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After hauling the flying boat into the harbor, Reiner was handed a used set of ODM gear.
“Here,” Hange had said without the usual eye contact, their persistent spirit considerably reserved. Reiner wondered what it felt like, returning gear to a traitor. “You might want to go practice in the trees, at the base of the mountains.” They pointed to new compartments Reiner didn’t recognize. “We’ve added some updated technology, I’ll send Armin along to show you how it works.” They gestured to Armin and briefly explained before sending them off.
“Yeah, it’s not much to get used to,” Armin explained once they arrived at the tree line, stopping to look at Reiner with a pat on his gear, the soft clunk of metal echoing quietly through the woods. His eyes are clouded with emotion, hesitant, and he stands much farther away than he would have four years ago. “The thunder spears are frightening at first, but learning how to nail a clean hit with one is worth it.”
Armin continued to talk, information Reiner knows he needs to pay attention to, but wow Armin has really grown into himself. His hair falls beautifully onto his face and cuts back cleanly at his neck, framing his features perfectly. He’s still adorable, those blue eyes still massive and his frame still small; the top of his head only comes up to around Reiner’s chest. But there’s an air of authority around him now; he carries himself with hard-earned confidence. Reiner punched back the more inappropriate thoughts as quickly as possible.
“Reiner, are you even listening to me?”
He blinked down at Armin, not finding the motivation to lie. “No, sorry. Got distracted.”
The look of exhaustion and disappointment on Armin’s face made Reiner wish he’d lied. “By what?” Armin asked, exasperated, as he gestured to the empty forest surrounding them.
Reiner’s hands started to sweat like he was seventeen again. “You’ve grown up,” he said, gesturing awkwardly to Armin. “I was just… getting a good look at you.”
His expression doesn’t change from an emotionless deadpan, but Reiner doesn’t miss the slight tinge of red in Armin’s cheeks. “Well, get a good look at the gear instead, maybe?” Armin suggested sarcastically.
The corners of Reiner’s mouth turned up slightly at Armin’s newfound sense of self, and subsequent attitude. It was still so nice to bask in Armin’s attention, even four years later, even while he was angry. Reiner was full of selfish excitement, happier than he should be to finally have this back.
“I… never stopped thinking of you,” Reiner said before he could stop himself, fully aware of the careless nature of his words but it’s true and Armin needs to know, has to know because Reiner can’t sit alone with these feelings for another second. “Never.”
Armin took a step back, hands pulled into tight fists at his sides. “Don’t do that,” he said, voice wavering. “That’s not fair.”
“I know,” Reiner said quietly. “I know it’s not, and I know I don’t deserve to be here now, seeing you grow up like this. But I am.” Tears threaten the corners of his eyes as he recalls simpler times, fond memories of fluffy blonde hair reflecting the island sun. “I’m not letting it go to waste this time.” he said, letting out a deep sigh as the last piece of his heart was laid bare on the dirt between them.
Armin stood, fists shaking as tears began to stream down his face. Guilt infected Reiner’s stomach as he resisted closing the distance, attempting to respect Armin’s boundaries yet desperate to comfort him.
“I just…” Armin almost whispered, voice restrained and wobbly. Tears continued to race down the sides of his face as he finally looked up at Reiner, those bright blue eyes swimming with grief and exhaustion. “I’m not who I used to be… I’m broken, Reiner.”
“So am I,” Reiner answered quickly, all too familiar with feeling like damaged goods. “But you’re still the caring, loving person I knew.” The words tasted almost dishonest in his throat, as if he had no jurisdiction in comforting him anymore. He swallowed down the feeling and continued. “Please,” Reiner beckoned, arms open. “Let me be there for you again. For however long I can.”
Armin’s legs moved before he could think about the consequences, boots crunching hard against the dirt as he tried to cover the distance before he changed his mind. He almost collapsed into Reiner, a sob escaping from his throat as Reiner’s arms caught him into a tight embrace, his hands moving to hold the back of Armin’s head and the small of his back. Armin took fistfuls of Reiner’s shirt at his chest and forced himself closer, filling any space left between them and leaning his weight into Reiner. Armin’s disheveled hair just barely brushed against Reiner’s lips as he looked down, his head comfortably rested against his collarbone.
Reiner’s thin linen shirt was quickly dampened with Armin’s sobs, let out quietly as his breath shook, almost trembling in Reiner’s arms. “I-I just… I just…” he tried, but Reiner was quick with a soothing touch on his back, effectively popping the cork on Armin’s bottled emotions. He pulled away, just far enough to see Reiner’s face, with furrowed brows and flushed cheeks and tears streaming down his face, those gorgeous eyes swimming with hurt and remorse. “I missed you, Reiner,” Armin croaked out, shattering whatever was left of Reiner’s heart. He let out an exhausted sigh, and more tears escaped the corners of his eyes as he let them fall shut. “I missed you so much. I’m… I just can’t lose anyone else.” He dropped his head back against Reiner’s chest.
Reiner brought him tight against his chest, Armin’s arms tucked between them and Reiner’s hand buried in soft blonde hair. “I know…” he whispered to Armin and the quiet forest surrounding them. “At least let me get you through this last fight. Let me be your support one last time.”
Armin gripped the front of Reiner’s shirt. “Okay,” he breathed against his shoulder. “Okay.”