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When Charles comes home, everything is a mess. And when he thinks everything, he isn’t joking. Sneakers are all over the floor, his “clown jeans”, as Max calls them, lay near the entrance door, and Charles can’t help thinking that Max has finally put his threats to throw away Charles’ “disaster clothes”, again according to Max, into action.
‘Maxy, ba…’, he goes into the room to see Max pressing down a suitcase with all his weight, trying to close it. ‘Did you forget to tell me that you were going somewhere?”
Max is still fighting with the suitcase, and when the zipper slips out of his fingers, his face turns red and he curses, ‘Shit!’ He looks up at Charles. ‘Oh, schatje, didn’t expect you from your cursed red factory that early’.
Charles continues looking around the room, and his eyes stop on a blue bag.
‘It’s the tent’, the one they bought two years ago and never used. Charles is actually impressed that Max was able to find it.
‘Yes’, Max is still sitting on the suitcase, ‘I also ordered hiking boots for you since you only have a shit ton of sneakers.’
‘And why do I need them? We were not supposed to go hiking in Mykonos; we were supposed to chill out at the swimming pool, go to the spa and then party for a bit.”
‘Ewww… We are not flying to Greece tomorrow, because after that shitshow you need a change of the scenery, and Mykonos doesn’t seem to be the real change’ Max seems a bit confused, as if he regrets what he has done, but Charles knows him well — Max never regrets a thing; he lives in a mindset of “what’s been done is done, so no reason to cry over spilled milk”. Sometimes Charles wishes he was the same. ‘So, I googled what we could do and found this, and believe that’s what we need. Don’t be mad at me, we will fly to the beach and clubs straight after that,’ he gives Charles a printed list.
‘What the fuck is this?’
SUMMER BUCKET CHALLENGE 2022
go camping (circled in red)
— set up a tent
— make a fire
— make a flower crown
— pick berries
— roast marshmallows
‘OK, that sounds pretty… eww… nice. And where are we going?’
‘You’ll see. But pack some snacks, it’s going to be a long long way,’ — Max inspects the room and his pockets to be sure he doesn’t forget anything.
‘How long is the way going to be?’
‘Emm… about 40 hours...’
‘WHAT?’
***
Charles looks at the backseat. ‘One, two, three… twenty-four cans of Red Bull? Max, are you insane?’
‘Eighteen hours of driving before the next stint on a ship…’ Max tries to argue.
‘And that’s why you are going to turn your blood into red bull, right?’
‘I need to be vigorous and concentrated to drive for that long.’
‘You’re not driving alone’, Charles looks at Max, who has already opened his mouth to disagree, and continues, ‘this is not up to discussion.’
‘Love when you’re that bossy,’ Max winks. ‘How about a quickie in the car?’
‘I love you too, baby, but I'm not prepared to deal with our sextapes spreading on the Internet while we are in some godforsaken place,’ Charles points to the camera on the house. ‘So start the car and get me wherever you are going to get me.’
ten hours later, somewhere in Germany
‘I hate red bull, I want to pee again,’ Charles leans back in the passenger seat after five hours of driving.
‘I told you that was the wrong decision, you aren’t used to drinking it at all; also I bought water specially for you.’
‘I couldn’t let you drink it alone,’ Charles aggressively scrolls through the map on his phone, ‘and of course there are no fucking gas stations or public toilets for the nearest 100 km! Just why?’
‘Well, it definitely doesn’t look like we are alone on the road in the forest, does it?’
‘Max, you’re not helping. Stop the car, please.’
‘Make sure you aren’t eaten by a bear,’ Max grins.
Charles rolls his eyes and slams the car door.
ten minutes later
When Charles hasn't returned after a while, Max starts to worry and leaves the car, taking an axe with him. Not that it would help agains a bear, and it's not like there is a fucking bear, it was just stupid joke, but he feels safer with the weight in his hand.
‘Charles, baby, are you OK?’
There is a crack of branches, rustling in the leaves, and pissed off swearing Charles fighting his way through the dense bushes.
‘I really want you to know that I hate it,’ he makes a dramatic expression.
Max examines him, noticing a light scratch on his cheekbone, leaves and burdock fruits in his hair. ‘Schatje did you fight with burdock and lose?’
He puts his hands around Charles' waist, bringing him closer, leaves light kiss on the scratch, and starts removing burdock from his hair.
‘By the way, it was just an accident,’ Charles nuzzling his boyfriend’s neck.
Max chuckles, ‘you’re unbelievable.’
four hours later, still in Germany
‘The car feels weird, kinda unstable, pulling left a bit, do you feel it?’
Charles freezes for a second. ‘Yes, something is wrong. Park the car.’
They get out and whistle.
‘It’s a puncture!’
‘It’s a pit stop!’
They say it in unison, and then Charles’ ‘do we have a spare?’ is met with awkward silence. He checks his phone to find the nearest mechanic, but all he sees is “emergency calls only”.
‘I hope so,’ Max opens the trunk and starts taking out all their stuff.
They manage. It would have been a shame if they hadn’t. Just imagine the headline in a newspaper: Top Formula 1 drivers got stuck in a German forest because those useless clumsy idiots couldn’t change a tire on the road car.
When they are back in the car, Charles asks, ‘Don't you think that our trip is cursed?’
Max pats on his jacket pocket, checking if the main thing of this journey is still with him. ‘No way, it’s just a small misfortune.’
***
Charles says that camping is probably fascinating, adorable, and so on, but if he doesn’t take a shower and spend a night in a proper bed before that, he won’t go anywhere. It’s basically blackmailing Max with his special puppy eyes expression, so Max decides to finally tell him that they are going to have some time to chill and maybe even go to a spa during their 20 hour ship trip.
***
‘So can we stay here?’
‘Yep, it’s good.’
They found a great place, picturesque and quiet, near a river, whose riverbank is full of stones for a safe fireplace, with a perfectly flat spot for the tent, and tall pines through which they could watch the sky. And, most importantly, with no houses in the area.
There is just one problem. Well, two.
‘Max, did you pack repellent?’ Charles kills the first mosquito on his hand. The terror on Max’s face answers this question perfectly. ‘I’m going to take our thip as an extreme survival expedition, which I didn’t sign up for.’
Max makes a guilty smile and continues placing their things around while Charles is looking at crumpled sheets of paper, which he took out of his back pocket. ‘So the plan: we set up a tent together then you make a fire and I make flower crowns, and then, looking like complete fools, we are going to pick berries’.
‘Why is it me who is doing the hardest part?’ Max isn’t annoyed by this since he made this mess happen, but can’t help asking.
‘If we die here like absolute idiots, I want us to be beautiful. Also, you’re shit at handcrafting, remember that scarf you tried to knit last autumn?’
‘You’re acting like your scarf wasn’t complete garbage you got rid of straight after that knitting masterclass,’ Max burst into raucous laughter.
Charles remembers this pretty well; it could have been a doormat rather than a scarf, so he blushes and laughs. ‘Fair. But still, you claimed it as my trip to recharge batteries, and I can say with confidence that making flower crowns will help me more.’
Max raises his hands, giving up. ‘Let’s put up the tent.’
two hours later
‘You know what? It’s the most user-unfriendly tent I’ve had to deal with in my life.’ Max is sitting on the grass near a pile that is supposed to be the tent. At this point he really starts thinking that everything is cursed. Like a sign from heaven. Of course there was no instruction for that tent, or maybe it had been there until they unpacked the tent just to have a look when they bought it. Of course there is no Internet connection — it was the goal of this trip — to exclude the opportunity of being glued to their phones.
‘Have you ever set up a tent?’ Charles laughs, when Max flips him the bird. He seems to be used to the fact that everything is going wrong and just enthusiastically enjoys it. ‘Don’t you think we are just those useless people who can do nothing except their well-paid jobs?’ He sits next to Max and pushes him a bit. ‘Don’t give up; we are determined enough to win against a few pieces of cloth.’
They win. In the end, it turns out to be a very user-friendly tent, requiring just a bit of brain activity.
***
At the end of the day, it’s just what Max imagined. He is sitting on a log with Charles' head on his shoulders, and flowers in his boyfriend’s hair tickle his nose; but he doesn’t move to not destroy the peace. It’s so quiet here. Just two of them in the wild Norwegian forest watching the sunset. And only birds and wind rustling with the tree crowns interrupt the silence. Max strokes Charles’ hand with his fingers, purple from blueberry juice, and feels his smile near his neck.
Max thinks that the moment has come, and opens his mouth, when Charles starts talking.
‘I look at you and see the sun on your face, your smile, and even though most of the time you’re a chronic pain in my ass…’ He claps his cheek, killing another of countless mosquitoes. ‘I think I want to look at you. I want to touch you. Every day in my life. I think I’m ready to go with you to the craziest trips you can come up with. As you see, it’s not a prepared speech and I don’t have a fancy ring, but I made this stupid daisy crown that looks gorgeous on you, so…’ Charles straightens up and looks at Max’ eyes. ‘Verstappen, will you marry me?’
Max swallows hard before he pulls out a tiny white gold ring covered with diamonds. ‘Actually I have a fancy ring for you…’
‘So it’s your yes?’
‘Yes. Wait, did you just overtake me in making a proposal?’
Charles giggles. ‘Try better next time.’
***
‘You know what? Fuck Mykonos. I do love it here, and since I have hiking boots let’s stay in Norway. Northern nature is really breathtaking, but I want to stay inside a house, with a shower, preferably.’
Max laughs.