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Silent, Calm, Anchor, Broken and Alone
“I don’t think you should go in there right now.” Eve warned James. “003’s been captured.”
“He has?” James asked worriedly.
“He’s being tortured right now, Q’s trying to find him and…”
“And what?”
“They didn’t notice his earpiece.”
“Fuck…” James sighed walking into Q branch slowly. Q was standing, facing the large screens searching with wild, eyes that were dark with lack of sleep and wet with silent tears that tracked down his face. Every minion was glued to their screens, typing furiously. He himself was typing, but slower, scanning through videos, searching.
“Sh, Jordan, it’s okay, I’m still here with you.” Q’s voice was calm. It didn’t shake, it didn’t waver, it didn’t break. He was soothing, calm. “It’s okay, I’m not going to let you go, okay? We’ve almost got you, just hold on a little bit longer, I promise, I promise we’ll have you out soon.” Q looked over his shoulder and glared at R. She shook her head.
“Not yet, sir.”
“Hey, hey, hey…sh, it’s going to be alright, listen to me, listen to me. Sh, nothing else matters alright? I’m here and that’s all that matters. Don’t listen to them, don’t think about it, just stay here with me, okay? I’ve got you. I’m here.” Q winced at a sound in his ear, another tear fell. “Don’t you dare listen to them, you hear me? Listen to me. I fell down the stairs today on my way into work…well, yesterday, now, but it had rained and the stairs were wet and I was soaked head to toe when I got to Six, might have sprained my wrist as well. My shoes are still squeaky.” Q seemed to relax slightly, perhaps his story was distracting the agent. “It’s still raining…and it will still be the same rain when we get you home. I know you love the rain, and God knows you walk through it better than I do. It is sort of soothing in a way, like music don’t you think? Plus, it gives you every reason to wrap up with Bill and cuddle for warmth under blankets. Maybe even hot chocolate in bed, hmm? Sounds lovely doesn’t it… I promise, tomorrow morning you’ll be in your bed, cuddled next to him, rain on the window and a kettle boiling in the kitchen. You’ll be lucky… I’ll be in bed with a sprained wrist and a bunch of wires that aren’t warm and don’t cuddle.
“Sh, it’s alright, it’s alright… He doesn’t know yet, just so you know. He doesn’t have to worry. It’s just you and me right now and I’m bringing you home in one piece, alright? Sh… I know it hurts, but you have to hold on, hold on, Jordan.” Q frowned and then his head shot to his right. “I’ve got you, Jordan, just give me a few more minutes, just a few more…you’ll be home soon. I swear.” Q sighed in relief and picked up a phone dialing a memorized number and spitting out coordinates quickly. “Get him out now. I don’t want you there in thirty minutes, I need you there in ten, make it happen.” He snapped before hanging up. “We’ve got you, we’re almost there. Just hold on a little bit longer. I’m not going to leave you. I’m here and I’m getting you out, it’s going to be alright, hot chocolate and musically tapping rain and cuddles tomorrow. I’ll even do your paper work for you, give you a nice little vacation… You’re almost home…just hold on.”
Q didn’t leave him, speaking soothingly, an anchor in a stormy sea, even as he shook with worry and tears streaked down his face, and his eyes showed exactly how exhausted he was. The phone rang and Q picked it up. “This is Q. Is primary secure? –No I’m not fucking asked about the goddamn intel, I’m asking about 003 you fucking asshole. Is he alright? Thank you. Bring him home, now.” Q hung up and then gently started to speak again. “Do you need me to stay, Jordan? I can stay with you, the whole way home if you need… Alright. Yes, I will attend to it personally. I promise I won’t tell a soul, alright? Just you and me…no one else needs to know. I’ll make sure to do that, okay. Four hours, alright? Call me if you need me, try to rest, they’ll take care of you or I’ll stab them each thirty-seven times in the chest.” Q chuckled. “I knew that would make you laugh, I knew I should have never shown you that video. Call me if you need me, okay? For anything. Safe flight…we’ll see you soon.” Q pulled his earpiece and took a deep breath before picking up his phone and dialing another memorized number. “Bill? Yeah, it’s me. Everything’s alright, but something happened in Moscow and Jordan was hurt. I know, I know, I’m sorry, I never should have lost track of him, that’s my fault, but he’s alive and stable and he’s on his way home. He’ll be in medical in four hours, okay? He wanted me to let you know, he’s safe. He told me to tell you Aloe…whatever that means…um, yeah… Yes, I can send a car, sir.” He typed for a minute. “Done sir, they’ll be there in fifteen. I’m sorry sir, I’ll give you more of a report when you arrive. Yes, sir. See you soon.”
“Q…?” Q ignored James completely.
“R, I need you to oversee his trip back, if anything changes, if there is even fucking turbulence—I need to know, understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“We won’t let this happen again, understood?”
“Yes, sir.” Everyone chorused.
“We can’t afford mistakes like this.” Q muttered. He wiped his eyes and turned around. “I don’t have time, right now, Bond. I have to report to M and be downstairs when Tanner arrives, so just leave you’re equipment on my desk, I’ll deal with it once I’m done with everything else. Go home, get some rest.” Q nodded before he strode past James quickly.
“Q—”
“Not now, 007!” Q snapped before he disappeared.
“You can’t...deal with him like that.” R whispered. “If you try to comfort him he just…breaks. He won’t let you talk to him…not like this.”
“Is he like that every time?”
“A bit of him breaks every single time.”
“I never knew he always sounds so calm…”
“Anything but calm. He…takes it personally. He’s been awake for four days, back-to-back missions, yours and then 003’s. I don’t think he’s eaten since yesterday morning. He’s running on…next to nothing. And he’ll still stay. He’ll stay with Tanner until 003 arrives and he’ll make sure 003’s alright before he goes home…”
“I didn’t know.”
“He wouldn’t tell you…” R sighed heavily. “I need to work, just, put your equipment on his desk, he’ll want the work to occupy him while he waits for 003.
800Q8
James finished the sauce and put it in the fridge. He’d been appalled at how empty Q’s cupboards had been, but not surprised. There was tea, three microwave meals, and salt and pepper in his house. It was as if the man didn’t even live there. James slipped everything he’d bought into his fridge and cupboards before putting the cupcakes front and center in the fridge, Q loved cupcakes.
James had managed to clean the small flat before he sat down on the couch and waited. An hour later, Q opened his door and fumbled for almost a minute and a half trying to lock it again, his hands failing him. He turned and jumped, a startled sound coming from him before he tried to glare at James. “Please, now is not the time for an impromptu visit. I’m tired, filthy, starving, have a fractured wrist, and managed to get an agent tortured, I really don’t need this right now.” Q’s right wrist was in a splint, which further explained his fumbling.
“I know, go take a shower, okay, don’t kill yourself, falling down, okay? I’ll get you some food, okay?”
“Um…okay.” Q passed him and the shower started as James boiled water for pasta. He re-heated some of the sauce and put it on a plate with pasta before, setting it on the table. Q arrived a minute later, his hair dripping, his white t-shirt slightly wet at the top. He had on blue pajamas and his glasses were askew and slightly foggy. James pushed the plate to him when he sat down and Q instantly took to it, like a man starved. He didn’t apologize for it and James didn’t ask him to as he cleaned up the kitchen. “Um…thank you, that was, nice. I didn’t know I didn’t have things in my cupboards… I haven’t really been home in…um.” Q rubbed his head, trying to figure it out.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s time to go to sleep…come on.” James said, leading Q into his room.
“Um…thank you… Um, I’m okay, go get some rest.”
“You’re not alright.”
“Please…just… I just want to sleep, I don’t want to talk or anything, just…”
“Sh, come on.” James helped Q into bed, covering him in his covers.
“Bond—never mind.” James gently getting into bed next to Q, laying on top of the cover, knowing what he had meant to say. Q didn’t say anything, but curled up closer to James and buried his head against James’ chest. James wrapped an arm around him and combed fingers through Q’s hair before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head.
Q didn’t go to sleep, his body began to shake in James’ arms. James didn’t say anything, but gently rubbed Q’s back, trying to sooth the sobbing man. Was this how rough missions always ended for Q? Was he always so alone? Did he have nothing to eat and no one to lean on? Did he always hold on for everyone and break with no one to put him back together?
“Sh…it’s okay, it’s alright, Q.” James didn’t let go of him, even after Q’d cried himself to sleep. James just hoped that he could help to hold Q together as much as he held everyone else together.