Chapter Text
I look at my complexion and all I notice are all of my hues. My luck that flickers golden as pages in sunlight, the pains that are lovely as spilled blood on freshly written sheets, the younger me. The boney little 10 year old slowly crumbling under the pressure of heavy books named expectations. View me as to how I saw myself; a floating paper among the society of humanity. That was then though, right? Am I the scholar I wish to be now? No, I am not. I am the girl who comes late to the bus stop. I am the girl who reads her existence away. I am unique. As are you, we are all different as we are similar.
When I was younger, fresher, in junior high or middle school, 9th grade was it? Yes, it was, I remember those years sparsely. The younger Jasmine, hopeful and inspired. Reading was the second thing she favored. She preferred science over language arts. Yet she decided to pick up a book. Opened it and proceeded to read while she felt lonely and bored. It made her feel a sense of pleasure and comfort. It did. So she started to pick up more novels and stopped studying. Whenever she felt lonely she picked up a book. Whenever she got yelled at for not being good enough she picked up a book. When she had gotten a bad grade she picked up a book. She made the books her very essence. Turned over the page to a new chapter in her life.
Turned the page to a new shade of her mentality. In 8th grade, the young lady begins to shoulder the burdens of the very essence of the crippling existence she lives in. Starting to create new worlds with her words and her hands. She truly started to dive deeper into fantasy. But why did she? She hated the world around her and drifted to the planes of role-playing, drawing, and fantasy literature. She loved it there so much she calls herself by a different name. A unique name for each shade of her. Some of her teachers were told to call her 'Raven' for that is what she preferred. The blackbird of the great void in the earth. That's what she wanted to be seen as something more than just a human, a girl, a child. How is she now? Still the blackbird or something else?
Here we are in 11th grade barely making it in her mind. She has two things that are important to her in a constant bloody battle for dominance. Her passion for reading and her school grades. How did she change? Let's ask her. How did you grow from being in 7th to now? "Well, I miss some things from back then. Like how school was easier and how I was with my family. But now I don't want to talk about my feelings to my family. I'd rather read 200 books on crime than do that. Honestly, school is manageable but my trust issues are holding me back from being my greatest." Oh… sorry to hear that is there something you like now due to your obsession with books? "The way I found people like me. The weirdos and outsiders like me. We share many things and I now trust them more than my family which is sad in a way. I am still wanting to be called Raven and want to read more than I did back then." That is all I had for you, goodbye.
She is now trying to flourish in a new sea of unfinished papers. She is in Dual Credit English, her new favorite class of the year. And she is passing! Can you believe that? See you reader you can grow and use your ink to write your very own pages with other books like you. You may read stories but you yourself are a story to be told.