Chapter Text
Porsche learned firsthand about mafia's lifestyles, specifically this family's way of living. Growing up on the Theepanyakul family estate as the best bodyguard for the future successor teached him every secret of the family. After Kinn, he is aware of how crucial his role is. They used to form a vow to look out for one another and protect each other from danger when they were younger. When he grew older, he was starting to aware that Kinn would always have someone by his side, to protect him. It includes himself who will always protect him for life. The ugly truths is Porsche always easily be replaced by another.
When Khun Korn discovered Porsche and Chay being sold into child trafficking by their uncle, Porsche was 7 years old. They were instantly noticed by Khun Korn in thousands of children. Reason always unknown to Porsche, them both just as malnourished as the other kids. Maybe it due to his fierceness in protecting his little brother who just a baby at the time. Seven years old is far to young to have the burning passion in the eyes. Nonetheless, Porsche was grateful that Khun Korn rescued him and Chay, but he could not get the mental picture of other kids being shuffled out of the room to another shady room. What happened next to them was beyond his imagination. He glad Porchay was out from that hell.
It took Porsche a whole year to eventually calm down around the Theepanyakul estate. Khun Korn give him the entire time to stay put and be comfortable before he could think about Porsche payments. In exchange for Chay's release from these obligations, Khun Korn made a deal for him to serve as the bodyguard when he grew older. He was young and had only ever thought of Chay before agreeing to the terms given. A life for a family.
Porsche first encountered Kinn in the training room when he was just 8 years old. Kinn was two years older than him and had some experience in fighting and shooting. Chan, the head bodyguard then gives him the instruction to follow anything Kinn did. For the next six months he was following Kinn like a kitten following their mom, the older boy just rolling his eyes and didn't have any hint of acknowledgement to the younger boy with messy black hair. Kinn took 7 more months to properly notice the younger boy's presence. The way he young kid was too tiny to hold a gun, to throw a punch, but Kinn just continued observing, never speaking. Porsche happily notice the small attention given by the older. For the longest time they only engage in unfair strength and skill in battle. Porsche usually gets hurt in the end, and Kinn was told by Chan to never hold back. For Porsche, strangely, he was unable to take his gaze off the older, colder boy with the iciest eyes he had ever seen.
Porsche was 10 when Kinn finally called him by his own name after Porsche slam him down onto the mat. Everyone was shocked by the events of that day since Porsche was much smaller than Kinn and had been trained with Kinn ever since he first entered this room but never won. Today was different because he overheard Chan and the other bodyguard discussing how Porsche's stance was incorrect, and if he could alter that, there was a good chance Kinn would be defeated. He listened intently to the entire conversation and carried it out. As the younger defeated him, pride shone in Kinn's eyes. He smiles and ruffles the younger's hair "Goodjob, Porsche". For the first time in a long time, Porsche feels a pull of happiness in him.
When Kinn and Tawan initially started dating, Porsche was 12 years old. Tawan has pushed him away from Kinn too roughly. Porsche was visibly confuse, everyone knew that he follows Kinn around everywhere. "Kinn, who is this kid? Tell him to go away. You promise to take me out on a date. Definitely do not bring this child", Tawan remarked. Kinn raised an eyebrow as he turned to face Tawan. Porsche halted following Kinn; he had done that ever since Chan had instructed him to do what Kinn did-everywhere but school. In anxiety, Porsche bit his lips. Kinn sighs "Porsche stop biting your lips", he said while bringing his thumb onto Porsche's chin, stopping him from biting his lips. "Porsche sorry, but today I would like to spend time with Tawan" Tawan grinned broadly as his boyfriend chose him. "Don't worry, you're still my best buddy". It is also the first time Kinn admits that Porsche is his best friend. Even in sadness, he feels giddy.
Porsche was 15 years old when Kinn opened his doors and when straight to his bed, head fell on his lap sobbing while recounting the incident with so many pauses that he lost track. Mumbling nonsense nonstop, far from his real personality. Apparently, Kinn shot Tawan, but he didn't say why. It was also the first time Kinn had held him in a tight embrace until they both fell asleep. Kinn is still soundly dozing in his room in the morning. Porsche was fully aware that everyone in the mansion was in a frantic state as Kinn left his room without supervision. But he didn't give a damn. He turns to face the Kinn, who is already a grownup; though they have always been close, he has never been this near and personal to the older. As Porsche had to lay on the older man's shoulder, Kinn was gripping his waist and Porsche's body was pressed against his side. Porsche looks up while cocking his head. In his eyes, Kinn's sleeping face was really attractive. Despite the breakdown yesterday, he look comfortable, with still handsome face and the long eyelashes cast a shadow on his face. Porsche traces his finger along Kinn's cheek to his chin while feeling his stomach flutter. Suddenly Kinn's eyebrow twitched, he caught Porsche's fingers. "I'm sorr-", Porsche gasps as Kinn trails a kiss on his finger without opening his eyes. Kinn responded in a raspy voice,
"No, I'm sorry Porsche, you have to see that part of me yesterday." Eyes still close but the eyebrow twitched as he regret the rush decision due to his emotional breakdown
"You are welcome to talk to me any time, P'Kinn", said Porsche. "You know I never judge you," he added.
Kinn opened his eyes and looked at him intensely and then pecked Porsche on the temple with his hand beneath his chin to tilt Porsche's head. Porsche heartbeat quickens. Kinn said, "I'll always find you, N'Porsche" Then, from this point on, he never lock his door, in fear Kinn might need him.
Porsche first killed someone at the age of 17 to save Kinn. The Italian ambushed the manor, they almost succeed as they points his pistol directly at Kinn. The other bodyguard did not have enough time to respond as they move unexpectedly and the ambush happened in a blink of an eyes. Porsche could see blood and human remains on the ground floors, but he doesn't seem to care as he picks up the gun that is lying on the ground. Silently, he positioned himself a little more behind Kinn, out of the attacker's line of sight. The man was talking about useless thing as being the most powerful after he kill the successor of Theepanyakul. Porsche too a deep breathe between the useless narrative of soon to be dead man and pointed the familiar heavy gun directly a few inches from Kinn's head. He fired without stopping to ponder. The bullet just missed Kinn's head by a few inches, yet it still hit its objective. Kinn covered his ears and grunted. He successfully killed the man but it was also the first time he had been severely punished for acting carelessly.
When Chan told Porsche that Kinn would never be his friend, he was 18 years old. Since Kinn is their boss, he must establish a wall between the two of them. It was the first time Porsche had locked his door before Kinn. He had to understand that he was Kinn's bodyguard and never his friend. It was also the period of his life when he learned to hide his feelings from the outside world and understood that he would never be more than Kinn's protector.
Porsche realised Kinn was beginning to suppress his feelings around him when he was 19 years old. Usually, Kinn always keeps his emotions to himself, but never to him. He eventually realised it was he who had pushed Kinn away first. Porsche said into the mirror, "It was for the best," yet tears trickled down his cheek. Instead of treating him like his greatest buddy, Kinn starts to just refer to him as his head bodyguard. It served as their beginning point for solely discussing their schedules and jobs. Porsche also observed that Kinn began to use boytoy to grace his time.
Porsche was wounded in action for the first time when he chose to defend someone else over Kinn at the age of 20. A young man who resembles his younger brother Chay who is currently enrolled in college, has a gun pointing at him, Porsche without thinking, leaving Kinn's side and shield the boy as the bullet was firing. He was shot in the shoulder while defending the youngster. Porsche also realises at this point that Kinn still gives a dam about his well beings even in his own way. He scolds Porsche for protecting someone other than him.
"You could only protect me! Porsche, did you get it? You only hurt yourself because of me" Kinn shouted. The last bit of his sentences, Porsche knew that Kinn intended it to be in his mind but Porsche hear it clear as day "So you close enough for me to protect"
On the anniversary of his mother's passing, Kinn entered Porsche's bedroom while intoxicated and sobbing uncontrollably about how much he missed the old Porsche, who was now 21 years old. With both of his hands, Kinn cupped the younger cheeks and lovingly caressed it. As he moved his face in closer, Porsche turned away. He gasped, "Kinn," and shoved the older man away. Kinn did not looked shocked as the otehr denied the attempt of kissing him. But what shocked Porsche was when Kinn sobbed, he started rambling about his desire to flee with Porsche, away from his duty to any secluded area. With Porsche only. Porsche, however, is too young to see that this is his biggest mistake yet, he pushes him away.
Porsche was 23 years old, when Kinn arranged to be married to the Yakuza heirs to strengthen their power in the mafia world. Kinn said yes. Despite their marriage's hasty preparation, it was lavish. Porsche, though, had been hurt before; he knew the day would come, but he had no idea how painful it would be to see Kinn with someone else. Accepting and beaming. He knew from the beginning that he could tolerate this torment. He will never be more than replaceable dirt for Kinn.
When the minor family ambushed the major family, Porsche was 25 years old. Over half of the bodyguards were killed or injured. Porsche only prioritised in protecting Kinn. He was unable to survive with the constant notion of Kinn deaths filling his mind. Now it is over, he has done his duty. He only wishes that he had was to told Kinn that he loves him. He deeply cares for him. However, blood is suffocating him in his throat and continues to drip from his mouth. More blood spews from his mouth as he tries to speak. Only Kinn's face was now above him, and despite the pain, he made an effort to smile. Kinn's face was close and kissing his temple while mumbling sweet deepest apologies and pleas for him to stay. Kinn's hands were pressing on his wound, he feels cold. Then he could feel hot tears running down on his face, Kinn's tears. He smile through shot of pains. He began to hear static sounds. The bullet made a certain impact on his chest, perhaps striking his heart. Porsche was aware that a bullet through his heart would give him a low chance to survive. The moment he saw how damaged Kinn was in front of him, he began to cry too, tears kept flowing down his face unconsciously. He wishes to go back in time and talk. He simply wants to have a deeper conversation with Kinn. He was supposed to have just voiced his heart. Will everything be different? Perhaps if he said all the things bottled up in his heart, Kinn would not be sad like this. Porsche shakily inhaled but pain struck him, at least Kinn was safe, he thought as his eyes started to blur before he passed out.
"Perhaps we might cross paths again in another life", he thought. But before I died, I wish I could tell you how much I love you.