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Albedo is smiling, and Aether can't help admiring it. He remembers how many times it's been directed at him, and his heart aches. And so does his mind scream at him to compliment Albedo's smile, tell him how it fits him like he always would. But he can't do it now. It's not his place to do so anymore. He has distance to keep between them.
"Why are you so happy?"
He says this while smiling, but his stomach squeezes in on itself, forming a deep, deep pit.
"Oh," Albedo says as if he just noticed that his lips are stretched out in a smile. Aether thinks it's cute, but has to stop himself from saying this. "Kaeya took me to a park today and it wasn't much, but it was the best time of my life, you know? We just talked and stargazed — we barely did anything, yet somehow—"
Of course Kaeya gave Albedo the best time of his life. Of course it wasn't Aether, and of course this hurts like hell. Obviously, Aether tries his best not to let it show - he can't make Albedo regret his decision. He has to move on. It should stop hurting so much to think that Aether will never hold Albedo's hand again. Never call him his. Never say I love you. Never have a special place in his heart. Never be the only one for him. It'll never be Aether. It'll be Kaeya.
Because Kaeya understands him better. Kaeya is more his type. Kaeya is taller, hotter, funnier, more understanding, surely better at comforting people, surely expresses his love better than Aether, surely isn't as overwhelming of a boyfriend as Aether, surely is enough.
And Aether has to fucking watch his worst nightmare come true. But he will. Because, despite the pain, he feels happy. Deep inside he's happy. Happy for Albedo. If his happiness is not with Aether then it's with Kaeya. And Aether wants Albedo's happiness. He would disappear if Albedo only asked him to. Without any complaints. He really would. Despite all pain.
God, how he misses Albedo despite the man being right in front of him. But he misses what they had had. The intimacy, the freedom, the comfort.
He still comes to Albedo for comfort, deluding himself into thinking that everything is fine, even if only for a while. He keeps quiet about this pain of his. Although, whenever the word I love you is on his lips, he only wants to cry more. But he doesn't do it in order to avoid concerning the man further.
Yes, the man. His friend. His best friend. Not boyfriend. Not anymore. Not never.
"Stargazing, huh? Must've been fun," Aether finally says as if his heart and his brain and his stomach and all of his muscles aren't pulling him down towards the ground, to kneel over and break down. Because Albedo is happy. He knew it wouldn't work out but hold on to the false hope. He would never be enough. He should be happy for Albedo, so he will. "Tell me all the details," he teases Albedo. Because he used to tease him when they were together.
His eyes feel hot, his throat constricted. It's fine, though. Breathe in and breathe out.
"Walking around while holding his hand was, surprisingly, kind of an anxiety inducing moment, even though it's only holding hands. It was weird, but— you know what I'm talking about, right?"
Oh hell, he does. But he has to pretend like those two years have never happened. He has to play along.
"Mhm."
"And when we were sitting under a tree, and the park lanterns were shining nicely, we simply kissed. It happened on its own. It was perfect and so natural—"
And Albedo is so happy.
Aether had never made him feel that way. And he never will. It's not his place anymore.
God, he wants to vomit.
He hates alcohol and drugs, but, dear God, does he want to have some of it right now. Anything to forget. Anything for a distraction.
This could never be him, he was not enough, they could never work out, why did he even have some hope, this relationship hurt them both, but he just misses Albedo now. Misses him with no damn remedy to be found.
His smile is painful, "I'm happy for you."
And he receives that damned smile in return.
I love you, Albedo.
He wants to fucking scream it out, to cry, but has to hold it in.
My fucking God, if you exist, end my misery, please, he thinks.
Life is a road full of bumps— of ups and downs— but this one bump might have been a hole and soon I'll hit the ground.
And Albedo keeps talking.
And Aether wants to rip his heart and mind out, he wants to forget and to disappear with no sense left in his life.
Such a wonderful evening.
Still, it couldn't be better.
Because he spent it with Albedo. His comfort, his best friend.
They hugged goodbye too because it's not Aether's place anymore.
Why did Albedo move on? And why can't Aether move on?