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“No.”
We tuck our hearts behind logic and manners, but every now and again someone’s pokes out, showing the world their true feelings. At the sight of one, we smile and laugh. Its appearance indicates further understanding between us—a bond of trust. Some wear their hearts more readily, while others keep it under lock and key, even as their logic falls apart. But whether a heart is social or shy, one thing remains constant: the more we view each other’s hearts, the more we learn.
“No, no one understands what you’re saying.”
But sometimes a heart is misshapen. Not due to cruelty or malice, but due to life. Not every heart can be made the same. Everyone has cuts or lumps along their veins, but some are born with entirely new designs, foreign and strange to the average person. The sight of these hearts confuses and even angers others.
“I’m sorry. I was just—”
“You were just being annoying! Can’t you read the room?!”
Even if their appearance marks a display of love, trust, or wonder, the twisted form screams a meaning unheard by its owner. The misshapen heart will parade this misinformation happily, unaware of the contempt boiling beneath the surface. That is, until the earth cracks open and reveals what all other hearts could already see.
“I-I… I didn’t mean to…”
“Of course you didn’t. You never think of anyone but yourself. You’re always babbling on about whatever you’re into and never stop to consider others. Do you know how exhausting that is?”
“I’m sorry, I… I’m sorry…”
A misshapen heart can stare itself in the mirror all day long, but even if it realizes that its design is unusual, it cannot change what it already is. The bumps and cuts are familiar—comforting—and the heart itself works just fine. Whatever could be wrong with it? The misunderstanding it keeps exclaiming is just that: a misunderstanding. Its true feelings should be easily heard. It can hope that other hearts hear the truth behind the oddities, but if not…
“God! All you do is apologize! You never actually try to be better! Do you seriously think we enjoy listening to you talk about the same two things every single day? You never even let us get a word in! How would you feel if we ignored your interests to only talk about our own?”
“…”
“What? You won’t even look at us anymore? …Oh God, now you’re crying. You’re such a pain. Learn some social skills and maybe realize that you aren’t the center of the universe. Other people want to talk too.”
“…”
“Stop crying! You just… Ugh! Nevermind. Come on. Let’s leave her to feel sorry for herself.”
A misshapen heart can break just the same as any other.
You could barely see your friends leaving through the torrent of tears cascading down your face. You couldn’t even stand straight. Under the weight of your shame, guilt, and confusion you were practically doubled over. And once the slam of a door pierced your ear, echoing its hatred through your very soul, you completely broke down.
Sobs wrenched through your body, your chest heaving as you barely managed to hold back full-blown wails. As crying overtook all other functions, you collapsed on the ground, hands thrown out to prop you up. All you could do was watch as teardrops fell to the ground at a growing rate and feel a burning sorrow choke your lungs.
“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?!” you screamed into the void, knowing no one was listening—nor did anyone care to listen. After all, you were an annoying little child whose passions drove away the few people who could stand you. You should know exactly what’s wrong with you… right?
“What is…? What is…?” you hiccupped, squinting eyes forcing out more tears so that maybe reality would slip away. If even the floor was blurred, you could imagine you were home in bed. You could escape to a familiar place where routine was king.
Escape… Escape… Pretend the world worked in a way that made sense. Pretend that every sentence that fell from a stranger’s lips had an obvious tone—no one hid their feelings behind passive aggressive words that slipped your notice. Pretend that background noises didn’t drown out everything else until all that’s left is a sense of anxiety and the realization that you couldn’t breathe. Pretend that you could laugh at jokes thrown at you instead of wondering later if it was even a joke.
Pretend the world’s normal… Not your normal that was weird, boring, or disruptive. No matter how you bent it, it never matched everyone else’s that they fought tooth and nail for. It had to be the normal that suffocated you with expectations you could never hope to meet, since the starting line was nowhere in sight. Your normal was wrong.
…But in the end, it was all you knew.
“What did I… do wrong?”
“Nothing.”
You gasped, feeling a warm hand sliding up and down your back. You were still doubled over, but another shadow combined with yours. How long had it been there?
The soothing voice spoke again. “You’re absolutely perfect. It’s not your fault.”
You tightened your hands into fists. It was so comforting to hear that… Too comforting.
“No. I… I made them mad…” You wiped your eyes and tried to stand up—tried to escape the calming presence before you forgot your place. You were a broken human who deserved to be hurt. Obviously, you weren’t working hard enough to be a better person. “I act like a child… and… and ignore… ignore everyone around me.”
The tears had slowed, but it was impossible to catch your breath. Hell, the lump in your throat made you more likely to choke than speak. So you needed to leave before your selfishness made you accept his comfort.
Your love. Your turtle hero. You couldn’t let him indulge you any further.
But those strong hands were persistent. In one smooth motion, he had wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his lap. Once seated on the floor with him, all desire to flee left. You merely gave in, though your gaze was fixated on the floor.
He hummed in somber amusement, the rumble of his chest almost tickling you. It was hard to believe this was the same person he had fallen in love with. You were so passionate about whatever caught your interest. It was his favorite thing to watch the sparkles in your eyes as you talked for hours over your obsessions. Now, you lay against him like a hollow doll, ready to obey whatever order your owner gave you.
Gently, he wiped your tear tracks with his thumb. “Love, I saw everything. You were just excited to talk to them. They could have stopped you and explained what was wrong, but they chose to get mad at you. It wasn’t your fault.”
“But I… But I should have tried to… be better. Be nicer and more considerate. I’m such a terrible—”
“No,” he cut in firmly, his grip around you tightening. “Don’t you dare say anything bad about yourself. You’re wonderful. My angel and my love. If they don’t appreciate you, then they don’t deserve you.”
He used his finger to gently push up your chin, guiding your gaze towards his. For a few seconds, you tensed and closed your eyes. That was the hardest thing in the world: looking someone in the eye. You didn’t deserve his comfort, much less his love. How could you ever meet his eyes?
“Love, look at me.”
His breath caressed your cheek while his hands rubbed your face softly. It was so warm… So familiar and safe. You gave in and opened your eyes.
Leo:
Her gaze was met with calm kindness. It didn’t matter how excited or anxious you got. He always looked at you like you were a princess. His princess. Despite the circumstances, his smile was beautiful, lighting a fire within your heart. Suddenly, you felt a weight lift from your chest. He was here and he still loved you. He had seen you at your worst and yet he never showed any hint of regret. Instead, he made allowances. It didn’t matter what he was doing—if you called him in a fit of anxiety, he was there in minutes. He even altered his routine when you were around to better match yours. The stubborn, no-nonsense leader changed his routine out of love for you… And here Leo was right now: smiling that handsome smile, whispering sweet words into your ear, and gently rubbing circles into your back. In spite of all your supposed flaws, he wasn’t going anywhere. On the contrary, he loved every minute he spent with you. You were a blessing and he would do anything to listen to you pour your heart out. In those moments, he could forget all the bad in the world and stare into his love’s eyes.
Raph:
The first thing you noticed was the solemn expression of understanding. He got it. He also had issues with driving people away. However, that was because of his temper, not unrestrained passion. If anything, his issue was much worse because, while he always regretted it, he purposefully drove people away. You were only doing it on accident. You meant no harm. And yet you still chose him, the hothead, to love. With all the words in the world, he couldn’t explain how much that meant to him. So screw those other people. If they couldn’t see how wonderful you were, then they didn’t deserve to know you. He would keep you all to himself anyway, if he could. You deserved the world, but if you couldn’t have that then you would get all the love he could give. As Raph pulled you closer, inhaling your sweet scent, a wave of relief fell over you. No matter what, you had your strong protector right beside you. He didn’t care if you rambled on about nonsense; having you care enough to stay by his side meant the world to him. To both of you.
Donnie:
It wasn’t hard to tell what he was thinking with that big grin. Every day, if he didn’t get to hear your lovely voice rant on about whatever, it was a failed day. He loved it, every minute of it. You had the most beautiful mind and could see things from angles others never even knew existed. To society, the world was a 2D image on a piece of paper—simple, clean, and always the same no matter the view point. But to you, the world was 3D and bursting with possibilities. Each day, you viewed it at a new vantage point, discovering a new story or truth. And each day, you came to him with a surplus of ideas bursting out of your very being. You were his muse, his light, and most importantly the love of his life. You needed moderation sometimes, but so did he. That didn’t make you a bad person. You were overflowing with passion and potential, if only the right people encouraged it. So that’s exactly what Donnie would do. He gently kissed your forehead, reminding you that your “strange” mind was his favorite thing.
Mikey:
Love. Just endless love. It was all you could see on his face—that warm smile and those bright eyes holding all the love in the world. It was like he was radiating sunshine. Suddenly, the weight on your heart seemed to dissolve. He looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the world. A goddess that owned his heart and all he could give you. If there was ever a moment when he got annoyed at your rambling, he couldn’t remember it. He could only remember all the late nights of you two snuggled together, enthusiastically whispering to each other about everything under the sun until Splinter showed up to shush you. Mikey leaned his forehead against yours, brushing some hair behind your ears. Watching you get excited and analyze your newest obsession was always the highlight of his day. He got to see your gorgeous smile and how your eyes sparkled with delight. In those moments, nothing stood in your way. You shined like a star and graced him, a mutant turtle, with your light. What more could he want?
~~~~
It was almost too much. Tears filled your eyes again, but for a completely different reason than before. Your heart clenched with love… and the hope that maybe you weren’t a broken person after all. If your turtle could look at you in such a way, without a hint of regret, then…
“I’ll always be here for you,” he whispered in your ear. Slowly, his lips brushed passed your cheek, settling on your lips. It was a short kiss, but one filled with promises you knew he’d keep. “…I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Then maybe your misshapen heart had found its match.