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May Calvet wore her hair down for the first time that year.
Her curly hair fell against her back as she tried to remember how did things end up like that and smoothed the back of the skirt her best friend, Blake, had landed her, observing how it would end right under her asscheeks, in an odd cutting pattern. She didn’t think the pink tight fabric would suit her deep skin but it looked nice with the light green top she had on.
She bit her lip once her eyes snapped back to her strong makeup. She was a good girl, her parents had always told her. The type that never missed Church Day, that always stuck to her curfew, that maintained straight As and would always keep her mouth shut when she was supposed to. Her parents loved her for it. So much easier than her older sister, so good at obeying. Easily please with a smile and praise words. Why wouldn’t they love her?
That was exactly why the other girls wouldn’t like her that much. Besides Blake, her sister and her cousin, May couldn’t make any other friends. She was an easy target, supposedly, all that teenage girls needed to play out their mean tricks. So May was mocked for anything that she did – or rather, what she didn’t.
She wasn’t out every night like her older sister. She never wore high-heels or short skirts like her cousin. She didn’t bring the boys out like her neighbour, Chelsea did. She was bland, boring even. And she would do anything to change this, even sleep with the local bad boy.
It started as a joke. The girls were all hanging around at Chelsea's place. May's older sister, June, had brought some beers she convinced her older boyfriend to buy. Their cousin, Hope, had just put the latest Taylor Swift record on as they all hung in Chelsea's basement. Kelly, Chelsea's cousin and their residential chef had just baked them some cookies. May was sitting right next to her best friend, Blake. It was just another slumber party, like any of the others they did every other weekend.
But that day, June decided to bring her new friend, an Aussie girl called Lottie. May had the impression Lottie never liked her and, whenever she shook her head to the beer, Lottie would scowl at her. As if she was judging. As if she couldn't believe how square May was.
To be honest, May had never thought about it. Not even once. Not until Lottie looked at her dead in the eyes and said, with a hint of irony. "Are you always that boring?"
That – plus the laugh of the other girls – made May's stomach flip. She was embarrassed by her own ways, for not acting as cool as the other girls. She tried to ignore it, wishing it was going away, but Chelsea never knew where to keep quiet.
"That's May, a good girl," Chelsea said. "A church girl and a pure one too."
"What?" Lottie giggled, eyeing the other girls. "Are you saying she never…"
"Nah, she never even kissed a boy."
“Stop it, Chels.” Blake tried.
“What? Is true! The only thing she does is pine for Kassam Maleek.”
The discussion turned into a fucking nightmare after that. All the girls were talking about how May was missing out and what exactly she needed to change so boys would like her. Kelly suggested changing her hairstyle, Hope told her she needed to be more assertive and Chelsea advised wearing tinier clothes. At the time, she thought she was not even paying attention, but looking at herself in the mirror, she had followed the instructions perfectly well.
It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. From the first time she was seen as a teenager, not a little girl anymore, her personality and preferences were always mocked. She wasn’t dumb. She knew what the girls said behind her back and the terrible comments boys would make. She was no ugly duckling but there wasn’t a single boy that would see her as anything more than a weirdo.
Especially not Kassam.
And all of that, for what? Good grades? Please her parents? Why life was so hard? Why couldn’t she be good for everyone? Why did she have to fail to succeed?
"Let's make a bet." Lottie teased her with a devilish smile. "Kassam Maleek. Make him fuck you and I'll do anything you want for a week. If you don't, then you'll be my personal servant."
And there was nothing she would like to see more than Lottie Armstrong's fucking face on the ground.
“May, are you sure about that?”
Her sister’s words brought her back to reality. May turned to face June, who for the first time in their life was wearing a longer dress than May’s. She looked worried but for May that was only a remembrance of how they would always see her: poor little May.
“It’s too late now, June.” She said as she smoothed her skirt.
“I can talk to Lottie, she will go easy on you…”
“Now?” May shouted. Enough was enough. “Now you wanna talk to her? What about last weekend? Not that brave, huh?”
“Please, May…” June shot her a pleading look but May only shook her head. “I’m your sister.”
“What about when they were mocking me, June? Weren’t you my sister then?” She took another deep breath. “Know what? You can stop trying to be anything. Go suck your boyfriend or whatever you’re good at.”
With that, May pushed past her older sister, leaving her mouth hanging open and walking towards the beginning of the end.
She had never been to a party before.
May knew Chelsea Edwards' house like she knew her own. She knew Chelsea’s parents from church and that they would travel for weeks, leaving Chelsea alone. Many times, when Chelsea was little, she would spend her days at the Calvet’s home, since they were neighbours. Now, it was the place for the school’s most popular house parties.
May took a deep breath before entering Chelsea’s place. The place was filled with teens getting shit-faced, shouting over the music and snogging each other’s faces out. Even if May tried her best to not start a conversation, she bumped into different muscled boys from the football team that smiled and winked at her.
None of them recognised her. Actually, she believed none of them knew who she was. Weird. She thought to herself as she shot another tall guy a nervous smile and left for the kitchen.
The place was probably the emptiest room of the house, only some wasted boys sprinkled here and there and some beers on an ice bucket over the counter. She grabbed one of the bottles, trying to open it with her bare hands before searching for an opener in one of the drawers.
"You want me to help you with that?" She heard a voice calling behind her.
As she turned, she saw him. Kassam Maleek on the flesh, as handsome as she had last seen him. He was what parents would call a bad influence. A bad boy. Something out of those coming-of-age films May was used to seeing alone in her bed. He looked the part too, with black leather jackets and blue eyes that watched her with curiosity.
And god, so fucking charming.
"Hm, no- I mean… Yes, please," she stuttered, averting his eyes.
He chuckled, taking the bottle out of her hands and hitting it against the kitchen counter so the cap would fall off it. He handed it over to May with a hint of cockiness that made her snicker.
"I'm not… used to it, let's just say that," May told him before gulping down her drink.
The only times she allowed herself to drink were when she was with her parents and sometimes during the girls' nights. By now, she was used to the horrific bitterness of it and could at least pretend she liked it.
"I guess not… I for sure wasn't expecting May Calvet to go out on a school night." He raised his eyebrow.
“And look at how this is going,” she chuckled to herself. “No one even talked to me…”
He shook his head, stretching his arms over the kitchen bar. “I’m pretty sure that Rennell from the footie team was trying to talk to you.”
May grimaced. “Nah, we just bumped and he didn’t recognise me.”
“Well, you look different.” He half-shrugged, making May roll her eyes with a hint of humour.
“I just dressed up nicely. Besides, you recognised me!”
“True,” he nodded, “but I pay more attention than other guys. Especially to you.”
Her heart raced and she swallowed hard, doing a crap job of hiding her emotions. “Do you… do you pay attention to me?”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he laughed.
May rolled her eyes instinctively before the words of Lottie ringed in her head. This was the guy they wanted her to get with. “We wouldn’t want that…”
“Anyways, what’s up with that…” he mentioned to her outfit and hair. “Change?”
"I needed a change."
"I can relate to that. Especially because this party sucks."
"Why don't we go somewhere nicer, then?"
The proposition jumped out of her mouth before she could realise it. He laughed lowly, humorlessly, straightening his body as he got out of the marble overlay.
"Somewhere nicer?" Kassam asked her, raising an eyebrow.
"Somewhere quieter." She concluded, regretting it immediately after. Fucking hell, she was still May Calvet in the end. So afraid of other people. There wasn't any short skirt or tight shirt that would make her sound right.
Kassam inspected her, looking up and down. She could feel his blue eyes judging her and was already bracing herself for the words that would slip out of his mouth at any given moment. "Yeah, sure," he tapped his fingers against the marble. "Do you mind my motorbike?"
Kassam's place was neater than she thought. It was a downtown apartment with two bedrooms and a bath, enough for his parents and him. There was a tiny black cat hanging around, sleeping on one of the couches. There were pictures of his family hanging on the walls and his room was decorated with band posters, polaroids and drawings.
May looked around, biting down a smile. "Not quite what I was expecting, I admit."
"A guy can't even smoke and skip some classes that people already make up a bunch of senseless rumours," Kassam chuckled, plopping down on his bed before taking off his jacket. "Feel at home."
"What's the cat's name?" She questioned, taking off her pair of heels and trying to recognise the bands on the posters on his walls. Green Day. Linkin Park. My Chemical Romance. The Killers.
"Bubbles," he said, earning an incredulous look from her. "My mom named her!"
May giggled, sitting right next to him. She was not expecting to feel this relaxed but she actually felt more at ease than when she was around the other girls. Or anyone else, really. It was something about him that made her see beyond the tattoos and the smoke – and she liked it. Whatever it was, she liked it so much.
She looked at Kassam and he looked back. This was just for the stupid bet, she reminded herself but her heart kept beating like crazy as she sunk into his eyes. "You're really nice, you know that?" She whispered.
"Now that's a first," he chuckled. "People don't usually call me nice."
"People can fuck off," May said, earning another laugh from him
He leaned forward a bit, a smirk working on his lips "You should swear more, it's hot."
"Now that's a first." She could feel a smile of her own growing even if she tried her best to restrain it.
There was nothing but a small gap between them now. She could smell his aftershave and almost feel the brush of his lips against hers. The faster her heart beat, the more she wanted to kiss him. This would go exactly as she wanted, she could feel it the same way she felt his fingertips caress her thighs under the hem of her skirt, but a part of her couldn’t do it. She was frozen, stuck at the moment as she watched his eyes.
And he looked at her.
And his eyes moved to her lips.
And so did he.
Their kiss – her first kiss – was filled with butterflies and soft lips. It was silence, silliness and a hint of awkwardness at the same time it was an explosion, seriousness and somberness. It reminded her she was 17. Young enough. Old enough. And that Lottie Armstrong was right.
But she needed to prove she wasn’t.
Her hands moved to his hair and she leaned forward, opening her mouth to him. He seemed to understand the message, his own hands moving upwards along her skin, moving her skirt with them as a low moan escaped him. She seized the moment, trying to prove she could do it, moving her hips and legs to straddle him and he did nothing to stop her. So she kept going, slowly scratching his neck and grinding against him in a movement almost instinctive.
But then his breath got sharper and he rolled her over, lying her back against the mattress, breaking off the kiss and standing before her with confused eyes as his chest moved up and down. “What are we doing?"
"Um…" She looked around, supporting herself on her elbows. "Fucking?"
He glanced at her, shock in his blue eyes. "Why?"
"Why?” She repeated it, sitting up. “'Cause I… want to?"
"You want to? May…" "You can't even say the word fucking without whispering."
"That's not true…" She whispered, more to herself than to him.
"What's going on?" He had a hand on his hips as he walked around the room. "You wouldn't even look at me in school and now you're planning to fuck me?"
"Excuse me?" She looked at him shocked, standing up. "That's not true either."
"What's happening?"
"I told you, I need a change!"
"And fucking a guy you wouldn't even look in the eye until three hours ago is your answer?"
She hung her head, taking a deep breath and bringing both her hands to her neck. She couldn’t tell him the truth, he would hate her forever. And why couldn’t he believe she was just in the mood? Wasn’t it normal for girls her age to do that if the boys they liked? Why was it a problem? Unless…
Unless he didn’t want to.
"So you don't wanna fuck me." She let out, sitting on the edge of his double bed feeling rejected.
He shook his head, avoiding her eyes, and in a soft voice, he confessed. "That's not what I said."
"What is it then, Kassam? Why do I need a reason to do it? Can't I just like you?"
"Trust me, May Calvet, there is nothing in this world that I would love more than laying you in this bed and fuck you but I know you. You don't do things like that! You're gentle, sweet, kind. You don't go around fucking guys for fun. Especially not guys like me!”
She huffed. "Yeah, ‘cause I'm boring."
"No,” he told her, searching for her gaze and holding it. “You're different. That's why I–..."
"That's why, what?"
"That's why I like you."
It was like time had stopped and she couldn’t hear a thing, the words he said were the only thing she could think about. He liked her.
Her.
He liked her.
Kassam Maleek like her, May Calvet.
“You like me?” She asked, feeling silly. The question didn’t even sound right in her voice. It sounded more like a cruel joke.
“Yeah…” he said in a breath, bringing his hand to his forehead. “Since freshman year.”
“That’s… that’s 3 years.”
He scowled. “I’m aware, Calvet.”
3 years. The boy she liked had liked her for 3 years. That sounded stupid when she thought of it. He liked her even before she liked him. Even before she knew him. Completely stupid. Out of normality. Craziness.
No. She was the stupid one. Because she was afraid. Just like Lottie had told her…
Fuck. Lottie.
“I’m so sorry,” she let out. “Oh, my god, Kassam, I fucked up.”
His eyes turned curious and then scared. “Why?”
“I… I don’t want you to hate me.” May could feel the tears pricking behind her eyes. “Please, don’t hate me…”
Kassam got closer but she couldn’t face him, only look at her own feet as his hands held her arms with a vulnerability she had never tasted before.
“It’s ok, I won’t hate you… Tell me what’s going on.”
She took a deep breath and dared to look up. At him. His eyes, she had never seen them so soft. It gave her the courage she needed. “Charlotte Armstrong, a senior, found out I… liked you. She… convince me to make a bet that I could fuck you and if I could she would do anything I asked her and if not, she would… make me her servant, or whatever.”
To be honest, May didn’t know what to expect next. Maybe he would shout. Or shove her. Or storm out and leave her. Maybe he would spread that she was nothing but a weirdo with a huge crush on him. Maybe this was all a fucking sick joke. She didn’t know.
But she sure didn’t expect to kiss her again.
Oppositely to their first kiss that felt like summer rain and grew into a storm, this one was more like thunder. Quick, full of passion and enough to make her breathless. One moment was looking at her and in the other, he had his tongue against hers. When they broke off, he pressed their foreheads together.
“Aren’t you mad at me?” She asked, a giggle of happiness scaping her.
“I should,” he mirrored her laugh with a chuckle, “but how could I when you just told me you like me back?”
Her heart skipped a bit.
God, she really liked him.
“Still… I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok. I know Lottie can be fucking intimidating,” he nodded, kissing her cheek. “We can tell people it happened so she can fuck off. We don’t need to actually do it. We can leave it to when you’re ready.”
She smiled as she nodded. They were so close, standing eye to eye, that it was impossible to focus. But she kept her eyes on him, holding his gaze.
“You are too nice for a bad boy.”
“And you’re such a troublemaker for a good girl.”