Work Text:
Unexpected
The news came back and Q nearly collapsed. M was dead because of him. He’d fucked up and they had to run because of him. He’d fucked up and had to break the law to smuggle them out. He’d fucked up and had been the one to intentionally lead Silva to them (even though he was asked to he counted it as a mistake). He’d gotten M killed and he couldn’t stand it.
He left the empty Q-branch and hid in one of the many, dark, damp, and rat infested corridors, his head buried in his knees. He’d seriously fucked up and barely into his time as Quartermaster. Not only had he been responsible for the death of M, but he’d also nearly lost an agent and had committed treason all in the span of a few hours. He was either going to be killed or end up dying of shame or self loathing.
“Q?” Q winced as a hand landed on his shoulder. “What are you doing down here?”
Q didn’t answer.
“You realize it’s cold and full of rats?”
Q didn’t answer. Mallory slowly sat down next to him. “You’ve never lost one, have you?” He asked gently a few minutes later.
“No, never.”
“Q, you did everything you could.”
“I played right into his hand. I was over confident…not such a clever boy. Now M’s dead.”
“So’s the bad guy and 007 is coming back home, mildly hypothermic and in shock, but alive.”
“M was like his mother. I know what it’s like to lose a parent. What about the other double-os? They loved her too, and I got her killed.”
“We were all fooled, and with that you did an admirable job. You gave them the advantage, you gave them the head start, you gave them safety; it was their job to finish the job, and there were casualties, casualties happen sometimes.”
“He would have never gotten out without me being an idiot.”
“We never would have caught him the first or second time without you. I had a chance to kill him and I missed it. 007 had a chance, Eve had a chance… We all cocked up somewhere down the line. We just have to remember that next time not everyone is allowed to make a mistake at the same time. Mistakes happen, they just should be few and far between, this time we all decided to get them out of the way at the same time.”
“You got shot because of me.”
“I got shot because I pulled M out of the way, my choice, not yours.” Mallory sighed. He was sure the man was too young, that he’d snap at his loss and never function quite right again. “You know, I’m surprised you’re not more worried about the trail you left.”
“Oh I’m worried about that, but treason would be an apt punishment.”
“No, it wouldn’t be, and no one else knows, Q. If you really feel the need for punishment, you need to start working again. You need to be out their fighting and bringing the agents who need you back home. You had a perfect record Q, I’ve seen it, but no one makes it through here without damage. You need to take the beating and go on, bringing as many home as you can and realizing that as much as you want to you can’t control every situation down to the last detail.”
“I should be able to.”
“You forget the human element. It’s rather unpredictable compared to technology. That’s why we have blunt instruments, it’s why there is a double-o sector, because things need a human touch. Not everything is neatly packaged. You’re a great Quartermaster, Q, and you should know that. Now, I know for a fact that you have burns down your back from that explosion and this position and environment is not healthy for them or my shoulder, so let’s get you out of here alright? Go home, drink some tea, be ready to work tomorrow. It’s all we can do.” Mallory stood up and Q slowly stood up after him.
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“I must look awfully small.”
“Well you are, what, fifteen?”
“Thirty-two.”
“There is no way in hell you’re that old.”
“That’s what my original birth certificate says…the MI6 one paints me a bit younger.”
“We all fall some days, but you always have to be ready to get back up.”