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“Can I ask you something?”
They were on the top of a roof, contemplating the paradise of devastation that now expanded for miles around them.
“Back then, why did you keep on sacrificing yourself? Even after I told you that you didn’t have to? Even after I told you not to?”
The magic keeping them in their akuma states often fluctuated, and now was not the exception. On a good day, it would allow them to recover enough of their conscious minds, sometimes enough to acknowledge where they had ended up. Of course, the shock always made the akuma settle in even deeper than before, sparking a new wave of merciless destruction or misfortune. Questions had a similar effect, just like in that moment.
They had been near clarity for a couple of days now, allowing them to have non-akuma or magic-related conversations, mostly about their past lives. Unless one of them found it too much, in which case the conversation was often postponed. Right now though the conversation was moving towards them.
She asked again, this time with a slightly harsher tone. “Why did you keep sacrificing yourself? I told you you didn’t have to. I told you not to.”The white-clad boy didn’t respond.
Starting to lose her temper, magic flowing around her, she began to levitate. “WHY DID YOU KEEP ON SACRIFICING YOURSELF? I TOLD YOU NOT TO BECAUSE I NEEDED YOU!”
Quite surprised, he finally reacted. Not half as upset as her, but rather with a somber look on his face, looking as if he wanted nothing more but to escape. A glimpse of saddened hope threatened to escape through the now-crumbling walls he had built around his emotions.
“Do you mean it?” he asked. He retreated as she approached him, magic still circling her freely.
Concern filling up her mind despite the threatening look she offered, she landed in an attempt to get closer to him.
“Yes, I mean it. I always mean it. Now, can you answer the first question?”
He got up and started pacing like a caged animal. He was one—only his cage was mental—. Or, at least, it felt like that. Honestly, he had no idea anymore. He stopped abruptly and spoke.
“I will answer, but only if you answer a question for me afterward.”
Fortune nodded softly in response.
“Well, I kept on sacrificing myself because I needed you to know you could count on me, no matter what. No matter how useless I was to the plan, at least I could help by buying you time. You have the Cure, you had to stay safe no matter what. And besides, what am I but a sidekick? How did you say it? Ah yes, ‘a partner like any other.’ You are the important one here. And don’t start again with the ‘you can do so much more.’ rant.”
His voice was getting closer to breaking with every word that came out of his mouth.
“I know I can do more, I can always push a little bit further. But maybe I don’t want to, did you ever stop to think about that? You know I would do anything for you—at least I hope I’ve made that clear enough by now. I simply couldn’t keep on trying any longer.” She remained silent as he grew more and more desperate. “I spent my entire life trying to please everyone around me. My parents, my friends, even you. Because little mister perfect-cover-guy must show a smile at everyone right? You no longer are a face of the brand, you ARE the brand. People spend their lives dedicated to supervising every single move you make, every single breath you take. IT CAN GET OVERWHELMING”.
He was no longer attempting to hide his tears.
“So, now, time to make up for all the mistakes right? Yes, no one knows you with a mask on, but now you have to make something up for the people.” He continued,“No one knows you and it might give you the freedom to start again, but why? Why me of all people? Just to keep on making up more lies and present them so everyone canbe in awe of who I allegedly am? Tell me what you like. I will be that. Tell me what you dislike. I will change it.”
Those last words, drenched in the dangerous sweetness of a whisper, suddenly broke into a rawly screamed sequence.
“I WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH. FOR WHAT? MAYBE YOU WILL LOVE ME THAT WAY. MAYBE IF I SHOW YOU I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE MORE THAN YOU, NOT EVEN MY OWN LIFE. MAYBE IF I MANAGE TO GET YOU TO LAUGH AN EXTRA TIME I WILL BE WORTHY. MAYBE IF I CAN'T BE MORE HELPFUL. DON’T YOU THINK I’VE DONE ENOUGH? AT LEAST ENOUGH TO THINK TWICE BEFORE SHUTTING ME OUT?”
She was stunned by his words and watched the ball of light that emerged from between his fingers, pointing at the already destroyed building next to them. After a few seconds, she rose and hovered over to where he stood. “DO YOU THINK IT HAS BEEN ANY EASIER OVER HERE?” She yelled, “DO YOU THINK BEING THE GUARDIAN IS JUST MAKING SURE A PRETTY BOX DOESN’T COLLECT DUST?”
She hovered around as he had done before, limiting him to the edge of the roof. Tears made of magic started making their way down her face.
“A holder’s family was already kidnapped. All the other holders were exposed. Su-Han has done nothing but make sure I follow his rules, and guess what? IT CAUSED THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.” That last bit seemed to catch his attention. “Sass told me after it was over. That time, in the Tower, when you asked what was the question I wanted to ask you? Su-Han said that if I didn't know your identity, I would have to surrender the box, and we both know what that means. So, naturally I tried asking you, but apparently it led to the end of the world. Just another day in the life, huh?”
He had thought about that occasion so many times he had lost count. And there was his answer. The end of the world. Just a normal Friday conversation. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize she was no longer hovering, but instead barely standing.
“I guess this is what I get for being “the most powerful wielder in centuries. A couple of pretty powerups and the future of the world resting on my shoulders. Just by existing, I was a threat to everyone I loved. Breaking everyone’s trust wasn’t going anywhere, did you know? Did you kn ow I ended up losing more nights of sleep than I can remember just to find ways to keep the Box protected? Did you know I ended up telling all my friends to go away because they were too close, too close to finding out? DID YOU KNOW I HAD ALREADY SEEN YOU LIKE THIS? WHY DO YOU THINK I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED? AND IT IS ALWAYS. MY. FAULT.”
She was hovering once again, the magic surrounding her crackled and sparked more and more as her emotions once again found their way outside.
“I have no idea who you are behind that mask, but you are definitely not the only one who can’t step out of the line. If I make a mistake, as tiny as it might be, I risk it all. Let alone my memories, I honestly couldn’t care less about going back to who I used to be, no matter how much I hate that idea. I’m risking my future and everyone else’s, my family, my friends. No matter how hard I try it never seems to be enough. There is always something escaping my grasp.”
Unlike her partner, her voice dropped further into a tearful whisper with every passing moment instead of something louder.
“I should be able to do more. I know I have the power for that. I should know how to use it. I don’t deserve any of the powers I have— not the Box, not my miraculous, not even these damn akuma powers. I don’t want to keep trying to find out how to find access to the rest of my potential, and I don’t wanna be the one that screwed up the whole world because I didn’t do enough.”
She sank to her knees, the muscle memory reigniting the memory of the day she did the same after pushing away all her friends for the sake of a goal she wasn’t even sure she could achieve.
“I shouldn’t have shut you out. I shouldn’t. I should have done more. I should have done more,” she said in barely more than a pained whisper. “I… I didn’t know what else to do. Everything I do ends up in a disaster. And I couldn’t risk you above all. I couldn’t have lived knowing something had happened to you because of me. Because I couldn't do more. I should be able to do more. I should be able to keep track of everything, it’s not so much right? So why can’t I…”
The magic took over as tears streamed down her face.