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“It’s not a competition, you know,” Alanna said, watching Edmund watch Peter duel an older boy.
“What is?” Edmund asked, not taking his eyes off Peter.
“You and Peter.”
Edmund snorted. “Of course it is.”
“But he’s your brother!”
“Exactly.” Edmund looked sideways at Alanna, who looked ready to protest. “It isn’t like that with you and — ?”
“Thom,” Alanna supplied, “and no, never.”
“What if he was also a page?”
Alanna snorted. “He would never be a page. He’s too much of a wuss.”
“Sure, but if he was,” Edmund persisted. “And he was older than you, and very good, and everyone wondered if you would be as good.”
Alanna mentally substituted Thom for an imaginary brother who would ever, in a million years, want to become a knight. “I would have to be better than him,” she said fiercely.
Edmund nodded, his eyes on Peter once more. “See?”
Alanna nodded, even though Edmund couldn’t see her. They sat in silence for a while, until Edmund said, “What’s your brother like?”
“What do you mean, what’s he like?”
“Is he, you know, good? Like Peter?”
Alanna could tell her friend wanted to sound contemptuous, but he mostly sounded jealous and bitter. “At swordfighting? As I said, he wouldn’t go near a sword.”
“No. Good. A good person.”
Alanna sighed. “Good and bad both, like me — ”
“Like you!” Edmund turned to look at Alanna. “Good gods, Alan, if you’re not good I don’t know who is!”
“What? No, I — I’ve been — ” Alanna quickly shut down that thought, but without consulting her, her mouth rephrased it as “I’ve been hiding things from people!” Oh gods, she thought, I’ve really done it now!
Edmund rolled his eyes. “So’s everyone else.”
“You? What are you hiding?”
“That’s for me to know and you not to find out, isn’t it?” Edmund said, grinning at Alanna.
“You have to tell me now!”
“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
Alanna shook her head violently.
Edmund laughed. “Coward.”
Alanna didn’t hear the joking insult, lost in thought as she was. The idea that Edmund was hiding something (surely not something as big as her own secret?) didn’t sit right with her, but who was she to demand everyone be completely honest?
The two sat in companionable silence for a while before Alanna said, “Are you going to be his squire?”
“What?”
“Are you going to be Peter’s squire?”
Edmund groaned. “You’re only the thousandth person to ask me this week!”
“Sorry.”
Edmund shrugged. “I was actually planning to ask for your opinion.”
“Me?” Alanna grinned, flattered.
“Yes you, you goose.” Edmund nudged her with his elbow. Alanna shoved him with her shoulder, which sent them into an impromptu wrestling match.
“Oi!” one of the older boys shouted, and Alanna and Edmund guiltily let go of one other, sitting up straight and brushing grass off their tunics. Alanna ran a hand through her hair, hoping to smooth it down a bit.
“So what do you think? Should I squire for Peter?”
Alanna squinted at her friend. “Have you talked to him about it?”
“Of course not.” Edmund snorted. “He’ll say whatever he thinks I want to hear, and I don’t know what he thinks I want.”
Alanna took a moment to work through the clauses of that reply. “So what do you want?”
Edmund shrugged, his shoulders staying slightly hunched as he plucked blades of grass from the lawn. “All I know is, if I don’t, people will wonder why, and if I do, they’ll probably say Peter went easy on me.”
“Then don’t do it. Easy.” She saw Edmund about to protest and cut him off. “Would you rather people say you don’t like your brother, or say you didn’t earn your shield?”
“The first, I suppose,” Edmund grumbled.
“Exactly.”
They were quiet for a while before Edmund said, almost in a whisper, “I don’t want him to think I don’t like him.”
“So tell him!”
“Tell him what?”
“‘I can’t be your squire, but you’re a good brother,’ or something. I don’t know.” Alanna rolled her eyes.
“Perfect.” Edmund laughed. “Thanks, Alan.”
“Anytime.” Alanna stood up and brushed grass off her hose before extending her hand. “C’mon, those mathematics questions won’t do themselves!”
Edmund took her wrist and let her pull him up. “If only they would.” He threw Peter a parting glance before heading back to the castle with Alanna, heart a little lighter than before.