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Everything was too far away from Dazai to be real. People stayed as far away from him as possible. Even just out on the streets in crowded areas, people always seemed to leave a ring around him. There was never actually a ring of empty nothingness surrounding Dazai but it felt like there was. It all seemed to increase his feelings of isolation from society. They weren't close to him and this cemented his belief that he wasn't like them, wasn't human.
And in this scenario, the ring seemed to spread until he could no longer see anyone else on the outer edges of it. The circle that isolated him had pushed everyone away and Dazai didn't know what to do. He had nobody to turn to, nobody even willing to enter the circle. He was completely and utterly alone.
Which led him to the rooftop of the highest building he knew of. Up there, above the people he could never understand, the circle was still present but less prominent. It could be ignored. It wasn't dragging him down from up there. On the rooftop, he could simply be Dazai, whoever that was.
And who was Dazai? Was he the demon prodigy of the mafia that was ruthless and had a knack for crime? Was he a suicidal freak who didn't fit in with normal people? Or was he simply someone who could easily be ignored? Someone who was just as insignificant in the grand scheme of the world that whatever he did had no ultimate impact on anything else?
And if that was true, if Dazai was insignificant, he could do whatever he wanted. He could openly allow himself the chance to figure out who Dazai was. He could figure out what he liked that wasn't anything to do with the mafia or killing or stealing or anything illegal. He could figure out what he didn't like that wasn't annoying redheads who were very small that always seemed to pick a fight with him but were also very infuriatingly hot -
Maybe Dazai already knew what he liked and what he didn't. Still, he wanted to find the chance to figure out exactly who he was. And maybe the rooftop was where it could start.
Dazai stood near the edge, not leaning over it like he normally would but close enough to it that he could see the road underneath. He felt the wind gently pushing his hair back. He felt the cold air nip at his nose. He felt the intangible urge to just let go and fall. Except this time, none of it was inviting him in. This time, it wasn't the way down that had captured Dazai's attention. It was the way up.
The stars twinkled playfully high above Dazai, at a height he doubted he would ever reach but one he longed to be at regardless. The moon glistened in the sea of darkness, a reminder that seemed to politely tell Dazai that there was always a light in any darkness he suffered through. And if images of a certain chibi came to mind as he thought of a light in his darkness, well, nobody needed to know.
Exhaling, Dazai sank onto the cold floor of the roof, leaning against the ledge, gaze still facing up. Something about the way the stars shone so innocently resonated with Dazai. Whether it was because he thought they were pretty or because he wished he could shine so innocently too wasn't knowledge that Dazai knew of, but he decided he liked the stars all the same.
Dazai was so invested in the stars that he didn't hear the door to the rooftop opening nor did he hear the relieved sigh that escaped someone's lips. He only realised that he wasn't alone on the roof anymore when he felt something warm slide down the ledge next to him.
Begrudgingly removing his gaze from the sky, Dazai turned to see Chuuya leaning back against the ledge, arms resting casually on his knees. Chuuya didn't say anything to Dazai; he merely looked at the stars that had captured Dazai's full attention. And in the gentle glow of the moonlight, Chuuya looked beautiful. The hue of the light reflected in his eyes and the dim spotlights that were emitted from the stars highlighted his face. Chuuya looked ethereal to Dazai.
And suddenly, the stars didn't seem so appealing anymore. Their innocent glow couldn't compare to the artwork that was sitting next to him. Something in Dazai softened when he looked at Chuuya. And then realisation struck Dazai. Did he….like Chuuya?
No, that was ridiculous. Why would he like Chuuya? He was annoying. Sure, he was hot (Dazai couldn't really deny that Chuuya was, at the very least, attractive and it definitely wasn't because he was attracted to Chuuya), but he was still Chuuya. The Chuuya who would tease him and yell at him and laugh at him and help him on missions and squeeze his hand when the world became too much and be the only person to constantly enter the circle when no one else would -
Dazai sighed. He definitely liked Chuuya, didn't he?
"What're you staring at, shitty Dazai?"
Chuuya's voice brought Dazai out of his internal epiphany and Dazai was surprised to notice that Chuuya's voice was soft. Corners of his lips twitching upwards, Dazai turned to gaze back at the stars.
"The stars are beautiful, don't you think?" Dazai was surprised to hear himself say something sappy like that and he was even more surprised when Chuuya didn't laugh at him for stating it. Instead, Chuuya hummed in agreement.
The silence that stretched between the two wasn't awkward. In fact, it seemed to be full of words that were unspoken. But neither spoke. They continued to sit in their comfortable silence, gazing upwards at the twinkling lights in the sky.
Except Dazai knew that the lights in the sky were not the light in the darkness he wanted. The light in his darkness was sitting next to him, eyes soft and face relaxed.
"We're all made out of stars," Chuuya's voice broke the silence. His tone was quiet, almost too quiet to hear. But Dazai knew he had heard Chuuya say it. "So, everyone is beautiful in their own way, if you think about it," Chuuya finished, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.
Dazai stared at his partner's face, mouth slightly open in shock. Did Chuuya just….say something sappy? If you had told Dazai earlier that day, that he would be sitting on the rooftop stargazing with Chuuya whilst the chibi in question spoke of how people and stars were both beautiful, Dazai would have laughed in your face. But sitting here now, Dazai knew that Chuuya wasn't wrong. Because if everyone was made out of stars, Chuuya was made out of the brightest one.
Smiling softly, Dazai tore his gaze away from Chuuya to see the stars shining innocently again. This time, they seemed to shine even brighter. And then the silence continued. And this time, there was nothing left to say. The two simply sat there, looking upwards, whilst their hands slowly inched closer together.
So what if everything was too far away from Dazai to be real? Right now, with Chuuya's hand gently intertwined with his, Dazai knew that this moment was real. And that was enough for him.