Work Text:
That was months ago. Midoriya confessed to his childhood crush and was lucky enough to find his place beside the man who never dated… He wanted so badly to be happy, but he just…
He couldn’t.
Bakugou walked in through the door, his face softened in the light, and Midoriya could feel his heart soar for a moment. He was so grateful to be with the man he had loved for so long, so overjoyed to whisper out that name, “Hey, Kacchan,” to hear back his own- it was all perfect until the blond took off his jacket. Until the low cut neck of his tank revealed a bruise that Midoriya knew wasn’t his or a villain’s. The smell of cologne wafted through the air as Bakugou got closer, and Midoriya knew that he had some other man in his arms before visiting.
It made him sick.
Still, it wasn’t like he could say anything, right? Midoriya just smiled as Bakugou pulled him in, placing a tender kiss on his lips, but all the forest haired man could think about was how much it felt like he was kissing someone else. There was nothing on his mind more than the itch of how he was indirectly kissing someone else, someone he would likely never even know-
The blond moved to deepen the kiss, but Midoriya stepped back, a momentary fear jolting through him before he remembered that he was, indeed, kissing his boyfriend, and how, for the moment, Bakugou was kissing him back.
“Ah,” he spoke up rather dumbly, realizing that he had no reason to push Bakugou away, but Midoriya didn’t want to admit his shameful thoughts. Thankfully, his eyes glanced to the counter where he had some fruit out, to which he gestured with one hand, covering his mouth with the other as he spoke, “I just ate, so it’s probably in my teeth.”
Scarlet eyes widened for a moment, but Bakugou chuckled as he stepped closer, pressing a gentle kiss to Midoriya’s forehead, “You overthink everything, nerd.”
Those bruises became clearer as they got closer, as Bakugou dipped Midoriya’s head down. When the collar of his tank hung from his chest, emerald eyes could see the bruises down his torso, taunting him. There was nothing he could do- even if he begged the blond to take him over the counter, even if he bit over every bruise there was, even if he left his own mark; all he could ever think about was imagining someone else in his place.
He even missed the way Bakugou said, “Now, move aside, I’m gonna make us some dinner,” only feeling the way he brushed past Midoriya. The Hero froze, feeling sidestepped yet again. Biting his lip, he had to fight the tears yet again as the blond walked away. It felt like his entire world was crumbling- the overthinking devouring his mind… but it wasn’t like he could do anything, right?
“Actually!”
Midoriya swallowed, putting on a smile and shutting his eyes to hide the tears, “I’m not feeling very well, Kacchan, can we reschedule?” Even turning around for good measure, the forest haired man could feel his resolve crumbling.
“Huh?” the blond was so confused that his words lacked any of their usual fire. His face dropped and it was clear to see how much those words affected him- not that Midoriya noticed, too caught up in his own world. Bakugou stepped closer, reaching a hand out to his boyfriend in distress, “Is there anything I can do? Do’ya need m-”
Startled, the forest haired Hero stepped back, looking completely betrayed.
It wasn’t like Bakugou didn’t know something was wrong, but what could he do? The nerd clearly wasn’t talking to him; all the blond could do was step back himself. He scratched his head, eyes flitting to the floor, “Yeah. I’ll get outta yer hair. You have my number if you need anything.” Scarlet eyes looked back up, the pain of rejection showing as he mumbled out, “I love you, Izuku.”
Love.
What a lie.
Midoriya still mumbled out, “Yeah, me too,” as he watched the blond walk away, as he saw the worried look thrown over his shoulder.
The moment the door clicked shut, it was like someone turned the sprinkler on. The tears kept falling and falling, dripping down his chin as if they were taunting him. Midoriya kept thinking about the bruises he saw; they were never in visible places, but, well, those were supposed to be the perks of being a boyfriend. Instead, all he could think about was himself as a faceless replacement- a true Dekunobu- like some stand in for an extra; was that all he amounted to?
He should have expected this, but raw emotion filled his boy as he rushed to the bathroom to immediately clean himself from head to toe. Even if Midoriya knew it was overreacting, he still felt so dirty.
Of course, it wasn’t always like that.
Some days, Bakugou came to visit him completely unmarked. Midoriya loved those times, and he would openly press kisses to every inch of unblemished skin. When they laid together, when their bodies joined, emerald eyes would be able to look proudly at his own work: he saw the scratches on Bakugou’s back, the dark kisses just below his shirt line. He saw himself on Bakugou- like an artist and a canvas.
During those times, Midoriya would giddily pull Bakugou in for a kiss whenever he felt the desire to. They hardly ever separated when he was able to be around the blond and not think of himself as ‘just some extra’- even if Bakugou had stated that he never dated any of his hookups, it was still just nice to be the only one. It was freeing to hug his boyfriend without getting a walking cologne or perfume catalog; without his nose rubbing it in that he wasn’t the only one seeing Bakugou’s bed side.
It truly felt like Midoriya was Bakugou’s boyfriend.
They hugged and kissed- they didn’t ‘have sex’, they made love! Midoriya felt whole and complete and cherished, truly like he was on top of the world. It was like a glimpse of his every fantasy and more. In those moments, the world melted away and it was just the two of them, nothing in existence except each other’s, safely tucked away in their tangled arms.
At least, that was what he thought.
Until Bakugou would inevitably come back to him with the smell of another person. With the bites of some stranger. With a shirt that wasn’t his, nor did it suit him.
It made Midoriya suddenly feel less-than; it made him feel like even his best wasn’t enough. Like no matter how much he loved Bakugou, the blond needed more. It wasn’t like he saw Bakugou as greedy, no, Midoriya was a little happy that he was so well-loved, to always come home with a new scent, but he felt like he was competing. Competing for his own boyfriend.
A battle he should have won rubbed losses in his face every day. Even if Bakugou was his entire world, Midoriya was nothing more than another face in the crowd. He hated it so much that he wanted to curl into himself and cry.
Normally, Midoriya wasn’t completely standoffish. He would kiss the blond, they would cuddle and be close, and it still felt like he had a boyfriend- only after Bakugou showered, of course. The forest haired man couldn’t bear to be close with anyone wafting the scent of another person. It made him feel used. Not that Bakugou ever noticed.
But how could he?
Midoriya couldn’t say anything, his lips finding themselves lodged within his teeth. He smiled all the same. He kept up the perfect facade- there were only a few cracks. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to stay with Bakugou… he was in love, of course.
Until, it finally blew up.
Bakugou had enough of the tiptoeing, of the weird standoffishness, of the way Midoriya would withdraw like he had been burned. He never stopped to think about how Bakugou was feeling, about how his fucking boyfriend thought of him jumping like he had been hit, lying about not feeling well, canceling dates and refusing sex when that seemed to be his favorite thing in the world. The blond leaned into Midoriya’s touch, the way his crooked fingers would trace the bruises he left behind, the way he kissed Bakugou’s skin, the way he giggled to himself as the Hero stood up or shifted to reveal more of himself.
Even if Bakugou wasn’t always… completely on board with how roughly Midoriya liked to treat him- the way he would moan, ‘Harder,’ ‘Faster,’ how he begged and pleaded to be ravished- He never faulted Midoriya for digging his nails into the blond’s back to steady himself. Hell, the explosive Hero just assumed that was what Midoriya liked- to be bottomed out, to be overstimulated and gasping for air; it was only rational that he needed some form of grounding, himself.
Contrary to his, well, explosive personality… Bakugou wasn’t actually a fan of rough sex- he didn’t want to be a dominating force in the bedroom. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like having sex with Midoriya- no, unlike the forest haired Hero, Bakugou made a point to talk out his issues. He loved seeing the man’s freckled face, twisted in pleasure, the way he drooled when he moaned, his watery eyes blinking open and looking like an emerald night sky.
Midoriya would pant and huff, his arms shaking as they moved to gently grasp Bakugou’s head. The Hero would smile, breathless and breath taking as he all but whispered, “Kacchan,” with his voice hoarse from crying out.
Bakugou loved seeing that. He loved gently scooping Midoriya up and bringing him to the bath, carefully cleaning him from top to bottom, and kissing him ever so gently as he did so. He loved the way that Midoriya’s sleepy head would fall on his shoulder, the way they felt completely at peace. He loved being able to tenderly care for his boyfriend- his boyfriend!- just like he had wanted to all along.
It wasn’t as if he was forcing himself or anything; no, he was happy as long as Midoriya was happy, but that was then.
Now, it was the same story as before- Midoriya was pushing him out, claiming he was “tired.” Even if he wanted to respect the man, to respect his boundaries and the distance that he claimed he needed, Bakugou had enough of the hiding.
“What the hell is your problem?” he finally snapped, watching Midoriya attempt to slink away.
Perhaps, he could have put two and two together. Maybe Bakugou could have realized that his boyfriend clammed up whenever the blond came home bruised. Sure, he could have extrapolated that Midoriya liked to be the one who put bruises on him, and that’s why he was so proud of his work
It wasn’t as if they had both agreed to having an open relationship or shared their past full of harsh words and poor communication. Really, why couldn’t Bakugou see that he was the problem all along? Especially when Midoriya gave him so much to work with- like the way he shut himself off yet again, instead of just admitting that he couldn’t handle having an open relationship.
“I just… don’t feel well, that’s all, Kacchan…” Midoriya lied, and Bakugou knew it was a lie because of the way that he curled his fist. The way that he bit his lip and shifted on his feet. Despite being a Hero, the man was a horrible liar- there were vastly different tells between his general anxiety and the way he acted when lying.
“Yeah, you don’t feel well today, or yesterday, or a week ago- you’re only ever fucking like this when I come over, hah? How come Round Face and Half n Half don’t get canceled on? How come you never call out to work if you’re feeling so shitty?”
Was it the best way of handling his anger? Oh, hell no, but Bakugou was frustrated to the tenths, feeling the red hot rage boil inside of him. He made a point to never yell at Midoriya- certainly not after their past- but he just. He couldn’t keep his feelings inside, anymore.
“It’s just me that you fucking cancel on! Do you not want to do this anymore or fucking what?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that!” Midoriya whipped around, tears running down his face, “I’m not the one that- that goes around sleeping with random people and comes home smelling like cologne or perfume or whatever that stupid stuff is!”
For a moment, Bakugou froze, “You’re… jealous…?”
Normally, he would almost feel proud, almost feel sympathy, almost feel bad for the way that Midoriya sobbed in front of him; but he couldn’t. In that moment, he just felt numb.
“Yes!” the forest haired Hero cried, “You come back in random shirts, smelling like other people, with bruises from who knows where, and I just! Aren’t I your boyfriend? What about me?” He begged, pleaded- for a moment, he had hope that he would be understood. It was such a weight off of his chest, and he hoped that Bakugou would finally do away with his other partners.
“No, no, no,” the blond waved down, “You’re seriously. Fucking jealous?”
Again, Midoriya nodded, “Yes, I just-”
“You mean to tell me that this entire fucking time…” the rage built up into Bakugou again, thinking of all the times Midoriya had brushed him off, had given him half-truths or straight up lied; all the times Midoriya treated him like he was the same person he had been in middle school. “You were just fucking jealous? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What…?”
It was Midoriya’s turn for disbelief. The color drained from his face as he looked up at his boy- well, at Bakugou. He froze for a moment, wondering how the conversation had gone so wrong, how he could have possibly been the bad guy. Bakugou was mad at him? He wasn’t the one gallivanting with strangers and leaving his boyfriend all alone!
“This whole fucking time, you have fucking lied to me! This whole time you’ve brushed me off, brushed off my fucking concerns, and treated me like shit for trying to help you- and you mean to tell me you were just fucking jealous? Are you fucking serious? I’ve been so fucking worried about you, and that’s fucking it?”
“What do you mean ‘that’s it’?” the forest haired Hero flinched like he had been hit, “I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long-”
“Yeah! Yeah you fucking have, because your stupid ass would rather be some fucking maytr of fucking suffering than actually speak the fuck up. I fucking told you that this was an open relationship. I have my people, you have yours- if- if you weren’t fucking okay with that, you should have fucking said something!”
“I was scared!”
Bakugou felt his own ugliness rearing its head. He would regret his anger, his violence, the way he dug his nails into his palms in order to keep them from sparking up. He truly hated lashing out at Midoriya… after all that they had been though, it made him feel sick- but so did the way the Hero had been treating him.
“Fucking months! We have been dating for fucking months, and every goddamned time I fucking come here, you treat me like I’m some sort of fucking villain- like we were fucking kids again! How the fuck do you think I felt? Going in to give you a kiss, and being pushed away?”
He felt his own tears burning white hot; the room around him was blurry, but he didn’t even care- Midoriya’s face didn’t matter, not when everything else hurt so fucking much.
“You were my boyfriend, you were the one I came to every fucking weekend! You were the one visiting me in the fucking hospital! The one I visited in the hospital! You were the one getting home cooked meals and movie nights! Stolen sweaters and sappy shit! That was fucking you-” he pointed an accusatory finger at Midoriya, wholeheartedly glad that he couldn’t see the way the man’s freckled face twisted in pain.
Grasping for a coherent thought, Midoriya felt like his mind was swirling; shouldn’t he be the upset one? The one on offense, getting mad at his boyfriend for cheating! For sleeping with other people- even if he had, technically agreed to it, “Yeah, but-” he tried to fight.
“But what! But I had extra ass on the weekdays? But I fucked other people when I knew you would be too fucking tired? But what, Izuku? But I borrowed a shirt from one of my coworkers, because mine got fucked up? But I stood too close to some lady on the train who dosed herself in perfume? But I made every goddamned possible attempt to reach out to you, but every fucking time you just clammed up and pretended like you were feeling sick? But I started this thing on concrete fucking communication!” his palms sparked up and the blond pushed past Midoriya, knowing that he needed more space than the kitchen had to offer.
“I just-” again, the forest haired Hero tried to defend himself- to talk about how bad it felt to know that his boyfriend was with other people, how he felt like he couldn’t say anything to the blond in fear of ruining what they had, how much he loved Bakugou when Bakugou was his.
“You seriously disregarded everything I’ve ever done for you, everything I’ve done with you- just because I fucked some extras? They were fucking extras, Izuku! You were my fucking boyfriend!”
There it was again… he almost missed it the first time, but the way Bakugou said “You were my boyfriend,” a past tense.
“I just wanted to feel like you loved me!” Midoriya yelled, crackling with lightning as he put his whole body into the motion.
Bakugou broke. That was the final fucking straw as he stomped over- no longer caring about Midoriya’s space as he shoved an accusatory finger into the man’s chest, “You think you’ve been any fucking better than them? You only ever acted like you fucking cared about me during sex- you’d push me away like I was fucking repulsive- you seriously didn’t think I missed those looks of disgust?”
He stepped back, clenching his own fists to keep from doing something he was going to regret, “You didn’t ever stop to think about how I felt, about how maybe it fucking hurt to be treated like used fucking goods-”
“That was how you treated me!” the forest haired man hissed back, eyes narrowed and tears cascading down his face. His whole body shook and hurt- not that Bakugou was faring any better- as he looked at the blond.
For a moment, the pain, the anger, the hurt, the anguish- it all drained from Bakugou as he threw a look over his shoulder, “Where?”
One word, and Midoriya froze. He could do or say anything. Bakugou was right; the explosive Hero only ever treated him like he was the world- he never mentioned the hookups, never compared Midoriya to anybody, and never… well, did anything that actually made Midoriya feel like he was less-than.
Those days, those moments when he forgot about their open relationship, Midoriya felt like the world… It was no wonder that he couldn’t give that up, but he still couldn’t help but feel second rate knowing that his boyfriend wanted or needed the company of others- even if it was ‘just sex’; Midoriya was jealous of the time that they had… but all along it was time that he never had to give.
“I treated you like the world,” Bakugou looked back, his voice hoarse and almost soft, “And you treated me like I was the same brat who bullied you all those years ago. For months, I watched you hurt, wishing that there was something I could do, but you wouldn’t let me.”
Midoriya fell to the floor, shaking, and, even after that entire argument, Bakugou couldn’t help but want nothing more than to bring the Hero into a hug, to gently warm him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. The blond let out a shaky breath, resting his back up against the door.
“You know, they never meant anything to me. Not like you did,” he admitted- not that it was anything but obvious, “I would have given it up if you had just asked.”
Emerald eyes jerked up, a sudden hope filling his body, but Bakugou shook his head.
“Not now, though. I can’t trust you anymore, Iz-” the Hero took in a breath, sending one last pained look to his ex-boyfriend, “Midoriya.”
It was core-shattering. The forest haired man let himself flump back over, bowing at the door as he sobbed. He couldn’t blame himself. He couldn’t blame Bakugou. He couldn’t make heads or tails of his emotions at all; he just knew that he had messed up, and suddenly the room felt colder. He wondered why he was being punished for being in love- but that was the problem, wasn’t it? Even as he lost everything, he was only thinking about himself.
On the other side of the door, Bakugou let out a watery sigh, harshly wiping the tears from his eyes as he thought about which back roads he was going to take to get to his own apartment unnoticed. As he stepped away, glancing back at the door, he knew that Midoriya was going to need some comfort, a friend, something-
No matter how hurt and how betrayed he felt, Bakugou didn’t want his childhood friend to suffer alone. He called a number on his phone, looking wistfully into the distance, “Yeah, Half N’ Half? De-Izu-” another sigh, “Midoriya isn’t doing too hot. He’s probably gonna need someone, ya know, to lean on and shit.”
The hallway went quiet.
“Me? Well, yeah, I could use some company,” he mused, laughing somberly. The blond’s lips quirked up in a smile as he walked out of the building, taking the alleyways home.