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Johanna needs time away. She just helped Dream of the Endless find his pouch of sand and her ex-girlfriend died. Jesus Fuck. She’s (temporarily) done with anything magical. She needs whiskey and a good fuck, and perhaps to beat up a real living human.
The New Inn is good enough. It’s not that far from London, a shame, but she can’t be too far anyways. Johanna knows herself. The second Ric the Vic calls, she’s going back to help.
The man in the back corner is grading papers, and he has the only open chair. “Mind if I sit here?” she asks.
He looks up, and looks startled for a second before his face smooths out. “Of course.”
“You look shocked to see me.” Johanna says as she pulls out the chair and flops down in it. “Have we met before?”
“I knew someone who looked like you. Once. She didn’t like me much.”
“Hope she didn’t have a good reason, or this is about to get awkward really fast.”
“She didn’t like my friend.”
“God, I get that one. I’ve fallen out with my fair share of people due to my job and the people I hang around with.” Johanna leans back in her chair and smiles. “Johanna Constantine, by the way.”
The man frowns, but he stretches out his hand. She shakes it. “Hob Gadling.”
“Who names their kid Hob?”
“My full name’s Robert, but I prefer Hob. Old memories.”
“Well, Hob, it’s nice to meet you. Got any drink recommendations?”
Johanna presses Hob against the wall of his flat, lips pressed firmly against his. Her coat is on his coat rack, and her hands are up his shirt.
“Oh, this is much better than the last fuck I had,” she says as he pulls her close by her hips. “Ungrateful bastard barely knew what foreplay was.”
Hob laughs against her lips. “Oh, I can relate. Right dick mine was, but I still love him.”
“Will he be fine with this?”
“Stood me up years ago when I dared to suggest we might be friends.” Hob spins Johanna around, pinning her against the wall as he pulls off his shirt.
“God, did we fuck the same guy?” Johanna pulls back for a second as she deepens her voice theatrically. “We have an understanding? No strings attached?” Hob laughs. “Yes, we do! Can we get on with it? Your friend Matthew is about to come in through the window to make sure I didn’t kill you.”
“Mine just left afterwards. ‘Thank you for the nice time, Hob Gadling. I’ll see you at our next meeting’.”
Johanna pulls away. They’re having too much fun now to continue. “‘Well, Johanna Constantine. Let’s hope we don’t have cause to meet again’.”
“‘You dare presume one such as me would need the company of you?’ We fucked, I assume you at least want my company.”
“God. Men suck.”
“They do. Luckily, I’ve learned to suck in more than one way.”
“Failed line. Unfortunately working on me.”
“What was the guy like? The one you’ve been talking about? Mine was just my last fuck, didn’t really care about him much, but yours seemed to mean something to you.” Johanna finally asks, laying on Hob’s bed in the afterglow. He lays next to her, not touching.
“My friend. I thought. We met regularly, he thought I was interesting. I fell in love with him over time. I thought he didn’t feel the same. And then we slept together. And then he walked out on me. I told him that if he met me at our next meeting, we were friends. He didn’t show.”
“How do you know it was on purpose? He could have been hurt.”
“Not him.”
“You never know. Met a guy I thought would be fine with anything. Turns out some loser had kidnapped him for a fair while.”
“What the fuck do you do?”
“I’m a freelance detective. I involve magic sometimes. Whatever gets me paid, mainly.”
“Magic?”
“A bit. Some exorcizing. Some simple spells. Some weird fucked up Endless shit. My ex died from it, so that’s why I’m here. To take a break from it all.”
“Missing your mark a bit, I’m afraid. I’ve been alive since the 1300s.”
Johanna sits up. “You’ve fucking what?”
“He came up to me, offered me a challenge. He wanted to see if I would choose to die, ever. Shocked him a bit by not doing it.”
“Was he tall? Messy hair? Emo? Have a bird? Unhealthily pale? Blue eyes?”
“Yes.”
“Fuck. Fuck. First, we fucked the same guy. Second, my grandma told me about you.”
“Shit.” Hob says, sitting up next to her. “Bleeding hell.”
“Shit is right. His dick’s good, though, right?”
“He didn’t top. I’m a bit offended. He topped for you?”
“I rode him.” Johanna smirks, and Hob laughs. “Can’t believe I wanted time off after he come and tormented me and my ex died in his hands, and fuck a guy that’s in love with him. Fucking Morpheus, I swear to God.”
“That’s his name?”
“You don’t know his name?”
“Well, now I do.” Hob laughs, somewhat dryly, and Johanna looks concerned. “Tell me more about him?”
“Well, we only spent a bit of time together, but sure. First, he’s a fucking arsehole.”
Johanna wakes up about two weeks later to Morpheus standing in her room. “You’ve got to stop fucking doing this, mate.”
“When did you meet Hob Gadling?”
“About two weeks ago. He had a lot to say about you.”
Morpheus, despite being almost hidden in the dark, looks more frazzled than Johann thought was possible. “You slept with him.”
“Yep. You’ve been missing something over these years, by the way. Don’t worry, I told him about Roderick Burgess, he doesn’t think you stood him up anymore.”
“Constantine.”
“What?”
“He wants to ride me.”
Johanna laughs out into the darkness. “Well, I may have given him some ideas. Have fun, sandman.”
“Constantine.” Morpheus pleads, and Johanna snorts.
“Go give him what he wants. God knows he’s been waiting long enough.”