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An EXTENDED List of Things that the SMP Hockey Team is NOT Allowed to do.

Summary:

This is just an extended crackfic to Emiqip’s original list of things that the SMP Hockey Team is not allowed to do. Set completely in DrHair76’s From Ice to Water universe!

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

  1. George is not permitted to wield any weapon on the premises after ‘The Incident’.

 

  1. The team is not allowed to replace the gold medal with any other item whatsoever.
  • “No, you cannot make Tommy the prize for winning gold.”

 

 

  1. Nobody is allowed to tamper with Techno’s hair dye.
  • “Wilbur, why is my hair green?”

 

 

  1. Nobody is allowed to shave Wilbur’s head as a result of tampering with Techno’s hair dye.
  • Baldbur was a popular nickname for a while…

 

  1. Despite their arguments, the hockey team is not allowed to lock Eret in the janitorial closet to delay Tommy’s practice times.
  • “You could’ve asked, I would’ve just given him time off!”

 

 

  1. Despite their valiant protests, the hockey team is not allowed to murder: 
  • Each other
  • Tommy’s old Coach
  • Jared
  • The government
  • Rat
  • Anybody

 

 

  1. Phil is no longer allowed to associate with the crows on the premises due to several reports of him having spoken, communicated, and interacted with them.

 

  1. Sapnap is banned from working in the kitchen without indefinite supervision.
  • “The cake, Sapnap! The cake!”

 

 

  1. The hockey team is no longer allowed to break into the rink after hours.
  • *Blurry camera footage shows three figures silently picking the lock on the door while a smaller figure stands off to the side, they emerge three hours later carrying unknown items and something that suspiciously looks like a large rectangular structure.*

 

 

  1. The hockey team is not allowed to collectively move George’s bed onto the ice rink while he is sleeping!
  • “…How did you even fit it through the door…?”

 

 

  1. The hockey team is not allowed to sell any merchandise of or relating to Tommy without a license.
  • “No, Schlatt, you cannot bribe the Olympic staff-“

 

 

  1. Quackity is no longer allowed alone in public gifts shops due to the high-profile threat to his wallet.

 

  1. Wilbur and Techno are no longer allowed to refer to each other as twins.
  • Come on guys, the entire Olympic staff had a midlife crisis after that one.

 

  1. Phil is not allowed to have kids.

 

  1. As much of a ‘big man’ you claim Tommy is, you cannot involve him in any dangerous activities containing:
  • Lots of exertion
  • Overtime practice
  • Sapnap’s cooking
  • Tubbo (“Hey!”)
  • Sad movies
  • Energy drinks (“Schlatt don’t you dare!”)

 

  1. No matter the circumstances, the hockey team is not allowed to breach the topic of:
  • Jared
  • Discord logos
  • Sapnap’s breakfast ritual
  • Anteaters
  • George’s crime record
  • Capitalism
  • Tommy’s old Coach
  • Americans

 

  1. The hockey team is no longer allowed to file complaints questioning or criticizing the qualifications of the Olympic staff.
  • No, you cannot sue the organization every time the judges don’t give Tommy a perfect score.
    • No, you cannot ask Eret to sue the organization on your behalf.
  • STOP PUTTING THESE COMPLAINTS IN THE SUGGESTION BOX- THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE!

 

Notes:

I honestly don’t even know if this is funny my brain just came up with it.