Chapter Text
Frodo sighed as he looked around in the dimly lit bar, Merry and Pippin clinking glasses and laughing merrily with the bartender. He looked sadly at the golden bands on Merry and Pippin's fingers. They had married last fall, and Sam had just proposed to Rosie a couple months ago. Today was the rehearsal dinner. There was going to be another practice tomorrow, bachelor and bachelorette parties (plenty of smoking involved), then the wedding. It was too late. He should have taken Bilbo's advice....
"My dear Frodo" Bilbo approached him kindly, as he helped the younger hobbit fasten his cloak. "Uncle?" He replied, straightening the pin. "I could never be more proud of you," Bilbo says, giving Frodo a fleeting grin. "But there is one thing I want you to do for yourself, something that would make you happy." Frodo looked at him with a puzzled expression. "What uncle? What is it?" "I suppose you already know deep inside," Bilbo replied,"but since you have failed to recognize already, after all you have been through, you are more daft than I thought, so let me give you some advice." Bilbo cleared his throat, and brushed off the end of his empty pipe. "You, Frodo, must tell Sam how you feel towards him.." Frodo looked at him for a moment then started to laugh as merrily as he could, but it came out strangled and awkward. "Uncle, I'm afraid I don't know what you-"
"Oh hush boy, you know perfectly well what I mean." Bilbo chuckled, smoothing out the shoulders of Frodo's clothes with a certain finality, and clapping a hand on his back, making Frodo yelp in surprise. "Go tell him Frodo, and tell him soon. He's the only one to make you happy, and I want to see you happy, Frodo." Bilbo said, a hint of tears in his eyes. Before Frodo could say another word, Bilbo ushered him out the door of Rivendell, the guard elves looking at the two with kind graceful smiles."And Frodo," the older hobbit called as Frodo walked blindly down the steps. He turned around. "I expect to be invited to the wedding." He winked, sharing a mirthful glance at the guards who laughed with him quietly. All sharing a silent understanding.
"Frodo!" Pippin called out, slightly tipsy. "Come celebrate!" Frodo twitched, realizing he had been staring morosely at his beer for the past five minutes. Pippin didn't seem to notice, "Rosie and Sam will be here soon." Frodo groaned and stood up from his stool. "I'm sorry Pippin, but I don't feel well. I think I'll head back home." Pippin frowned slightly, but that turned into a grin as soon as Merry appeared, swinging an arm around Pippin and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Frodo wanted to cry. Pippin turned towards him once more. "Are you sure you're okay, Frodo?" He said softly, trying to catch his eyes. Frodo smiled wanly. "Yes Pippin, I'm fine. Really!" He laughed shakily, as he looked at the doubt in their eyes. "I'm so happy for you both, honestly." He gave them each a pat on the shoulder. They both looked at him for a moment and then slowly smiled, glancing at each other's eyes.
Frodo kept a cheerful visage till he was out of their sight, making his way to the door through the party-goers and out into the cool night air, breathing out a sigh of relief. He stood there for a minute as the wind blew his curls out of his face, holding back tears. He started to walk down the path, gazing at the green grass and beautiful flowers lit up by the moon through the trees. Sam can produce better ones in his gardens. Frodo thought, smiling to himself, which quickly turned into a grimace as he finally started to cry.
It was too much. He was haunted every waking second not only from the Ring, and the awful nightmares of orcs and Gollum, and the Nazgul, leaving him with his scar burning, but he was now haunted by the fact that he could never be with Sam. He should have sucked it up, taken Bilbo's advice, and told him. But he was too late, and Sam never had feelings of that nature for him, only as his dearest friend. It also killed him that he would have to stay and watch the wedding, watch them have children. He was invited to be the best man of course, and he didn't think he had the strength to follow through with it. He smiled to himself through his sobs. Funny how he had the strength to endure the quest to destroy the Ring, but couldn't do a simple thing like invoking his feelings towards Sam. From the moment Sam rescued him from that tower, braving Orcs for him, he knew he loved him. And when he carried him up Mount Doom, that did nothing but make the feeling complete, sealing it in his scarred chest.
He sniffled as he kicked at stones in the dirt road, reaching a bridge over a gurgling green stream. He sat at the edge, letting his legs dangle, his tears mixing with the churning water.
As he continued to think about all the memories he's had, laughing at the good times, and grimacing at the oh so many painful ones, he was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of two hobbits laughing merrily over some inside joke. He wiped his face and quickly stood up.
It was Sam and Rosie. He shuddered, trying to find somewhere to hide in his panic. They couldn't see him like this. Sam and Rosie came stumbling upon the road, Sam kissing her forehead as they giggled. "Rosie, you-" he stopped, looking around and squinting in the dark. "Sam, what is it?" Rosie asked, a hint of concern in her voice as she recovered from their laughing fit. Sam didn't reply. "Frodo?" Sam called, walking over to the small tree Frodo was about to duck behind, near the bridge.
Frodo stopped cold, and sighed. Why? Why, why, why, why? He turned around and produced his best smile, trying to look surprised. "Sam?" He echoed back. Sam smiled briefly, a hint of concern still behind his eyes. He put an arm around Rosie, shielding her from the slight chill in the air. "Frodo, what are you doing? Why aren't you at the pub?" Frodo mentally shook himself, remembering when Pippin said that Rosie and Sam would be on their way to join their proposal celebrations. "I d-don't feel very... Well." Frodo finished, trying to calm down his wobbly voice.
Sam looked fully concerned now, understanding. "Frodo..."
"Oh I'm fine, really. Just tired, I don't know..." He glanced at the water, as if silently asking it for help. He looked back at them, trying to grin. His chest felt like it was locked in a vice. He had to leave. "You two have fun, I'll see you tomorrow." He said shortly, trying to walk past them.
Sam held out a hand and grabbed his shoulder. "I'll walk you back, Frodo." Rosie backed him up, giving Frodo a kind smile. "Yes, Sam will walk you home. He can come back and join us later."
"No, it's fine, really-" Frodo started, panicking. "Nonsense, I'm coming with you." Sam said, cutting him off. He turned and gave Rosie a kiss, making her giggle. "I will see you later." He smiled. Rosie nodded and turned to give Frodo a hug, pecking his cheek. Frodo smiled, his chest getting tighter and tighter. He was going to break.
They watched Rosie pace across the slabs of the bridge, before Sam turned towards him. Looking him square in the eyes. Frodo looked dreamily at his soft green pupils before shaking his head. "What is it, Frodo?" Sam said quietly. "Oh, the usual." Frodo whispered, toeing at the road. A single tear streaked down his face. Sam sighed in complete understanding, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's getting worse?" Sam questioned. He knew about the nightmares, he knew about everything, except for one thing... Frodo used this as his cover as silent sobs racked his body.
"Frodo?!" Sam yelped, yanking up his chin to see his face. This made Frodo cry harder. He didn't even realize he was sinking towards the ground until he felt Sam's strong arms lifting him up and pulling him into his chest. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Frodo," Sam started, patting his back.
Frodo clung onto Sam's green cloak, shaking. "Hey, hey" Sam said, panic edging his voice. "Frodo? Please don't cry."
"I'm sorry Sam, I'm so sorry. Something good happens to you, and I waste your time and worry you. You should be with Rosie. You should-" Sam stopped him. "Frodo, hush." Frodo looked at him in surprise before nodding, his throat feeling thick.
"Let's get you home." Sam said grimly, putting an arm around him and starting to head down the road, Frodo sniffling the whole way. He stayed silent as Sam started to talk about gardening to him. This always seemed to calm him, Sam knew this.
They finally made it to Bilbo's hobbit hole. Sam opened the door, set Frodo inside, and made him some tea. He placed it down next to Frodo, giving him a smile. "I'll be at the pub if you need me Mr. Frodo. Please try to sleep. Wedding rehearsal tomorrow," he winked. Frodo felt like he was being stabbed. "Yes, Sam." He smiled, Sam grinned, but stopped at the doorway. "Are you sure you'll be alright? I know what's going on, and I'm so sorry Frodo, anything I can do... Just call. You have no idea what's going on. Frodo thought as he gave a small smile. "Thank you Sam. I will be fine, I promise." Sam nodded slowly, and headed out the door. "And Sam?"
"Yes Frodo?" Sam replied. "I'm happy for you."
Sam's face split into a smile, before he cleared his throat, nodded again,
And headed out the door, closing it softly behind him.
Frodo watched him jog down the path, letting him go, not for the last time.