Chapter Text
He was too late.
Eijiro’s quirk was activated, his unbreakable hardening left him feeling solid and sturdy, a feeling that usually comforted him, but this time it wasn’t a good thing.
His feet weren’t moving, his feet couldn’t move.
He stood there like the scared middle schooler, the weak, pathetic, hopeless wannabe hero he used to be, and he didn’t move.
Every atom in his body and fiber of his being screamed at him to move, to run forward to “do something goddammit!” but all he could do was stand and watch.
Watch from meters away as Shigaraki using All for One beat Bakugo to a pulp over and over again until he was a limp bleeding mess on the ground. Only this time Midoriya didn’t show up to save the day. This time Midoriya wasn’t the hero that would stop All for One and save Bakugo. This time it was up to Eijiro and he was failing.
When this had actually happened Eijiro had been nowhere near the battle, had been powerless to do anything that would make a difference, but now given the chance to be the hero, to save Bakugo, his best friend, the person that meant more to him than anyone else in the entire world, he did nothing.
Shigaraki turned toward Eijiro and instead of his blood red eyes there was nothing but black voids. He tried to run forward to face Shigaraki head on. He wanted nothing more than to throw his body over Bakugo and be the shield he was always supposed to be for the blond, but his body didn’t respond. He felt pathetic. And Shigaraki voiced this.
Useless.
Coward.
Weak.
You call yourself a hero yet you’ll never be equal to their level. Never. You couldn’t even save him.
And then right as Shigaraki was about to crush Bakugo’s skull under his foot, Eijiro’s body broke free from the frozen trance it was under and he screamed.
___
Eijiro really did scream.
He woke up to find himself tangled in a mess of blankets not on his bed but on the floor. Somewhere in between the tossing and turning of his nightmare he must have fallen on to the floor of his dorm room and not felt it because his quirk was activated.
“Shit,” he croaked out in a harsh whisper. He managed to free his arms from under the blanket mess and see the ripples of his hardening tensing and releasing. His breathing was still erratic and with each inhale his hardening would crawl up his arms trying to protect him from an unseen foe. He needed to calm himself down. Eijiro took a deep breath, shaky and uneven at first, and on the exhale willed his quirk to subside. He did that a few more times until the lattice work of hardening disappeared from his skin. It was only after his quirk had subsided that he realized through it all he had been crying.
It was pitch black in his room save for a streak of moonlight cutting through the curtains painting a silver line across the floor. Eijiro turned toward his nightstand and read 2:54 am on the clock. He let out a sigh of relief that he still had a few more hours before he was going to have to be up for class, even though he already knew there was no way he was going to be able to fall back to sleep tonight.
Standing up on wobbly legs, Eijiro hoisted himself off the floor and threw the blankets back onto his bed in a heap. Knowing that lying in bed was pointless he crossed the messy space of his dorm room to his balcony door to get some fresh air.
The night air was chilly but in the way that summer nights usually are, cool and comforting with the occasional breeze that reminded you that autumn might as well be tomorrow. It was these kinds of September nights that Eijiro cherished before it would get too cold to have these little quiet escapes in the dark of the night. He came out here a lot when he would have nightmares, which since the war ended happened at least twice a week.
Like with all the nightmares he had nowadays, tonight’s was no different. They all centered on the ending of the war, the final battle agaisnt All for One, and Bakugo. When it had actually happened Eijiro hadn’t been in the fight. It had been a show down between Shigaraki, Bakugo, and the Big Three before Shigaraki had pushed Bakugo to the brink of death. If it hadn’t been for Midoriya showing up just in time… Bakugo would have died. Eijiro thought he had died.
“Kiri? Kiri please, look at me, you have to calm down.”
“Sero bind his arms we have to hold him down!”
“Kirishima, you’re gonna hurt yourself stop fighting us, you have to breathe.”
A chill went through Eijiro’s body as he tried to shake off the memories. He didn’t want to think about it. Midoriya did show up. Bakugo didn’t die. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised if the blond was awake right now in his room next door from all of the commotion he had caused from his nightmare. Eijiro took a deep breath.
All of them had been back in the dorms since June, for their own safety, even though they had only resumed their studies two weeks ago. The war had ended back in April and following that there was a lot of healing that needed to be done, physically, emotionally, mentally. Needless to say, they had all gone through a great deal of trauma during the entire war and jumping back into school work seemed to be the least of everyone’s priorities. Now though, at the start of their second semester of their second year everyone seemed to be craving a bit of normalcy. The mundane of homework, and essays, and dorm living never seemed as alluring as it did now. Eijiro tried to take solace in the fact that it was all over now. Shigaraki was long gone. Everyone had made it out alive. There wasn’t anything else to worry about.
“Kirishima.”
Eijiro nearly activated his quirk again from how on edge he still was and with how suddenly the voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
He looked over to his right and saw Bakugo leaning on the railing of his own balcony facing him, and couldn’t help the sigh of pure and utter relief that he exhaled. He’s alive. He’s here.
Bakugo had been the most injured of all of class 1A and his hard-fought battle hadn’t left him unscathed. Somehow, he hadn’t lost his arm in the fight and though it required massive amounts of surgery and a permanent brace, Bakugo claimed it helped him stabilize his explosions better anyways. Eijiro also knew that beneath the signature skull tee he was wearing now there was a nasty scar from where he had been impaled, the injury nearly piercing his heart. The thought of that injury still made Eijiro nauseous to think about. The most noticeable signs of his dealings with Shigaraki however were present on his face. He had multiple scars across the right side of his face with the biggest of the bunch cutting across his eye down to his jaw bone. Eijiro remembered trying to make a witty comment when it was healing about how they matched now and how Bakugo had groaned over that. Now the scar was glowing a pale white in the moonlight. Eijiro thought it looked beautiful.
“I tried knocking on your door but you didn’t answer. I figured you were probably out here,” Bakugo explained in a low voice. He paused and glanced down at Eijiro’s tense grip on the railing. “Are you okay?”
It was a dumb question and they both knew it. Ever since they had come back to the dorms a few months back, it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to wake up the other with their nightmares. Everyone got them, Bakugo certainly got them. Eijiro wasn’t any more traumatized than the rest of them. Usually they talked about them, sometimes they didn’t. Eijiro never told Bakugo about the nightmares he had about him though. Maybe he should have.
“Just a nightmare, I’ll be okay,” Eijiro lied. Bakugo squinted his eyes ever so slightly as if he could tell Eijiro was holding something back. He ended up shrugging it off, probably sensing that if Eijiro wanted to discuss it further he would. He knew not to push when it came to these kinds of things, just as Eijiro knew not to push him to talk when he wasn’t up to it.
“Yeah, I get you, they never stop being a pain in the ass,” Bakugo offered, moving his gaze off the railing and into the distance ahead of him. Eijiro chuckled a little at his attempt for comfort. After all these months of the same routine of consoling the other from the demons that still resided in their heads, Eijiro couldn’t help but smile and feel content that this dynamic hadn’t changed between them.
“Hey, tomorrow we start back up with quirk training, what do you say, you want to spar together?” Eijiro asked, trying to move his thinking further away from his nightmare.
“Can’t. Izuku and I have some new moves planned we need to work on.”
Eijiro felt the slightest twinge in his chest. It had been happening a lot to him lately, every time Bakugo mentioned Midoriya. Izuku. He wasn’t sure what it was and was honestly too nervous to recognize it as more than a fleeting emotion so he always pushed it down as fast as it had appeared.
“All good. I’ll have to steal you for some homework help later though because I’m still struggling big time with English,” Eijiro offered lightheartedly. Bakugo considered it for a moment before giving a reply.
“I’ll see how training goes, we might go late. Been dying to get back to work again,” he stated, the response coming out as almost a sigh. It wasn’t a no but it definitely wasn’t a yes and Eijiro didn’t know why he felt kind of disappointed. Maybe it was because this seemed to be happening a lot more frequently, being passed over for Midoriya. Midoriya was definitely amazing, his mastery of his quirk was making him more powerful every single day and Eijiro admired and respected him so much for that. That didn’t mean it didn’t get to him a little though. Maybe it was getting to him more than he thought.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Eijiro sighed. None of their classmates had gone back to formal quirk training at school since the war and tomorrow would be the first time they drilled and trained together not outside of class. It almost felt pointless considering everything they had already gone through, but there was always more to learn and more to perfect, and now Eijiro was dreading it.
Bakugo seemed to pick up on Eijiro’s change in tone and eyed him over again, but if he had noticed something he didn’t say anything. The two of them shared a few more minutes of silence together enjoying the quiet that 3 am brought, Eijiro savoring the peace and comfort he felt by the presence of his best friend alive and well a few feet away.
“I’m gonna head back in and try to get some more sleep,” Bakugo announced after some time had passed. “You should too.”
Eijiro nodded to himself and smirked slightly knowing sleep was futile tonight. He appreciated Bakugo’s attempt at looking out for him though.
“I’ll go in soon,” Eijiro offered as a compromise. “Good night Bakugo.” He lifted his head and Bakugo gave him a nod in response. He watched as the blond turned from the railing and headed back inside.
He waited for the door to close behind him before he let out another deep sigh, this time letting his head fall forward and rest in the palms of his hands. He wanted nothing more than to heed Bakugo’s advice and try to go back to sleep but now his head felt more crowded than before.
He should have been excited for training tomorrow, to finally get back in the action and work on himself more, but a white-hot lump had settled in his stomach that he wasn’t sure what to call. Anxiousness? Dread? He was glad that Bakugo was excited for training, and was glad he was feeling like his old self. Was it that he was worried he would get hurt again? Midoriya would be training with him so it’s not like he would be in danger. The images from his nightmare swirled back up in his mind, seeing Bakugo bloodied and broken, being frozen in place, not doing anything.
You call yourself a hero yet you’ll never be equal to their level. Never. You couldn’t even save him.
And then something clicked in Eijiro’s head. Eijiro hadn’t noticed it at first, but the two of them, Bakugo and Midoriya, had more and more frequently become regular training partners to the point that Eijiro and Bakugo hardly ever trained together, even though they used to all of the time. At first, Eijiro didn’t think much of it. He knew Bakugo and Midoriya had grown even closer as friends considering everything that went down in the final battle, but the longer he thought about it the more he realized, in Bakugo’s eyes he would never match up as a training partner to Midoriya. He could never be a hero equal to Midoriya.
Because the truth of the matter was Midoriya had saved Bakugo, not Eijiro.
___
Morning came around much faster than he thought it would, given that Eijiro only managed to get another hour of sleep. The blaring sound of his 7 am alarm came as a shock that jolted him awake. Dazed and already weary, he rolled out of bed unceremoniously and threw on his school uniform in a way that made him look a lot more put together than he felt. He spent time trying his best to style his hair how it usually looked and by 7:45 he was ready to head out, leaving his room to go knock on Bakugo’s door.
“If you’re looking for Bakugo, he already headed out a few minutes ago. Midoriya came by to walk with him.” The voice of Shoji from down the hall who was also exiting his room halted Eijiro’s fist mere inches from knocking on the door. Like with training together, it had also become increasingly more common for Midoriya and Bakugo to walk to class in the mornings together. Eijiro figured he usually had a one in three chance of finding Bakugo still in his room in the mornings, but he still tried every day.
It used to just cause him to feel a little dejected and he would carry on with his morning not thinking too much of it. Now though, the lump in his stomach from last night began to fester and ache again.
“Oh,” Eijiro stuttered, feeling suddenly caught off guard and unsure of how to rebound from the situation. What did he usually do when Bakugo had already left with Midoriya? “Guess I’ll meet him there! Thanks Shoji!” He did his best to flash his signature toothy grin before turning quickly from the door to head down the hall.
Shit Eijiro, get it together. What’s the matter with you? He scolded himself as he walked into the common area. Why was this all of sudden bothering him today. He and Bakugo were good. Bakugo was allowed to be friends with Midoriya and with him. It’s not like-
If his stomach hadn’t been in knots before it was now. Across the common room he watched as Bakugo and Midoriya rough housed by the front door, laughing and teasing each other. From the distance he was at, he couldn’t make out what they were saying but managed to catch a “Shut it Izuku!” before Bakugo turned a pretty shade of pink in the face setting off of few explosions on the bridge of his nose. He dove forward to give the greenette a good shove but didn’t anticipate his feint and the two them fell to the floor in a heap of limbs and chuckles.
“Yo Eiji!” Denki called from his right, granola bar in hand and Hanta and Mina hot on his heels. The electric blond stepped into his path and obstructed his line of sight from Bakugo and Midoriya as he waved the granola bar in Eijiro’s face. “Here eat up! Breakfast of champions.”
“Ready for quirk training today dude?” Hanta asked giving him a playful punch in the arm. “I don’t know about you guys but I’m actually excited to have Aizawa drilling us again. It’ll be just like old times.”
Eijiro must have been doing a poor job of hiding his surprise from the scene he just witnessed because it took him a moment to dial in to what his friends were actually saying.
“Oh, yeah- yeah for sure! Been dying to get back to work again!” Eijiro parroted Bakugo’s words from the balcony, and for good measure knocked his fists together in his signature pose.
“That’s the spirit mister manly man!” Denki agreed, waving jazz hands at his sides that crackled with a low voltage of his quirk so he looked like he was holding sparklers. Being now the last people in the dorm, the four of them made for the door and began their walk over to the main building where Aizawa would be waiting for them.
Outside, the day was overcast and windy. If Eijiro closed his eyes he might have thought it was still sunny and bright with how nice the temperature was, but each gust of wind brought with it a bite that settled in to his bones and reminded him that summer wasn’t going to last forever. He closed his eyes anyways and took a deep breath, pretending that it was a sunny day, a warm day, and tried to convince himself that the chill in his bones was just his imagination.
As they walked the four of them made idle conversation, mostly about their excitement for quirk training before it moved to Denki ranting about the season finale of his favorite show and Hanta arguing back with why his theories were wrong. Eijiro offered commentary when appropriate but otherwise stayed quiet and passively listened. Mina seemed to take note of his reserved disposition for that day and while Denki and Hanta launched into another tirade she pulled Eijiro away from his thoughts.
“You’ve been quiet this morning Eijiro, you okay?” she asked gently while knocking shoulders with him.
“Yeah sorry, didn’t sleep great last night, kinda just tired today, you know,” Eijiro provided lamely. It wasn’t a lie in any sense, but by the scrunched-up face Mina made at him, he supposed she could tell he was holding something back.
“Mmm you wanna talk about it? You know I’m all ears!” She made a gesture to the horns that poked through her curly pink hair and gave a big grin. It was silly and dumb, but it still succeeded in making Eijiro laugh.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he giggled, knocking his shoulder back with hers. “Thanks though.” Mina gave him a lopsided smile and turned back forward jumping between Denki and Hanta to interject her own thoughts. Eijiro smiled.
It was nice being on a first name basis with his close friends like this. After all they had been through together it only seemed natural that the life or death experiences would bring them even closer together. It was a small gesture and yeah sure maybe it didn’t mean much, but to Eijiro it made him feel connected to these people that he cared so much about. Denki. Hanta. Mina.
Katsuki.
Eijiro’s gaze dropped back to the ground as he felt his stomach knot up again. Bakugo was different. Yes, he was part of their friend group, but they all knew not to push him to do things that made him uncomfortable. Eijiro respected that choice and he respected Bakugo. Bakugo would make those steps with them when he was ready to and Eijiro would be patient and welcome it when he did. He would wait for the day that he could call him Katsuki and Katsuki would respond with Eijiro.
And yet, to Bakugo…
Midoriya was Izuku and Eijiro was still Kirishima.
Eijiro managed to get lost in his head for the entire rest of the walk to school that he didn’t come back into the present until Aizawa was beginning to take roll. Their teacher accounted for all twenty of them before cutting right to the chase about how their quirk training would go today. They were going to ease back into training with basic pair drills. One of the training facilities had been reserved for the class and they were to use that time sparring one on one with their partners practicing basic offense and defense maneuvers. It was standard and almost a little too easy for what they were all already capable of, but Eijiro knew Aizawa was hesitant about letting his class go back to hero training so soon. This seemed like a good compromise. Suddenly, Eijiro was feeling exhilarated and ready to punch something. Maybe going back to hero training would be good for him, a good way to get his mind off of other things and refocus, and a good way for him to blow off some steam.
Feeling newly emboldened he looked over to his left to where Bakugo was sitting with his head resting in the palm of his hand. Though his posture may have suggested that he was disinterested in what Aizawa was saying, Eijiro caught a hungry gleam in his eye that told him he was just as eager as the redhead was for this afternoon.
Before Eijiro could look away Bakugo happened to choose that moment to glance in Eijiro’s direction. Bakugo’s ruby irises were dialed in and determined and conveyed a kind of feral excitement that was nearly contagious. Eijiro couldn’t help the toothy grin it caused. The two of them held each other’s gaze for a few moments before Eijiro threw in a wink and held his fist up letting his hardening cascade up his left forearm. Bakugo gave his usual eye roll and lifted his right hand up, letting off a few mini explosions that were small enough to not interrupt the class. Though he tried to be nonchalant about it, Eijiro caught the tail end of a smirk on Bakugo’s lips before the blond turned his focus back to the front of the class.
___
By the time 1 pm rolled around Eijiro was jittery in his seat and ready to get to work. Though he was still bummed Bakugo and he wouldn’t be training together today, he felt newly energized and motivated to perform well in training.
Instead he decided to partner up with Denki for the afternoon and he was surprised by the workout he was actually able to get in with his friend. Not to say that Denki wasn’t skilled when it came to his quirk, he was, and he had improved greatly in his quirk control during the war, but sometimes Denki’s focus wasn’t all there when it came to training for class. Today however, his friend was as dialed in as he was.
The two of them spent the afternoon sparring mostly hand to hand using the added advantages of their quirks. Eijiro definitely got the upper hand most of the time due to how well his hardening faired when it came to blocking and defending, but Denki got in a few electric attacks that left Eijiro with aftershocks before countering. Their fighting was good and it made Eijiro feel strong and confident. By the time their training session was over he had worked up a good sweat and had forgotten about anything that had been bothering him earlier.
“Nice hustle Eiji,” Denki panted, extending his hand for a high five. Eijiro grinned.
“You too Denks, feels good to be back,” he returned while also trying to catch his breath. The two of them made their way over to the wall where they had left their bags and water bottles and started cooling down. After a long sip and a few minutes of catching their breath, Hanta came up to join them in their cool down, having finished his training with Todoroki.
“You guys been watching that?” Hanta asked picking up his water and gesturing to something over his shoulder. He sounded both intrigued and awe struck by what he was referencing.
“Watching what?” Eijiro asked looking for the source in the background.
“The wonder duo at work,” Hanta supplied looking over to the back of the training facility where at the top of the built structures meant to simulate different terrains Eijiro could see two figures locked in intense combat. It was Bakugo and Midoriya.
Watching them fight felt like watching a choreographed dance. Each move felt timed and perfected which made the two of them flow in a give and take that could be described as nothing less than beautiful. The two of them read and understood each other’s fighting styles and moves so well to the point that it felt like watching one person instead of two. Bakugo charged in for another attack and Midoriya used the momentum to swing around to his back only for Bakugo to predict this and flip to avoid a counter attack. It was like watching a whole different language being spoken, one that only the two of them spoke. It looked flawless and pristine and practiced with the way the two of them moved in sync, and ease resonated between them that captivated anyone who watched.
Bakugo and Midoriya seemed to have attracted an even bigger audience because suddenly Eijiro noticed that everyone had gone near silent in the training room save for a few whispers here and there. All eyes were on them.
“I swear those two were meant for each other,” Hanta whispered in awe.
“It’s like they’re dancing,” Denki added with a chuckle and a grin.
Eijiro didn’t have anything to say. He couldn’t say anything if he tried, because that lump in his stomach from this morning was now in his throat. What was this feeling?
“When are the two of them gonna start dating anyways? They’ve been glued to each other since we got back here,” Hanta asked to no one in particular.
“I mean it makes sense. They’ve been through hell together and made it out the other side. I mean I don’t know their whole story but haven’t they known each other since they were like five? I know they’ve had a pretty rocky relationship so far but I always kind of figured they’d end up together. Just look at them,” Denki rambled. Eijiro hadn’t taken his eyed off of the scene ahead of them, but he looked regardless. “They seem to complete each other.”
“I guess if I went through all that with someone I’d fall for them too, right Eiji?” Hanta asked.
But Eijiro had stopped listening. He couldn’t listen to it anymore. All he could do was watch from the sidelines as the boy he cared about more than anyone, the boy he loved, fell for someone else. And once again he was powerless to do anything. All of his emotions, all of his grief, all of the mysterious pangs of feelings he had been suppressing coalesced in that moment and he realized what was happening.
Eijiro was jealous.