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Xiao does not know anything about love. Weapons aren’t meant for love. They’re meant for bloodshed. For lives lost. For more blood.
Love isn’t something associated with weapons.
And what is Xiao, if not a weapon of war?
From where he leans over the railing on the balcony in Wangshu Inn, Xiao thinks he can almost see the tall walls of Mondstadt. Barbatos’ statue stands inside, and he’s seen the people of Mondstadt treat it like the whole world was concentrated in it.
During his visit to Mondstadt, he’s seen parents sit with their children and tell them about the Anemo Archon. He’s seen people make flower crowns and place them on the statue’s head. He’s seen how they regard the Anemo Archon. Their beloved archon.
Most importantly, he’s seen the bard dressed in green sit on the hands of the statue, singing, telling stories no simple bard should know.
But he’s no simple bard. Nothing about him is simple. From the cecilia stuck in his beret that never seems to wilt, to the cape that flows even if there’s no wind, to his braids that glow. How the mortals don’t notice these is a wonder.
Xiao sighs. Barbatos is everything Xiao can’t even dream to be. He’s free, flighty, loud and bright. He’s good with words. He doesn’t flinch away from touch. He’s divine, something beyond Xiao’s comprehension. Unpredictable. Above all, Barbatos is loving.
Xiao feels the wind change, carding through his hair like fingers calloused from playing the lyre for centuries. The wind blows from Mondstadt, and goes back there, and Xiao knows it’s a call.
He closes his eyes and follows.
When he opens his eyes, it’s in front of the great oak tree in Windrise. The air in Mondstadt is sweeter, softer.
He hears it first, the sounds of the lyre, before he spots him.
Barbatos is seated on the branches of the oak, legs dangling, eyes closed, humming along to his lyre.
He’s beautiful, Xiao thinks, in a way that stars are.
“Lord Barbatos,” he whispers, bowing.
Barbatos opens his eyes and hops down from the branch, the wind carrying him down. “Xiao, Xiao, Xiao, how many times do I tell you, it’s Venti! And stop with the Lord stuff, makes me feel weird,” he says with a shudder, before flashing a smile that could probably blind Xiao. Xiao opens his mouth to say something, but Barba- no, Venti doesn’t wait for a reply as he whisks him away, to seat him on a branch. Venti laughs, and it’s a beautiful sound. It’s not fake or forced, it comes from somewhere deep within Venti, and it makes Xiao smile. “What’d you call me here for, Venti?” he says, testing how the word feels on his tongue. It’s foreign and a little out of his comfort zone, but the way Venti beams at it makes it worth it. If Xiao could, he would hope Venti beams like that forever. “I wrote a new song! I want you to listen first!” he says, eyes shining.
It makes the walls Xiao has put up around him lower, even if just for a bit. If Xiao didn’t know any better, he would call Venti a magician of sorts. The Anemo archon does things to him.
It scares Xiao.
Yet, when Venti starts singing, his lyre accompanying him, Xiao doesn’t feel scared. It’s peaceful.
It becomes a routine. In hindsight, it had been for a long time, but Xiao hadn’t realised it before. Venti writes a song, and Xiao is the first to hear it before Venti drags him to Mondstadt city. Xiao tries protesting, but he’s helpless to say no. He lets himself be taken away, Venti chatting all the while. They head to Barbatos’ statue, where Venti gathers a crowd, while Xiao sits on the statue’s hands watching. Venti sings, and if he’s lucky, if the crowd is generous, Venti will have some mora on him by the time the day ends.
Xiao’s eyes never leave Venti during his performance, even though the crowd gathered is quite big.
He couldn’t look away, even if he tried to.
※※※※
Xiao will never forget when he first met Barbatos.
He was the last remaining Yaksha.
Bonanus and Menogias had turned on each other, killing themselves. Indarius has succumbed to her own karma, and Boscacius has disappeared, all as he watched.
Only Xiao Alatus remained.
He could almost laugh. How cruel, he wouldn’t even be granted the escape of death like the others. He was cursed to suffer. But after the suffering he had caused so many others, maybe he deserved it.
He spent his time wandering about, killing monsters, clearing areas that reeked of corruption. “You are corrupted,” a voice in his head whispered. And Alatus knew that it was true. Every time he killed, more screams rang in his ears, till they overtook every other thought in his head.
That night had been particularly rough.
The Archon war had passed, but it had left its marks on the lands of Teyvat. Ruin machines, abyss creatures and monsters were infesting the lands faster than ever.
Xiao had cleared more areas than he could count. With every area cleared, his karmic debt grew. Every time he donned his mask, the screams grew louder and louder, till it was too much to bear.
Till it felt like he was back to his old master, killing without care for who died.
The blood that stained his hands as he clutched his spear made him want to throw up, to rub himself clean till he felt like he could even dream of being differentiated from a ruthless killer killing innocents.
Xiao had somehow managed to reach Dihua marsh. He didn’t know where he was headed, he had just walked till he couldn’t. Truly, he felt like this was it. This was how he died, alone, and without the glory of a fallen soldier.
When he couldn’t walk anymore, he lay down and closed his eyes, waiting for death to take him away.
And then he heard it.
A flute being played from somewhere ahead.
It was beautiful. It hurt him, and it comforted him. The music settled on him like it was tailored for him. It chased his pain away. It soothed his karma till he cried from relief. Adepti didn’t need sleep no matter how tired, but the tune made him feel safe enough to feel the exhaustion. It settled deep in his bones, made his eyes grow heavy and yet he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to forever lay there and listen to the flute. But sleep was coming fast, and it would take him whether he liked it or not. In an attempt to see who saved him, he opened his eyes enough to make out huge, white wings and teal braids, before his exhaustion forced him to sleep.
When he woke up, his karmic debt was lighter than it had been in a very long time.
※※※※
Wangshu Inn wasn’t home, but it was a place of respite. Xiao wasn’t sure what home really consisted of, but it felt too cold to be considered home.
Don’t get him wrong, he was forever grateful to Verr Goldet for letting him stay even when he couldn’t pay them anything.
Xiao can’t quite tell when Venti started making it home.
Venti at Wangshu Inn was a very common sight. All the time he wasn’t in Mondstadt, he was at the inn. He stayed well into the night sometimes. Xiao and Venti were both immortals, and while Venti loved his sleep, it was never necessary.
Sometimes he’d show up drunk, the wine slurring his speech. Some nights it made Venti cry, when the years of hurt revealed themselves through tear tracks streaming down his face. Some nights were more merciful, when the wine hazed his thoughts and made him laugh and giggle at everything.
Some nights called for touch, when Venti would once hug Xiao and then wouldn’t let him go for hours on end.
Xiao would be a liar if he said he didn’t like it.
Sometimes, Venti would show up before Xiao returned, sitting and playing the lyre absent-mindedly, jumping to greet him when he realises Xiao has returned. On those days, there’ll be plates of almond tofu waiting for him, and Xiao knows Venti didn’t make it, but he appreciates it nonetheless.
Once, Venti brought what he called ‘Mondstadt’s world-famous wine, the dandelion wine!’ He’d shown up sober, but clearly didn’t plan on staying so for long.
That night, among laughter and music, he managed to get Xiao drunk too.
Xiao never really liked alcohol, but this burn was different. It was sweeter, and it burnt nicely. And this was probably why Venti loved drinking, the burn was truly delicious. Something to get addicted to.
But Xiao’s alcohol tolerance isn’t something he’s famous for, and by the second glass, his mind was already hazed. There’s heat in his cheeks, and he knows his hopes of Venti not spotting it in the dark is futile, when Venti starts to giggle. “Aww Xiao,” he coos, leaning closer, “I didn’t know you couldn’t handle your wine! You’re too red,” he laughs, and then pokes his cheeks.
Xiao felt like his stomach dropped away into oblivion.
He’s glad the wine has rendered him speechless, for he’s not sure what he’d say if it didn’t. His mind is a mess. The effects Venti has on him are almost hypnotic, and were it anyone else, they probably would’ve been stabbed on the suspicion of malintent.
He hears Venti say something about playing another song, but it doesn’t register in his mind. He’s too far gone, too drunk to form a coherent thought, or to process anything said to him. So he just watches Venti pull out his lyre from thin air.
It's the first strum on the strings of the lyre that clears away the jumbled mess of thoughts in his head.
Venti is singing. He’s sitting on the railing, one knee on the other, playing the lyre as he sings. His voice sounds completely different than it does during the day. The calm of the night makes him sound ethereal.
He looks majestic. He’s backdropped against the moon, making it look like a halo. And suddenly realises why even Rex Lapis admits to the Anemo archon’s beauty, because, Celestia above, he’s beautiful .
His eyes are closed, his braids glow bright and he looks peaceful. The wind carries the song with it, and it’s like the world is Venti’s stage, and no one has a choice but to listen. To humans, he’s a bard with an exceptionally good voice, but they don’t see him like this.
Xiao realises it’s something they’ll never see, and he selfishly wishes that this remains something just for Xiao’s eyes.
Venti continues singing, and Xiao tries to concentrate on the words, but it’s hard. He’s hypnotised by how beautiful he looks. It’s hard, but he tries to gather enough of his attention, and manages just enough to realise what he’s singing about.
Venti’s singing about wind, and home and love.
His song weaves a story about a girl waiting at home for her lover, praying to the wind to make sure her lover’s ship anchors safely, while she makes their favourite things to welcome them home. He sings about her waiting and counting days, and forever keeping two plates of food, in case they return earlier than intended.
Xiao smiles slightly, the song reminds him of Venti waiting with food for him on days when he returns late.
Once Venti finishes singing, he looks down at Xiao and smiles, and oh.
Oh no.
Xiao’s in love with him.
※※※※
The realisation that he’s in love with Venti, changes very little. Venti is still Venti, loud, talkative and bright, and Xiao is still Xiao, quiet, observing and waiting. Venti still drags him to watch him perform, and Xiao still follows.
The only difference? Xiao wants to kiss him.
Xiao has never kissed anyone before. He never wanted to. He’s seen humans kiss before, they do so every so often. He’s never thought much about it, after all, humans are as affectionate as they can be murderous.
But Xiao isn’t human. Xiao is an adepti, the guardian yaksha of liyue. Do the adepti even kiss? Xia isn’t sure. Maybe they do, adepti do hug each other, what difference would a kiss hold?
Xiao imagines what kissing Venti would feel like. Maybe he’d taste of wine and apples. Would his lips be soft? Maybe they’d fit perfectly with his own, like puzzle pieces. Xiao imagines Venti would laugh afterwards.
Xiao shakes his head. Such absurd thoughts. It’s a wistful dream at best, for even though Venti takes on the guise of a bard, he’s still an archon. And Xiao is tainted. He carries enormous debt on his shoulders. Venti may be nice to him, he may treat him well, better than anyone else, but kissing him? Xiao’s sure it’s not possible. Why would Venti love someone who has killed more than he remembers, someone who let his family die as he watched?
Who would love a weapon?
How could a weapon love someone back?
But the thought of kissing Venti persists, like a particularly tough stain. He can’t help but wish. And the urge grows stronger every day. He still does his work, still clears out corrupted areas around Liyue, still meets Venti every other night, still visits Mondstadt.
It’s when he leaves that it hurts.
It’s the loss of Venti’s hand on his arm when he gets up to leave that hurts. It’s the loss of warmth when Venti breaks their hugs that hurts.
Xiao’s sure it’ll drive him crazy, but it’s fine. Xiao has bottled up lots of emotions over the years, what’s one more?
※※※※
The corruption around Bishui Plain is concentrated and way, way worse than Xiao has dealt with in some time. When Ganyu told him about there being reports of ruin machines, Xiao expected a ruin guard at best, a ruin hunter at worst.
Not the ruin guards, a ruin hunter and abyss mages with their hilichurls and mitachurls.
Neither did he expect the scholar girl from Sumeru to actually venture inside and wake them up.
It messed up any plan of attack Xiao had. Everything he had planned, to draw out the mages first and deal with them and then the rest was thrown out of the window. He launches head first into attacking the ruin guards. He’s slashing without mercy or thought, praying they both make out of this alive. The ruin hunter is particularly vicious in his attacks. The ruin hunter starts slashing at him just as he fells one of the two ruin guards, and he has no choice but to take the damage as his spear is lodged inside the broken ruin guard and he has nowhere to move.
He curses under his breath when the ruin hunter leaves a particularly deep gash on his shoulder, the blood flowing down in a steady stream.
And then he’s frozen, taking constant hits because of course, a cryo and a hydro mage must travel together.
He hears the girl scream.
By the time he’s not frozen anymore, the other ruin guard has started spinning and Xiao has no choice but to cower. The spinning attacks are the worst, the radius too large, and not enough time to run away. Xiao hates it. At least the ruin hunter seems to have exhausted its firepower for a while.
He braces himself for the blow, but it never comes. Instead, he hears the ruin guard falter and he looks up to see two anemo-infused arrows lodged right in its core.
“Why the hell did you walk in this nightmare?!” someone shouts, and Xiao knows that voice.
Venti’s standing on a platform above him, firing arrows in quick succession.
Xiao realises there’s a reason he’s the only Archon who’s an archer, and that’s because his skills are unparalleled. He’s not just the god of song and wine and wind, but he’s also a fighter, he’s also fought in the archon war. He’s looking at Xiao in confusion and firing arrows at the ruin hunter, and it takes barely any time for the ruin hunter to fall.
“Stay back, I’ll handle the rest,” Venti says, and Xiao opens his mouth to argue. “The girl,” Venti urges, and Xiao snaps his mouth shut, and looks around for the girl. He spots her under a tree.
She’s dead.
She’s lying in a pool of her blood, her arm a mangled mess.
Xiao hasn’t dealt with death in a long time, especially one as a side effect of his own fight. His fault. Someone died because he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough and it’s an innocent bystander, someone completely incapable of protecting themselves, someone Xiao should’ve protected.
He sits down.
He’s not sure what to do, this isn’t something he’s dealt with ever since Rex Lapis took him in. Under Rex Lapis, he has always been careful. He became the guardian yaksha under him, but what guardian? He couldn’t even make sure she lived.
His eyes sting, the scene blurs. His chest feels constricted and he can’t breathe. He feels his fingers turn back to their original talons as he claws at the ground in a desperate attempt to hold something. He tries to open his mouth to take in air, but all he does is splutter and gasp. It’s embarrassing, for an adepti to be behaving like this but he can’t think beyond the blood on his hands that belongs to so many innocents, and his vow to never let an innocent die again and his failure, his failure.
His head hurts and he brings up his hand to his head, but his talons scratch himself. The burn feels good, and he digs them deeper, drawing blood from his forehead. He should leave, Venti will see him like that, Venti will realise how tainted he is, Venti will leave him, Venti-
Calloused fingers wrap around his hand that is digging into his head, and gently try to coax it down. “Xiao,” Venti says, worry imminent in his voice, “Xiao, you’re hurting yourself. Come on, down, let your hand down, Xiao. Come on, I’m here, look at me, everything’s fine.” Everything’s not fine, Xiao wants to say, but he can’t. Words are hard, they die on his tongue and he hates it. Hates himself.
But he’s weak against Venti, and though the pain feels good, he lets Venti lower his hand from his head.
“So good, Xiao, you’re doing so good. Come on, open your eyes, look at me. I’m not good at this, you know? I haven’t comforted lots of people before. Is it ok if I sit beside you? I’ll hold your hand till you are out of it,” he says, so softly, like if he raises his voice, Xiao will break. Xiao manages to nod, and he feels Venti sit beside him, and take his hand in his own. It must be disgusting, Xiao thinks, his hand is bloody, but Venti doesn’t seem to mind. He sits beside Xiao and starts humming a tune, drawing patterns on his hand.
And it’s calming. It takes some time before Xiao can breathe normally again. Xiao doesn’t open his eyes, he knows the girl’s body is lying right there in front of him and he can’t bear to see it again. He keeps his eyes tightly shut. When Venti realises he’s breathing normally again, he moves to sit in front of Xiao.
He’s shielding her body from his view, he realises belatedly.
“Come on Xiao, you can open your eyes now, I’ll take you back to Wangshu Inn, I’ll run you a bath, and I’ll treat your wounds. I’ll take care of you. But I need you to look at me for that, ok? Open your eyes, Xiao,” he says, putting one hand on his cheeks.
Xiao’s weak to say no to Venti, and he opens his eyes. His vision is filled with Venti’s worried face, and there’s something else in his eyes that makes Xiao’s eyes sting again. And there are tears streaming down his face again, and he can’t stop the whimpers that escape him. “Oh, Xiao,” Venti mutters, wiping his tears away with one hand, the other still holding onto Xiao’s. Xiao’s hands tremble and his chest hurts, he’s exhausted, and he doesn’t want to think. Venti keeps wiping his tears away, and presses soft kisses to his forehead. “My brave warrior,” he croons, “why do you cry? Everything’s fine, you’re here with me, and everything’s fine,” he repeats, punctuating his sentences with more forehead kisses. When he realises Xiao can’t stop crying, he hugs him, bringing him close to his chest. “Cry it out, Xiao,” he whispers.
It’s evening by the time they return to Wangshu Inn. Venti carries him, Xiao curled up in his arms like a cat. It makes him seem smaller than he already is. Xiao hasn’t said a word since Venti found him. Venti hasn’t forced him to speak either.
Verr Goldet looks concerned when she spots them, and opens her mouth to say something. Venti’s quick to shake his head. She snaps her mouth shut, and goes back to her work. Xiao’s thankful, he’s not sure he could bear to listen to someone ask about it.
True to his word, Venti draws him a bath. “Xiao,” he asks when he comes back into the room, “will you be able to wash up? Or should I help you?” His cheeks are dusted with pink, Xiao realises. He should really say no, that he doesn’t need to, but words feel like acid in his mouth, and he can’t say them. Taking a bath by himself seems like an impossible task, and Venti must’ve understood what he’s left unsaid because he scoops Xiao up and carries him to the bath. He helps Xiao undress and then sits him in the tub. Xiao sinks in the water till it’s up to his chin, his hair floating in the water. Venti pulls a chair in from the room and sits on it, and starts scrubbing off the blood from his body, humming along to a song. Xiao relaxes under the feeling, but he’s not ready to talk yet. He melts into the touch when Venti starts washing his hair, running his hand through his hair, calloused fingers bringing him more comfort than anything had, in about as long as he could remember.
He almost falls asleep in the water, Venti’s humming putting his mind at ease. When his head lulls to the side as he starts to doze off, Venti puts a hand to stop it from hitting the wall. “Careful, Xiao, a little more, and then you can sleep,” he says, as he washes off the rest of the soap from his body. Xiao would feel embarrassed if he were currently in a normal state, but right now, he just lets out a broken hum of agreement.
Venti takes more time on the wound. Xiao hisses at the sting when he pours warm water on it, and Venti looks apologetic. He dabs a clean cloth on the wound, drying it up as much as he can. Being an adepti has its privileges, and the wound has already started to heal. Venti wraps a bandage around his shoulders and his head, where four deep cuts have also started to heal.
Once they’re done with the bath, Venti helps him dry off, and then dress. Xiao remains silent throughout.
“You did so good for me, my warrior, but I’m sure you’re exhausted. Do you want to sleep?” Venti asks while fixing his hair. Xiao just nods. Venti hums in agreement. “I’ll leave you be then, Liebchen,” he says. He tries to make his way out, but Xiao grabs his hand. “Stay,” he whispers, voice cracked. “Please,” he adds, and he looks like he would’ve cried if Venti even tried to leave. Venti relents.
Venti lingers around his bed as Xiao lies down. When he realises Venti isn’t going to lie down, he opens up space beside him and looks at him pointedly. Venti catches on to the sign quick enough, and slowly lies down beside him, and covers them both with the sheets once he’s settled.
Xiao shifts to press himself against Venti’s arm, making himself comfortable there. They lie like that in silence for a while, basking in the comfort of it.
Xiao’s the first one to break it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice barely over a whisper. He sounds broken, guilty and oh so small. Venti turns to look at him.
“Why are you sorry, Liebchen?”
Xiao shakes his head. He’s crying again, and he squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t say what he’s feeling, he doesn’t understand it himself. His thoughts are all a mess, and he isn’t sure what he’s sorry for.
“Oh, love,” Venti mutters, before cupping Xiao’s face and kissing his forehead. His lips are soft against his forehead, and Xiao feels himself heat up at the proximity. The softness of his voice makes Xiao cry.
“Why do you cry, love? What’s wrong?” He asks again, and it’s the same voice he used before. The voice that treats Xiao like glass, something truly fragile, something that needs to be taken care of.
“I’m tainted,” he says. Venti opens his mouth but Xiao speaks faster. “Please, just let me finish. You- you don’t know how much blood I have on my hands. My- my previous master he-” Xiao chokes on his words. Venti wipes away his tears and presses his lips to his forehead once again.
“I used to be a monster,” Xiao whispers, his voice hollow. “I watched as my family died, and I did- I did nothing. I killed without care and people were so, people were so, so afraid. They looked at me with such disgust and fear, Venti,” he says, and he can’t stop crying. “I killed everyone in my village. I devoured their dreams before killing them, Venti. Do you know what that means? I destroyed them even before I killed them. I-” he chokes on his words. He takes a shuddering breath before continuing. “I left them a hollow soul, alive, still feeling. It was inhumane torture. And I did that,” he says. He’s sobbing by the time he finishes. He knows he must look pathetic, he can’t even stop the whimpers he’s letting out as he sobs.
He doesn’t bring up today’s incident. He doesn’t think he’s ready to talk about that.
“Oh, little adeptus, you’re not the only one with blood on your hands, you know?” He’s moved to wrap Xiao in a hug, and he’s running his fingers through his hair idly. “I fought in the archon war, Liebchen, do you think I’m completely pure? That I have no blood on my hands? When Khaenri’ah fell, do you think all the people who died were guilty?” He says.
“It’s different,” Xiao argues.
“How so?”
“I- you’re Barbatos! The Anemo Archon! Mondstadt is there because you helped build it! You saved lives!” Xiao says, louder than he intended to. He winces at his own volume, then adds it like it’s a secret,
“You saved my life.”
“Ah, but Liebchen, you saved countless others,” Venti says, a smile forming on his face. “I know for a fact that you are the quote-enquote ‘handsome adepti’ that saved Little Luo’s doll from the hilichurls. You should see how she regards you. You’re her hero, silly adepti,” he says, voice growing fonder.
Xiao can feel his cheeks heat up, and he opens his mouth to retort.
“Ah ah, hush, let me finish. The old granny who lives in Qingce? She tells stories about the mysterious adeptus who has the spirit of a hero from storybooks. She says he’ll show up like a hero, alone and ever mysterious, and saves the people of Qingce from all kinds of danger. The merchants on Liyue Harbour also tell the tales of the times they have been saved from treasure hoarder ambushes by the guardian yaksha. Xiangling very eagerly tells everyone who’s willing to listen the story of the time the guardian yaksha saved her from a ruin hunter when she was out searching for ingredients and didn’t have her vision. She says it was one of the most exciting days of her life. The wind brings me so many stories, Liebchen. Are these not you, Xiao? Or is there some other mysterious adepti I am unaware of?” He asks, grinning.
Xiao only whines in response. “You’re unfair”, he grumbles, hiding his face in his chest.
He smells like cecilias.
Venti laughs.
Xiao falls in love just a little more.
※※※※
It turns into a habit. On nights when Venti shows up, Xiao pulls him into his bed, and that’s how they spend the night, tangled up, talking about mundane things. They’ll settle into comfortable silence later on, as the night grows deeper. Eventually, they’ll fall asleep, a mess of limbs, content and warm and so very happy.
But when Xiao wakes up, he wakes up alone.
It’s pure luck, he would say, when he wakes up before Venti leaves one morning. Last night had been good, the wine had been merciful and Venti didn’t cry. He’d laughed at every small thing, and then Xiao had pulled him to his room, and they’d fallen asleep together.
Venti’s awake, sitting on the side of the bed fastening his corset when Xiao woke up. Xiao watched him work on the strings, nimble fingers making repeated loops before tightening them. There was something hypnotic about his hands, the way they navigated their way with the strings, but then again, everything about Venti was hypnotic to Xiao.
Xiao shut his eyes the moment Venti turned around, hoping his breathing was evened out enough for him to look asleep. It seemed to work, for Venti just stared at him for a few minutes. Xiao didn’t dare open his eyes.
Then Venti leaned in.
He moved Xiao’s hair from his forehead, and pressed a kiss there.
“I love you, Liebchen, I hope you realise that soon,” he mumbles, before pressing another kiss.
Then there’s the swish of his cape, the opening and closing of the door, and Venti’s gone.
Xiao opened his eyes once he’s sure Venti’s gone. He’s glad that Venti can’t see him right now. His red from his cheeks to the tip of his ears. He can almost hear his heart with how fast it’s beating. For a brief moment, Xiao considers the possibility of his heart bursting.
Damnit.
The things that bard did to him.
For them, it’s a normal night. Venti had shown up earlier than Xiao. Xiao had returned to a plate of almond tofu sitting on the table. Venti excitedly told him that he made it, and Xiao could tell. The shape was wonky, and the syrup was more than Smiley Yanxiao normally served.
He spoons off a bit and puts it in his mouth. The fact that this was made by Venti becomes clearer, the texture is too soft, the syrup watery, and-
And it’s good.
“It’s really good,” he tells Venti, and he isn’t lying. It’s not what Xiao normally has, but he can tell that Venti tried his best. Venti beams at that, and Xiao’s pretty sure it’ll blind him. He chooses to focus on his food instead. Venti pours himself a glass of wine, and starts telling Xiao about his day.
They end up in Xiao’s bed again, cuddled together, the only sound coming from Venti’s humming as he traces the tattoos on Xiao’s arm.
“Xiao,” he says after a while, “if I said something, would you- would it change anything between us?” Venti actually sounds scared. Like he’s spilling a secret from deep inside.
Xiao takes a deep breath. “I don’t think so,” he says, and he believes that. Xiao may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them.
“Even if I said I liked you?” Venti whispers.
Oh.
Oh no.
Xiao wasn’t ready for that.
He wants to say a lot of things. Wants to assure Venti that it wouldn’t change anything. Wants to tell him that he likes him too. But somewhere it all gets jumbled, and instead, he says, “What?”
He feels Venti take several breaths, before continuing. “I really like you Xiao. I think I love you. Like, it’s scary how much I like you.”
When Xiao doesn’t respond for a few minutes, Venti’s breath quickens. He starts rambling, something Xiao knows a nervous Venti does. “Of course, you don’t have to like me back! Oh, Celestia above, I read the room wrong, didn’t I? Oh no. I’m sorry. I’ll leave-”
“I dreamt of kissing you.”
“What?”
Xiao flushes. “I dreamt of kissing you,” he grumbles. He feels Venti’s breath hitch. “You-you dreamt of kissing me?” Venti’s voice is filled with disbelief, like Xiao will tell him it’s a joke.
Xiao nods.
Venti sits up. “You mean to tell me, all this time I could have kissed you? Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, eyes wide.
“I didn’t think you would like me back,” Xiao replies. “Who would want to love a weapon of war?” He says nonchalantly.
The shock from Venti’s face fades, and it’s replaced by a fond look. He lies down again, and cups Xiao’s face in his hand. On instinct, Xiao wraps his arms around his waist. “Oh, Schätzchen, isn’t it a good thing then? You’re not a weapon after all,” he says, and Xiao wants to cry. “You deserve everything in this world love, my brave warrior who has been fighting away all the monsters and keeps the people of Liyue safe. You are loved, Liebchen,” Venti continues, and oh. Is it possible to be so in love that it physically hurts?
“Do you want me to kiss you, mein Liebling?” Venti asks and Xiao nods, maybe a bit too eagerly, and then flushes. Venti laughs. “Such a pretty red, love,” he teases, and it should be impossible, but Xiao turns even more red. “Shut up,” he mumbles, then after a pause, adds, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Venti hums, “Me neither,” and then closes the gap between them.
Xiao’s too frozen to realise he’s being kissed. His lips are soft, Xiao thinks. But then there are too many questions in his mind: what to do with his hands? How does he kiss him back? He’s never been taught this, he’s not sure what to do.
Venti breaks apart. “Oh, love, did that make you uncomfortable? You were frozen,” he says, and oh. He’s too considerate. Xiao’s not sure if deserves that.
“I don’t know what to do,” he admits, shame filling himself. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”
“Oh, Schätzchen, was that your first kiss?” Venti asks. Xiao nods. “I don’t know what to do,” he repeats.
“You don’t have to Xiao. Just relax. This isn’t a fight, just let yourself feel,” he says, kissing his nose. “Here, let me kiss you again,” and then Venti kisses him again. Xiao does as he’s told, and relaxes, closing his eyes, losing himself in the feeling.
Venti tastes of dandelion wine, and belatedly Xiao wonders if he could get drunk just on that. His lips are soft, and they fit perfectly with his own. Venti rubs his thumb over his cheeks. Xiao’s hands rest at Venti’s waist.
He realises why humans love kissing.
If this is what kissing feels like, he wants to kiss Venti over and over again.
Venti smiles against his lips before breaking apart. “Was that good, love?” he asks, and Xiao can’t answer, he’s not sure what he’ll say if he opens his mouth. He just nods. Venti pecks his lips. “Good,” he sighs, before wrapping Xiao in a hug. Xiao hides his face in his shoulders.
“I don’t know how to love,” he admits after a while. He knows Venti is awake, for he’s been drawing circles on his back. “You don’t have to know, Schätzchen. We’ll figure it out together,” he assures him, pressing soft kisses to his hair. “It sounds exhausting,” Xiao comments, and Venti laughs. It’s a pretty sound. “It does indeed sound exhausting, love, but I think it’ll be worth it. Don’t you think so?” Xiao hums in response.
Venti hums a song as he holds Xiao.
He smells like cecilias.
※※※※
Venti takes Xiao to Mondstadt for the Windblume Festival. It looks like the Dendro archon walked through the city, for the entire city is decorated with flowers. Mondstadt is crowded, this is the time Mondstadt is filled with tourists from all over Teyvat. It is also the time merchants from various regions put up stalls to showcase their goods, and it is a time of profit.
Xiao was seated next to Venti on the hands of Barbatos’ statue, watching the scene before. Though completely different from the Lantern Rite, Windblume is beautiful. Xiao understands why it’s called the festival of love and flowers. There’s something soft about the way there’s flora everywhere. The festival starts, Venti told him, when the Church of Favonius places the flower crown on Barbatos’ statue.
“I bless it every year,” Venti says, “So that it does not wilt.”
Flowers in Mondstadt symbolise things unsaid, Xiao had learned. There are crowns of flowers on almost everyone, and people buy flowers for their beloved. Business is, quite literally, blooming.
Venti has small white flowers braided into his hair. He looks beautiful. Xiao had helped him braid it in, though it was mostly Venti doing the work. Hands that were made to hold spears are rarely meant to do such delicate work.
But he’s learning.
His hands no longer only wield his polearm. He has cooked for Venti with them, and helped Venti plant flowers. They have plucked apples from high up on trees when he goes to visit Venti.
There’s not enough love on them to completely make up for the blood, but it’s ok. It’ll take time, Schätzchen, Venti tells him, but we’ll make it.
Xiao believes him.
“What are you thinking about, mein Liebling? I can hear you thinking,” Venti says, pulling him closer. Xiao shakes his head. “Mondstadt is beautiful,” he whispers. Venti smiles. “Did you enjoy the Windblume Festival, love?”
Xiao nods. He really did enjoy it.
Venti beams. “I’m glad,” he says. “There’s one thing though. There’s way less qingxin,” he adds like an afterthought. “For a festival about love and flowers and the Anemo archon, there’s way less flowers representing his lover.”
Xiao flushes at that. He’s still no good with words or actions when Venti starts to talk so sweetly to him.
Venti laughs and cups his face. “What do you say, Xiao? Cecilias and qingxin, it seems like a lovely pair,” he whispers.
“I love you,” Xiao whispers back. He’s not sure why that’s what he chooses to say, but it’s the first thing that comes to his mind. “I want you to come and watch the Lantern Rite with me.”
Venti smiles. “Gladly, mein Liebling,” he says, before kissing him.
It feels a lot like home.