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Roy and Johnny were on the sofa in the DeSoto's living room, an entirely forgotten TV show on that no one paid any mind to. Chris was over at his friend's house and Jenny was somewhere in the house, with instructions to not bother Uncle Johnny or Roy, not today.
Their last shift had been rough, another close call that left Johnny bruised and battered, half his face covered with small bandages and a gash on his arm that required 8 stitches. But he hadn't required a stay at Hotel Rampart, as he liked to call it, and was allowed to finish his shift.
And when Roy had invited him over for breakfast and he readily agreed, things seemed to be going upwards. And then Johnny almost fell asleep at the table much to the amusement of the kids, head resting in his palm and steadily dropping lower and lower, eyes drooping until his elbow shifted and hit his partially-empty plate with a noise. He had jerked upwards then with a flush high on his cheek and an embarrassed clearing of his throat, and Joanne was charmed with his antics as he sluggishly finished his meal. Roy was less charmed, having to stop himself from flipping into paramedic mode and settling with flashing Johnny worried glances every now and then.
And then he did fall asleep, arms folded and head pillowed on them, and Joanne took mercy, sending Jenny off to get cleaned and Chris to get ready to head to walk down the street to his friend's. She lightly chased them from the kitchen, telling them to go sit in the living room and relax while she cleaned up the remnants of breakfast. There was some shuffling and she heard the TV turn on but it was quickly lowered to a dull roar, and then the grunt of Roy settling on the couch.
A smaller grunt, a confused, "Johnny?" from Roy and some mumbled, half-baked reply Jo couldn't quite catch from her distance from the other, and then an extremely fond sigh rang through the house.
Joanne peaked in and saw Roy half-sprawled on the couch, Johnny on top of him and out like a light, hair fanned like a halo.Roy's arms were around Johnny's waist, keeping him anchored to her husband's chest, and she could see him very lightly rubbing the skin that peeked from his partially rucked-up shirt. She met Roy's eye and they shared a knowing, though slightly stressed look, and she went back to the kitchen to finish cleaning.
Half an hour later Roy was looking decidedly uncomfortable but couldn't bring it in himself to move, not if it meant waking the ever-jumpy John from his peaceful sleep. Not if it meant possibly losing John to the memories of whatever happened on their last shift.
"Can I borrow your boyfriend?" she quietly asked, voice nary a whisper, and Roy shot her a strange look. She knew Roy would lay there all day for their boyfriend, giving up his own comfort and needs for the needs of Johnny, but she also knew that Roy would complain about his back the second Johnny was out of earshot if he stayed in his awkward position any longer.
"He's yours too," he reminded her, as if she could forget. Joanne bit back a laugh but grinned to show she knew, but right now he was Roy's, or rather, Roy was his. With the way John's hands were twisted into the fabric of Roy's shirt, and the almost possessive curl of Roy's arm's around John, she wasn't sure which.
"You didn't answer the question."
Roy nodded, shifted very slightly and froze when Johnny made a small noise, all the permission Jo needed, and she walked around the sofa to crouch next to them. Placed a hand on Johnny's impossibly warm shoulder and softly shook it.
He immediately picked up his head with a look of momentary panic, before he got his bearings and flushed, scrambling off Roy with mumbled apologies.
"It's okay, Junior," Roy soothed, wrapping an arm around John's shoulders as he sat up, the younger biting back a jaw splitting yawn and failing miserably. Joanne couldn't help but give him an oh-so fond smile, resting her hands on his knees.
"Good morning," she purred with a sly smile, rubbing his legs through his jeans. "Sleep well?"
"S-sorry," he yawned again, jaw popping and he shook his head and blearily peered at Joanne, "didn' mean ta fall asleep. 'm sorry."
Oh no, she couldn't have Johnny thinking she was mad at him. Not for this, not
"It's no trouble, I know you boys are exhausted after work, I don't mind."
John rubbed his eye with one hand and it was so adorable Joanne wished she had a camera. "'S just, you invited me over 'n I fell asleep, 's rude," he half-explained, and if Jo wasn't already helplessly in love she would have fallen head first into it. "'sides, promised Roy to help out with housework."
"Well, honey, housework can wait. Right now you look bushed, and I just so happen to know about a bed that's primed for a good nap."
He looked up at her with hope and love and something she couldn't quite parse, not right now, and asked, so vulnerably it made her chest ache, "really,? You don't mind? Roy?"
"Go, it's fine. Hell, I might join you later, though I better go stave off Jenny before she comes and bothers ya." With that he leaned over and kissed the side of Johnny's head, who leaned into the chaste kiss like a cat, before standing with a sigh.
"Come on, sleepyhead, lets get you to bed," Joanne offered her hand, and Johnny, so hesitant to let himself accept but so desperate for the same affection and love he readily supplied, hesitated before taking it. She intertwined his fingers in hers and hauled him off the couch, steadying him as he winced. "You okay?"
He breathed for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, just sore. Yesterday was rough–" and he cut himself off with a panicked stare as she lead him towards their–hers and Roy's but more recently Johnny's, too, sometimes–because he knew Roy didn't like sharing the grueling details. Roy, so sweet and perceptive and such a worrywort, didn't want to upset Joanne.
But she married a fireman, fell in love with two, and was stronger than her husband gave ger credit for. But she never pried, knowing it would upset him more than it would her, and she let sleeping dogs lie.
But Johnny was getting that familiar guilty look on his face and pulling away slightly and she knew she couldn't just pretend with him.
"It's okay, I don't mind, tell me as much or as little about the shift as you'd like. You're okay," she added, holding his hand a little tighter to hopefully keep him from fleeing. Johnny could get flighty, she had noticed over the years, when upset or nervous or, more recently, full of misplaced guilt and self-doubt.
"Well, uh, um," and bless his heart his voice rasped with sleep and he still looked so tired and that edge of vulnerability he tried so hard to hide was there, and all she wanted to do was hug him. "R-Roy doesn't like when we talk about it with you–"
She did hug him, spun on her heel and pulled him into a hug that he stiffened in for a second with a confused, "uhhh?" before he melted into her touch, bending to press his face against her neck. "Sorry," he choked against her skin and she tightened her hug and rocked a little bit.
"What for?" she asked, and felt him shrug, pull away but she knew he was trying to run so she held tight, moved one hand to keep his head cradled against her and rubbed her other up and down his back. "Johnny, sweetie, what're you sorry for?"
He shrugged again, but melted back into the hug, clutching desperately at her shirt and shaking the slightest bit. "I dunno, I-I just, felt like I had to," he eventually offered, so haltingly it was like he was expecting to get yelled at.
"Hey, listen to me," she told him, voice low, only for him, and she ran a hand through his hair. Felt him shudder and make a choked-off inhale, and press a little closer, a seeking comfort. "You've done nothing wrong. You know that, righf?"
He shook his head no and she felt heat against her skin and oh, something must have really shaken him up, on the last shift, and she wanted to ask but was afraid to.
But, as stubborn as a mule, she did.
"Did something happen, yesterday?" she asked, tentatively, rubbing his back soothingly as he began to shake in earnest.
"Thought I lost him," came the choked reply and Oh. Well, that would do it. Johnny, for all his quirks and schemes and wits was sensitive and cared deeply about so many things, and she knew her family, her and Roy and the Kids were at the epicenter of his heart.
"What happened?"
He took a deep breath and pulled away, looked around for Roy or the kids and she put her arm around his waist and pulled him the last couple feet to the bedroom. Shut the door and lead him to the bed, sitting down and patting the spot next to her.
He didn't sit, and instead fidgeted nervously pulling his shirt before he began to tap his foot. Pulling out all the stops she gave him the biggest puppy-dog eyes and asked, sweetly, "come lay with me and tell me?"
She had him hook-line-and-sinker. He shook himself and crawled in bed next to her, back facing her but that was alright, she was just as perceptive as her husband and knew that he needed to be held right now.
She sidled closer, and wrapped her arms around him, pressing into his back. "So, what happened that's gotten you all shaken, dearest?" she asked, and he sighed and rubbed his face. She waited, she could be patient even if she hated it. She had tact and knew when to hold her tongue.
"I-well, it was, uh," he stumbled over his words and she simply rubbed his stomach in soothing circles, letting him work out what he was going to say. "There was a building fire," he ventured, trepidatiously, glancing over his shoulder to gauge her reaction. She just made a noise for him to continue and he relaxed minutely.
"We, uh, Roy 'n I got sent in, because the building manager wasn't sure if anyone was still in there. No one was but we didn't know that. And then the-ah–the…" he stopped, and she was shocked when he rolled over and pressed his face against her chest, and took a deep, shuddering breath. "The floor went and I went with it and I thought I had seen Roy go down as well but I couldn't find him and-and I looked and called and didn't hear him and I thought 'this is it, I got my partner, my-my boyfriend killed.' And I really thought he had been-been-and then I thought of you and, and Chris and Jenny and and what would happen to you guys if Roy was gone and I panicked and-Oh God," he choked on the last words, ramble fizzling out as he stifled a sob into her chest.
"Shh, shh, hey, you're okay, I got you," she whispered, tears shining in her own eyes, because she couldn't begin to think of the sheer terror Johnny must've felt at the moment, and she had her own moments and breakdowns but she had never, would never be so close to it all to watch it happen in real time.
"Jo, if something-if something happened to him I don't know what I'd do. I-I-I can't, wouldn't," He lifted his head and met her stare with the most heartbroken, earnestly worried face she had ever seen, tears rarer than anything in the world pouring down his face. "Even the thought of him being hurt because'a me is killin' me, Jo. How-How do you do it?"
She lifted her hands and wiped the tears away with her thumbs, only for them to be instantly replaced and he was in bad shape. She pulled his head close and kissed his forehead before petting his hair. "Hey, shhh, I got you, come here."
He compliantly moved closer to rest his head on her chest, just below her shoulder, and she rubbed his back with one hand and his cheek with her other. "Listen to me, carefully, okay?" He nodded and she kissed his face again, his cheek this time, tasting the salty brine of tears and the lingering cling of smoke and ash.
"I know how you feel. I may not be as involved but I worry, so much about him. And you. I'd be devastated if anything happened to either of you. But I also know that you both love me and would do anything to come back to me. You'd both crawl out of the gates of hell if you had to. And I worry, how can I not? But, I love you and just have to trust you."
"But what if it's my fault," he croaked, voice breaking, and her heart broke with it.
"John, would you ever willingly hurt Roy?" He shook his head, wholeheartedly. "Then it would never be your fault. I know Roy, and I know you, and you're both stubborn as hell. If something happened it would be neither of your faults."
"But what if he got hurt, because I was hurt or with a patient?"
She sighed and he ducked his head and she mentally slapped herself. "Then he made a calculated risk, and…" she trailed off and thought of every time John was hurt, and how Roy went off about him taking risks he didn't need to, and for his recklessness and lack of self-perseverance.
"Johnny…" he looked up at her and she took in the abrasions across his face, bruises dark blemishes against his immaculate skin, and she felt sick. "You… every time… you've gone in Roy's stead." And it's not a question but John looks away and looks so decidedly guilty that it answers it anyway. "Oh Johnny."
"He's important," and there's something buried in his voice that Jo hates and wants to chase out but it's so wrapped around his very core she's afraid it'd sooner kill him than heal him. Bitter, cold self-loathing and something she can't quite figure out but sound suspiciously close to someone who's given up hope.
"Johnny," she said instead, "come here."
And he does, so obedient, wrapping himself in her arms as he lets his emotions take hold for one, small moment in his life, as she whispers affectionate affirmations into his hair. He matters, he's so important, she loves him, Roy loves him, the kids fucking adore him like he were the sun, he was enough, he was okay.
Eventually, his breathing smoothed into something still rough and razor-edged, but steady, and he grew heavier on her chest and she realized he fell asleep.
Cried himself to fucking sleep because he was so worried about the family he didn't believe be belonged to.
Joanne made a promise to find whoever made him feel so unworthy of love and make them pay, and if she ever found out Roy had any part in breaking her wonderful, sweet, oh so kind and thoughtful Johnny, well, he'd have a new one coming.
She, objectively, knew Roy would never hurt Johnny, not on purpose and never in a million years, but her righteous anger burned bright and hot in her chest.
But right now she had to be here for Johnny. And, as it seemed he wouldn't be moving anytime soon, that meant taking a nap with him.
And that's where Roy found them an hour later, Johnny looking like wreck but blissfully asleep and Joanne rousing enough to curl her arm protectively around John's shoulder before settling back down.
Roy couldn't stand there and stare forever, and Jenny was sleeping in her own room, so what was the harm in lying down for a few minutes? They'd be up before lunch and have plenty of time to finish what needed to be done. He crawled into bed on the other side of Johnny, meeting Jo's eyes as she cracked them open and gave him a fond look over their sleeping boyfriend's soft hair, and he curled around Johnny who shifted slightly backwards to press against Roy while still using Joanne as a pillow.
They both laughed, quiet, silent, at his antics even while asleep, and Roy threw his arm over them both, pulling them in close and using his free hand to run through John's hair, who sighed and arched into the touch before settling, face smoothing more into peace.
And, well, if that's where Chris and Jenny found them, grinning ear-to-ear with a shared, knowing look, at a quarter-to-four, well, no one would have to know.