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Most days, Leone wonders why he’s alive. It seemed that he had wondered this his whole life. He had a career, what others may have called a calling, but to him it was just work. Something to slave over to keep himself preoccupied, something that made him feel like he had a place and that his parents could finally see him as something other than an obligation.
Finding a way, and a place where he could function as a member of society in itself was an obligation. Living was done, and the way in which he lived was rarely questioned. Though it was tiring, he had survived well enough. He lived good enough until he couldn’t keep up with the soulless way of life being a police officer proved to be.
Even if he had managed to get off with a slap on the wrist after being caught supposedly taking a bribe from a criminal, he would never be a free man again.
Not when his partner, his only true friend, the only person who felt like a real living human in that whole force, was dead. It was all his fault and he could see it in his own reflection in the inquiring eyes of others, a useless disgraceful eighteen year old boy.
It took years for someone to walk into his life and pick him off the floor. To dust him off like he still had some use. He never met someone like that. Someone who would take in broken things and thought of them as reparable enough to give his time to. The kindness reflecting in navy eyes was reminiscent of a lost friend.
All for him, that ridiculously compassionate raven haired man, that’s why he continues to take breaths and force himself to put one foot in front of the other. Because, if Leone did anything less but satisfactory, he would be nothing. If he gave anything less than his whole self to his capo, who had wasted his precious time on a actively decomposing man, was he worth being anything at all?
And because of his capo, his friend, his something that had grown close to his heart, he begins to finally feel alive. Although Leone used to think he’d never want to grow old, as long as it’s under his shade, he wants to live as long as he can.
So, it’s an easy decision for him to step on that boat. He wouldn't be able to live any other way.
A body has no chance of living without a heart, and Bruno Buccellati was at the heart of Leone’s everything. He wouldn’t be able to live without Bruno. A lot of people would say that what he did was self-sacrificial, they would say that he was loyal to the very end, but to Leone all he was, all he ever was was selfish. If he’d stay, or if he went down with his capo, either way it was suicide. He’d rather die with the purpose, rather rough it out with Buccelati, how little it may have mattered in the end.
“No matter where in the world you might run to, you'll never find a safe haven again. Besides, I pledged my loyalty to the organization. It's not like I pledged my loyalty to you. That being said... I never had a home or place I wanted to go. The only time I'm ever at ease... is when I'm with you, Bucciarati.”
And he meant what he said at the end of his proclamation, more than anything he had ever said, and with everything that he ever was. He knows this because he feels the reverberation of his thudding heart, like a small bit of his true feelings had finally been spoken. For once his soul and body was aligned, he was as sure as ever.
He was going to die, but he was going to die with valor, with his pride still attached. And he’s going to do it for a home he’d never known, and the love for one man he had yet to comprehend.