiya when nobody was looking, despite her heart threatening to burst out of her chest with adrenaline because it’s simply so risky to do it sometimes (even though she tends to succeed, which results in giggles leaving both her and Yoimiya’s mouths). It’s upsetting when you focus only on the idea of not being able to express your love for your beloved. But— in reality— there’s so much more to it. It’s the white and black idea which hides colours underneath.
“You’re right,” Ayaka says, looking up at Yoimiya’s face, lit up by the moonlight.
Right, the sun has disappeared. Now it’s nighttime. They’ll have to go back soon. But Ayaka feels like she can bear this for a while longer. If only for two months. If even for two years.
She was ready to get up, but Yoimiya stopped her, “Let’s stay like this just a while longer. Just two minutes.”
Well, that’s simply nothing. Too little time, she daresay. Only 120 seconds.
“Sure,” she says with a smile on her face. This time not longing, this time it’s content. She wants to stay here— in Yoimiya’s embrace, on the sand, near the water, watching the moonlight, fighting off the cool breeze with body heat. Everything is fine as long as she’s with Yoimiya.
But as long as Yoimiya leaves, the problems are going to surface again.
She doesn’t have to know that yet, though. Momentary happiness is priceless, after all.