Archive of Our Own

1. Fireworks

Nothing beats Inazuman festivals, you’ve told yourself. Since the borders opened not long ago (all thanks to the Traveller’s divine intervention), you made sure to book a ship heading to the nation for a much-needed vacation away from the stress of your job, and from the people you have had to put up with on a daily basis.

But it just so happened that Kaeya Alberich, Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius, was heading for the same destination. And it just so happened that he booked the exact same ship. And that his suite was exactly beside yours.

So technically no.

The summer vacation you were hoping to have away from all the stressors from home was nigh unachievable.

He made sure to be as annoying as possible during the entire trip, sticking close to you when you would try to find a quiet place, then talk your head off about whatever came to his mind. The weather, the sea, the stormy clouds—he made sure you weren’t by yourself. Not if he could help it anyway.

And perhaps if you had been a year younger, you would have loved his company. But you’re a year older and nothing had been the same since the first time you met Kaeya. He was no longer this dreamboat of an idea in your mind, too unattainable to consider the possibilities (the what ifs). You’ve spent one year with him—one year too long and you were able to see the sides of him that he doesn’t normally show to others. Suddenly he was more human and less of a daydream concept.

Before you knew it, you were in over your head.

Well, at some point, after realizing your feelings, you just got tired of it. After all, being in a constant state of a bumbling, mumbling mess who’s constantly shaking just by being near proximity—it wasn’t good for your position as one of the knights under his command. So as time progressed, you just got tired of the butterflies.

The only way to smother them is to burn them up. That is to say, you might as well tell him if you want to move on.

So when the fireworks went off in the sky during the heights of the festival, you turned to him. Knowing something was up, Kaeya looked back to you. He asked you to speak up, so you did.

I think I like you.

Just in time for the climax of the fireworks show.

You smiled.

Of course, he didn’t hear you. He squinted as if seeing less would have helped him hear you better. So you snickered at him and his dumb confused face. He asked you to repeat yourself, but

the moment has long passed.

It was better that way, you reckoned. You never banked on Kaeya looking as good as he did in Inazuma’s local fashion anyway. If you had stared at him any longer while saying the words you’ve kept secret for too long, you might have combusted much like the fireworks in the sky.

Still, the better part of you wilted when he asked you to repeat yourself. But what were you even expecting?

Everything was set up exactly how you planned. The loudness of the festival, of the fireworks, of the music and laughter—all of it to hide everything you’ve ever wanted to tell him.

2. Patrol

It was a sunny day, but it was just a bit of a bummer that Kaeya Alberich managed to find you during your lunch break. It was as if he had a radar with your name on it, tracking your every move. And he liked to look at it every time you weren’t already within his field of vision.

That, or it was just that Kaeya was really, truly passing by the restaurant you were at and decided to stop by.

He pulled out the seat across from you, placing his own order on the table. You were at the outdoor tables, hoping to leave right away after finishing. You suppose it was partly your fault, settling at a place where you were easily seen.

“I wasn’t aware that this joint would be to your liking,” he said, taking up the space across from you. You looked down at your meal, avoiding the lavender of his eye.

“And I wasn’t aware that you like to dine with your subordinates.” You sighed, taking a bite of your meal. When you looked back up at him, he was already staring at you with his chin on the back of his hand. “Can I help you?”

“I haven’t seen you since we came back from Inazuma.”

It’s been a week and a half since. Among other responsibilities keeping you occupied, you’ve begun to actively avoid the first hints of Kaeya. Someone as intelligent as him, of course, he’d notice.

“Likewise. Perhaps it’s you who’s avoiding me, Captain,” you said, a smile on your lips.

He scoffed, finally digging into his own meal. “Avoiding and then gaslighting me. How kind of you, esteemed knight.” Then he shrugged. “And try not to call me ‘captain’ while we’re on break. Don’t make our relationship strictly professional. Really, I’m almost offended.”

You rolled your eyes. It was then that you caught sight of a passing dog. It’s one of the strays you often see on the main street of the city. This one, you’ve given more than one or two of your leftover meals. In your mind, you’ve named him Tux because of his black and white coat.

Tux trotted right up to your table and you couldn’t even hide your wide grin. You knew he must be coming over to ask for your leftovers again—and you might have given him whatever you had left if he sat and gave you his paw kindly.

Imagine the surprise on your face when he walked right past you, tail swishing to and fro, and sat right in front of Kaeya. Even the man himself was surprised. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh at you or coo at Tux.

He chose to laugh at you. Heartily, at that.

“Seems this puppy isn’t afraid of me!” He turned to Tux to smother him with loving pets. “Can you believe this? Most cats and dogs hiss and bark at me but it seems this one is the accepting among all of them.”

A bit grumbly, you finished up the rest of lunch before crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair. “Tux isn’t the only one who likes you.”

“Hm?” Kaeya turned back to you. “No, I assure you, I haven’t been able to pet a stray animal since I was a child.”

Well…

That flew over his head.

Figured.

You picked up your takeout and pressed to your feet. “Going already?” He asked.

“My break is almost over, Captain.”

3. Calla Lilies

He happened to say it off-handedly one day.

I don’t believe I’ve received a bouquet of flowers before. Not outside of Windblume anyway.

But you figure that he must be lying. After all, Kaeya Alberich, one of the most famous bachelors in town, not having received flowers outside of Windblume? He must have been baiting. Doing his mischievous little pranks.

Still, there you were, spending your day off in Springvale with a woven basket in hand. It’s halfway full of calla lilies, sweet flowers, and other smaller flowers. It’s more than you ought to give the man so you figured you might as well use the others for decorating your apartment. You weren’t doing all this just so you could possibly fall right into his hands after all.

You still had some self-respect.

Yet still, at the end of the day, sitting by the pond as the orange sunset light bathed you in all its glory, you couldn’t help but think about the silliness of it all. So silly that you came back after putting all of the picked flowers into vases to keep their freshness. Even while you were supposed to be relaxing, you found yourself worrying about the same stupid thing anyway. This way and that, it seems, when it comes to your mind.

The next day, before Kaeya usually comes into work, you dropped the bouquet of calla lilies on his desk and left promptly. Of course, you made sure no one witnessed you enter and leave, especially not with flowers in your hands.

Though you suppose that would end your dilemma; this whole thing about telling him your feelings. You could let the rumours speak of your feelings to him.

But you told yourself that that was the coward’s way—and you were no such thing.

And when Kaeya came into his office, he was utterly surprised to find them. He inspected the quality of it, smelled them too. At first, he truly thought it was some kind of threat. Or perhaps it was poisoned—but the only ones who knew of his favourite flowers were few and far between. Most of them wouldn’t go out of their way to give him something so ominous so early in the morning. The person who decided to take a guess hit the lucky mark this time.

Kaeya poked his head out of his office, bouquet in hand. He stopped the very first knight he saw, Huffman, who was on his way elsewhere. Kaeya had asked him if he happened to see anyone enter his office, but as the knight was just passing by in earnest, he told him that he hasn’t. And that raised more questions than it should have answered. How is it that no one had seen the admirer when even the inside of the Headquarters has eyes and ears in its wall?

So the next time he passed by you, leaving the Knights’ Headquarters, he was just about to return from his evening patrol. The last thing he does in his routine.

“Leaving already?” He asked, a practiced smile on his face. It’s not really directed to you.

“Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ca—”

“Won’t you wait for me?”

You swallowed thickly. “... Pardon?”

“I’ve had the strangest day today. Won’t you be a dear and accompany me to Angel’s Share?”

You stared at him, unmoving as your hand tightened on the strap of your satchel. It’s threatening to fall. To slip. Like the facade of frigidness that you put on just to appear indifferent to him.

He always says whatever he wants. Doesn’t take others into consideration—certainly not you.

“I’ll have to decline, Captain.” You forced a polite smile. It’s faltering at the edges. “I would like to sleep early for my shift tomorrow.”

Kaeya’s smile faltered ever so slightly. Or so you must have imagined it so. Because even if it did, it was covered up immediately after. He shrugged and even that was elegant. “Suit yourself. I was even going to offer to pay for whatever you ordered.”

You looked away from him, but his lavender eye continued to stare straight through your forehead. You scoffed. The satchel you always carried had never felt heavier.

“Goodnight, Captain.”

4. Rooftop

You never learned how to unpack Kaeya’s mind. How to pick it apart so you could understand him better. So when he asked you to watch the stars with him on the rooftop of the Headquarters, you were far too baffled to give him an answer. And he took your silence as an agreement before hastily pulling you along with him. You knew his hands were cold things, but they’ve been the warmest you’ve ever known them that night.

He might have already had a drink or two in him since catching you on your way out of the Headquarters. You stayed late to finish up some paperwork, and in the process, ended up running a few errands for some of the other captains. The ones Kaeya lovingly calls ‘the incompetent ones.’

The wind was already cold against your skin the moment he opened the door. The rooftop is a popular spot for knights seeking a new place to take a break. But in the dead of night, there is no one to litter the place save for a few lost souls. Or people hoping to look at the stars. You weren’t sure where you fit into those two things. Where Kaeya fits into those two things.

He sighed in satisfaction as he rested his elbows on the edge of the railings. Mondstadt City was the kind of place where you’d rather let yourself get carried away into the party rather than observe it from afar. Or so you used to think. The lights had never been prettier. Especially with someone like Kaeya standing beside you, shielding you from the cold night breeze.

Does he even know what he does to you when he closes the distance? When he touches his arm with yours, looking elsewhere while he leaned to you ever so slightly. Does he ever see your hands tremble? The way you answer, a beat too slow because you’re overthinking your words.

Does he?

Does he? When he looks at you and you avoid his gaze. Or does everyone else do that in front of him too, so much so that it’s become the norm for him? Perhaps he’s used to the nervousness. To the avoidance. The beating around the bush and whatever else those shy people show around him.

For a moment, you thought about acting the exact same opposite. Act boldly. Act like this was the very last chance you’ll ever get to spend time with him. Maybe it’ll put his attention on you, pretty like a crown you can wear on your head. Here is a person who managed to attract the ever elusive Captain Kaeya. Because what is all this for if not to just meet your own ends? A relationship with him might sound sweet at first, but with the both of you always being busy with your jobs, where do you find the time to meet?

He’s this big personality, flirty but gentle all the same. He’s kind especially when he wants to be. Hell, everything that you might have fallen for might as well have been a product of his kindness.

With a captaincy and years of swordsmanship experience under his belt, he’s one of the top knights of the nation, and one of the strongest people you know. He does whatever he wants in a way that he knows will work because he's that confident in his own skills.

And how could you ever keep such a man tied down?

In the case that he even answers your feelings.

Besides, you’re only trying to confess so you could put an end to your own miserable feelings. This was an ‘end’ more than a ‘beginning.’

Laughter broke you out of your thoughts, grounding you back to reality. The reality where Kaeya’s warm fur was pressed up against your ear, keeping you warm. He turned to you, eyes alit with the lights from below.

“Are you alright?” He asked. He called you by name this time, and you realized that he seldom calls you so. It sounded gentle coming from his lips. It’s safe with him, you realized.

“Tired.” There was a brief pause in which you debated with yourself whether it’s right to tell him any more. And him, waiting patiently for the answer. In the end, you sighed. “There was a lot to do in the HQ.”

He looked away from you and forward, towards the gates of the city. There was an incoming empty caravan. You could feel the moment his attention left you, and with just the two of you on that rooftop, it was almost… lonely. So you tried again. “How about you, how are you, Captain?”

“Same old, same old.” He smiled, though it’s lacking what would have made for a genuine one. “Talking to no-good guys and charming the citizens at the same time.” There’s that flamboyant tone to his voice once again.

You sneered, though it’s very rarely hostile when it’s meant for him. “Yeah? You sure as hell have charmed me too, Captain.”

And until Kaeya escorted you back to your apartment in the city, till you’ve shut the door in his face, till he entered the taverns and till he took his usual stool at the bar, your words stuck to him like gum under his sole.

What was that all for? Your words never make any sense to him.

No. No, that’s not it at all. He just doesn’t want them to make sense because he never wanted to deal with them. You were his subordinate. Someone who he took a liking to because he witnessed the determination on your face when you were still a trainee and thought it reminded him oddly of someone he knew (once upon a time).

You’ve always dealt with him and you would even entertain him whenever he’d seek you out specifically. He’d catch the frown on your face the moment you notice him and he would snicker at that because you were among the few who didn’t like his presence. But you were his friend. You’ve always been his friend, no matter what the definition of it is.

You’ve just always been there for him.

And maybe that’s exactly why he doesn’t think much of it even as he tried to mull your last words to him.

He washed it away with a glass of his favourite cocktail.

5. Fire-Water

You were already too far gone by the time Kaeya found you slumped in your seat in Angel’s Share. Your wine, supposedly Dandelion Wine, though smelling nothing like it, was nursed in your hands as someone he didn’t recognize had their arm around your shoulder. He doubted you knew this person because you weren’t the kind to go out of your way and socialize at a place like this. He knew of your friends, and he can count them all in his two hands.

So he fought his way to get you out of their hold—that is to say, he simply threatened them with his words and the sword glinting by his hip. And his vision too, he supposed.

And once you were out of their booth, he wrapped his arm around your waist to support you as he made a beeline for the stairs. To him, you weighed no more than a basket of grapes, so when you began to push at him to create some distance, he hauled you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Makes it easier to get you up the second floor anyway. A couple of other drunken patrons whistled at him—but you, drunk out of your mind, were too busy trying to control your embarrassment to even yell back at them.

There was barely a soul on the second floor of the tavern and you were more than thankful about that. He only let you down once you stopped hitting him and in doing so, he even helped you straighten out your clothes. You were out of uniform for once, coming to Angel’s Share just to waste your free night away.

Who would have known that Kaeya would be able to find you like he had so many other times before?

He sat you down at one of the booths and with both of his hands on your shoulders, he eyed you scoldingly. “Stay. And don’t you dare leave. I’ll just get you a glass of water, okay?”

It doesn’t really register in your mind, but trying to understand him kept you quiet enough to do the trick regardless. You didn’t notice it, but he would look at you every other second until he was fully out of the second floor. And no more than a minute later, he was back with a tall glass of water. He slid beside you (you, getting shoved further into the booth) and pushed it your way.

“Drink,” he said.

“No,” you snapped back.

“No?” There’s an amused lilt to his voice. Has he ever seen you this drunk before?

“Who are you to tell me what to do, mister? Wasn’t it enough that you even dragged me out of… out of there?” You swished your arm to point towards the first floor, to the booth you were just at.

Kaeya only chuckled, his chin resting on the back of his hand as he watched you complain further. But he had to cut in. “Did you even know what you were drinking?”

You grunted as an answer. “Dan’ilion wine. With a Snezhnayan twist, they said.”

“Huh. And you never thought of asking them what this ‘Snezhnayan twist’ is?”

“No.” You shook your head exaggeratedly. “I mean, they said it’d help me.. forget… The reason why I was even here was because I... I wanted to forget.”

He hummed. “And what is it exactly that you’re trying to forget?”

You stared at your glass of water, half empty. In your drunken stupor, you mistook it for vodka and tried to down it, not minding the way it spilled from the corners of your mouth. He laughed, urging you to bring the glass down from your lips.

Then you whipped your head to him, taking him by surprise. He raised both hands in defence.

“The fact that..” Then you paused. Trailed off. “That… ah, what was it again?”

He just placed a hand over your forehead to pet your hair and then over your eyes. He pushed you down so you could lean back on your seat. You let him.

“You’re too far gone, little knight. I ought to take you home now.” He said it in a perfect copy of the Fontaine accent. Kaeya held out his hand to you and waited until you placed yours in his. And once he got a hold of you, his fingers closed tightly around yours.

You drank the rest of your water and as he helped you up, then he took the glass and placed it on the table. You told him it’s rude to leave things behind, but he simply told you that he’ll have someone bring it back for you. Childishly, you pushed him back.

“You have to come home, dear,” Kaeya said, tugging on your arm.

“No! I don’t want to yet.” He tried to get you to your feet, but your knees buckled and he had to wrap his arm around your waist to support you again. “Going home means… Ugh, I have to face so many things when I get home!”

He paused, but he doesn’t quite relent. “Such as?”

“Every—you know what, why are you even here, mister? Just leave me be. If people saw us like this, I’m sure they’ll start talking. Wouldn’t be good for you. T’last time I was seen with someone, that captain of mine interrogated me for hours on end!” You laughed. Mirthless. Jaded. “And then I never heard from that other person again.”

If your honest words baffled him, he did a good job masking his surprise. “Let’s go home.”

You looked up at him, and it finally donned on you that the very man you’re talking to was that captain of yours himself. You gasped, hitting his chest with a weak punch. “It’s you, Captain! Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Then you laughed loudly, so freely, unlike he’s ever seen you before.

You stopped trying to get him off of you and you tried to stand by yourself, perhaps out of embarrassment. You still vaguely had a skewed sense of professionalism upon realizing that you’re in the presence of your superior. But you stumbled forward and Kaeya had to catch you in order to stop you from planting face-first on the ground.

“You’ve got reliable arms, Captain. Really, really reliable of you. Really, really~” Unsure of what to do, Kaeya sat you back down on the booth.

“You’re more honest when you’re intoxicated, eh?” He let you catch your breath before getting you back up on your feet.

“And you’re insistent on taking me home.” He guides you towards the stairs. You don’t let him and you wiggled your wrist out of his grip. “Captain, if you don’t let go of me, I’ll kiss you.”

Kaeya’s eye widened, and his lips parted in surprise—but it was gone as soon as it came. You wouldn’t have caught it in your state. He was quiet at first, then he looked away. His hand remained around yours. What replaced his surprise was just…

exasperation.

“No you won't,” he said. “That’s not like you after all.”

You crunched your brows together, offended but feeling challenged all the same.

“You don’t do things you don’t mean,” he continued.

Then he was helping you down the stairs of the tavern, step by step, his hand remained guiding you. Even as he said his last goodbyes to his friends and to the people he knew, he didn’t put you out of his sight. Didn’t put you in one spot so he can mingle at the end of the night. When people asked if he was going to take you home, he laughed and said yeah.

Just taking my little knightling home.

But you knew deep down he didn’t mean that. His little knight. He has more than a dozen knights under his command. You were just among them. My. My, my, my.

How foolish.

Even in your drunken stupor, you knew when it was time to give up.

On the way to your house, Kaeya got you on his back because you’ve tripped too many times and Mondstadt City had too many stairs.

When you asked him if you were too heavy, he told you that you weren’t and that he’s carried heavier things. If you had half the mind you usually did, you might have wondered whether he was merely talking about tangible things or if it goes deeper than that.

“Did you ever remember what it was you were trying to forget or did the Fire-Water actually help?” He had asked, a street away from your apartment.

The glass of water, though not nearly enough, helped to sober you up somewhat. That and the chilly night breeze. “Yeah. No. No, it didn’t really help.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You sniffled from the cold. You vaguely had enough awareness to pray to the archon to keep you from a cold. “Yeah, after all, I still know your name, Kaeya Alberich.”

+1. Death After Noon

He knew. Of course, Kaeya knew.

A year of spending time with you was not wasted. He knew, to some extent, that you were interested in him, but he didn’t think of it at first. You acted much like those shy admirers, trying to be around him as much as you could despite how being a knight pulled you in all different directions.

He noticed the glances you stole from him. The little comments you made under your breath. He’d ask you to repeat them though he already heard you—and you’d play it off like a kid caught red-handed and whistle away.

Over the months, he began to get attached to you too, seeing you so often and so frequently. You squeezed your way into his life. Before he knew it, he considered you a friend, a confidant, and someone he had to annoy on a daily basis because that was the only way he knew how he could be close to you without scaring you off.

Of course, he knew.

But there was a point when you eventually got tired of it. Of him and his unresponsiveness. He supposed that’s only fair. He gives up on people faster than they could realize it, but… it was just… it was

“So lonely.”

Kaeya sat in one of the lonelier booths in the back corner of Angel’s Share. The last time he was there was over half a week ago when he found you drunk out of your mind. He was drinking with Rosaria, but since she had her own things to do, she left before him. And he was left terribly, utterly, pathetically lonely.

He thought of you. How you might indulge him begrudgingly if he had pulled you out of your activities—but as it was, you were already avoiding him like he was a plague. Since the last time he saw you, you’ve made no move to come to him yourself. Of course, he’d see you now and again during patrol, but you never walked with him since. Haven’t even spoken a single word—not a single wave in greeting.

It had to come to that point for him to realize just how much he’d fucked up.

Knowing you, you might even request to transfer units.

Kaeya picked his head up from the table, four, five glasses littering the table. All of which were his.

“Is this what you do when you know you know you’re off tomorrow?”

Your voice cut through his self-pity and he had half the mind to look at you. There’s something on your face that he couldn’t quite place. What was it? Pity? Disgust? He might have known if he was a little more sober.

But he wasn’t. And all he could do was smile at you.

“If it’s what’ll get you to appear magically in front of me.”

You don’t ride his joke. You didn’t even shake your head the way you do when he says something obscenely stupid just to get a rise out of you. How could you change so much in such a short time?

Well, maybe you’ve always been like this.

“Master Diluc called me. Told me to take you home.” Kaeya looked towards the bar. Sure enough, Diluc was watching with those sharp eagle eyes. Angry, but all the more concerned.

“Would you stop avoiding me if he ordered you?” He grumbled, letting his head fall back on the table.

“What?” You scoffed. “Come on, Captain. We have to leave soon. Tavern’s closing.” You took his arm and hauled him off the chair. He complied, though his steps were unsure. He was leaning half his weight on you. “Captain—ugh, Kaeya, get on your feet!”

At the call of his name, he seemed to snap out of his haze. He leaned on you, though he was beginning to walk properly. You guided him out of the door and into the cold streets of Mondstadt City.

It was a quiet walk home. The streets were long empty and not even the stray cats and dogs were awake to watch you struggle under Kaeya’s weight (was it all the muscles?).

But then he spoke up. “You’re… the most thoughtful person I know.” He said, slurred here and there. You gave him a small mhm. That encouraged him to keep going. “The most kind.”

Mhm.

“The most beautiful.”

Yup.

“The most loving.”

Mhm.

“The most patient… with me.”

He added that last part. He had to.

The two of you reached his house. He fished around his pocket for his keys automatically. You watched him, back hunched, his actions void of their usual elegance. Once his door was opened, he turned to you, his eyepatch beginning to slip from its place. His scar was peeking out slightly. That would never pass if he was more aware of himself.

“Come in?” He asked, innocence in his voice. It can’t be genuine.

You smiled, faintly. Cordially. “My patience is not without its limits, Captain.”

The distance widened. He could sense it despite himself.

And he watched as it become a gap too wide when you turned around and down his porch. Then up the street, where you walked until he could no longer see you. You never once looked back at him again.

He doesn’t call out to you.