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The sound of the guitar, the couples dancing. The table was occupied only by him. A glass of wine in his hand.
Outdoors, under the night sky. Abandoned stars. Dark blue above his head.
He crossed his long legs, unfastened his scarf, and drank from his glass. The alcohol in his veins, giving away a bit of warmth in the night breeze.
He was alone, the people at the other tables, some couples dancing in the free space, the live band playing some jazz.
Minghao pursed his lips and looked up at the sky. The mole under his eye. Bright pupils up. He swayed the cup and allowed himself to be embraced by the music that had a melancholy tang.
“Perfect for the occasion…” he thought bitterly.
He was devastated. The only love of his life and he had separated. What were their reasons? Who was the first to say goodbye? Was the love over?
No, the love was still there. So what had been the mistake?
It was him the one who put a stop. The one who asked for distance, for time...
What had been the mistake?
He felt that he could not continue standing. He felt broken.
He looked around him with a lump in his throat. The other couples surrounding that space like a halo in the sun.
He missed the love of his life. To his soulmate that he had left behind. Life situations, vine obstacles.
He was alone, on their anniversary. They would be five years together... if it weren't for the recent break up.
He wanted to laugh bitterly. There he was, as an idiot, in the place they used to celebrate every year on that date. Missing the man he had left behind. Wasn't that clear?
But his heart was still holding on. How not?
He sighed and could no longer contain a tear that overflowed and rolled down his high cheekbone, with the cup raised next to his face and looking towards the red tablecloth of the lonely table.
Then a gentle touch caressed his face, taking that tear with it. Wiping the blue from his face.
He looked up in surprise, and dark eyes met him. No, their glances recognized each other.
He blinked, incredulous at the image before him. The tall man smiled sadly.
“Is this seat taken?”
Minghao smiled gently and shook his head. He wiped away another tear before it fell and held back the rest.
Mingyu sat down on the chair across from him. He had on a black suit and a very elegant red shirt, which Minghao had seen him many times before. He'd given it to him, that crimson shirt that contrasted so well with his tanned skin.
There was a quiet silence between them. Music still in the background.
Minghao dared to look directly at Mingyu, how long has he not seen him already? His brown iris drank the image. A work of art of ephemeral position, as Mingyu looked towards the couples dancing, without standing still.
He didn't expect him there.
That would be their first year without being together.
But it was not like that. Well, he was with him after all.
“You're still using that perfume I gave you.”
At last Mingyu spoke.
“You noticed?” Minghao lowered his glass of wine.
Mingyu smiled lopsided and nodded.
“And you're wearing that shirt…”
“It suits me pretty well, what can I tell you?”
Minghao played with the cloth napkin between his fingers, resting on the table.
“The perfect weapon of attraction…”
Mingyu winced at the implication of those words.
“How many glasses of wine do you have on?” He changed the subject.
“I don't know, three?” Minghao answered, still playing with the fabric and watching his fingers wrap around it.
He was biting his lower lip and Mingyu recognized that gesture perfectly. The man in front of him was holding back his tears, his emotions. He looked hurt.
Mingyu was not in a different condition. He didn't expect to see the svelte man there to begin with. Of course he was hoping for it.
But they seemed to think the same. Despite being separated, they were somehow only an arm's length apart that night.
Minghao, as beautiful as ever, with his dyed red hair in curlers, his long neck covered by a small stylized scarf, his suit elegant. The couple's ring they used to wear, still on his pinky finger.
He had it on and Mingyu hadn't taken his off either.
Was love over...? No.
Before their break up they had had fights, yes. They saw each other less than before, because of their jobs, because deciding to live together hadn't been easy.
But was not the separation more hurtful?
Mingyu had lost weight. Minghao, already skinny, also had trouble sleeping.
He used to sleep with his partner and his nightmares were drowned in Mingyu's chest. But sleeping alone, one side of the bed empty... his nightmares proliferated and wouldn't let him rest.
Unspoken was that unpremeditated meeting. It was the greatest sign that they missed each other.
Their gazes missed each other. Their bodies demanded to be closer. Their hearts to beat in unison.
But they were tremendously stubborn. What words could they say?
Had love gone travelling? No, it had its shoes on, but planted in the soil of their garden. The one from their home.
Mingyu had gone to live with Wonwoo, his best friend.
Minghao with Jun, who was like his brother.
Their shared house... lonely for a long time. Was Minghao's rosebush withered? Would Mingyu's daffodils still smell the same?
They simply fled. They yelled at each other. So much so that their throats hurt the next day.
But no more than their words. They seemed irreparable.
Although no, Mingyu could forgive. All for Minghao, because he loved him. Just like that.
And Minghao could also forgive, leaving his pride behind. Could they...?
“What have you been up to these months?” Minghao sighed, the napkin cloth was already wrinkled.
“Work, you know. Nothing special. I've cooked for Wonwoo every day, I didn't know that he was so incapable of feeding himself in a healthy way.”
Minghao smiled, not moving his eyes from the table.
“Jun always said that Wonwoo was lousy in the kitchen.”
Another thing he missed. Mingyu's meals were compared to nothing. The tall man had great culinary skill and had always cooked for Minghao with special love.
He longed for a meal from him so much.
“And what have you done?”
“Same, work. I have developed the habit of meditating. From time to time I start to paint…”
The image of Minghao's long fingers smeared with paint, of him in front of a white canvas in bare feet, lips puffed out in thought before he traced something on the painting.
Mingyu's chest filled with nostalgia.
“Is it difficult to live with Jun?” he asked in a soft voice, searching for the gaze of the man in front of him.
Minghao still did not meet his eyes.
“Nope. He is very tidy, only he has a lot of cats.”
He and Mingyu once agreed to adopt abandoned dogs. A plan that had been left in the past, like many others.
“Wonwoo too, but he only has two.”
“They're meant for each other, aren't they?”
Minghao smiled sadly again. Mingyu nodded.
“Of course they are. Of course..."
“We are…”
Were they?
“Minghao, look at me, why are you avoiding my gaze?”
And his reason was that the lump in his throat was growing. Because Minghao was fighting with every bit of his being not to fall apart in Mingyu's arms.
The mere presence of him already had him intoxicated. His body felt heavy, his head dizzy, his stomach a calumny.
Because if he saw those dark eyes he couldn't keep control.
Mingyu was not in a different situation. To Minghao that he had not seen in so long, just one look had been enough to explode his neural connections, revive memories of that man in his arms, under him on their nights of intimacy, his honey voice greeting his mornings.
If those brown eyes looked at him... he would have an excuse.
But how stubborn they were!
The music continued.
Because they belonged together!
Neither Jun nor Wonwoo understood their break up. Their closest friends did not understand. Their relatives were in the same situation.
Mingyu and Minghao…
The restless fingers on the napkin. Another hand that joined it.
Mingyu used his fingertips and felt on Minghao's fingertips.
The latter's heart stopped. It bloomed like a rose.
He followed the game of the brunet. Index with index. Middle with middle. Pinky with pinky. Their hands lined up.
“I've missed you so much…” Mingyu whispered. To his surprise, he said that out loud.
Minghao bit his lower lip and finally looked up.
Their eyes connected, like the first time they met.
They knew that there was no distance between them. The space between their pupils was not a separation.
It was an embrace of the soul that could not be visualized.
«L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux, on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur»
(What is essential is invisible to the eyes, only with the heart can one see well)
What else did they have left? A conviction.
“Me too, Gyu…”
So long that he hadn't called him like that. Minghao's soft voice speaking his name stirred Mingyu's heart.
What had happened to them? If they went back to look for the other, didn't they belong to each other? Hadn't they called each other "soulmates"?
A shy smile, hands joined on the table.
The body that missed the heat so much. The words that struggled so hard to be spoken. The hearts corresponding before the voice.
Should they say what they thought out loud?
Mingyu gave Minghao's hand a squeeze and looked at him with lowered eyebrows. He was silently asking for something, and the svelte man recognized every gesture in the brunet.
So well that he knew him...
He leaned forward, nearly knocking the glass over with his shoulder.
Mingyu didn't expect that movement. Under the blue night sky. He leaned in too, not knowing what to expect.
Minghao's lips moved towards his ear.
“I never stopped loving you…”
It could have been an imperceptible whisper, because of the music and the singer's voice that pierced the atmosphere. But Mingyu caught those words. They had been tattooed on his soul before.
He smiled. A weight lifted from his shoulders. He closed his eyes and dropped his head.
“Me neither, Hao. And I'm afraid I'll never stop doing it. I love you too.”
They looked at each other again.
They belonged together. Because it was just like that. There wasn't much of an explanation.
Tears of a broken lover were left far behind. The internal struggle lagged behind. One more obstacle overcomed.
Watering the street with raindrops hanging from their eyelids, more things left in the time that had passed.
No more was needed.
Minghao placed a kiss on the left corner of Mingyu's mouth and then leaned back.
Fearing that he would get up and run away again, Mingyu held on.
But Minghao stayed. He had no plans to go anywhere. Not without Mingyu.
Not anymore...
Not anymore.