Chapter Text
Not welcome back. Not welcome back. Not welcome back. The words were ringing in Lily’s ears ever since they were spoken by her principal. She sat in the passenger's seat of the car beside her mother, who had not uttered a word since the Headmaster’s office where Lily was told that she was not welcome back to school the following year. There were only four days left of this school year, and Lily had enough absences saved to miss them. She was fortunate enough to be allowed to technically finish the year, but she would not be welcome back to do Year 12 there.
The fifteen minute ride home was torture. When she had been called to the office and been told that she was being expelled and that her mother was on the way, Lily had expected to be yelled at and chastised. The deafening silence was almost worse. She would prefer if her mother was angry or upset and yelled. But, no. She just drove home in disappointed silence.
Lily felt tears welling in her eyes. She blinked furiously, but they still escaped, quiet, gentle tears falling down her freckled face. She didn’t dare speak first. She didn’t deserve to.
When they arrived at their house, Lily rushed up to her room, closed her door, curled up under the covers, and put her earbuds in. As the soft hum of the first tune on her “I Hate It Here” playlist began, she shut her eyes and allowed her thoughts to be absorbed by the melody.
The following morning, the sunlight peeking through her blinds woke her up. But she felt numb. She just wanted to go back to sleep, because when she was asleep, she didn’t have to think, and if she didn’t have to think, then she wouldn’t have to deal with the gut-wrenching knot that was already beginning to form in her stomach. One of her ear buds had fallen out during the night, but the other was still playing in her ear. It was no longer music from her playlist, because it had been going for so long. She then fished the other earbud out from under her pillow and put it back in her ear. She grabbed her phone from her night stand where it was charging, and quickly unlocked it and changed back to her melancholy playlist.
Once she was settled, she dug into the pocket of her sweatpants. She hadn’t changed out of her clothes after her expulsion, so the spare face mask that she had brought to school was still in the pocket. She folded it in half (hot-dog style), placed it over her eyes, and wrapped the straps behind her ears. The make-shift sleeping mask successfully blocked out the morning light. Every time she awoke again, she just turned over and fell back asleep. She didn’t want to get up. She couldn’t get up.
Well, eventually, around 15:00, she did get up to use the bathroom, because she could no longer ignore her screaming bladder. But after that, it was back to the safety of her bed.
The following day, she got out of bed at 12:37. She was starving, and really craving cereal. Walking down the stairs, she felt oddly detached. It didn’t feel… real. It was an odd feeling.
As she entered the kitchen, she saw her mother sitting at the table. She didn’t speak, so nor did Lily. Lily simply grabbed her bowl, poured her cereal, poured her milk, and grabbed her spoon. Picking up the bowl of cereal, she walked out of the kitchen, half hoping her mother would tell her she wasn’t allowed to, just so she could sit down with her and speak. She was ready to speak. Or, at least, she felt like she wanted to rip off the band-aid so she would stop feeling so overwhelmingly horrible.
But, no. Her mother did not even bat an eye, so Lily sat down at her desk and ate.
The following day, she allowed her thoughts to wander, and she mentally ran through the series of events leading to that point, scrutinising everything she did. How could she have been so stupid? Was she really so arrogant as to think she could get away with it? But, then again, what was so wrong about what she did? She provided a service. If anything, she did the school a favour! But she broke the rules, and wouldn’t be allowed back. Where could she even go to school? Would universities find out about this and reject her? The ping-pong of emotions, everything from anger to dread, completely and utterly absorbed her, and continued into the day after that.
It had been nearly five day since Lily’s expulsion when her mother finally spoke, “Okay. I’m ready to talk now.”
Lily sat in the wooden chair across from her mother at their small two-person kitchen table. She pursed her lips, bracing herself.
“Why?” her mother asked.
Lily did not reply.
“Why did you do it? Risk everything you’ve been working for?” she continued, her voice hoarse, as if begging Lily not to give her the answer she already knew. “Is this why I’ve had extra money in my wallet? I thought I was going crazy.”
Lily gave a defeated nod, shutting her eyes. For the past eight months, in addition to her own rigorous coursework, Lily had been running a business of doing other students’ homework, everything from a maths worksheet to an entire essay. She then methodically snuck the money into her mother’s wallet, junk drawer, purse, or really anywhere she could get away with. It made her feel useful, because the second she felt like she couldn’t help her mother would be the second she would have to process her mother’s situation. She just wasn’t ready to do that.
“I know, you know,” Lily began, her own voice hoarse. “I know how expensive your chemo must be. You’re already working to pay for that, not to mention literally battling… it. I just, I guess I wanted to make it a little easier for you. I wanted to take a weight off of your shoulders and give you money for utilities and food and all of the other stuff on your plate.”
“Honey, I didn’t ask you to do that,” her mother gave a pained look, mixed with guilt and frustration.
“I know! I just wanted to help.”
“But do you see what you’ve given up here? You’ve spent years working towards getting into a top uni, and now you’ve gone and thrown it all away! For me? Now, that’s not fair, is it?”
Lily swallowed hard, “Yeah, but Headmaster Huffins said he wouldn’t put it on my record because I’ve been a model student up until that point.”
“So? She also said that you would have to find another school! Did you even consider the implications of your actions?”
“I-“ Lily began, but cut herself off. The truth was, she never thought she would get caught. Of course, when she first started, it felt wrong and sneaky. However, as the months went on and she accumulated more clients, it seemed to feel more normal and she felt untouchable. She should have known that it was only a matter of time. And now what? Would she be able to go to uni? Would she be able to even go to college? “God, I can’t believe I ruined my life. I’m so sorry,” she began to sob, covering her face.
After a moment, her mother took a deep breath, and in a forced tone, said, “It’ll all be okay. We’ll figure it out.”
But would it be okay? Could it be okay?