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Another long day was at its end, and Aymeric greeted the staff at his manor politely before going upstairs to change into something more comfortable. It wasn’t that his Lord Commander garb was uncomfortable, but after having worn it all day, and what it represented, he was glad to take it off and just be Aymeric. Not the Lord Speaker, not Ser Aymeric de Borel, just Aymeric. A moment of melancholy draped itself over his shoulders like a shawl, and he paused in the middle of undressing, almost letting the magnificent blue and gold coat fall to the floor. He hung it up and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.
The world was safe. Again. Though it was more accurate to say that all of creation was now safe, as the Warrior of Light and the Scions of the Seventh Dawn had just defeated the ancient catastrophe that would have wiped out all life had they not succeeded. True, there were still the occasional monster from a person losing themself to despair, but it was nowhere near what it had been earlier that month. It was all going back to normal, and even better news was that things were getting better everywhere for everyone now.
He allowed himself a small smile, if a sad one. Estinien had been a part of it. His dearest friend, a man who had lost everything and had sworn his life to vengeance, had become a valued member of the Scions, and had journeyed with them beyond the stars to do battle with that which would snuff out all of existence. Aymeric had been terrified, but he refused to tell Estinien not to go. The former Azure Dragoon had volunteered to go, vowing to use his skills to help those in need. It was one of the many things that Aymeric loved about him. And those skills, and the love that the man had for others, had been part of the reason that they had been able to triumph. He’s not heard it himself from Estinien, no, only the reports coming out of Sharlayan. The Warrior of Light was still recuperating from that battle, which had nearly proved fatal, and the Scions likewise had pushed themselves to their limits as well.
…Though Aymeric wondered if something had happened in that strange place beyond knowing, as other reports, only ones that heads of state had heard, was that for a time, the Scions had temporarily perished in their mission, restored eventually by the power of a strange crystal possessed by the Warrior of Light. Many would dismiss this as just rumor or adding fanciful tellings to the story, but Aymeric knew that there was some truth to it. Once the Ragnaraok had departed Aymeric had secluded himself in the Fury’s chapel, offering his most desperate, heartfelt, and fervent prayers for their safety and success. And he recalled feeling a sudden chill, the same sensation of a Coerthan breeze, ripple through him. But he had been indoors, and there were no windows. He had feared the worst, that it was a portent of disaster, but later, when he had nearly collapsed from exhaustion, did that chill fade, replaced with a warmth instead, reminiscent of the summer breeze that he had shared with Estinien back in their Temple Knights days.
Sighing, he sagged, elbows on his knees. He missed those days. They were so young and exuberant, free of the responsibilities that now weighed the both of them down. They both had dreams and desires, and had found companionship (and more…) in each other, and he remembered fondly those summer days that seemed to be without end, and summer nights that they hoped would never end. Twined around each other, with nothing between them and the endless night sky, they had made promises that no matter what their duties might be or where their paths might take them, that they’d always find a way to come back.
But that was half a lifetime ago. Their paths had run parallel for so long that when they diverged Aymeric found himself lost, despite not going anywhere. He was trapped here, the storybook princess cloistered away in a high tower, and Estinien now roamed as he pleased, seeing the world and exploring its mysteries. Aymeric didn’t begrudge him this, not at all! Rather, he was delighted that his companion was now free, able to choose his own path and make his own future, one free of hate and suffering. No longer seeking vengeance, he could now see the world with eyes unclouded and a heart unburdened. And yet, despite being genuinely happy for him, Aymeric couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy, as the only times when he was afforded the opportunity to leave Ishgard was either for political work, or when battle called Ishgardian forces to the field, and he was at their forefront.
He rubbed his arms and sighed again. Thinking about it wasn’t going to help, he’d just sit there and mope, and he was making the staff wait for him. How very rude! He could think about this after dinner, if he were unable to distract himself from dwelling upon it once more. Then he hugged himself and shivered, feeling a cold breeze snake up his back. Ah! So cold! The balcony door must have come open, as he always left it unlocked for Estinien, but-
…The door hadn’t opened on its own, someone was there. Abruptly he stood and turned, hoping that it was-
“Estinien…”
The man in question secured the door and grinned, a lance strapped to his back and a backpack slung over one shoulder. He was without his Iceheart armor, instead clad in something much more casual and comfortable. “I'm not usually that clumsy when I let myself in, the wind suddenly came up out of nowhere. I suppose that even Coerthas is tired of the cold and wanted to come inside!” He strode in, set down the backpack, and removed the lance to prop it up as well. Aymeric hadn’t moved, still stunned, and almost unable to believe that this was real. “And mine apologies for taking so long to return, we all returned unharmed, but the adventure had been rather…” He grimaced and frowned as he tried to find the right word. “Well, I suppose that I’ll have to tell you about it.”
That Aymeric was still frozen in place was unexpected, and slightly concerning, but as he opened his mouth to comment on it, the knight rushed to him.
…But stopped an arm’s length away.
As if he were being held back, Aymeric couldn’t find the strength to close the final distance between them. All of the unspoken words and lengthy silences over the years had filled the gap, he found it quite a barrier to overcome. Further, Estinien had been gone for so long, and with no word of…of anything! …Did Aymeric mean anything at all to him? Not in the way that Aymeric hoped, that he wanted. They had spoken briefly here and there, yes, but that was it. No, ever since Estinien had left, the fear that Aymeric had always fought had instead been nurtured, and despite the wayward dragoon having returned, Aymeric knew that what they’d had had changed. THEY had changed. Eyes on the floor, he sought the words that needed to be said. Not the ones he wanted to, no, those would forever remain silent.
“You are…well, I see,” Aymeric said, “‘tis good to see you again. I…had worried about you. But I needs no longer concern myself with your health.” Estinien didn’t need him anymore. He had a new family in the Scions, ones that had taught him to smile and laugh again, who traveled the world with him and showed him new and amazing sights and foods and music and…
And…
Aymeric had no place in such a life.
“...Aymeric, is aught amiss?” The genuine concern in the man’s voice made Aymeric look up, stunned. When had Estinien last spoken so gently? “Are you unwell? Is… Has something happened?”
“Nay, ‘tis nothing, I am…simply tired from such a long day.”
Trying to smile, Aymeric failed at it utterly as he scrubbed his fingers through his hair, and Estinien folded his arms across his chest and frowned. “When isn’t it a long day? You work yourself too hard, you know.”
“I KNOW!” shouted Aymeric, startling them both, and this outburst cracked the dam of emotions that he’d held back for so long, steadfastly remaining stoic all of these years, but now, after all of those years, and Estinien finally returning without any prior word and showing up so casually and having the gall to tell him that he worked too much- “I have nothing else! And Ishgard demands it! I cannot take a day away with all that there is to be done in the wake of the war and with the rebuilding that is being done, and the constant diplomacy within and without, and never am I able to find time for myself and-”
He was shouting now, stepping forward to pound a fist on Estinien’s chest, who was too shocked to do anything but stand there and stare as Aymeric vented a lifetime of frustration and anger. “And I have supported you ever since we first met, believed in you from the very start, and when you left I trusted you to know what you needed. That you needed to find yourself and heal from all that had been done to you, and then you found a new family that helped you find that self and helped you heal and you’ve said nothing at all until I gods-damned near pin you down when you cannot just jump your way out of the situation and… And…”
Again he sagged, forehead resting on Estinien’s chest as he pounded a weak fist on him again. “...I missed you. I felt so empty and alone, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that you had earned your freedom and would return when you were ready. But then it turned into months with no word and…I…” His breath hitched and tears burned his eyes. “...All that I ask is that you do me the kindness of cutting off this limb before it can fester any further.”
What was he saying?! This wasn’t what he had wanted to say at all! …No, it was, these were words that he’d buried deep and never looked at again. But weakened and tired, the chains that had held them fast had broken, and now that they had been said he felt a strange lightness. How heavy they had been, weighing him down so. Well, they had been said, and now Estinien could say his final farewells, and-
“Aymeric, I’m… I’m so sorry.” Estinien pulled his companion into a rib-cracking hug, fingers digging into his back. “I had no idea that you felt that way. But I am unsurprised. I have been cruel with my silence. I ran away from Ishgard, and abandoned you. I deserve your contempt. I deserve words of anger. But it is I whose eyes should have tears in them, not yours.” He pulled away only enough to brush away those tears, smiling softly. “It was wrong of me to never reach out to you, I will never make that mistake again. Aymeric, please-” Looking away, Aymeric couldn’t meet his gaze until Estinien cupped his chin to hold him in place. “I’m who I am because of you. In the…”
Sighing deeply, he wrapped Aymeric in a hug once more. “In Sharlayan, we ventured into the aetherial sea to speak with Hydaelyn.” For a moment Aymeric forgot how to breathe. They had had entered the Lifestream and met the goddess herself? “It is a long story, and I will tell you every word, but know that she… She looked at and through me. She saw how I had been full of wrath and revenge, but now, she saw only…light and love. It’s because of you, Aymeric.” Still silent, Aymeric listened, almost unable to believe what he heard. “You believed in me from the day that we met. You stood by me, and supported my every effort. Always were you there. And…” His voice grew soft as he hugged Aymeric tighter. “It was your love that gave me something to fight for when Nidhogg took my body. That gentle, warm light kept me from being completely subsumed by his anger. And it was your love that kept me alive through the battle and his defeat.”
Calloused fingers threaded into dark hair and dug into Aymeric’s back as Estinien shuddered at the memory of his possession. “Yes, I left after I had recovered, but not because I did not love you in return. Rather, I needed to find what it was that you loved. For what it was that you had fought so fiercely for so long. I needed to know what quality it was that had given me the strength to retain mine own self against the fury of a maddened wyrm. And I did. But I did more than simply find it, I learned to love again, to trust, to live. And I could not have done that without you. Thank you. Now I can love you as you deserve, with all of my heart.”
“Estinien, you…” Aymeric finally remembered how his own arms worked, and hugged his companion back, feeling both dizzy yet elated. Then, Estinien had not come to say goodbye. Aymeric was without words, it was taking most of his strength just to stand upright.
“In Ultima Thule I…” Estinien shuddered and squeezed Aymeric so hard the man gasped, almost unable to breathe. “I died out there. I had gone to it willingly, knowing what would happen, but that I was safe. That the Warrior of Light would call me back when ready. And I was only able to do that because you had taught me to trust and love and fight for others. You… You helped us save the world, Aymeric, had I not known you I would not be the man I am now, and Ishgard would have fallen long ago. The Scions would not have had mine aid. And…I don’t want to think about it.”
Something about this tickled Aymeric’s memory, and he felt that chill again. “Then, that cold wind that I felt, that was…”
“...Ah, you felt me being unmade. Are we truly that close? Long have I regretted my distance, but now I realize the true reach of our connection, and how deeply you have been hurt by my silence.”
“Unmade?” Shaking his head, Aymeric wondered if he had fallen asleep when he had sat down and was now dreaming. “What…happened out there?”
He finally made himself meet Estinien’s gaze, and the dragoon's eyes were filled with both affection and regret. “Dinner. I shall tell you all over a meal. And then after. And then when we get to bed. And should the telling run long then I will continue on the morrow.” Seeing the way that Aymeric’s eyes got wide, finally embracing hope for the first time in forever, Estinien stroked a high cheekbone with the back of his fingers. “I must needs return to Thavnair, but not just yet. First I must begin making it up to you. All of it. It will take many years in which to do so, but I will see it done. I…” Despite being alone, he found the words difficult to say out loud, and he pressed his forehead against Aymeric’s. “I…love you. I always have, and I always shall.”
With a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, Aymeric embraced him with a strength that didn’t seem possible, then kissed him, a touch filled with need and relief. Estinien smiled into it, letting Aymeric lead, savoring the act and their closeness. When Aymeric finally pulled away gasping for breath, Estinien had no witty or biting retorts, only contentment. Aymeric drew in a shaky breath and smiled, at peace and free of his earlier fears. They would part again, but never again for so long, and never with such distant silence.
“I love you, too. Welcome home.”
“It’s good to be home. I’ve missed you.”
Laughing, they got Aymeric changed into something appropriate for a leisurely meal, then spent the rest of the night always within arm’s reach of the other, finally able to share the love that had been one-sided for the both of them for so long.