Chapter Text
Even now, even after everything that went down, Nini can’t bring herself to remember that first meeting as anything but beautiful.
Some cynics might claim that that means she’s not over EJ. But they can’t possibly understand. They weren’t there. They didn’t see the morning-dew shimmer in his eyes when they briefly met hers, didn’t see the spring in his step as he stepped down from the stage, didn’t sense that shift in the June air when, beaming nervously, he took the seat beside her. They can’t possibly understand how she felt when she glanced out the window, and beneath the afternoon sun, the whole world seemed to be smiling.
But she’s getting ahead of herself. Here’s how it happened.
It was the day of auditions. Nini had never been particularly good with auditioning - she was sure she loved theatre as much as anyone at Shallow Lake, but she felt there was something intrinsically, intuitively terrifying about having her first impression be a performance. No one would give her a pass for being herself because the whole point was to be anyone else. So Nini walked into The Barn that day with a dry throat, a pit in her stomach, and sheet music in her hand, wondering if it was too late to change her audition song or to just quit the show. She had decided to take a risk with her song this year, testing out her soprano register because the show was The Music Man, but now she was wondering if “No One Else” from The Great Comet was really a smart choice. Aside from the difficulty, what if it was overdone? What if some pretty senior girl who was a real soprano came in and did it better and-
“Hello there, everybody!” The voice of a friendly old man - presumably the director - floated down from the stage. “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is John Anderson, but you can just call me John. Don’t bother with Mr. Anderson. We’re friends here! All’s fair in love and theatre!” He croaked a laugh.
Nini chuckled - the joke wasn’t that funny, but he said it with such enthusiasm that she couldn’t help but react. She noticed some other campers around her snorting, and others who didn’t even crack a smile, which indicated to her that it wasn’t exactly a new joke.
John went on, his expression shifting from jolly to compassionate. “Before we get into the individual auditions, I want to share a bit of wisdom with you all. Whether you’re here for the first time or you’ve been doing Shallow Lake musicals since kindergarten, all of you are equals. Yes, all of your fellow campers will be watching you audition-” Nini shivered. “-but there is no need to be afraid of each other. Take a deep breath, make choices, and for God’s sake, stay hydrated. Now, who’s ready?”
Scattered cheers and applause hovered in the air around Nini, and she could make out one group of people who seemed to be quietly snickering to each other - phrases like - “so sick of…” and “no shot” and “pre-cast”. Instead of searching for them and adding stones to the sinking ship in her stomach, Nini decided to take John’s advice and just take a deep breath. A deep breath. Softly, she repeated to herself, In for 4, hold for 4, out for 4…
The first handful of auditionees were a mixed bag. They sang songs ranging from “Tomorrow” to “Burn”, from “The Music Of The Night” to “Waving Through A Window”, plus a few obscure pieces Nini couldn’t name and one bashful rendition of Happy Birthday. The level of quality varied just as starkly - some of the auditions made her wish life came with a fast-forward button, while others struck the fear of God into her heart. This terror reached a peak when some blonde girl named Emily Pratt stood up and sang “Will He Like Me?” from She Loves Me. Her soprano was flawless, her acting was riveting, and Nini was doomed.
By the time Emily reached the end of the most gorgeous sustained high note Nini had ever heard - something like an E or F - Nini found herself in a daze. How could she ever compete with that girl? How could she ever dream of reaching her level? What if the show really was pre-cast and it was like that because only a few people were good and she wasn't one of them? Emily’s vibrato reverberated, repeating and rewinding and-
“Nina Salazar-Roberts,” John called out.
It took her a moment to register, but when it hit her, she leaped to her feet, heart jolting. “Oh! Yeah, that’s me.” She chuckled nervously to make it seem like she was totally chill with the fact everyone was probably looking at her, judging her, smelling her fear. Not wanting to waste any time, she thrust her sheet music to the pianist as if it were on fire and, before she knew it, she was standing in the center of the stage.
Deep breath. Make choices. Stay hydr- Oh crap, I forgot to drink water just now-
No. Deep breath.
The familiar opening notes of her 32-bar cut drifted up from the piano. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth.
“We’ve done this all before, we were angels once, don’t you remember? Joy and life inside our souls…”
At first, it was agonizing - her legs were shaking and she was sure her voice was too. Thoughts like auditioning should be used as a torture method flashed through her mind, and she frantically struggled to banish them, trying to make believe she was Natasha from The Great Comet, in a world with no auditions or directors or Emily Pratts.
She's not sure when - maybe when the tempo picked up on "this winter sky" - but something shifted.
As the song progressed, the hours she’d spent practicing flickered through her mind. She had done this all before. All she needed to do was let her bedroom-belting self take the reins. And so that was what she somehow managed to do, giving her body over to a spirit who guided her through crescendos and vocal flips and vibrato. Miraculously, she wasn't worrying about shaking or missing high notes. Instead, she was having a lovely conversation with the fourth wall, serenading it with the tale of the glorious love she - Natasha - had discovered.
With newfound confidence and agility, she soared through the different sections, and by the time she reached the climactic “You and I….” she was flying. Then, as light as a feather, she floated down to the final “And no one else…”
There was a deep breath of silence after she finished - right, we’re not supposed to applaud - and then John spoke. “Very nice, thank you.”
That was all she needed. Light-headed and still a bit jittery, Nini mumbled out a “Thank you,” and scurried her way back to her seat.
She was in the middle of replaying every moment of her audition - maybe she sang something wrong and didn't realize? - when someone behind her tapped her shoulder. Nini turned and immediately almost fell out of her seat. Sitting right there, with a dazzlingly bright smile on her face, was Emily.
“I just wanted to tell you you killed it up there,” Emily whispered. “Like, seriously. And I love that song.”
“Oh!” Nini said just a little too loud. “I mean, thank you. You were INCREDIBLE. Like I literally couldn’t-”
“Quiet in the house, please,” John called out, facing away from them, thank God. Nini blushed. She whispered an apology to Emily, certain she looked like an idiot but too elated to care, and then turned back around to face the stage.
The next person auditioning was a guy with tan skin and dark hair, a little older than Nini. The first thing she noted about him was that he looked like he could be in a boy band, but this thought wasn’t accompanied by any particular attraction or mockery. It was just a neutral thought. Nini would later come to miss the feeling of having neutral thoughts about this guy.
When he slated his name and song - “My name is EJ Caswell and I’m going to be singing ‘Run Away With Me’ from The Mad Ones,” - that was the first time she ever heard his name. It didn’t mean anything to her that day, but thinking back…
The point is that this was the beginning.
He had a solid tenor voice, but what really made him stand out was his charisma. As soon as he sang the first phrase - “Sam, I know it’s fast, I’m in love with you” - all eyes were on him. He was the kind of performer who could make everything he did look natural while still exaggerated enough to make sense on a stage. Nini couldn’t take her eyes off him, trying to pick apart every aspect of his completely effortless performance. That was the second thing she ever noted about him - that he was fascinating.
His audition progressed not like an audition but instead like a one-man show, as though he was a working professional and they were his paying audience. Nini would have completely forgotten he was a real person if it weren’t for the fact that, on the line “Get the car packed and throw me the key,” he glanced at the audience, and met her eyes directly.
Nini will never forget the look on his face. So enthusiastic, confident, content, like a sunny blue sky perfectly reflected in a pond - it was exactly how she had felt during her audition, only greater, because he was feeling it too, and so he was like her.
She was still reeling from the eye contact when he finished singing, when he all but hopped down the stairs, and then when she realized he was walking right towards her. She was reeling when he sat in the empty seat next to her, and she only briefly broke free long enough to mouth “Good job.”
He grinned like a TV character and mouthed “Thanks,” then followed it with a word she couldn’t quite make out. Pin? Ben? PEN.
With a jolt of understanding (laced with curious confusion), Nini reached into her tote bag, grabbed a mechanical pencil, and handed it to the mysterious tenor. She was only just getting invested in the current audition - some girl a couple years younger than her belting out “Dead Mom” from Beetlejuice - when EJ nudged her and gestured downwards.
On the back of his sheet music, he had written, “Sit with me at dinner tonight?” followed by a winking face.
The third thing Nini ever noted about EJ Caswell was that he liked her.
Nobody had ever liked her before.
She stared up at him, absorbing every detail of this fascinating character who she had somehow pulled from fiction into reality, and she knew her answer.
Taking back her pencil, Nini wrote beneath his smooth handwriting, It’s a date, and after a moment’s consideration, drew a little heart beside it. The heart was a promise, to herself but mostly to him. A promise she intended to keep as long as she could.
And when Nini glanced out the window, it looked to her like the whole world was whispering, This is the right choice.