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The sea was frigid, casting a damp thickness into the air of Old Sharlayan. Clouds bloated the horizon and hung heavily in a faint shade of gray, eager to release powdery snow upon the cobblestones any moment now.
It was home, yet every step Urianger took was like a blade inserted into her chest.
Years had passed now since that day, longer still since she’d returned home. The world stood on the brink of destruction, something they’d both prepared their whole lives to face— something Moenbryda had sacrificed her own life to delay further.
Urianger squeezed her eyes shut, banishing the memory of that wretched day. Each time it bubbled to the surface she’d crush it down again and again. She’d let those feelings rot and fester deep down inside her, becoming more numb to the world around her.
At least that’s what she told herself.
She was numb when she helped the Warriors of Darkness— an elaborate trap for them, nothing more, yet the ascians’ plan of bringing back their dead loved ones was compelling enough her betrayal was almost sincere. If a rejoining of shards could recover their long dead friends and relatives, then what if…?
It was only when she saw the scorn and determination in Alisaie’s eyes that she felt deserved shame for her selfishness, reminded of the here and now and the living people she needed to protect. The only person with more disdain for Urianger that day was herself, her goggles fogging with tears as soon as the twins and the Warrior of Light had left the Waking Sands. Her own spindly arms cradled herself, praying to feel that strong, warm embrace again.
She was numb when the Exarch convinced her to lie, to put the Warrior of Light in danger so that the Exarch could sacrifice herself. A noble deed, she reasoned, and she saw herself in the Exarch when she spoke of the Warrior of Light. Head tilted down, hands wringing, chewing at her lip as she talked about her. To die for her was an honor, even if the Exarch couldn’t say it plainly.
Urianger wondered if she would have done the same, had she been there in the Rising Stones that fateful day. Perhaps had things gone differently, it would have been Moenbryda who had lived on to be transported to another world one day, carrying on for the memory of her dear old friend. Would she still help the Exarch, knowing her own best friend had sacrificed herself much in the same way?
‘Friend’...
Urianger shook her head, hugging herself as she tried to ground herself in the present. That’s right, Moenbryda was just her friend. But what about…
The chill of a snowflake landing on her cheek interrupted her thoughts once more, melting into her sun-kissed skin before its siblings fluttered down after it. The heat of Thanalan warming her all these years made her forget just how cold and unforgiving her home was. Urianger shivered, making for the Noumenon to take shelter from the falling snow.
Dusting off the snowflakes from her ashen hair, she made for her favorite reading nook. Urianger had probably read every available book in the archive at least twice, and nearly all of it had been in this corner.
It was tucked away on the far side, a few levels down from the entrance. It was quiet there, a safe haven from the bullies that taunted her relentlessly. She didn’t think she was any different from the other girls, but the way they mocked her had convinced her that her only friends could be found in these weathered old tomes.
Perhaps they had been right after all, for the way she blushed and withered when Moenbryda stood up for her was not the way other girls behaved. Maybe it was normal for her to feel that way about a boy, but she felt that way about Moenbryda. The notion scared her, but each time Urianger withdrew it only brought Moenbryda closer to her.
She scanned the shelves, finding familiar old tomes as her ring-adorned fingers ran across their hard leather spines. There were a few titles she hadn’t had the chance to read, some others that she’d read outside of Sharlayan, and many more that she had read cover to cover in this very nook throughout her youth.
What she searched for was not a book itself, but what was behind the books. This was the right shelf, she was sure of it, the pattern in the grain of the treated wood was forever seared into her mind even if the books shelved there had changed over the years. Pulling out several volumes, she peered into the darkness of the shelf.
Faded, worn with age and crevices filled with dust, was an engraving in the wood. Simple, initials that only children would think harmless to deface into public property.
‘UA + MW’... with a heart drawn around the letters, something Moen had insisted best friends do as she hastily carved into the old furniture.
Urianger had been so nervous that day, keeping an eye out for any witnesses as her mind raced. She’d seen similar things carved into trees in the courtyard outside the Studium, but hadn’t those other people been couples? Did Moenbryda see her that way? Her lip quivered at the thought.
Urianger bit at her lip, quivering in the present just as it had in her memory, tracing the curve of their carved initials with her free hand. Instantly she was a teenager again, stomach in knots and heart racing.
Moenbryda had grown taller before she had, Urianger recalling how she gazed up at her in awe. She was always thicker and broader even when they were children, but once Moenbryda had grown into a woman she was simply immaculate.
Urianger would dismiss her admiration for simple envy— after all, she hadn’t yet finished growing to her full height back then. She was short but her shoulders had grown broad and her arms long, entirely unappealing especially with her scrawny, feeble limbs. Surely she only stared because of how tall and strong Moenbryda was, nothing more.
Every part of her screamed for her to rise up on the tips of her toes and kiss her, yet she remained frozen in place, lying to herself endlessly with some small hope she’d be convinced. It was an imagined love affair, a crush and nothing more. Perhaps less than that, even, she decided now.
Without thinking, her fingers moved from the carved wood to her own lips, tracing their soft curve. Urianger backed up into the shelf, her eyes falling shut as her imagination took control.
Moenbryda was still taller even after they’d both grown up, Urianger fully aware of just how gangly and strange she still was when compared with the raw muscle and beauty of her best friend. In her mind, Moen pressed her against the shelf, at last kissing her, just as Urianger had wished she had all those years ago.
“HoW MaY I bE oF asSIstANce?” A mammet queried, abruptly rousing Urianger from her daydream.
Shaking her head quickly, Urianger replaced the books she had removed from the shelf before hurriedly leaving. “Tis unnecessary, but I thank thee for thy hospitality.”
A change in scenery should have helped, yet even as she gazed down at Etheirys from hundreds of thousands of malms away, her thoughts drifted again to Moenbryda.
To guarantee the safety of a few and start anew on some other world, dooming millions in the process, or to risk it all to save their star? It was a difficult choice to make, though Urianger wondered why.
She knew what Moen’s answer would have been. It would have been the same for Louisoix, or Papalymo, or Minfilia.
“To ignore the plight of those one might conceivably save is not wisdom— it is indolence.”
A phrase she herself had sworn to live by for many years, yet she never seemed to live up to that philosophy. Each time Urianger made sacrifices for the greater good, she could hear Moen chastising her in her mind.
She laid back into the dusty surface of the moon, her pale yellow eyes scanning every curve and streak of color in Etheirys as it hung unassumingly among the stars in the void of space above her.
“Canst thou heareth me, Moen? Is thy soul resting deep within our beloved star?” she asked, her voice strained with emotion as she held back tears.
“What shall I do? I require thy guidance, thy strength, thy wisdom,” she murmured, afraid to be too loud even while alone. To give voice to these thoughts frightened her, but she pressed on.
“One by one, the disciples of Louisoix doth returneth to our star in a flourish of bravery and selflessness. All save one miserable fool…”
A tear rolled down her cheek, falling into the moondust with a quiet pat. More soon followed, her throat thick as she sobbed quietly, still staring up at Etheirys in the sky.
“I had not the words to express it back then, although I didst attempt to tell thee,” Urianger confessed, her voice distorted and breath shallow as she cried openly. “Thou teased me for mine phrasing, but thou had the right of it. ‘None save thee can satisfy this need…’ ‘twas as much about thy aetheric expertise as it was mine desire for thee.”
Her hand flew up to her mouth, as if to banish the words back inside and unspeak them. Her rings were cold against her lips, her mouth and nose both overheated from crying. To admit such a thing at all was difficult, let alone to say it aloud.
Urianger sat up, looking in every direction in case one of the Loporrits had been close enough to eavesdrop. In the silence of the moon, the pounding of her heart threatened to make her ears burst.
Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she stood up, brushing the moondust from her robes. Her gait was deliberate and slow on her return to Bestways Burrow, forcing herself to breathe deeply and evenly. Being calm by the time she’d returned was vital, and controlling her emotions was a well practiced task by now.
Her heart stirred every few steps as she recalled her own words, pushing them down into her chest with all her might.
‘Mine desire for thee…’
‘Mine desire…’
‘Desire.’
Twelve help her, this shouldn’t have still been as difficult as it was.
Her heart threatened to leap from her chest as she and her companions descended into the aetherial sea by means of the Forum’s Aitiascope. The fate of their star was at stake, and their only hope now was to appeal to the absent Mother that lay dormant deep within the aetherial sea.
Outwardly, Urianger was calm and graceful, but her mind raced.
We may encounter all manner of spirits here… Perhaps…
Swallowing heavily, Urianger stepped off of the lift. She looked to Thancred, who might normally offer her a disarming comment or a friendly pat on her back, but she looked downright petrified.
Thancred’s jaw was firmly set into a grimace, looking as tough and strong as ever, but her gaze and her worried brow revealed her true feelings. No doubt she had the same thought as Urianger— What if she was here?
When last she spoke with Minfilia the encounter had dug a wound so deep in Thancred’s chest it nearly swallowed her up like a black hole, if not for the sweet young girl who somehow managed to keep her grounded.
… But that girl was no longer here, and if they failed now, her world would be destroyed too. Gods, if even Thancred was fearful in this place, Urianger didn’t stand a chance.
They pressed on, yalm by yalm, encountering allies and adversaries both as they descended further into the depths of souls and memories.
Papalymo had been the first to make herself known, fated to recreate her last moments battling Ilberd again and again. It was as if they were a living roll of film— or perhaps not alive, not in the sense that Urianger knew life to be. Papalymo spoke few words, direct and curt as she always was, reminding Urianger of her own sacrifice, and of Moenbryda’s, and of Louisoix’s. A pang of guilt struck Urianger’s chest, but seeing her again had given her the strength to journey on.
The Warrior of Light looked as if she may shed a tear seeing Haurchefant again, who flashed a mischievous grin as she took up her shield to guard the Scions— ever the valiant knight, even in death. When faced with the specters of the Heavens’ Ward, Haurchefant’s aetheric shield held fast, a triumphant victory against the shades of the past. She disappeared just as quickly as she’d come, sparkling aether dissipating into the darkness and the Warrior of Light rubbing her eyes with her sleeve before pressing onward.
Thancred fell to her knees at the sight of Minfilia, ephemeral and haunting in her beauty as she guided them to safety. The path before them looked as if it would be swallowed up into the void if not for the brilliant trail of light that Minfilia blazed, her arms open wide as she floated backward— just barely out of reach for Thancred to embrace her, eventually fading away just as the others had.
Estinien nearly broke a bone landing wrong from her jump when she witnessed Ysayle come to their rescue in their most dire battle yet. The woman she once was would never have admitted feeling gratitude toward Lady Iceheart, but as her ice shielded the Scions from what would otherwise have been certain death, the former Azure Dragoon muttered a quiet ‘thank you’.
Deep in the core of the star, the aether was thick and the souls of the dead had thinned out, landscapes carved from memories giving way to pure, perfect crystal. They’d nearly reached Her when a familiar voice from behind stopped Urianger cold.
“Leaving so soon?”
Her voice was warm, just as she’d remembered. Urianger couldn’t bring herself to turn around or to walk forward, watching as the others continued on without her.
Having seen the others recreate moments from their lives, she feared what vision of Moenbryda would appear before her. Perhaps it would be a fond memory, or perhaps it would be her final moments. Urianger was paralyzed, forgetting even to breathe.
Warmth touched her arm, but it wasn’t like any touch she’d ever known before— it was aetherial, but somehow still familiar.
At last Urianger could stand the suspense no longer and spun around, breath stolen from her lungs as she laid eyes upon her.
Moenbryda was the same as ever— a cheeky grin splitting her broad and beautiful features, silver hair cascading down one side of her head while the other side looked freshly shaved, firm muscles visible as she crossed her arms. It had been years but she hadn’t aged a day since that moment when… When she…
“Dressed like that I almost didn’t recognize you,” Moenbryda chuckled, interrupting all train of thought in Urianger’s racing mind. “It’s nice to see you finally showing off your figure.”
Of all the things…
Urianger began to laugh, the joyous sound echoing deep in her chest. It had been so long it felt like the first time she’d ever laughed, overtaking her until she found herself weeping.
Every emotion she’d held in for years poured out of her at the same time, and as if to finally answer her prayers, Moenbryda’s strong embrace enveloped her. All at once it was as if she was a little girl again— holding herself back when the other children mocked her but letting herself feel once she was in the comfort and protection of her best friend’s arms.
Only now did she realize just how truly alone she’d been since losing her.
“Moen…” was all she could manage between sobs, trying to hug her back but finding her seemingly solid frame was only an illusion.
Still, her aether was warm and comforting around her, Urianger opting to hug herself within the warmth of her spirit.
“I’d call you an old fool, Urianger, but I’m just as big of a fool as you are. How I never saw it sooner, I don’t know,” Moenbryda chuckled, shaking her head.
“I was always waiting for you to make the first move. I never wanted to lose you, but I wanted so much more for us. I…”
Pale yellow eyes grew wide, hooded by already reddened eyelids. Urianger forgot to breathe again, feeling a pleasant heat against her lips as Moenbryda leaned in to kiss her.
She’d never been kissed before so she had no frame of reference for what it should be like. Warm aether pressed into her lips, growing hotter still as they held that position for as long as they could. Having seen the others fade as quickly as they came, Urianger knew what would be next, but still she wished for this moment to last forever.
“I’m so proud of you. I love you,” Moenbryda confessed, her voice already growing thin and distant.
“Do not leave again, I beg of thee,” Urianger pleaded, her throat aching as she held back sobs.
“It was all I could do to stay this long,” Moenbryda admitted, placing another phantom kiss on Urianger’s lips. “I’m glad I was able to tell you.”
“Please do not leave me, Moen,” Urianger begged, hands shaking as she clutched at her own shoulders.
“You have to be strong, Urianger. I know you can be, you’ve been strong for so long without me,” she soothed, taking a step back.
“We’ll meet again in the next life, you can be sure of it. I’ll always return to your side,” Moenbryda said, her voice fading more and more into the void. “Just don’t wait for me, you’ve a world to save and a long life to live.”
Accepting her fate, Urianger solemnly nodded, tears streaming down her bronze cheeks.
Moenbryda nearly disappeared when she suddenly called out, “I, too, love thee!”
A huge grin split the roegadyn woman’s face just before she faded away into the abyss. Once again, Urianger was left alone.
Wiping away her tears, she clutched at her chest. She would push down her feelings no longer— she would let them give her strength, just as they always had done for Moenbryda. One foot in front of the other, she marched forward into the crystalline path ahead to join the others.
At last it would be Urianger’s turn to make the impossible happen, or to die trying. At last she felt the bravery she’d been lacking all these years, comforted in knowing that if she must sacrifice herself to achieve her goals there would be a warm embrace and a playful admonishment waiting for her in the next life.