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Ever since Jussie became The Gamer Against God, he seemed to have lost his ability to smile. All he did was sit in his dark apartment, suck on his vape, and start flame wars on Twitter—and after that joke he posted, which may Alex add, was very obviously a joke, he couldn’t even do the last one anymore!
In the straightest, most heterosexual way possible, Alex was worried about his best friend, who was also straight.
He tried to reach out in every way he could, even rocking up to Jussie’s door in person with a care package of the finest treats picked from the closest Japanese market. Still, Jussie waved him off, a profound sadness buried beneath the broiling rage in his eyes.
Fine, Alex decided. If Jussie wouldn’t accept his help in real life, he’d have to move it to the cyber-verse. Cracking his knuckles and wiggling his fingers, Alex logged into Twitter and began to write an epic, heartfelt, straight appreciation post for Jussie, disparaging the website for suspending his closest pal. He nearly surpassed the character limit with how much praise he had, which made him feel a tad gay (not that there was anything wrong with that, but y’know… he wasn’t), but he pressed “tweet” regardless.
In a matter of minutes, Alex’s phone blew up with replies. Most of them were people calling him “biased,” handing him L’s and ratios, and even flat-out insulting him. However, there was one reply that stood out among the rest.
Like the brilliant golden light from Mercy’s Valkyrie Suit, a pink-haired anime girl with big, round eyes and even bigger, rounder tits appeared beneath his tweet. She completely agreed with Alex and even complimented him on how eloquently he’d written the post.
Alex immediately felt fireworks go off in his stomach. In the face of adversity, this beautiful woman spoke her mind—her truth. And even better than that, both her mind and her truth agreed with his own.
His thoughts went to Jussie for a second, how his friend was the same. No matter what, Jussie always spoke his mind, even when the woke moralists were against him.
Alex blinked, shaking the thought from his head. Why was he thinking about Jussie right now? He had a lady to woo; there was no time to reminisce!
Heart pounding, Alex went to the mystery girl’s account. It was new, created that day, but Alex disregarded that oddity in favor of crossing his fingers and sliding into her DMs.
Noob Dude: Hey I saw your reply aha thanks for having my back what does your username mean btw?
Smooth as ever. Alex waited anxiously for a response, staring hard at the bottom corner of the screen as if doing so would make those three dots appear sooner. Finally, after what felt like hours, they did.
ジェシー: Ofc! I thought it was so stupid that he got banned from AE ಠ_ಠ
ジェシー: I know it’s basic but I just put my name through Google translate and used what came out lol
With quick, desperate fingers, Alex copied the kanji and put it through the translator. “Jessie…” He whispered under his breath, his heart fluttering—what a beautiful name.
Noob Dude: I think it’s cute!!!!!
ジェシー: Thanks
Alex raised a triumphant fist to the sky. He was in.
The rest was history—or so Alex thought. He messaged Jessie all the time, neglecting life necessities in favor of curling up with his laptop and typing love hearts for hours a day.
Jessie’s personality bloomed like a beautiful, pink, busty rose as the days went on; her sense of humor was rivaled only by his best friend, and Alex was almost inclined to say it was better. Then again, Jessie was flirting with Alex, which may have skewed the odds in her favor.
The weird thing was… Jessie didn’t exactly seem rushed to reveal who she was in real life.
Noob Dude: So… when do I get to see what you look like? ;)
It took a concerning amount of time for Jessie to respond. When she finally did, Alex was disheartened.
ジェシー: /╯﹏╰\ Never
Noob Dude: What??? Why not :(
ジェシー: You wouldn’t like it
Noob Dude: Of course I’d like it kitten :) <3
Noob Dude: Hello?
That one didn’t get a reply. Alex sighed, dropping his head back in defeat. Was it something he said?
Jessie’s reluctance didn’t make any sense… Why wouldn’t Alex like what he saw? Was she self-conscious or something? Alex's hero complex ached to shower her with affection and completely erase her insecurities. He longingly stroked the screen with two fingers, his sadness deep and profound and not blown way out of proportion.
Alex had never felt this way about anyone before. Well, he’d fallen in love with plenty of women in his day, but this was different. Before Alex knew it, he was typing again.
Noob Dude: Jessie… I think I love you
Maybe it was a little soon—it hadn’t even been a month since they started talking—but when faced with true love, you have to snatch it before it gets away. Unfortunately, Jessie didn’t seem to have that same sigma mindset because Alex fell asleep on the couch without another message.
After an agonizing night of radio silence from Jessie, Jussie texted him, asking him to come over. He said he needed to tell Alex something, and it had to be in person.
Alex was nervous as he took the bus to Jussie’s apartment, so he sent Jessie a quick “good morning <33” DM and remained glued to his phone for the rest of the ride. Weirdly, Jessie didn’t reply. It sent a jolt of ice-cold worry through Alex’s veins. She always replied in the mornings. What was going on?
When he got off at the stop and dragged himself to the elevator, he was devastated to find that his DMs had remained stagnant. He walked into Jussie’s apartment, head low and shoulders dropped, and Jussie stood in the middle of the room waiting for him, his phone in one hand and his vape in the other.
“What did you—” Alex began to ask but felt a buzz in his pocket and frantically fished it out. A DM from Jessie that simply said “sorry” stared back at him. Alex glanced up at Jussie. There was no way… was there…?
Jussie nodded, tossing his phone face up on the coffee table.
Alex’s jaw dropped; his world crumbled. This whole time… This whole time, Jessie had been…
Jussie avoided his gaze, dragging a hand through his hair and taking a hit from his vape. As betrayed and horrified as Alex felt, he still admired Jussie’s effortless coolness.
“I— I can explain.” He finally spoke, his voice low.
Alex crossed his arms tight to his chest, hugging himself protectively. “Go on. I want to hear this.”
Jussie chewed on his bottom lip, which Alex only just noticed was plush and pink. Not that he was looking that closely.
“Look,” He ran his hand through his hair again. “You know how much my love life has been held back by… god,” Jussie hissed like the word burned his soft-looking lips, taking extra care not to capitalize His (*his) name aloud. “I’ve just been so pent up, y’know? And your tweet was… and your DMs were… they— they made me feel something I hadn’t felt since before E3 was canceled.”
“Feel what?” Alex asked, although he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Jussie finally looked up from beneath his thick, dark lashes.
“I don’t know… appreciated? Uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Wanted? Loved, I guess?”
“Y-you know I appreciate you, Jussie!” Alex exclaimed defensively, absolutely not acknowledging those other two feelings. “I’ve tried to reach out to you! You’re my best friend!”
Jussie shrugged, tugging gently on the front of his r/atheism shirt. “Yeah, I guess, but… this was different.”
The familiarity of that sentiment shook Alex, but he tried to brush it off. “But— but it wasn’t even you! I was talking to Jessie!” …Oh. Jessie, Jussie. He just got that.
“I know.” Jussie snapped, but his anger was short-lived, replaced immediately with that hollow sadness. He took a slow hit from his vape, the blue LED light reflected in his warm, half-lidded eyes. Then, he sighed out a cloud. “Whatever, I get it. It was a stupid idea, and I went too far. I’m sorry.”
Alex deflated, his hands dropping from his upper arms to catch loosely on his elbows. “I really, really liked her.” He muttered, sniffling pathetically.
“Jessie was… she’s just me, y’know.” Alex frowned, opening his mouth to retort that he knew that now, but Jussie continued speaking over him. “That’s literally just me with pink hair and emoticons.”
“Okay, yeah, but…” Alex trailed off. He did love Jessie’s personality a lot… “But she’s a girl, and you’re a guy. And I’m not gay.”
“Well, I’m not either!” At the skeptical look Alex sent him, Jussie rolled his eyes. “I’m bi. It’s different.”
“It… is?” Jussie fixed him with a dead-eyed stare. “I’m serious!”
“Yeah, of course, it’s different. I still like females, but I also like… everyone else, too.”
Alex furrowed his brow. Were you allowed to do that? Since when? “Wh— how’d— how’d you figure that out?”
Jussie groaned, rubbing his face as he thought of a way to explain the undoubtedly harrowing story of self-discovery. The noise was pleasant. “I don’t know, I’ve always just… noticed things about other men that I wasn’t supposed to. Especially about you. I tried to… ugh … pray the thoughts away, but obviously, that didn’t work.” He gestured to the bold atheist attire he wore. “I rest my case.”
Jussie noticed things? About him? “Noticed, like… like what?” Alex asked hesitantly.
“Things like…” Jussie looked uncomfortable now as he gestured more vaguely. It was weird to see him so reserved; Jussie was such a bold, confident guy. He put one hundred percent of himself into his passions, so he never had to second-guess himself. “I-I don’t know, things like… how much you care about the stuff you like. Like, you’re so… passionate.” Oh. “And— and I noticed how easy you were to get along with. It felt like… I don’t know; it felt like our personalities meshed so well together.” Personality, huh?
“And, uh,” Jussie blew out a breath, breaking their eye contact to stare at the wall instead. “I noticed how pink your lips are, too.”
Uh-huh.
So, Jussie took note of his passion, his personality, and his lips. Where had Alex heard that before?
Yeah, okay, fuck Jessie.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Alex surged forward, grabbed either side of Jussie’s face, and crushed their mouths together with the kind of confidence a man who’d kissed a million girls had. Alex, however, had only kissed two people. Including Jussie. Right now.
The noise that escaped Jussie was both startled and slightly pained—Alex probably could’ve used less force—but he didn’t pull away. After a few seconds of stiff face-on-face action, Jussie finally placed his hands high up on Alex’s waist like he was at a middle school dance and kissed him back.
Alex thought back to that wikiHow article he read about how to kiss. He was pretty sure something was wrong with his technique at the moment. He tried to go about it gentler, tilting his head to move his nose out of the way, and all of a sudden, the true feeling of Jussie’s lips hit him full force.
An embarrassing little moan left Alex’s mouth as the warmth from Jussie’s palms began to soak through his shirt, and his hands slid from Jussie’s face to the back of his neck.
Alex pulled back after a few glorious seconds, his face itching from Jussie’s stubble, and blinked his eyes open. Jussie looked starstruck—he’d probably kissed even fewer people than Alex had, now that he thought about it. After all the bragging about his ascension to higher knowledge, it was comforting to learn that Jussie didn’t actually know everything.
“That was— that was, uh, nice.” Alex completely fumbled the ball. “Really nice.”
Jussie didn’t seem bothered by Alex’s dying brain cells, judging by how blown-out his pupils were. The fact that Jussie had spent his entire life shunning the idea of even the slightest peck before marriage didn’t have anything to do with his reaction. Alex was obviously a master at his craft, and he was preening like a peacock about it. His ego grew three sizes that day.
Alex repeatedly looked toward the ratty couch across the room until Jussie finally followed his eyes. His gaze quickly snapped back to Alex, and his face flushed red.
Awkwardly, they shuffled over and took a seat, their hands on their laps. Alex tapped his fingers on his knees, and Jussie partook in another hit from his vape before stuffing it back in his pocket again. Finally, Jussie took a deep breath and wrapped his hand around Alex’s boney wrist, tugging it.
“Just do what you did a second ago.” Jussie insisted, his grip tightening. Alex shifted obediently, and Jussie’s hand fell as he connected their lips again. Disappointingly, this time was shorter than the last.
Alex wanted to ask why Jussie pulled away, but the man had already turned to face him and gestured for Alex to do the same. He barely had time to move before Jussie hooked Alex by the back of his neck and pulled him in.
Jussie was strong enough to topple them, and then suddenly—holy crud—Alex was on top of him. He was hovering over his best friend with his hands latched onto the arm of the couch, and Jussie’s legs were loosely bracketing his hips, and they were kissing.
“Alex,” Jussie breathed between them, his fingers finding their way into Alex’s greasy hair. Alex was supposed to be the dominant alpha male in this situation, so why was he the one trembling at the deep rumble of Jussie’s voice?
“J—” His voice cracked horrendously—horrendous enough to make Jussie visibly flinch—so he cleared his throat and tried again after a quiet apology. “Jussie,”
“You’re, uh…” Jussie’s lips quirked up at the corners (which absolutely counted as a smile, therefore, Alex’s original quest was complete). “You’re pretty good at kissing, I think.”
Once again, Jussie having zero frame of reference couldn’t have affected his opinion in any way, and although Alex already knew Jussie’s statement was a fact, he still felt his heart soar.
“I am?” Alex asked, excited. Jussie nodded and tugged at Alex’s hair to bring him back in for another round. Alex shivered, clutching harder at the arm of the couch until his fingers ached.
It felt like molten lava was coursing through his veins; like he’d slipped off one too many platforms on that stupid fucking Super Mario Maker level he’d been trying to beat for a week straight. What a shitty design. Even thinking about it pissed Alex off.
Then, Jussie licked a tentative stripe across Alex’s bottom lip, and his train of thought completely derailed, crashed down a hillside, and spontaneously combusted when it rolled to a stop.
He’d been dreaming of something like this for years—not with Jussie, of course, but he wasn’t complaining about that part anymore. Bolstering his courage, Alex got down on his forearms, brought one hand to the side of Jussie’s neck, and just as he was about to part his lips…
They were startled apart by a loud knock on the front door. Instantly furious, Jussie pushed Alex off of him to stalk toward whoever dared to interrupt the gay agenda taking place. Alex didn’t have time to feel hurt when a violent swing of Jussie’s arm revealed two clean-cut young men in crisp, white button-up shirts standing in the hallway.
Alex and Jussie realized simultaneously who their visitors were: Jehovah’s Witnesses. Jussie tensed.
In a blind panic to prevent Jussie from either committing homicide or bursting into tears, Alex stumbled off the couch and ran to slam the door in the Witnesses’ faces.
“Jussie, look at me,” He cupped Jussie’s cheeks like the cheerleader girlfriend of an angry jock trying to fight. “You’re better than this. God can’t hurt you anymore.”
Jussie’s gaze, which had started to soften at the sight of his partner(?), turned steely again.
“I-I meant god.” Alex hastily corrected himself, even though that last one was the beginning of a new sentence and therefore had to be capitalized.
Eventually, Jussie relaxed with a deep sigh and reached into his pocket for his vape again. “You’re right,” He took a quick hit, letting his forehead fall forward to rest on Alex’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, it’s just— it’s so frustrating being an atheist in such a god-fearing world. It feels like I’m all alone, y’know?”
“You’re not alone, Jussie, I’ll always be here…” Alex soothed, petting Jussie’s hair, tenderly cradling his head. Outside the door, the Jehovah’s Witnesses looked at each other and moved on, shaking their heads in disgust. Not because it was two men, but because it was two super annoying gamers.
But inside… inside, those two gamers embraced each other lovingly, and the rest of the world melted away…