Chapter Text
Kirishima knew he was sabotaging himself. He knew it. Bakugou broke up with him weeks ago and by the looks of it he had completely moved on, yet Kirishima was still holding onto their relationship; 5 years of their lives, all throughout high school and then breaking up a few months before their 6 years. He knew high school romances never lasted but he still held onto that hope tightly. He was the only person in his friend group to have a long lasting relationship, the closest being Mina who dated Uraraka for two years before they mutually broke up. Kirishima wished that his breakup went smoothly. It was a drunken argument, the wrong words said which lead to Bakugou storming out of his dorm and coming around the next morning to make it official.
His stuff was still in dorm room. Hoodies, t-shirts and that one shampoo brand he used because every other brand messed with his hair and he spent too many nights with him for him to go without a shower. Kirishima knew he should call him and ask if he wanted his stuff back but he couldn't bring himself to let go of the hoodies and t-shirts. He hated admitting that he still wore them when depression lay heavy, wrapping himself in fabric that still smelt like him. He was ashamed of it, taking it off when he knew Kaminari or Sero would come around to check up on him or facetime him. He knew what their reaction would be; "Ei, you're just hurting yourself more." "Kiri. You have to either throw it away or give it back, you're just going to keep falling back into a depression because you'll overthink." He knew all of that. He knew it wasn't healthy for his mental state and spending days curled up in the oversized hoodie, crying was physical proof that he was just hurting himself.
He checked his phone every half hour, hoping for a text from anyone not just Bakugou but he knew his friends were busy with their own lives whilst he occasionally did homework in the dark and go to classes on the four days he was supposed to attend. Despite everything he couldn't afford for his teachers to get involved. He couldn't afford his parents to notice that he was slipping back into yet another depression. But this time he didn't have Bakugou to pull him out.
He didn't need him. He didn't need Bakugou or anyone else. He had pulled himself out of dark spirals before and he turned out fine. He had worse experiences before; He didn't deserve to be this upset no matter what Kaminari told him.
Kirishima knew he was slipping. It had been two months since he and Bakugou had broken up and it was the day of what would be their 6th anniversary. For the past few days he hadn't left his dorm. Not that was much different to how he'd been for the past month but he'd leave to socialize, eat and shower but he hadn't left at all. Even his roommates who were often out had started to notice; Tokoyami would knock on his door and ask if he wanted to join them for a documentary binge but Kirishima promised that he'd do it another day and he just wanted to sleep. Midoriya would knock on his door to ask if he wanted anything from the store whilst he was out but Kirishima always declined. Iida always knocked at 6pm asking if he'd eaten or left his room, urgency in his voice. Kirishima promised he'd eaten and he'd left for a walk earlier. He had turned his mirror around so he didn't have to see his reflection anymore.
And then his teachers started to take notice. On day 5 of his complete isolation he had a message from his two teachers.
Mr. Aizawa: Kirishima. I've noticed you've failed to attend any classes in the past week. Your grades would be severely affected if you do not catch up. If anything is bothering you or you need an extension for the deadline, let me know as soon as you read this.
Mr. Hizashi: Good Morning, Listener! Hope you're okay as I've seen a dip in your attendance. If you're sick or struggling, please let me or one of the staff know and we'll sort something out for you. Hope to see you soon. :)
That made him feel worse. If he didn't do anything his parents would find out and force him to move back into their house again. He didn't want that, he enjoyed the freedom without worrying about babysitting his younger siblings. He loved them but the last thing he wanted when trying to study was a 6 and 8 year old arguing about who got to play with what toy first. And his bedroom door didn't have a lock.
Picking up his phone he stared at the two messages. According to the time on the top if his screen, it was 2 am and his teachers wouldn't see his message for another four hours. He couldn't tell them the truth. Not doing school work because of a break up was a shit excuse and he didn't dare bring up his depression. He went throughout high-school without his teachers and the majority of his friends knowing and he could last throughout college too. They didn't need to know he was struggling. Maybe he could tell them he was really sick? That would give an explanation to his roommates too. He was hiding out because he didn't want them to get sick too. That made sense.
Eijirou Kirishima @ Mr. Aizawa: Sorry to message so late but I'm definitely catching up on the work. I've been sick for the past few days but I've been feeling better and I'll be in class tomorrow. Are there any assignments due soon?
Eijirou Kirishima @ Mr. Hizashi: I've been really sick for the past few days, but I'm feeling all good now. Is there anything I need to do ASAP?
He instantly regretted sending the messages because now he had to actually catch up on the work he missed. A few days of work normally wouldn't be too much but with exams coming up in a few months, everything necessary was cramped into a few hours a week and according to his clock he had 4 hours to do 12 hours of work. Sliding over to his desk he wrapped himself in yet another oversized hoodie and turned on his lap and tried to focus on the words. Key word: tried. After a few pages his eyes were slipping.
Coffee. He needed coffee.
Being the eldest child who grew up with strict parents and two younger siblings who were light sleepers and made as much noise as possible at all times, Kirishima knew how to sneak around an area without being detected. Being in the dorm was no different. Three other roommates right next to his bedroom and insanely creaky floorboards was something he trained himself to get around but hopping from one stable floorboard to another, he made his way to the kitchen. For once Tokoyami wasn't crouched on the counter, a bowl of cereal or mug of coffee in his hands and for that Kirishima was grateful. No one needed to see him like this; an XL superhero hoodie going down to his knees, bright pink fluffy socks on his feet, dark circles under his eyes and hair so tangled, Kirishima wondered if he should live the rest of his life wearing a hat; He didn't even start on the fact that dark roots had made an appearance again.
Making coffee in a very small dorm was not an easy task, but like anything, Kirishima planned in advance. Like stocking up on iced coffee he kept in the fridge for emergencies. Grabbing four of the cups, he made his way back to the dorm, leaning heavily on the door as he closed and locked it. The house was as silent as it had been before. Everyone still sleeping soundly, unaware of him sliding back into his chair and checking his phone again. He was checking the time when he was surprised to see a message from Mr. Aizawa sitting on his screen.
Mr. Aizawa: You have an 5000 word essay due on the ethics of vigilantism due tomorrow but I'll give you until Monday. Don't you dare start it now and get some sleep.
Kirishima ignored it. He had an essay due on a subject he enjoyed. If he was going to get his grades back on track, he'd have to start somewhere and he'd already drank one cup off coffee. He refused to let Aizawa down again.
Kirishima finished his essay and had it printed with 15 minutes to spare. He ignored his shaking legs, and blurry vision as he grabbed his essay and shoved it in his bag. He had no clue how well it was written or if it made any sense but it was something to give to him. Something to mark and judge him on. It was good enough for now.
For now. He knew he would kick himself later on when his mark came back or when Aizawa pulled him aside to lecture him. Kirishima only hoped he wouldn't do it in front of the whole class. He didn't think he could hold his emotions in tact for that long.
Kirishima ignored breakfast and after showering, getting dressed in clothes that didn't consist of a stolen hoodie and shorts he walked down to the the large building which held his classes. The sound of people talking, laughing and shouting was overwhelming, making his wonder if he should just go back to his room and barricade his door. No. He had to do this. He had to prove to everyone that he was still a rock for others to hold onto when they were sinking. He had to prove that he was worthy enough.
"Kirishima!" Before he could react, a body slammed into his side, arms wrapping around his waist. Kirishima stumbled back, letting out a string of curses as he almost toppled over. Looking down he saw familiar yellow hair with a black lightning bolt in the side.
"Jesus Kami, you scared the shit out of me." Kirishima patted his friend's hair, looking around, half expecting Sero to be around somewhere too but apparently it was just Kaminari. He was glad no one was looking at them, used to the duos antics by now; no one would see the tears in his eyes as he hugged Kaminari tighter, this being the only comfort he'd had for months.
"Well don't disappear on me like that! Seriously, complete radio silence." Kaminari looked up at Kirishima, eyes narrowing with concern. His hand reached for his forehead, fingers gently touching the dark circles under his eyes. Kirishima tried pulling away, only stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "Ei.. have you been looking after yourself? You look like shit, no offence."
"No offence taken." Kirishima rubbed his eyes, continuing his was to class. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to admit that it had been days since he last ate and he'd been living off iced coffee and energy drinks to keep him awake. He didn't want to admit that in the past week he had a combined 5 hours of sleep and was running on pure adrenaline. He didn't want to admit that he was a few minutes away from collapsing.
So he didn't answer Kaminari's question, opening the door to his classroom, taking a step in. Kaminari tried stopping him but Mr. Aizawa was glaring at the two, daring them to hold up his teaching. Both boys ducked their head; Kirishima went to his seat and Kaminari ran off to his class, already late. He knew Mr. Hizashi was laid back, but he still didn't want to give him a reason to piss him off.
Kirishima sat at his desk and tried to concentrate but it didn't take long for him to zone out and miss the first hour of the class. Despite trying to ask for help from Shoji next to him, he was completely lost when it came to the writing section of the class. He had to argue the ethical issues of a well known vigilante in history; Stain. A killer of those he didn't think were worthy of being seen as heroes. According to rumors, Aizawa had come across him and survived without a scratch and by the way Kirishima felt his eyes on him, he could believe it.
He glanced at the clock, realizing that he missed the entire 2 hours of his class and everyone was packing their things. Kirishima moved quickly, shoving everything in his bag and getting his essay out. He just had to place it on his desk and leave and he could avoid any questions from his teacher.
"Kirishima. Can you stay behind?"
But he wasn't that lucky.