Work Text:
Porsche sat meditating, back pressed up against the bars. He had to keep it together. Even if Kinn- even if no-one else needed him, he had to keep it together for Porché. Everything else could burn, was burning, but his little brother needed him to not spiral into despair and pain like he so desperately wanted to.
He breathed slowly in and out, ignoring the pains in his heart that had been coming for a while now. Omegas felt things deeply it was said, but Porsche had never heard of a heart actually breaking just cause one alpha decided their omega wasn’t worth anything anymore.
Porsche was made of iron, he wasn’t so fragile.
But the pain was real, even as he breathed and tried to empty his mind of the biting thoughts and sheer betrayal, it ached in greater and sharper waves.
Eventually he felt under control, his emotions dulled under a soft numb fog. His chest felt hollow and airy, pain, and everything else, gone.
Right up until Tawan’s little visit. The fog started compressing as soon as the man sat down, so happy and smug. Sadness tried bubbling up through the fog, as Porsche fought to ignore the barbs thrown at him by a man who had already won.
He had Kinn, what else could he want?
Porsche kept his hands in his lap, hiding the small shakes that started occurring every so often.
Porsché, Porsché, everything could be endured for Ché.
But what had he done?
Porsche gripped his hands tighter as Tawan left gloating, and his thoughts spiralled.
He knew he hadn’t exactly been a model employee for the Theerapanyakul’s, but surely Kinn could see- surely Kinn knew- he loved Kinn.
Porsche’s breathing took a tight tone as he fought to keep his calm.
Porsche didn’t understand. Maybe he was stupid and more of a pretty face than a real intellect; he knew his grades were only even passing because Tem helped him out with classes and Jom made sure Porsche had lecture notes even for classes Jom didn’t attend.
But was he really so stupid that he had believed Kinn had loved him.
Even at his most happy pre-Kinn, he had been a realist. Sure most of his ‘dates’ never made it beyond the bar alleyway, but they had been fun and light and safe.
Porsche had no idea when he had so utterly abandoned realism for the fantasy world where Kinn loved him and they could be together and their life could be anything like it had been the past few days.
Porsche thought of Kinn’s eyes when he’d last seen him. His naturally dark eyes had gone black, flat like a shark’s. They weren’t even empty, but filled with such apathy that Porsche held back a shudder as he remembered.
He remembered how those dark eyes had been so soft when they had lain together in bed, hidden away from people; Porsche stroking Kinn’s cheekbone and smiling at the soft skin. Such soft skin for a ruthless man.
Porsche realised his thumb had started stroking the back of his own hand, mirroring the memory, and held back a sob.
Strong for Porsché, everything for Ché.
Porsche had never felt so much like a typical omega. All the stereotypes about hysterical omega and their emotionality, the endless anecdotes spouted by alphas about omegas going ‘too far’ because they ‘couldn’t control themselves’. A heartbroken girlfriend, an angry mum, an uptight guy who couldn’t take a compliment.
Maybe Porsche had secretly thought himself above them, maybe this was his punishment. He’d never been categorised as a typical omega, his low hormone levels meant that his heats had never been much of a problem and his height and broad shoulders meant that a lot of alphas saw him less as a potential fuck as a potential rival, or just a mild freak.
Most of his problems had been outside him being an omega. But maybe this was the natural ending after all.
He wasn’t like Tawan, who was also tall but willowy and elegant. He wasn’t like any of the boys whose pictures he’d scrolled through on Kinn’s phone.
He hadn’t thought about it really, how very much different he was. So much bulkier, not as small or dainty. Not as soft and nice and pretty, just like Kinn said. His type was nice.
Porsche wasn’t nice. Porsche was loud, and rough, and whilst he wasn’t tripping over every surface (usually) he wasn’t graceful.
Porsche had attended a couple of events standing behind Kinn on point, protecting him. He couldn’t imagine himself beside Kinn. He didn’t fit.
The chest pains were back. Porsche stood up, swaying slightly. Maybe movement would help keep his mind focused away from- things.
It didn’t help but it gave him something to do. Maybe he would be let go eventually. There was no real evidence (Porsche knew this was never about the evidence). If the real traitor was found then maybe they would see that all he wanted to do, all he ever wanted to do was keep Kinn safe.
A deeper, sharper pain occurred with the thought that Kinn wasn’t safe right now. Porsche wasn’t the traitor, which meant the real mole was still out there, ready to attack again, someone near Kinn. Someone who could hurt Kinn.
Porsche keened, hands grabbing tightly at his arms , trying to keep any remaining calm left.
He stopped and closed his eyes, fingers digging into flesh to keep centred.
Porsché. Porsché. Porsché. Porsché.
He heard the scrape of a shoe behind him. His heart leapt. What if-
“I knew you would trust…”
Vegas’ face stared back at him.
“Run away with me Porsche.”
It wasn’t Kinn.
Kinn didn’t come. Kinn wouldn’t come. Kinn wouldn’t come because Kinn didn’t care. Kinn had really abandoned him. Them.
Vegas’ eyes widened as he saw Porsche collapse in on himself, hand clawing at his arms. A horrible sound started coming from him, an aching hollow noise.
Something was very wrong with Porsche. Frustrated, Vegas pitched his voice in false concern.
“Porsche? Porsche! What’s wrong, tell me, Porsche snap out of it!”
Vegas shook the bars slightly, hoping the noise would startle the omega slumped on the floor.
The noise coming from Porsche stopped. Then it seemed as if everything did as Porsche collapsed fully onto the floor, curled in a little ball. Vegas crouched and reached a hand out through the bars, now mildly worried for real.
“Porsche…?”
Porsche’s eyes were mostly closed, and frighteningly blank.
Porsche felt cushioned. His mind felt enclosed on all sides by something thick and soft. He could still feel the cold cell floor under him, but it no longer mattered. Nothing mattered.
Kinn stared at the Bangkok skyline, entire body itching to move, to run downstairs where he knew Porsche was waiting for an explanation.
Obeying his father had never been so difficult. Disobeying him had never felt so easy an option.
Luring Tawan took importance his father said. This mess with the yakuza and Italians had the potential to spiral to the other minor clans if weakness was perceived.
Blood in the water.
Kinn knew this, knew how the plan hinged on Tawan believing Kinn was isolated and easily fooled.
But the plan also hinged on Kinn looking Porsche straight in the face and saying he didn’t trust him.
Porsche had looked- he had looked so hurt. Kinn had said to him that he was done with hurting him, done with making huge mistakes that led to Porsche paying for them.
And then he had turned round and done it again. Kinn couldn’t get Porsche’s eyes out his head.
Those huge brown eyes that he could never really look away from. So much life there, such a spark of joy that Kinn coveted beyond everything.
Kinn’s favourite position used to be doggie style, the leverage to really fuck deep and go for as long as possible appealed to him. But with Porsche he was hard pressed to let those eyes out his sight. The waves of pleasure that crested in them, the tears that emerged when he fucked further and further into Porsche created a high Kinn had never felt before. The soft look Porsche gave him when they lay in silence afterwards; Porsche was partial to stroking Kinn’s hair, and Kinn had really never been as soothed as he was in those moments.
And those moments were in danger if he couldn’t fix this soon. Porsche had forgiven him last time, but that was then, and now had Tawan as an ugly complication.
As Kinn stared out, trying to rack his brain for a quicker solution, he became aware of increasingly loud noises outside his rooms. As he turned, he heard the door burst open and saw Pete struggling down the orb lit corridor, Big trying to block him.
“His orders were he wasn’t to be disturbed!” Big yelled, shoving at the encroaching Pete who shoved back equally as hard and making more headway.
“You know he’s going to want to hear this, are you crazy, it’s Porsche!”
Big scowled.
“Orders are orders and I don’t care whatever trouble that traitor is trying to stir up now!”
“What about Porsche?!”
Kinn had moved as soon as Pete had mentioned the name, meeting them halfway.
Big turned and bowed.
“Khun Kinn, I tried to keep him out as ordere-”
“To hell with orders Big!” Kinn growled, as he strode forward and separated the two bodyguards.
“Khun Kinn, I’m so sorry about the disturbance, but you see-”
“What. About. Porsche.” Kinn was aware he wasn’t acting like the untrusting and unfeeling man that he needed Tawan to think of him as, but he didn’t care. Fuck Tawan, fuck his father, fuck the mafia. What was wrong with Porsche?
Pete, for all he had barged his way in practically yelling, now seemed at a loss for words.
“It’s Porsche, it’s well– he’s unwell. Or at least, we think he’s just unwell, he hasn’t been given any water or food yet for him to be poisoned like Khun Tawan-”
Kinn grabbed Pete by the shoulders and shook him. Poisoned?!
Pete’s eyes widened at whatever he saw on Kinn’s face and he started talking quicker, almost gabbling.
“Porsche collapsed sir, in the cells. He was brought to medical after his guard found him and decided he wasn’t faking. The doctor’s examining him now but, um, so far he hasn’t been able to tell us what’s wrong with him.”
Kinn released Pete and staggered slightly; Big moved forward to touch him and he waved him away. He didn’t want anyone touching him. No-one but Porsche.
He nodded at Pete and without speaking took off for medical. His father would be very displeased he was yet again disregarding important work for one man, but his father didn’t understand.
This one man was everything.
Kinn had sprinted to the medical bay, but staring at what was waiting for him he questioned why he had been so hasty to enter what was a sheer nightmare.
A doctor stood off to the side of the bed examining the monitor of an EKG machine and taking notes.
Unable to take his eyes off the body in the bed, Kinn moved further into the room.
“What’s wrong with him?” Kinn croaked, reaching out one hand to grasp the limp one laying on the bed. It was paler than usual.
Porsche was paler than usual.
The doctor winced as he looked at his notes and back at Kinn.
“We are … still determining that Khun Kinn,” the doctor said quickly, wary of making an already erratic Kinn angry.
“Still determining? We pay you extravagantly for ‘still determining’??”
The doctor winced and fiddled with the clipboard he was holding.
“I ah, there is, that is- Khun Porsche is omega isn’t he?”
Kinn narrowed his eyes.
“You have his file, you know he is.” Kinn stood up from where he’d been perched on Porsche’s bed, Porsche’s hand remaining firmly in his.
“Spit it out.”
The doctor scratched his head and sighed.
“It is possible…however rare, that what Khun Porsche is experiencing is Takotsubo syndrome.”
Kinn stared. No.
“Khun Porsche was apparently rubbing his chest on the way to..to the cells, and some of his symptoms fit in with the diagnosis for acute omegan Takotsubo syndrome.”
Kinn knew he had kept hold of Porsche’s hand, but he could no longer feel it. He couldn’t feel anything.
Omegas weren’t as emotionally fragile as all the purists kept spouting, but in rare cases of extreme trauma and emotional turmoil, omegan bodies went through waves of heightened stress to prepare them to fight or flee. Common physical injuries were muscle microtears, hypertension, the sustained adrenalin drop leading to continued fatigue and melancholy.
Extreme cases had torn ligaments, microfractures, and ventricle weakening of the heart.
Kinn stared at Porsche, lying so still in the bed.
“What do you mean some.”
The doctor cleared his throat and scanned his chart again.
“Well there’s significantly less muscle stress and microtearing than we would expect for acute TS, however his EKG results indicate acute stress and weakening in the upper left ventricle as is typical of an acute response.”
Kinn clenched his jaw. He sank back down onto Porsche’s bed, reaching forward and brushing at the dark hair.
It was soft. He’d washed it for Porsche the day before, making a game of dunking Porsche’s head under the spray in between washes, Porsche grappling with him, mostly tweaking his nipples or pinching his thighs.
When Porsche was better, he would wash it for him again. Porsche was like a cat, he loved when Kinn scratched in just the right spots, and was a sucker for a head rub.
He would give Porsche head rubs forever, whatever he wanted. He would bow at his feet every day; everything of him would be Porsche’s.
“What’s-”, he cleared his throat. “What’s the treatment?”
The doctor paused.
“The treatment is…dependent on the incident that caused it. For most stress-induced situations, removal from the environment that caused it, and close supervision until the fatigue lessens.”
Kinn scowled, hand tightening around Porsche’s.
“For Khun Porsche’s acute response, I do believe that things are slightly more, precarious.”
The doctor shuffled more papers.
“Considering the ah, circumstances, removing him from the stressor environment is key but not entirely sufficient,” the cells Kinn supplied in his head, the cells he put Porsche in, “and the most deciding factor may be you, Khun Kinn.”
“Alleviation of Khun Porsche’s emotional…disturbance through physical contact, and once he’s awake and in recovery, trying to resolve the trauma that induced such a severe lapse into TS.”
The doctor had spoken calmly the entire time. But the continuous shuffling of the papers on his clipboard gave away he was not as calm as first thought to be telling his criminal boss that the man everybody suspected was slightly more than an employee to him was emotionally traumatised to the point of collapse and it was Kinn’s fault.
And it was. He did this.
Kinn breathed deeply, trying to squash the rising sick feeling welling up.
All this, just to try and outsmart their current enemy at their own game. He was pathetic. He was a failure.
Porsche was his, and he did this to him.
The doctor had excused himself by this point, not quite fleeing but unwilling to stay in the same room as a clearly upset alpha .
Kinn leaned forward and pressed his head to Porsche’s temple, taking in his scent and centering himself.
He ended up fully curled around Porsche, pressing kisses to his temple and stroking his hair. Whether or not he was just hiding his tears in Porsche’s hairline was futile anyway, as nobody disturbed them for the rest of the night.
Porsche was too warm. He felt stifled, with no strength to find relief from the pressing warmth enveloping him.
His arms were so far away somehow, so detached. He felt detached from himself. He felt safe. He couldn’t think of why that was important.
As seconds went by Porsche felt more in himself, arms slowly coming back to the rest of him, everything feeling a little less blurred, if still heavy and close.
If he could feel confusion he would, as he certainly felt more than two arms pressed against him.
Who…as Porsche stirred awake, his nose bumped into a firm chest and finally he could smell who was holding him so close.
It was Kinn.
Porsche smiled. Of course it was Kinn, most of his days started with waking up to Kinn. But he usually didn’t feel this absolutely hammered to death.
He had never had a hangover like this before, did they even go drinking yesterday? No, they couldn’t, Kinn had been busy with- Tawan.
Porsche curled instinctively as his heart wrenched. Fuck, that was usually a metaphor, but it felt like his heart was in serious agony.
Tears came to his eyes and he didn’t know if they were from the pain or from the memories of yesterday coming back to him.
Frustration added to the mix as he realised he was crying in Kinn’s arms like some overwrought damsel. Crying his heartbreak to the person who had stared camly at him as he caused it.
Kinn stirred as he felt Porsche shuddering slightly. When he registered how damp his shirt was he knew why. He clutched him tighter and hoped that by the end of this that somehow Porsche wouldn’t abandon him entirely.
“Porsche. Porsche. Porsche, please, please calm down, you need to stay calm, you can’t stress yourself out right now.”
Porsche just started shaking his head, hoping that burrowing into Kinn’s chest would keep him from waking up properly and having to deal with a world where Kinn felt nothing for him.
The contradiction of turning further to Kinn to cope with the pain caused by Kinn just made Porsche more frantic.
Porsche had never cried as much as he had during his time working for Kinn.
The deaths of his parents, debt collectors, beatings, the daily burden of working multiple low wage jobs to care for a teenage boy; he’d had his share of breakdowns and crying into his pillow at night.
But nothing as continuously soul wrenching as when he was with Kinn.
“Why,” he sputtered, unwilling to stop crying or remove his face from the warmth of Kinn’s shoulder, “what’s going, when, why would you- I, where am I?”
He knew he wasn’t in the cells anymore, the cold damp air absent; there were definitely not any beds as comfy as the one he was currently lying on there either.
“Ssshhh, calm down darling, you need to calm yourself down. You’re in the hospital bay,” Kinn soothed, pressing Porsche closer and nosing his forehead, “you collapsed in, in the cells, and we took you here.”
“Porsche I’m so sorry. Baby I’m so sorry, so completely and utterly sorry.”
Porsche didn’t know what was going on. Why would Kinn be sorry, Kinn was never sorry, never apologised or backed down. Porsche ignored the fact Kinn had said sorry to him before; that last day of theirs, when they promised no more doubts. He couldn’t have meant it if he had thrown him away so casually afterwards.
He hadn’t realised he’d been shaking his head the whole time until Kinn’s hand came up to try and stop him.
He flinched. He couldn’t take the comforting warmth emanating from Kinn’s hand. It was a lie. There was no comfort for him, not anymore.
“Kinn, stop. Please I, stop, you have to let go, just, please, why are you even-stop.” Porsche cried, unable to articulate beyond the pain.
Kinn shuddered and stopped stroking his face, but if anything his grip got tighter. Porsche felt hot drops at the edge of his hairline, slight tickling as they rolled down the curve of his face, pooling with his own already dripping off his jaw.
“It was all a plan.”
Porsche didn’t know what he meant. What was a plan, comforting him? Kissing him, fucking him, making him think that any part of Kinn was his, letting him spout words of love as Kinn just sat there and said nothing and believed Tawan over him?
Porsche kept silent as he tried and failed to stop crying. With how much he’d been crying the past few hours, maybe days if he’d been out of it for a while, he was pretty sure he could be in here just for severe dehydration.
“It was all to make him overconfident, make him make a mistake, get him to lead us to the real traitor. Please, baby I would never,” Kinn stopped. He had though. He may never have really believed it, but he couldn’t tell Porsche he would never trust anyone more than him. Because he had. He had trusted his father, and his father’s plan.
He loved his father, he was a loyal son; but his father’s plan had led to Porsche looking close to death on the floor of a cell. His Porsche. The only real light in his existence, his pure joy. His phoenix.
“We needed Tawan to believe that he had leverage still, that he had sway. We needed him to tip his hand, so we could burn out the whole nest of spies. So we could keep the upper hand with the Italians.”
Porsche lay limp in his arms, still crying but abandoning all struggle. He felt distant again.
If this was all a plan, why hadn’t Kinn told him? Why, why, had he just sat there with those eyes just blankly staring at him and told him in the shortest way possible that he was being thrown away? Why was that the plan?
“As soon as Tawan would have revealed himself I was going to come get you. I promise.”
Well wasn’t that the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“You promise?” Porsche whispered, tensing.
“You promise?!?”
Kinn startled, Porsche’s sudden yelling disturbing him. He opened his mouth to try and soothe him but ended up gasping for air as a knee came up and slammed into his gut.
Arms weaker than usual but still coiled with power shoved at his shoulders and dumped him on the floor.
As he lay there on the floor fighting to breathe properly again, Kinn felt the urge to smile despite the pain. If he could still dropkick him out of bed, Porsche wasn’t as physically fragile as he had feared.
The emotional fragility was another matter.
“You fucking promise; I remember another promise you made Kinn, ‘no more doubts’, remember that?!” Porsche spat, leaning upright against his pillows as Kinn sat up from his place on the floor.
If Porsche wanted him on the floor, that’s where he’d stay.
“You think I’m taking another promise from you, you can forget it. Forget this, forget me, get out!”
The omega clutched at his heart, steeling himself against the pain with the sheer fury he felt.
So this was all a plan. He went through hours of emotional hell, thinking his alpha- thinking Kinn never loved him. It was fucking sick.
“What the hell were you thinking? Am I so easy for you Kinn, am I such a sure fucking bet that you think you can just toss me aside and pick me up after, no harm done?!?”
Kinn shook his head frantically, eyes locked on where Porsche’s hand was pressing on his chest. On his heart.
“Please Porsche, you can’t think that.” Kinn begged. Mafia heir to the whole of Thailand, literally on his knees, begging.
“You are everything Porsche, you’re the only thing that matters to me, you’re goddamn everything.”
He could see that Porsche didn’t believe him, hand now rubbing in small circles on his chest. Fuck, he was causing Porsche so much heartache he was in hospital from it.
Kinn breathed deeply.
Porsche squinted at Kinn, suspicious at his sudden quiet. As he prepared to yell again, not done telling Kinn exactly how much this was fucked up and exactly where he could shove his stupid fucking plans, which didn’t include telling him, he stopped.
Kinn had moved. He had moved into a very particular position.
Kinn was baring his throat to him.
Alphas had a thing about necks. He knew a few that didn’t even tolerate hickies because it felt too invasive, too challenging. Even when him and Kinn had been intensely fucking it was only if Porsche wanted to rile Kinn up more that he sucked on his neck.
“Porsche Pachara Kittisawat.”
Kinn reached forward and took Porsche’s nearest hand, Porsche too dazed by what was happening to pull away.
And then Kinn placed Porsche’s hand on his neck.
“Porsche Pachara Kittisawat,” Kinn’s eyes shone that soft dark brown again, that deep colour that made Porsche fall in the first place.
“Everything I have, is yours. I, Kinn Annakin Theerapanyakul, submit myself and all I posses to you.”
Porsche gaped. He stared at his hand on Kinn’s throat and felt the steady thrum of Kinn’s pulse.
Oh shit this was real. Kinn had just made a formal submission to him.
Porsche didn’t know where to look. Yesterday he was beyond devastation because Kinn had thrown him away and now, now Kinn had given himself to him. He had formally submitted to Porsche.
This was beyond a promise, this was beyond fucking marriage even. Everything Kinn had, Kinn was, was Porsche’s.
“Oh you fucking arsehole!” Porsche sobbed out as he launched himself out the bed at Kinn.
They landed roughly, clinging to each other tightly on the cold hospital floor.
Kinn rocked him back and forth as he once again found himself crying.
He had been right that he had never cried as much as he had knowing Kinn. But he had never felt such obliterating happiness either.
“I am still so fucking angry with you, this does not make this all fine again.”
Kinn nodded as he kissed all over Porsche’s cheeks, gazing at the face that could command anything of him.
“I know. I promise I know. But I’m dedicated to making it all fine again.”
Kinn and Porsche rested their foreheads together and breathed in each other.
“I’m going to make it fine again. I swear.”
There were going to be moments where Kinn knew he would still see caution in his love’s eyes, subconsciously waiting for the shoe to drop. But Kinn would kiss every doubt away. If he never let Porsche go again he would consider his life well spent.
“Wait, you mean everything is mine?!?!”
Kinn closed his eyes and he rubbed his nose further into Porsche’s neck, and grinned.