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“So, you’re officially an adult now you’re moving out of home, old man,” I say as Nick enters my bedroom. He and his mum have come over to drop off Henry and Nellie before they drive to uni. Going by train was no option, Nick’s taking so much stuff with him as if he’s never going to come back home...I know he’ll visit at least once a month, we’ve talked about it, but I can’t believe it’s really happening now.
“Yep, for you, I’m Mr. Nelson now,” he replies, placing his hands on his hips, “and I must implore you to refrain from age discrimination, Mr. Spring.” Nick tries to make a serious face, but fails completely. Laughing, he pulls me into a hug.
“You’re going to miss me a lot, right?” he whispers into my ear.
Honestly, I’m gonna miss him like crazy, but I won’t spoil Nick’s excitement today. Plus, he already knows it anyway. I think I’ve told him at least a hundred times over the past few days. I break out of our embrace to look into his eyes menacingly.
“Shut up.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he says, tilting his head slightly and putting on his gorgeous tender smile that always makes my knees wobble. Still, after all this time we’ve been together...
I want to object, but suddenly I feel my eyes burning. I look down quickly so Nick doesn’t see it. I swallow, but the lump in my throat only seems to get bigger. I take a deep breath and manage to say “I love you so much,” and then I can’t stop the tears anymore.
Nick pulls me tightly to his chest again.
It’s so stupid. We’ve talked about this a million times. We knew this moment would come. And still I’m sobbing like a baby. It just feels more painful than I thought now that he’s actually leaving. Even though I know we’re going to visit each other as often as we can.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Char,” Nick breathes.
“I’m going to miss you terribly, too. But you will be alright. We will be alright. I know it.”
I pull him even closer, as if that could keep him from leaving. I feel his arms tightening around my body, his hands caressing my back gently. As long as he’s holding me, everything is fine. His strong rugby arms are my safe haven...
Unwillingly, I’m chuckling.
Nick lets go of me in surprise, looking at me, one eyebrow raised. It’s his typical “Have you completely lost it now?” face.
“I – I just had to think of my 15th birthday party when we went bowling…” I manage to babble, still both crying and giggling at the same time. “You remember?”
“Of course I do...but why on earth are you thinking of that now?”
Nick looks seriously puzzled now, which just makes me laugh even more. Maybe I really lost it this time. I can’t deal with all the emotions flooding through me, shaking my whole being.
“I don’t know, it’s just...your arms…” I’m squeezing his upper arms. “Sorry, I’m being stupid.”
I step away a little, shrugging, but still looking at Nick. I can’t afford not looking into his eyes, not touching him, when I know it’ll be two long weeks until I visit him.
Nick seems to get the reference now as his face relaxes into a broad grin. He raises both his hands, index fingers extended, and aims to poke my dimples, which he loves doing for some stupid reason.
“Don’t you dare!” I grab his wrists to keep him from poking me. It’s really not easy because he is incredibly strong. Using this brief moment of surprise, I stand on tiptoe so that my lips touch Nick’s.
Without any effort, he frees his arms to pull me into a close embrace. I can barely breathe. His hands are running through my hair and I forget about everything else around us, there’s only Nick and me, every touch of his hands and lips feeling like tiny electric shocks on my skin.
After what feels like forever, we break apart, breathless, our arms still wrapped around each other.
“So you’re saying you’ll only miss my strong rugby arms?” Nick asks, smiling teasingly.
“Don’t you try to get me say anything soppy! Me crying in front of you is bad enough,” I reply.
And then there it is, the look in Nick’s eyes, so piercing, but also reassuring, loving. For a moment, I get lost in his gaze, erasing any remaining doubt that we could not make it through long-distance.
Nick frees one of his hands off my back to reach into the pocket of his pants. He pulls out a handkerchief and wipes the last tears off my cheeks.
“I love you so much, you little gay nerd,” Nick says, now holding my face in both his hands. We just stand there for a long moment, looking into each other’s eyes, feeling each other’s presence.
God, how am I going to make it through the next two weeks without being able to touch him, smell him?
“Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve got something for you!” I blurt out, breaking away from Nick quite unwillingly and scurrying to my wardrobe. I open its doors and take out a little bundle from the bottom of it. I turn back to Nick.
“Here – I - I thought you might like to have it back before leaving. And, um, I have worn it all day yesterday and last night, so…” I shove his favourite jumper into his arms. He had left it at my place a couple of days ago.
I see Nick’s eyes filling up with tears now, too. The last time I saw him crying was at Harry’s leavers’ party a couple of weeks ago where we...kinda broke up. God, what a horrible night. I try to push this awful memory away. Damn, did I do something wrong again now? I frown.
As if Nick was reading my mind, he quickly pulls me towards his chest again and whispers “Thank you, Char.”
Suddenly, as if touching me gave him an electric shock, he steps back and shoves the jumper I just gave him back into my hands. Then he starts taking off the jumper he’s been wearing. I feel my face getting hot as the shirt he wears under his jumper slides up a bit.
“Um...your mum is kinda waiting downstairs, and my whole family is at home, too…” I stammer.
Adjusting his shirt and hair, Nick smirks, “What are you thinking about?”, and with a little wink, he swaps the jumpers.
“Here you go. I know you can’t live without having one of my hoodies. Even though I think I saw two more in your wardrobe that I’ve been looking for yesterday while packing…”
“Oh…” I mumble, blushing even more.
Then we both laugh, tension falling off our shoulders, and I want this moment to never end. I’m so lucky to have the loveliest boyfriend in the world.
“Ok, now I really need to hurry up or mum will think you’ve kidnapped me.”
“Why didn’t I think of that?” I utter, clapping my hand on my forehead.
“As if you would have had any chance against my strong rugby arms!” Nick says, flexing his biceps.
“Oi!” I put my hands on Nick’s chest and nudge him playfully.
“Nicky, I know it’s hard to say goodbye, but we should really get going, sweetie!” we hear Nick’s mum shout from downstairs.
“Okay, okay, coming!” Nick shouts back.
He bends down to put the jumper I gave him into his backpack. Am I imagining it or do I hear him sniff? He’s taking unnecessarily long to cram the bundle into his bag. I can feel my tears welling up again.
When Nick gets back up, he quickly wipes his nose. Our eyes meet once again.
“Why are we like this?” we both say at the same time.
We laugh, then Nick gently pulls my face up to his. His smile fades into a worried expression.
“Promise me you’ll let me know when things get rough, ok? Or at least talk to Tori, or Geoff…”
I kiss him softly.
“I will.”
Our hands entwine and we head downstairs. I’m still holding Nick’s hoodie in my other hand, pressing it tightly to my chest.
At the bottom of the stairs, my dad is sitting on the floor together with Oliver, scratching Nellie and Henry, while my mum is chatting with Mrs. Nelson, sending the dogs a dismissive look. I’m really surprised that she agreed to let them stay at our house until Nick’s mum is back, but I guess she knows Nellie and Henry will offer me better distraction and emotional support than anyone else after Nick has gone.
“It’s only going to be a couple of hours, Jane,” my dad says, and then turns to the dogs and Oliver, “We’ll go for a nice long walk and play outside, won’t we?”
“Yay!” Oliver exclaims happily.
Mrs. Nelson smiles. “Thank you, Julio,” and, facing Nick, she asks “Ready to go, sweetheart?”
Nick just nods. He lets go of my hand and bends down to give Nellie and Henry a hug.
“You’ll behave while I’m gone, right?” Both dogs lick Nick’s face as if to reassure him.
“I’ll miss you,” he says as he gets back up.
For a moment, Nick looks really sad. A couple of days ago, when he had started packing, he admitted that despite all his excitement to go to uni, he is a bit anxious about suddenly being on his own in a completely new environment, far away from home, from me. I know exactly how he feels.
I take Nick’s hand again and squeeze it. He looks at me, now smiling, and takes a deep breath in.
“Ok mum, let’s go, or I’ll be glued to this spot forever.”
“I wouldn’t mind,” I whisper into his ear, smiling too. Nick squeezes my hand back.
“Thanks for taking care of Nellie and Henry, Mrs. and Mr. Spring. Bye, Oliver!”
“You’ll better show up here more often than your dogs,” says Tori who has suddenly appeared on top of the stairs, giving Nick the tiniest of winks.
“I will, Tori,” he replies, nodding at her reassuringly.
Nick, his mum and I go outside and walk to Mrs. Nelson’s car that’s parked right in front of my house. Nick’s mum gives me a quick hug, then she gets on the driver’s seat. Nick crams his backpack on the backseat. It’s already packed with other bags and cardboard boxes. One of them is labelled with my name. I wish I could squeeze myself into it and go with Nick. He shuts the car door.
“See you soon, Mr. Nelson,” I say, starting to feel overwhelmed with emotions again.
“See you soon, Mr. Spring.”
We kiss one last time. It’s a short, but intense kiss. Nick ruffles through my hair gently before getting onto the passenger seat. This time, I don’t even care for revenge for him messing my hair up. I’m feeling everything and nothing at the same time.
“Text me when you’re there,” I say. Nick shoots me one last glance.
“I love you.”
The engine howls and off they are. Nick’s jumper still tightly pressed to my chest as if it was Nick himself, I wave, watching their car getting smaller and smaller on the horizon. I bury my face in the hoodie, taking a deep breath in.
We will be alright.