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Part of your deal with Billy was that he had to work on bettering himself. You told him from the beginning of your blossoming relationship– be nice to me and the kids and Steve or our relationship can’t continue. I know you’re still learning and I can see that you are trying, but respect is one of the most important things in relationships like this.
Billy had never been in a relationship; this fact surprised you at first, but the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. It broke your heart a little inside knowing that he had never been shown gentle kindness and love. You were willing to give him the safe space he needed to heal and he knew that too. You said as long as he was trying to get better you would be there to support him and that was more than anyone else had ever done for him. I’ll do my best, Doll. I promise. I know I’ll have bad days, but I’m gonna do everything I can to get the anger out in better ways.
You brushed your hand across his cheek and smiled up at him. He had never seen someone look at him with so much pure adoration. It made him feel fragile. All I ask for is that you’re trying. I love you, Billy Hargrove.
He set his hands lightly on your hips. I love you too.
| < ♥️ > |
Billy had more good days than bad this summer and you were so thankful for that. You loved him dearly– he was protective of you, always brought you flowers on date night, and wouldn’t let you open or close your own car door. He essentially worshipped the ground you walked on most days and you felt so loved. The party and your friends were all starting to accept that Billy was treating you like a god(dess). They didn’t always love that he was hanging around, but they respected your relationship. It was enough for you to feel comfortable. Billy was making progress on being generally nicer to the soon-to-be freshman and he treated Steve was respect every time he saw him. It made your heart swell.
There were still bad times, though. Mostly now they consisted of panic more than rage. Billy was staying at your house all the time and Max stayed in your guestroom whenever she felt like she needed to get out of the Hargrove-Mayfield household. Billy would receive angry and threatening calls from his father sometimes. He would scream into the phone until you gently placed your hand on his shoulder and he hung up the phone. You two would curl up on his bed and you would let him sob into the crook of your neck. He held onto you like nothing you had ever experienced before; like if he let you go, you would evaporate. You would hum simple songs and play with his hair until you both fell asleep.
This bad day wasn’t like those bad days, unfortunately. You walked into the house after dropping the Party off at the Wheelers’ place, and Billy was fuming. Much like Steve’s parents, your parents weren’t around much. Billy was just alone, just pacing around and mumbling to himself. You could see how angry he was in his body language. You closed the door behind you, “Billy, Love, are you alright?”
His nostrils flared, but he didn’t stop pacing. “Do I look fucking alright to you, y/n?”
You kept your temperament even and you were so glad that Max was off at the mall with the Party right now. “What happened?”
“Fucking Neil! Ugly bastard called the cops on me.”
“What? Did the cops come here?” You had only been gone for like an hour; you picked up all the members of the Party and drove them to Starcourt.
“Just Hopper, thank fuck. He said he recognized your name from when Neil called the station. He came to check on everything and told me he would handle Neil, but fuck! Why can’t he just leave me alone? I’m completely fucking moved out at this point. I live here with you and I’m not a fuckin’ burden to him anymore,” he seethed. His teeth were clenched together so tightly you were worried they would break.
“I’m so sorry, Billy. You handled it well; let’s get you a drink and sit down for a minute. I’m worried about you,” you said. You started to reach your hand out toward him, but he pulled back and glared at you.
“Don’t treat me like a child. I know I’m a burden to you too. You don’t have to pretend to care about me.”
You were dumbfounded. “What? Billy, you are not a burden to me. You never have been and never will be. Your brain is just saying that because you’re raging. You’ll be okay, I promise you’re safe here.” It was the first time those words had ever come out of his mouth. You couldn’t bare the thought of him considering himself a burden to you. “Honey Love, you are the most important person in my life. Your mental health doesn’t make you a burden, it makes you human.”
Normally, when you said things like that, he would go soft. He would fall into your arms and you will hold him until he was ready to talk about what was going on in his brain. Again, today was different than usual. He had really gotten into his own head while you were gone. “Stop lying to me, you fucking bitch! You don’t care about me! No one–”
“God I hate you sometimes. I hate your brain sometimes, fuck!” You cut him off with your cursing. His near-constant pacing stopped as you put your hands over your eyes. “I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could take your trauma and lock it away and throw the key into the fucking ocean, but I can’t! I don’t know how to help you when your rage transfers to me. I know you aren’t really mad at me, but fuck it hurts…” Your hands were becoming damp with your own tears.
“Baby…” Billy mumbled. His raging monster inside had been shut up with those sentences. The guilt was crawling up his spine and made him feel like he was going to be sick. He wanted to talk to you about feeling burdensome, but not like this. This broke everything in him. His one promise to himself was to not hurt you; he never wanted to hurt you. You told him that was unrealistic because he’s human and we are all capable of hurting people, but he still told himself not to hurt you. He couldn’t believe that he had let those words come out of his mouth. “I’m… I’m sorry. I’m pissed at Neil, not you. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
You pulled your hands away from your face and he was standing still a little ways away from you. He looked absolutely horrified and you were sure that he was thinking all kinds of self-hating thoughts right now. You wiped your eyes and walked over to him with open arms. He hugged you back quickly and tightly. “I know, Love. You’re still going through things with Neil and there are still going to be bad days.”
“I never want to make you upset though… Fuck…” His face was hidden in your hair. You could feel him trembling. “I don’t want you to leave me, but I understand if you want to.”
You squeezed him tighter. “Absolutely fucking not. Even when things happen and we fight or you slip up, I know you’re trying to get through your pain. You’re starting to heal and I’m not going anywhere. You are not a burden, Billy Hargrove; not to me or anyone else. You are a human who’s got some growing to do... And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did either.”
“It's alright... I love you… so fuckin’ much,” he whispered.
“I love you too, Billy.”