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Emerson was Nancy Wheeler’s dream school. She worked hard for it too, straight A’s, worked at her school’s newspaper, did tons of volunteer work, everything to get her to this college. Emerson had a great journalism program and Nancy would kill to expand her learning and career from Emerson.
And she did.
The acceptance letter was sitting in her mailbox when she came home from work one day. She was awfully drained from work due to her male coworkers inveighing comments.
The small town of Hawkins, Indiana where Nancy resided was closed off from the other cities. She never got the opportunities to expand her interests outside Hawkins and that’s what made leaving Hawkins so exhilarating. Nancy really wanted to get out.
There was only one reason why Nancy wanted to stay. Her friends. Jonathan and Steve have been her friends since high school and they’ve supported her on her whole figuring herself out journey and helped her numerous times with the school newspaper. Jonathan’s excellent photography skills and Steve’s inside scoop on the basketball team’s drama helped her formulate a newspaper that got recognized by the town newspaper. That’s how Nancy got her internship at the Hawkins Post.
But, she was delighted to find out that Steve had gotten a basketball opportunity in Boston and Jonathan would follow him and Nancy at a community college near them. So, the three made the logical decision to get an apartment together.
Leaving Hawkins was easier than Nancy thought. Not many people leave this town for college, so Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve left with no issues. No one begged them to stay. They shared a teary goodbye with Steve’s younger friends. Although it was weird Steve was friends with so many freshmen, the gap year he took before leaving with Nancy and Jonathan to college eventually led to him driving kids around and being their personal chauffeur. He loves it though, as much as he pretends to not.
Her parents didn’t say anything. Her mom shed one tear and her dad didn’t care. He was careless and her mom was just emotional. Nancy assumes that’s how it is when you’re in a loveless marriage, you feel trapped.
Because of her parents' loveless marriage, Nancy had always had a fear of falling and commitment. If her parents aren’t committed to each other, how would she? She has no clue what it’s like and how she’s supposed to maintain a relationship like this. Nancy doesn’t care, though, she has Steve and Jonathan. Even if they aren’t here for forever, that’s all she needs right now. She has no time for a relationship.
So, here they were, cramped in Steve’s new car. Jonathan in the passenger seat and Nancy sprawled out in the back, watching the trees flash by them as they made their way to their new apartment.
Classes for Nancy don’t start until a month, but Jonathan and Steve have an early start. Nancy yawns and lets herself doze off to the sound of Jonathan and Steve’s mindless chatter as the car bumps away to Boston.
When they finally arrive, Jonathan nudges Nancy softly and the girl wakes up, rubbing at her eyes hastily as she takes in her surroundings. They somehow managed to pack everything they needed for the dorm, deciding to buy more necessities for their apartment in Boston. Nancy was thrumming with excitement, even if she had just woken up five minutes ago.
After a gruesome six hours of unpacking and moving, the three friends flop onto their couch with a collective sigh of relief.
“I need coffee.” Jonathan grumbles, fanning himself with his hand. Steve nods in agreement and Nancy’s eyes are closed and makes a sound of affirmation.
After staying on the couch for a while, they finally get up to go get some coffee. Nancy told the boys about seeing a coffee place nearby and they spotted it pretty easily, as it was one of the only stores open at the moment.
You were in college, working part-time waiting tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk, with a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts
The bell rings as the three file into the shop and Nancy already feels at ease. The aura of the shop is warm and enlightening and it’s obvious as a serene smile graces Nancy’s lips. The barista lifts her head from the counter it was rested upon and makes eye contact with Nancy. Nancy feels her heart stop because that has got to be the most beautiful woman Nancy has ever seen.
At that though, Nancy feels a rush of coldness travel down her spine.
Fuck.
There is no way this is happening. Nancy doesn’t believe in this love-at-first-sight bullshit that Steve tries convincing her is real, but Jesus, this girl is gorgeous. Nancy shakes her thoughts out of her head.
It won’t last, anyway.
The barista smiles at them, revealing an all-white set of teeth. Nancy clenches her jaw and trails behind Steve and Jonathan as they place their orders.
“And what would you like?” The barista turns to her.
“Oh, I’m good.” Nancy ignores Steve’s questioning hum. She ignores Jonathan’s eyes drilling into the side of her head.
“You sure?” The girl’s voice is sweet and raspy and Nancy finds herself clearing her throat at the thought of what her voice is like without the customer service lilt to it. Nancy can’t help herself to speak, so she nods. The barista raises her eyebrows and they share a look for a little too long for Nancy’s liking, but nods anyway.
Nancy — once again — ignores Jonathan and Steve’s prying eyes as she leads them to a booth. When they finally sit down, Nancy sighs, knowing she can’t get out of the conversation.
“What?”
Steve breaks and takes a sip of his drink. “You’re so awkward, Nance.”
“What do you mean?” Nancy narrows her eyes.
Steve and Jonathan share a look, which Nancy hates when they do that because it’s like they have some weird boy telepathy thing that Nancy is not a part of. “It’s obvious you think the barista is hot. Her name is Robin by the way. Looked at her name tag.” Jonathan says.
Nancy rolls her eyes. “And I’m the weird one? And I don’t think she’s hot — well, she is pretty, but not — ugh, you know what I mean.” Nancy digs the heel of her palms into her eyes.
“Nancy.” Steve speaks up, his voice suddenly serious. “It’s okay to like her.”
“I don’t-”
“I know you don’t right now, but for future reference.” He lets a sigh escape from his lips and swallows, watching Nancy carefully. “Whatever mistake your parents made in their marriage should not affect you. It’s not anyone’s fault but theirs.”
Jonathan nods in agreement and Nancy slumps in her seat. “It’s not mainly about that—”
“But it plays some part in it.” Jonathan pipes up.
Nancy glares at him for interrupting her and continues. “I just don't want to fall for anyone. What’s the point of love if it doesn’t last?”
The three grow silent as they sit on Nancy’s statement. Robin swings by just in time with their drinks and eventually ends up sitting in their booth, uncomfortably close to Nancy, and chats with Steve and Jonathan animatedly, letting Nancy escape to her own thoughts.
I say, “Can you believe it?”
As we’re lying on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now
Robin fit in with their group easily, no matter how much Nancy advocated against it. It just worked, the four of them. She created a sense of equilibrium, two boys and two girls. And her personality balanced all of them out. So, Nancy was grateful to have another girl in the group.
But, she wasn’t blind. She saw the way Robin looked at her, she felt the way she looked at Robin. It made sense. It gave Nancy a glimmer of hope for the future.
Robin and Nancy started hanging out sans Jonathan and Steve and Nancy found out a lot about Robin. Like how Robin also came from a small town in Ohio, left without looking back. She barely made friends in high school, and preferred to make friends in Boston.
That’s where she met Eddie, who also worked at the coffee shop. He quit due to finding a job that paid well, but the two live fairly close to each other and hang out almost every day. Nancy ignores the pit of jealousy in her gut.
The jealousy dissipates easily when Robin tells Nancy she’s gay. How she only likes girls and never found any man appealing to date. Nancy finds it appropriate to tell Robin that she, too, likes boys and girls. She tells Robin how she dated Tommy Hagan, one of the most popular guys from their school. They broke up because Tommy was a douche and he cheated on her, but they got back together and became one of those on and off couples. She cut him off for good, but the scars of the words we need to talk will forever be printed in Nancy’s mind because she knows that means goodbye.
They’re sitting on the couch now, huddled close together to battle the piercing weather of Robin’s apartment because her heating stopped working. She complained about it with a pout and an apology and Nancy squeezed her hand, telling her it was okay.
“Thank you for telling me this, Nance. It’s nice to know you trust me.” Robin says after they grow silent. Nancy scoots closer to Robin, turning her head to look at her. Both of their eyes are slowly drooping but Nancy doesn’t want them to sleep. She wants to stay awake with Robin as long as she can so she’ll never have to see Robin leave. Even if it’s to Robin’s dreams.
“I trust you. And I hope you trust me.” Robin’s mouth ticks up and she slowly nods, leaning her head on Nancy’s shoulder. Nancy subtly sniffs her hair on instinct, taking in the girl. Her hair smells like strawberries and Nancy’s eyes close on their own accord.
Nancy can see the moment. They pull away from each other slowly and gaze into each other’s eyes. It’s happening, Nancy can feel it. There’s no coming back from it now. She doesn’t care about her fear of falling anymore, because the only way to overcome your fears is to live them.
Nancy leans in first, connecting her lips with Robin’s. Robin kisses back eagerly, her hand coming to wrap itself around the back of Robin’s neck. Nancy’s fingers wrap around Robin’s belt loops and brings her in closer. They pull apart when oxygen is needed and Nancy smiles.
“I’ve been waiting to do that.”
“How long?”
“Ever since I saw you.”
Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me, for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing, that’s ever been mine
It’s a hot day in March for some odd reason, so Steve announces that he’d like to take all five of them to the lake. Eddie agrees instantly, slinging an arm around Jonathan and Steve, chatting away about how to get the best weed in Boston. Nancy looks over to her girlfriend and allows herself to smile.
“You look cute.” Nancy whispers. Robin flops her head to the side, waiting for the three boys to disappear so they can have some alone time. Finally, the overlapping voices of Steve, Jonathan, and Eddie permeate into Nancy, Steve, and Jonathan’s shared apartment. Robin picks Nancy up bridal style, chuckling at Nancy’s squeal. Robin brings her to her own bedroom and drops her onto the bed, sliding on top of her.
“I miss you.”
“We see each other every day, Robin.” Nancy grins, but lets Robin kiss her. They kiss for a few seconds, just basking in each other’s company and body.
“The lake will be fun.” Robin says, sliding off Nancy. She smirks as an idea pops into her head. “We should go skinny dipping.”
Nancy immediately shakes her head. “Nope. No way. The only one allowed to see your body is me.” Robin snorts and Nancy can’t help but chuckle.
“Possessive are we, Wheeler?” Nancy’s breath hitches but she covers it up by rolling her eyes.
“I’m allowed to be possessive of things that are mine. Can’t help it that you’re the best thing that is mine, Buckley.” Robin hums and blushes furiously, hiding her face in the covers. Nancy sits up and shuffles through her closet to find a bikini.
The lake is empty, but the only thing Robin is focusing on is the way the sunset is bathing Nancy’s face in a golden hue. Warmth floods her body and she looks away as her face colors.
“You’re beautiful.” She mutters in Nancy’s ear. Nancy throws her head back and laughs, kissing Robin fully.
“Stop making out and come join us!” Jonathan shouts as they finally find a spot on the sand that has a perfect view. Jonathan starts taking pictures of Steve and Eddie, occasionally shifting the camera to Nancy and Robin as they walk to the boys.
“Skinny dipping?” Eddie offers with a wolfish grin. Nancy crosses her arms.
“Hell no.”
Robin giggles. “Nancy is possessive. Maybe next time, Eds.”
“There won’t be a next time!” Nancy sing-songs as she sits next to Jonathan on their spread out towel. Steve rips his shirt off and drags Eddie to the pool. Jonathan stumbles behind them, also shedding his shirt.
Robin whistles. “If I wasn’t gay, this would be absolute heaven.”
“Thank God you are, then.” Both Nancy and Robin laugh.
Robin throws her arm around Nancy, rubbing her arm. “You’re the best girlfriend, Nancy. I’m serious. You treat me so well and if I’m being honest, I’m scared I’m gonna mess this up. Between us. This is the longest relationship I’ve been in and I don’t want it to end.”
It always ends.
“It won’t.” Nancy confirms, and she believes herself, shaking off her thoughts from when she first met Robin. “I’m serious about this too. And I don’t want anything to ruin it between us. You’re kind of the best thing that’s happened to me, Buckley.” Robin kisses her again and intertwines their hands, letting Nancy straddle her on the towel.
“In public?” Robin smirks and Nancy wipes away her stupid smirk with a passionate kiss.
The kiss is filled with promises.
And for once, Nancy doesn’t doubt them.
Flash forward, and we’re taking on the world together
And there’s a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I’m guarded
You say we’ll never make my parents’ mistakes
It’s been a year. A whole year since Nancy and Robin became girlfriends. Nancy treats Robin out to a fancy dinner and they do what every couple does on their anniversary.
They’ve gotten so domestic it makes Nancy want to throw up, in a good way, and when she wakes up the next morning next to a bare Robin, she flushes as the memories flood in. It’s not their first time having sex, but this moment felt more intimate than their other times, and Nancy suddenly feels naked (figuratively) so she stands up after kissing Robin on the forehead.
Robin stirs and opens her eyes, smiling tiredly when she sees the marks littered on both their bodies. “Morning.” She rasps, her voice impossibly raspier in the morning. Nancy feels her whole body go warm and she’s sure Robin notices.
“Hi,” Nancy whispers. They keep looking at each other and Nancy lets her eyes stray down, following the marks she left on Robin’s body. The rising sun filters through Robin’s windows and coats Robin’s bruises, as if creating a spotlight on it. Nancy raises a tentative hand, slowly tracing Robin’s bruises — the bruises she left herself — and revels in the small, erratic movements that Robin’s skin makes when her fingers trail across her skin.
“Do you have any classes today?” Robin asks, grabbing Nancy’s hand and intertwining their fingers. Nancy shakes her head and finally gets out of the bed.
Nancy has a designated drawer at Robin’s apartment, filled with everything left from past sleepovers and when Nancy just didn’t want to stay with Steve and Jonathan because they were still gross college boys who brought girls over — sometimes even boys. She opens the drawer and slips a hoodie (which is probably Robin’s) and sweatpants on before climbing back in bed, waiting for Robin to do the same.
They cuddle that whole morning and around lunch time, they meet Steve, Eddie and Jonathan at the coffee shop. Robin didn’t have work today and Nancy made fun of how shifty she was because of how odd it felt being at your workplace but not working.
All five of them sit in a booth together and Nancy gets deja vu when Robin slides next to her. Nancy grabs Robin’s hand and holds it, letting the warmth of Robin’s body combine with hers.
And we got bills to pay
We got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes
This is what I thought about
They don’t have anything for the future figured out, but Nancy is content right now, deciding that her problems were to be solved later.
Robin and Nancy are back at Robin’s apartment, watching Sixteen Candles — much to Robin’s disapproval.
“It’s a classic.” Nancy had told her, rolling her eyes affectionately when Robin groaned dramatically.
The movie was merely background noise to Nancy as the girl looked at Robin, watching her eyes focusing on the movie. Her eyebrow quirks playfully. “Thought you hated it.”
Robin turns to her with a glare. “I never said it was bad.”
Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe, for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing, that’s ever been mine
A beat of silence passes through them and the movie fills it in. Nancy speaks again, “Do you remember? At the lake?”
Robin turns her full attention to her. “Obviously. That was one of my happiest memories. Especially when Steve, Eddie, and Jonathan went away because I could focus on you.”
“I was really happy that day.” Nancy nods. “Because of you. You made me—” She groans, her head in between her hands. “I don’t know how to word it.”
“You wanna know what I saw that day, Nance?”
“Yeah?” Nancy breathes out.
“I saw you start to believe. In us. What we could be. And when you told me your secrets, Nancy, that only made me love you more. So much more.” Nancy doesn’t know why, but she starts crying. Robin brings her in for an embrace.
“I love you, Nancy.” Nancy doesn’t say it back, but she knows Robin is aware. She can’t say it. Even if she means it.
And I remember that fight, two-thirty am
Cause everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street
Nancy doesn’t know how the argument even started. She was tired, emotion drained out from her day at work. Robin was there. She took it out on Robin. All the comments from her journal entry about letting people love who they love.
“This is bullshit, Robin!”
“Why are you yelling at me? It’s not my fault you have a bunch of raging homophobes at your work.” Robin crosses her arms and leans on the counter, watching as Nancy paces in front of her, eyes wild.
“Because if I hadn’t fallen in love with you, I wouldn’t be acting like this.”
“Like what?” Robin’s eyes brim with tears and Nancy can’t look at her. She can’t or she’ll break. Nancy knows it.
“Like I can throw my career away for you.”
“You don’t mean that, Nance—”
“Don’t call me that.”
Robin furrows her eyebrows. “Nancy, maybe we should take a few minutes. You’re obviously mad about something and it’s clouding your thoughts.” Robin reasons, stepping closer to Nancy. Nancy steps away, acting like Robin is some disease she’s afraid to catch.
“It’s always bound to end, right? So, this is me doing it.” Nancy manages to muster.
“Nancy, stop.”
Nancy finally breaks. Her knees go weak and she collapses, but Robin is there. Robin catches her. She sobs into Robin’s firm grip but pulls away.
“Fuck. I’m-I’m sorry. Shit.” Nancy mutters, stumbling to the door.
“Nancy, wait!”
Braced myself for the goodbye
Cause that’s all I’ve ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, “I’ll never leave you alone.”
Nancy swings the door open, her vision clouded with tears. She runs out onto the street and stops, realizing she has nowhere to go. Her sobs rack her whole body to the point where she’s shaking. She knows Robin won’t follow her, Tommy never did, and her parents never did to each other. She swivels her head around, looking for a way to leave without injuring herself.
And then, to her surprise, she hears Robin. Robin, who’s behind her. Robin, who chased her into the street.
“Nancy!”
Nancy shut her eyes, bracing herself. This is the moment where Robin ends it. It’s happened before; with Tommy. She’s seen it happen with her own eyes. Gulping, Nancy turns around and meets Robin’s eyes.
Nancy is slightly taken aback when she doesn’t see fire blazing or pity filling Robin’s eyes. Instead, she sees vulnerability and admiration.
“Nancy.” Robin repeats, her breaths becoming erratic.
“I thought you weren’t going to come out here.”
“I’m not leaving you alone. Never.” Robin scoffs.
Nancy bites her lips, casting her eyes downward. “I’m sorry.”
Robin is silent and Nancy keeps looking at her. It makes her feel safe and Nancy needs that right now, some sense of security. But, she looks away, she feels selfish.
You said, “I remember how we felt sitting by the water,
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter,
She is the best thing, that’s ever been mine.”
“Nancy, do you remember that night by the lake?”
Nancy’s eyes snap right back to Robin. Robin’s smile is small, but it’s there. It helps Nancy breathe. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
“That night,” Robin starts, taking a breath in. They both look up to the rain suddenly pouring over them, thunder booming. “Was the best night of my life. I told you. You know.” Nancy nods. “I need you to believe me when I say we will never be like your parents. Or-or you and Tommy. Nancy, what we have is special, it’s different. Okay? And I don’t need you to allow homophobes to tell you any different. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I never plan on leaving.”
Nancy doesn’t know if her face is wet due to tears or rain, but when she’s sure the road is empty and no one is around, she lunges forward, kissing Robin. Hard. Robin shuts her eyes and sighs into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Nancy’s waist, lifting her a bit. They embrace in the cool rain as Robin lifts her, spinning her around. Their breaths intermingle with each other and Nancy’s giggling freely.
Robin thinks it’s the most beautiful thing she’s seen. And she’s seen Nancy naked.
Nancy can see it now, Robin is hers and she is Robin’s. And they deserve each other. No matter what anyone says.
"I love you, Robin." She whispers into the girl's ear.
Do you believe it?
We’re gonna make it now
And I can see it
Mine - Taylor Swift