Work Text:
13th april 2022
The sun had risen a while ago and when Minho opened his eyes slowly, it took him a few seconds to get used to the brightness of the hotel room. He looked to his side and found a pair of eyes, looking at him softly and a gentle smile on the lips. Jisung didn't say a word when their eyes met, instead he bend down and placed a kiss on his lips before returning to his original position and steading his head with his right arm.
,,Good morning“ he said with a voice, sweet as honey and it didn't matter how many times Minho had heard it, it would always melt away all worries and thoughts.
,,I didn't brush my teeth yet“ he said, covering his mouth with his hands when Jisung was about to kiss him again and the rapper just sighed playfully annoyed ,,Not like I didn't taste all of your liquid last night“ he said casually and shrugged his shoulders before rolling back to his side of the bed, earning a light slap on the cheek ,,You make it sound awful“ ,,But you know, it wasn't for me“ he grinned at the older, who put his hand under the blanket and grabbed his thin waist, pulling his naked body closer to his ,,I just woke up and you're already tempting me“ Minho watched closely how the others ears took a light shade of pink and he couldn't help but chuckle how the younger had shamelssly moaned his name last night when he buried his finger nails in Minhos back but blushed at a few whispered words.
,,Give me a break“ Jisung said, putting his hand on Minhos naked chest and draw absentmindely circles on it ,,I don't think my body can take another round“ Minho leaned his head close to the youngers ears and whispered ,,You can do it to me if you want“ ,,Damn, while you were sleeping you looked so sweet and innocent and the moment you opened your eyes, you turn into a horny little bastard“ ,,Yah! You started it“ ,,I know“ Jisung grinned proudly and stole another kiss from him before suddenly jumping out of the bed and walking up to the bathroom, only to stop at the door and look back ,,Am I gonna shower alone?“ that was an invitation Minho would never decline, so he followed the younger butt naked into the bathroom, with a glowing smile on his face.
They both had needed this. Their hectic life didn't allow them much free time, let alone time alone together but when they found out there was no schedule for two days, Minho had immediately booked two hotel rooms under a different name, in some remote area, a two hour drive away from Seoul and drove all the way there as soon as work was finished, to have one more night for themselves. It wasn't a very big town but they had still been careful, Jisung arriving first at the hotel and Minho followed him half an hour later. They knew there was nothing wrong with two friends going on a trip together but knowing they weren't just friends, it had made them grow more careful of their behavior even though fans nor anyone else had ever believed them to be actually dating. Chan had only told them to be careful when they left, while Changbin and Hyunjin had made jokes about them probably jumping each other as soon as they were alone, only receiving a chuckle from Minho and a playful wink of Jisung before he smooched the older right in front of everyone. It wasn't like they were wrong. As soon as Minho had closed the door behind him, Jisung had ripped his cap and face mask off and attacked his lips, entangling him in a deep passionate kiss.
,,Let's go down to the beach, on our way here I saw a few restaurants, where we could eat breakfast“ Minho said, while the younger was gently rubbing the shampoo onto his hair, their height perfectly matching for Jisung to be able to do it comfortably ,,Do we have to? I just wanna stay in with you all day and watch movies“ ,,We do that all the time“ Minho said, turning around to the younger, before he bend down and took the shampoo bottle ,,I know-“ he tapped Jisungs shoulder lightly, who turned his back to him so that he could put the shampoo into his hair, without risking for the younger to get it in his eyes ,,-and I love it“ Minho chuckled lightly and placed a small kiss on Jisungs shoulder ,,Come on~ let's go out a little. We won't get time for this any time soon again“ he was well aware that Jisung had never been a big fan of going outside. He never seemed to feel really comfortable around people nor like them very much but Minho loved it when he got the other to go to Han river or shopping with him. Jisung had a tendency to get stuck in a loop, that only worsened his sensitive moods and even though he despised crowdy places the most, he would always have a little glow whenever they went out together. It was a glow he got to see too rarely.
,,Alright“ he agreed sighing and turned on the shower, giving the other a quick glance before stepping under the water.
In the end they had spent the whole day, wandering around the cozy town and when they had walked from an empty spot on the beach back onto the street, they both put on their hats and masks and Minho secretly grabbed the youngers hand, intervining them before he put them into his coats pocket. The sweet smile he could make out from Jisungs wrinkles around his eyes, melting him every single time. They had decided to eat at a small restaurant, not too far from their hotel and Jisung wanted to celebrate their time off, which resulted in him being intoxicated to the point that he had almost confessed in front of the whole restaurant that he was madly in love with the guy in front of him. He would've done it, if Minho hadn't been quicker and clasped his hand over his mouth, bowing apologetic and nervous to the customer and staff that were looking at them. Minho quickly paid for their dinner with cash and helped a stumbling Jisung out of the restaurant. After a few failed attempts, he had gotten the other onto his back, linking his own arms to steady his position.
,,I'm sorry“ Jisung mumbled drunkenly and let his chin rest on the olders shoulder ,,You don't have to. You know, I don't mind carrying you like this“ ,,Not that I-“ a hiccup broke through but he quickly recovered, inhaling deep ,,-I just don't wanna be hangover tomorrow. We wanted to do so many things“ Minho chuckled at the whiny tone and looked up from the ground, his eyes concentrating on the street ahead of them. He always loved the whiny side of Jisung even though he always pretends to be annoyed but the boy was too cute for his own good, sometimes making Minho gather all his self-control to not smooch him right in front of the camera.
,,Being with you is enough“ Minho admitted quietly and it seemed as if the younger lost his remaining strength, his head falling to the side while he drooled onto his coat.
Trying to be quiet, he let the door fall slowly back into its lock and walked up the bed, gently putting Jisung down, who moaned tiredly and furrowed his brows in discomfort
,,I don't care how bad I feel tomorrow-“ he mumbled, making it hard for Minho to understand him as he untied his shoes and took his clothes off ,,-Let's go out again and do everything you want, alright?“ he lifted his head for a moment and looked at Minho with his typical stupidly cute smile and sparkling eyes that always made him weak and he only nod before lifting his feet up and rolling his body fully onto the bed ,,Alright, let's do that but now go to sleep, I'll wake you tomorrow“ he pushed a strain of hair out of his face and placed a kiss on his forehead , before standing up and taking a shower for the drowsiness of the bozze to wear of.
He had expected the younger to be deeply asleep when he came back and crawled underneath the warm blanket, beside him but he was met with a tired pair of eyes, looking at him without saying a word ,,What? Do I have something on my face?“ Jisung only shook his head lightly, placing a hand underneath his cheek, while his eyes never left the dancers face ,,I just I love you Minho“ Jisung extended his arm, outlining the features of Minhos face, while his eyes looked deep in thoughts ,,I want us to stay like this, forever“ Minhos gaze softened and he put his hand on Jisungs, kissing his knuckles ,,Me too“ ,,Promise me?“ it was like this everytime they had been drinking alone. Confessions of love and conversations of depth had always been rare between them but it had never been a problem between them as they both had always known each other to struggle with it but everytime they were alone and drunk, they were allowed to see a more vunerable side from the other, one that showed just how much they both depended on each other.
,,Promise me that we will stay like this, no matter what happens“ Jisung closed his eyes tiredly as he held out his pinky for the older to take, who took it without hesitation ,,I promise. I don't think I could ever let you go, even if I wanted to“ the younger chuckled drunk and opened his eyes again to look at him ,,I wouldn't let you even if I wanted to“ sometimes it felt like a dream to him, where he would need to pinch himself to assure him of this being the reality. Feeling as loved as Jisung made him feel had turned his life around in so many ways, opening a gate in his heart he had kept closed with countless locks and thrown away keys. Jisung had looked for all this keys and no matter how tiring it was, he had never given up on him until now, breaking through all his walls and making him feel special. He wished he could give him more, show him just how much he loved him everyday because he deserved it. He had joined JYP when he was nineteen, his only goal to make his dream of being a Idol true and in the end, he got so much more than he would ever have dared to ask. Best friends, who became his brothers and Jisung, who had shown him for the very first time in his life what colors love can paint, turning his grey world into a rainbow. And as he watched the younger slowly drifting off to sleep, their intervined hands held close to his chest, all he knew was that there was no way he could ever live without being the one Jisung gave his heart to and he knew that Jisung would always have his.
27th semptember 2028
,,Minho?“ a distant voice called and brought the men back to the present, realizing that he had been standing at the window wall, staring absentmindely outside, for quite some time. He turned around to his co worker Jaehya, who looked at him with a question mark plastered across her face
,,Sorry, what did you say?“ ,,All the kids just left. I'm heading out now too“ ,,Oh yeah, of course“ he smiled politelty and bowed his head a little, turning his head to look outside the window again when she spoke up once more ,,I know you practically live inside this studio but I'm gonna meet up with some friends, they are pretty chill. If you want to, you cam come along“ it wasn't the first time she had asked him and when he gave her his usual apologetic smile she only laughed lightly ,,One day, I'll get you to go out“ she grinned michiveously and Minho couldn't help but laugh lightly, waving her goodbye as she left the room. Jaehya had been working for him for the past year and while she was an astonishing good dancer, Minho couldn't really warm up to her. But it wasn't like he could with other people. He was almost 30 and had long ago grown used to his inability to connect with other people and it didn't bother him anymore. He didn't knew why but it had always been like there was a glass pane between him and others, as if no matter how hard he tried to laugh at their jokes and talk about shared interests, it always felt forced and as soon as they were out of his life, he never thought about them again.
A familiar face tried to force its way into his mind to remind him of moments, he didn't wanted to think about but he immediately blocked it, shaking his head and grabbing his bag before leaving the studio as well. It's been around 4 years since he opened the studio in Ulsan, near the center of the City and through his already known name, it didn't took long for the hours of the day to be filled with countless people from young to old, wanting to learn or improve their dancing. While it had always been fun to work with skilled dancers, who were able to keep up with his pace, he had never thought it would be as fulfilling to help others find their passion for dancing. The moment a certain sparkle lit up their eyes as if in that moment, they realized their love for that sport, was something that Minho could never get tired of. It was as if he was allowed to experience that feeling once again, when he had realized that dancing was what he wanted to do. It was an indescribable feeling, equal to the high of drugs.
As he drove out of the parking lot, back to his house that was almost a 30 minute drive away from the studio, he couldn't help but be reminded of the meeting tomorrow. It would be the first time in 5 years, they all would met up again and while Minho tried to pretend that it wasn't causing him sleepless nights the past days, the bags under his eyes were evidence enough. The way they all parted hadn't been exactly nice and Minho hadn't done anything to make it better as he had simply deleted all their numbers and ran away to Ulsan, never answering anyones calls or messages for a whole year. Much to his disappointment, this time he couldn't just forget them like all the others in his life but it was the only response he had known all his life. Jisung had once called it a mentality of 'I reject you, before you reject me' and while he didn't really liked for the other to analyze him like that, he had a hard time pretending it was false.
There was no denying that after the disbandment, he was so full of pain and hatred but at the same time he was terrified of the thought that he would be left behind by them all because he was the cause of all their dreams shattering. So he did what he knew best, shut everyone out and pretend it didn't matter to him. 5 years had went by since then and he couldn't help but wonder if they had forgiven him his selfishness that led to their downfall. Much to his surprise, Seungmin had constantly messaged him over the year even though he had shown his anger towards Jisung and him more openly than the others. It was something that had hurt him a lot more than he ever dared to admit because Seungmin had always been the most calm from them all, who had never been good at fights or telling people if he didn't liked something. Therefore, it had shocked everyone when he suddenly jumped up from the couch, resenment dripping from his lips as he shouted at Jisung and him that all of this was all alone their fault and that he wished he had never met them. A month after the disbandment, Seungmin had texted him for the first time, nothing more than an 'Are you okay?' but Minho had never answered him. From there on, he at least texted him once every month, updating him about his current life and always asking about his. It didn't seemed to bother him that he never replied.
It was a normal morning like everyday when he saw the latest message of the younger, telling him that he opened a business and without thinking much about it, he replied with a simple 'Sounds cool'. Since then he had started to answer his text and some of the others started to send him messages from time to time too.
He wasn't really angry at all of them anymore. In fact, he wasn't sure if he ever really was. He knew he had been selfish when he had gotten involved in a dangerous relationship with his bandmate and best friend and he knew what was at stake, still he had decided to risk everyones careers, so how could he ever really be angry at them for chosing themselves too?
The next morning came way too fast for his liking and soon he found himself, sitting in his car in front of Chans house. He didn't know how much time had passed since he had parked the car and just sat there, staring at the raindrops racing down the window. Seungmin had already send him a message, asking where he is and he had replied he would be there soon, leaving him no choice but to leave the car and run to the front door, to not get wrenched in the rain.
In his mind he had wondered over and over again how it would be to see that face again that had haunted countless dreams and had kept him awake with a tears soaked pillow. He had tried his best to move on and forget, forget the love he felt whenever his eyes found those of the rapper. The way his chest filled up upon the realization that the boys heart belonged to him and that he was the only one, who had been allowed to touch him the way he did. After their break up Minho had talked himself into believing that they had never been meant to be together, that what they had wasn't so-called true love and that they were nothing more than young adults, who needed comfort and that it just happens to be them giving that to each other. Now, standing in front of him felt like someone had stabbed a knife, right through his heart, numbing his body and mind. All he could see were those beautiful sad chocolate brown eyes that looked at him in a way that made the knife twist and turn. How could he ever fool himself into believing that they were just one of many couples, who ended their relationship? Those thoughts suddenly seemed so ridicioulos. Jisung was never just a someone. The younger had broken their contact, throwing Minho mercilessly back into reality but he didn't let show, how much pain it brought him as Changbin came forward and hugged him tight.
He hasn't seen most of them for years and while he was happy to find out that the warm feeling they used to awaken inside him was still there, he couldn't really concentrate on anything but the blonde hair in the corner of his eyes and that sweet voice that he had been craving to hear again. There were moments he could've used to talk to the younger, ask him how he is doing and if he is happy but he couldn't gather the courage. He was too afraid to find that tone of love missing from his voice and the awkwardness that had crept between them since that day. It was something that had never been present between them and maybe it was the reason what made them gravitate towards each other. A mutual understanding without having to say anything, a comfortableness that couldn't be explained. Back then, he had been so full of complexes and fear and while he had never really dared to talk about it with Jisung, the boy always seemed to know more than he admitted. It was as if he knew exactly how to get behind this glass pane and sneak his way into Minhos head and heart.
Now as Minho had musterted up the courage to sit down beside the former rapper and start a conversation, he was torn between the formal, distant words of him and the way his eyes looked at him.
At the end, Minho found himself driving back to Ulsan in the middle of the night, a storm of emotions inside him begging to be acknowledged but he was too afraid what they meant. He had done his best the past years, trying to forget everything that used to make him happy and make himself believe that it wasn't as great as he made it out to be but it needed only one day to destroy the illusion he had build up so carefully. Before he had meet them all, he lived his life behind that glass pane alone but it had never really bothered him because it's what he had known all his life. His childhood was never filled with much display of affection. His emotional outburst weren't disciplined harshly, they were just not liked to be seen and mostly ignored for that fact, sometimes making him wonder if there was a lack of emotions inside him, as if he never learned to feel certain things.
With them, for the first time in his life, he felt like he belonged somewhere, that there was no need for him to change anything about him and that he was welcomed in a group full of social misfits, where his odd behavior is accepted and even loved.
After everything went down and all of that was ripped away from him without an ounce of mercy, Minho wished it would've been easy to go back into his old life but it wasn't. He had tried his best to talk himself into believing that it all wasn't as good as he made it out to be, that he didn't really needed them or Jisung but he clearly remembered the many times, he had screamed himself awake from nightmares, out of his senses desperately looking for a warm body beside him that was never there. The remaining year in Stray Kids had been nothing but torture and even though he had never wanted the disbandment, he couldn't help but feel relieved that he was finally being released from this horrible nightmare. Having to see his face everyday but being unable to be close to him had done more damage to him than all hurtful words his parents had ever thrown his face. It had made him realize that without himself knowing he had depended too much of his happiness on Jisung, something he had always carefully made sure to not let happen throughout his life. But here he was. 30 years old and still in love with the same person.
Minho had abandonded his attempts to sleep in the middle of night, his head and mind overwhelmed from emotions he had so carefully denied himself of having. He hated the fact that even now, hours later all he heard inside his head was that honey-like voice, telling him about how beautiful the cherry blossom paths looked in Spring and all Minho could think about was how beautiful Jisung looked. It was almost ridicioulos how mesmerizing the other still was. After all this years, he could still look at Jisung without ever getting tired of it and as much as he was afraid of how the other felt, he couldn't help but miss him just as much. He wanted to hear that voice again, wanted to look into this chocolate brown eyes that used to look at him with a sort of sparkle that always made his heartbeat quicken. There was a dangerous thought inside his head, one that he had many times before but had never dared to act upon but seeing the other and the way a hint of that sparkle in his eyes could be seen, he took out his phone with shaking hands, looking for the contact he never could delete. When he heard the tired voice on the other side of the line, he suddenly came back to reality, realizing that he had absolutely no clue what to say . What was he supposed to say after all this years? He had just wanted to hear that voice but he had no courage to open his mouth and say something. He was sure Jisung knew it was him. He didn't even know what he was feeling himself but there was one thing he painfully clearly felt as he ended the call and shortly after typed those three words that made him feel like he couldn't breath properly. He missed him.
More than he dared to admit.
23rd april 2029
Tired eyes looked through the floor window, staring into the distance as if the answer to his problem would come fly by any minute if he just kept staring hard enough. Minhos head hurt terribly and he felt like someone had sucked all energy out of his body, keeping him rooted, sitting in the black armchair. Maybe it was simply because he hadn't slept well the past days and last night not at all. All he could think about was how Jisung had kissed him and the way everything was forgotten the moment Jisungs lips touched his. He hadn't expect himself to go that far at all. All he knew was that the way the former rapper had kept his hand slightly pressed against his had triggered the strong urge inside to grab that hand and intervine it with his. The fear of moving a muscle and making the younger retreat had tensed him up, to a point that he had just run off with the excuse of needing to go to the toilet. He didn't know what to make of all that. Jisung had left his message last year unanswered, rejecting him so clearly that Minho felt like dying, thinking that he might be really over him. He had felt so pathetic and embarassingly rejected and wished he could take that message back but he couldn't.
He would need to live with Jisung knowing that he was still in love while he wasn't.
It had felt weird because Jisung used to make him feel safe in a way no one else has ever done before, not even the others but suddenly he felt like he was on a different island from them all. One, there was no way of someone else reaching it. So when Chan invited them all, Minho had sworen himself to get his act together and face the younger even though the mere thought of seeing him, terrified him. But if they all really wanted to be friends again, Jisung and he would need to get along, at least good enough for the others to stop throwing them nervous side glances everytime, they believed to be secretly made. But the moment Jisung had entered the livingroom, it was like Minho had a sensor for his presence, his head without thinking snapping up to find the men directly looking at him and just like last year, he could only stare at him as if time stopped. The conflicted expression he could clearly read on his face wasn't helping all the confusion inside.
After their secret touch, outside in the garden, while their friends were drunk and laughing, Minho wasn't sure about anything anymore. And when the younger came to look for him, he couldn't keep up the facade anymore, telling Jisung things he had never told anyone. From that moment on everything was a blur. All he could remember was the way Jisung tasted after Cigarettes and booze and the way, Jisung kissing him felt so right. He had let go of every insecurity and doubts and had dared to cross lines, he never thought he would find the courage for. And it had shattered him when Chan had unknowingly thrown them back into reality and Jisung had looked at him so heartbroken that he felt like he had done something terribly wrong. He had fled the party without telling anyone and returned to his hotel room, where he collapsed onto the armchair, his heart beating out of his chest. Jisung wasn't over him, just like he wasn't over Jisung. They both were still in love and somehow it made his heart ache so bad.
Now all he could do was stare out of the window, wondering how things had come to this and what that kiss meant. Now that there was no denying of their feelings anymore there was a scary thought inside his head. One that made his throat close up and at the same time awakened a feeling of hope and possibility. A possibility for their end to be changed. There was a chance, right? He wanted so bad to know how Jisung felt right now. Was he just as helpless and overwhelmed? Was he wishing for Minho to reach out to him? After all this time, was there really a chance for them? There was so much hurt between them, so many years full of bitterness inside their hearts and time away from each other, to maybe realize that love just wasn't enough.
Minho had always thought they had the perfect relationship back then. Because of their careers they never had the opportunity to go out on dates and love openly but they had supported and loved each other and giving as much as they received. Now that he was older he had painfully realized that their relationship had been far from perfect. They had never talked things out much, had always avoided confrontations and had silently agreed to forget the last fight. Jisung nor Minho had ever dared to share a lot of insecurities and troubles with each other as they only wanted to be a source of comfortableness and safety for the other. Now Minho wasn't too sure anymore if it had been right, the way they had decided to break up. It felt like they had decided together but maybe they had just taken out the coward way, the easy way even though it wasn't near being easy.
Maybe if they had really talked to each other about the situation and hadn't decided out of fear, to be selfish and hurt their friends or their own careers, to end things. Seungmin had once broke down in front of him, telling him how sorry he was, how sorry everyone was. Maybe no one would've had to live with that guilt if they decided to find a solution together. They were young and afraid back then and the risk was big but he knew Mr. Park never would've let them both leave the group, especially as Jisung had a irreplacable position in the group. Even throwing one of them out would've made so much damage to the companys profit and Stray Kids reputation that he probably never would've done it. They could've at least tried, they could've gone back to pretending to be just friends. There were many ways they could've handled that situation. Maybe Minho just had to admit that Jisung nor him had enough faith in the love of the other to stay by each others side. Maybe if they had never avoided sensitive topics and talked more about their feelings, things could've been very different now. The picture of them staying together, living in a house far outside, away from peoples eyes and waking up to each others presences was unbearable and Minho chased that thought away that felt like a knife that bore into his heart painfully.
He looked at his phone and saw several messages and missed calls, he knew belonged to his friends and he wanted to tell them that he was okay and just drank too much but even that lie seemed too exhausting to write out. He was tired of lying and denying. He had spent the last 7 years that way and though it had been nessecary for him to get through life without Stray Kids, it had brought a lot of pain along that he was only being made aware of now. Minhos body flinched as he suddenly heard a knock on the door that took him back into the present and when he opened the door, he felt a slight disappointment inside him that it wasn't Jisung but Hyunjin.
,,Hyunjin, what are you doing here?“ Minho asked surprised but made space for the younger to enter the room, who was fidgeting with his hands nervously as he walked into the room, taking in the untouched bed sheets and packed luggage beside it. He turned around as Minho closed the door and looked sharply at the older, who looked at him with a question mark. He didn't knew what he had expected but seeing Minho, seemingly composed and calm definitely wasn't it.
,,Why are your things already packed?“ he asked, his long black hair framing his still beautiful face as his eyes searched for any sort of inperfection in the former dancers eyes. Minho just glanced at his packed suitcase and then back at Hyunjin, seemingly at a loss of words. He didn't expect to have to answer that question now. It wasn't like he was going to leave today, he just wanted to hold that option open. He would've long gone back home if he really wanted to but that little hope of seeing Jisung tomorrow had kept him here.
,,I-I just wanted them to be packed, so that I don't have to do it tomorrow“ he said and shrug his shoulder, walking back to the armchair in which he had been sitting the past hours. Hyunjin didn't seem to quite believe his words but decided to not question it, making Minho feel thankful for it.
There was a moment of silence between them, in which Hyunjin opened his mouth several times only for the words to get stuck in his throat over and over again.
,,What is it? Spit it out“ Minho said smiling lightly and Hyunjin exhaled deep before leaning against the dresser and finally saying for what he came to say
,,I really don't wanna overstep any lines and I know it isn't my business at all but-“ he hesitated as he saw the slight change in Minhos expression and the way his eyes hardened, probably sensing what he was gonna say ,,-I saw you two“ the room fell silent for a moment as Minho took in the others words and the air suddenly got stuck in his throat. He wasn't prepared for that at all and he felt the embarassment creep onto him, coloring his ears in a light shade of pink. That moment was never meant to be seen by them nor did he wanted anyone to find out about this and get involved in a situation, neither Minho or Jisung knew what to make of themselves. But here it was, once again things not working out the way they wanted to and people getting involved.
,,I didn't tell anyone, except Chan“ Minhos head snapped back up and Hyunjin gulped ,,I-I only told him because he said Jisung was behaving really weird since last night and after he told Chan, he wasn't going to the wedding, I thought I should t-“
,,Jisung isn't going to the wedding?“ Minho interrupted him, making his body sit up straight and look at the other anticipating ,,No, he isn't. As far as I know he is already on his way back to Jinhae-gu“ and just like that all hope shattered inside Minho once again and he fell back into his chair, his eyes growing distant. He had made the younger run away, took away the chance to see his former leaders weddings and just because Minho had overstepped lines that were drawn many years ago. He felt guilty and embarassed for thinking it was going to be that easy, that if they saw each other tomorrow they would just both find the courage to talk and maybe make room for something else than pain and fear. Jisung didn't wanted that, right? If he did, he wouldn't have gone back home without telling Minho at all.
,,Hyung?“ Hyunjins voice brought him back to reality and he looked up at the younger, who had a worried expression on his face and Minho quickly pulled himself together ,,I'm fine, I was just surprised he wasn't going to be there“ ,,Me too actually“ Hyunjin admitted and bit onto his lower lip before running his hand through his hair restless ,,I-I....I don't know, I thought you two maybe sorted things out yesterday and the.....kiss“ he looked at Minhos expression and the way he shifted uncomfortably at the mentioning of the event of last night. He wasn't sure if he had the right to make him talk about it ,,I know after everything, none of us has the right to say anything about what's going on between you two but...seeing you both last night....I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest, that had been there long enough for me to get used to the stuffy feeling inside“ Minho still didn't say anything and just looked at him with an unreadable expression ,,I know it's dumb but I thought you two...maybe...you know, could make things work again?“ Hyunjin had no clue himself what he was expecting of this conversation and he wasn't even sure what his intention behind his words were. All he knew was that when Chan had told him Jisung left and that he was really worried about him, he knew he had to find Minho. Maybe it was a ridicioulos attempt to ease the guilt inside him but he wasn't going to admit that yet.
,,But you disappearing and Jisung leaving....I was afraid“ ,,Of what?“ Minho finally said, making the younger let out a breath he had hold in since Minho had become quiet ,,...of things repeating“ he didn't had to say more because Minho knew exactly what he meant by that ,,Don't worry about that. We won't be the cause of our friend group breaking again“ ,,I didn't mean it like that“ Hyunjin said agiated, his eyes opened wide. Minho sighed tired and stood up from the armchair ,,Whatever concerns you have, be asured that they will just stay concerns and not become reality“ he patted the younger on the shoulder and walked past him to the bathroom ,,I'll just shower and then I'll come to Chans house. You can wait for me if you want to but I don't mind if you don't want to“ and just like that the conversation was over, leaving Hyunjin dumbfounded behind.
When they were all seated in Chans livingroom, eating dinner there was a thick silence between them. One that made them throw quick glances and smile awkwardly at each other. Minho was aware that everyone was wondering why Jisung had suddenly left, without telling them and he hadn't really acted unsuspicious by leaving suddenly and staying out of contact for almost the whole day. No one dared to say anything though, only Chan looked at him from time to time. A conflicted expression on his face and Minho already knew that Chan was aware of everything that had happened last night. He knew he was 30 years old but it still felt like he was being judged by a person of authority. As if he was a little kid that did something he had been told before to not do. The silence slowly faded away as Felix started asking Seungmin question about his work and the conversations came back to life, only leaving Minho and Chan in silence. He knew everyone looked at him when he suddenly got up from his chair and left the room without a word but he needed fresh air from all that stuffiness inside him. Of course it only took seconds for the door to the garden to be opened again and Minho didn't had to turn around to know who it was.
,,You okay?“ Chan asked as he walked up to Minho and stood right beside him, his eyes full of warmth ,,Yeah, just needed a little fresh air“ he gave him a pressed smile and looked back into the garden, the outlines of the perfectly decorated garden keeping him distracted from the awkwardness
,,It really looks beautiful Chan-ah“ ,,Chan-ah?“ Chan repeated playfully, earning a light laughter from the younger ,,Calling you hyung sounds weird“ he admited, scratching his head. Chan just looked at him for a moment before he turned his head to the front, his eyes gazing into the dark as he spoke up
,,I'm gonna be honest with you Minho and I would like you to be honest with me too, if you can“ Minho had expected for the older to confront him at some point. In the end he was Bang Chan, the leader who had always made it his responsibility to make sure everyone felt included and loved and know that he was always ready to listen. He knew that it was Chans way of feeling included and loved and everyone had gladly made the troubled leader feel that way. This time, however, Minho couldn't. He didn't want to talk about any of it but he wasn't sure if the older would just let him be.
,,Chan, I really don't wa-“ ,,I know“ he interrupted him strongly before the uncertaintness came back ,,I know that this must be not easy for you two and I totally get that.....but I don't want to watch our group fall again“ ,,I already told Hyunjin. This isn't something you guys have to worry about. We won't cause that again“ ,,You didn't“ Chan said, surprising and confusing the younger who didn't know what to say ,,You didn't cause anything. If someone is at fault, than it is mine“ ,,What are you talking about?“ ,,I was the leader-“ as he saw Minho roll his eyes and open his mouth to protest against his known complex of feeling like he had to take on every responsibility there was, he quickly continued ,,I was the leader and no matter what, I should've protected not only you two, but everyone“ ,,Come on Chan, nobody thinks like that“ ,,But I do! If even one person would've told you two that we are in this together, that you aren't alone, maybe things could've been a lot different“ there was no denying that those words got to him. It was something he had thought about a lot too but in the end, he came to the conclusion that it wouldn't have changed anything.
If their love wasn't enough, how could someones elses be?
,,No, it wouldn't be different. Jisung and I, we both decided to break up together because it was the easiest and best way“ ,,Easiest?“ Chan repeated dumbfounded, his eyes wide staring at the younger in disbelief ,,Do you seriously believe that? That easy way had turned Jisung and you into robots. That last year in Stray Kids....it felt like neither of you was really there, as if you two were on auto-pilot. Your laughs, your expressions, your whole personality...everything suddenly seemed just wrong and out of place“ Minho had known that Jisung and his behavior had changed and that it was obvious to everyone around them but he had believed to have done a better job at hiding. But Chan was right. He was still that robot. He had opened that dance studio and just like he always did, he had just danced and danced until his body was full of bruises and he collapsed inside the studio, waking up in the hospital hours later to find out that his body was about to break from that ruthless self-destroying habit. He had lived the past years like a ghost, had done nothing else than eat, dance, teach and sleep. He had never went out with anyone, had always declined Seungmins offer to come to London and had spent his days inside his bedroom, carelessly watching TV or dancing himself into exhaustion. It felt unreal just how much Jisungs absence had took a toll on him and he almost felt pathetic for it.
,,Minho, I'm not saying this because I want to make you uncomfortable or anything...I talked to Jisung before he left“ this made Minho turn his head to the side, looking at the older with wide eyes. One part of him wanted to know what they talked about but another one was scared of words that would once again mean a rejection
,,He was totally out of it and stone-set on leaving. I....I said some insensitive things and I know it's not like I believe things are just going to work out magically at all but“ he stopped for a moment, hesitation evidently on his face, wondering if what he was doing was right. Butting into their business after everything that happened in the past.
,,I don't think you two should give up on what's between you“ before Minho was even able to ask what he was talking about he continued ,,I'm not gonna say anything else. I just want you to know that if you two really still have feelings for each other, which I think is pretty evidently after last night, then I think you both shouldn't give up.....not again“ just like that Chan went back inside, leaving Minho alone with the hurricane he had caused.
,,Not again“ Minho repeated, a lifeless chuckle following. He was completely and utterly lost. It frustrated him that he had to deal with all of this tumoult, all this uneasiness and pain and confusion.
He desperately wanted to know what Jisung was thinking and feeling.
Did he wanted that too? To not give up on whatever was still between them? Was there even really a chance for things to work out after everything that happened? Minho had no clue, in fact he knew so little that he felt like the world was going to collapse on top of him. His phone suddenly vibrated but he didn't felt like answering anyones texts right now and as he was about to go back inside and tell them all he would go back to his hotel due to a headache, he suddenly stopped in his tracks. He didn't knew why but he felt his hand looking for his phone, unlocking it with his fingerprint and the moment he saw the words inside that text, he felt tears welling up too fast for him to catch himself.
I miss you too. Everyday.
There was a calm heaviness inside his body. One that made him realize that it was ridicioulos that he had ever considered giving up. His insecurities and fear of the others love not being as strong as his had lead him to where he was right now. Alone, still heartbroken and still undeniably in love with Han Jisung. Chan was right. If they both still have some lingering feelings, after all this time, didn't they deserved to be heard and acknowledge? If those feelings survived year of bitterness and pain, maybe there was a real chance to heal what had been broken.
He focused back on his phone and typing in words that he erased only seconds later. What was he supposed to say back? What were the right words? He felt as if everything depended on his reply, that if he couldn't find the right things to say, it would all go to waste. But maybe he had to trust Jisungs love this time. Maybe it was the only way for things to change and head into a direction that seemed a lot more colorful than what Minho had been used to for a while now.
Several minutes passed and he just sat there, trying to make himself fully aware of the situation. He didn't wanted it to feel like an act out of impulse because of Jisungs words. He wanted to be clear headed when he makes the decision that was going to either mend him back together or maybe make him face the harsh reality that some stories, just didn't have a happy ending.
He almost laughed at himself. He felt so dramatic and like a teenage boy in love, who believed his first love to last forever. But in the end, wasn't that exactly what he felt? Maybe he was still a teenage boy. With strong determenation and ignorance for his shaking hands, he dialed that number, his heart beating painfully against his chest as every beep sound, coming from the phone felt like an enternity.
That way Minho found himself, 5 hours later with the sun slowly coloring the sky, in front of Han Jisungs house.