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Sweat dripping from his brow, arms trembling from the exertion used to keep himself above Sapnap’s equally debauched form, Dream struggles to keep his composure. He’s oversensitive and raw and exhausted, but he keeps his hips rolling, leaves sloppy kisses on Sapnap’s neck as his hand finds its way between their bodies.
And then it’s his turn, too, just moments after Dream. He cries out, weak, voice ragged and stretched out in a way that makes Dream’s chest swell with pride. He’s pulled up by his hair, mouth consumed by Sapnap’s hungry lips as his ankles lock behind Dream’s thighs, stilling him. Every muscle in Sapnap’s body tenses, holds fast as the waves overtake him and pull him under.
Then slowly, always so slowly, he starts to unwind.
His muscles slacken, releasing their tension just enough that his grip on Dream is more for comfort than to keep him in place now. He feels himself slump, his muscles finally giving out as his weight falls onto Sapnap’s torso, knocking the breath out of them both.
Allowing himself only a moment to enjoy the contact, Dream carefully extricates himself and rolls over onto his side to spare Sapnap being crushed by him for too long, keeping an arm slung over his waist just to feel his warmth. His eyes shut, for a moment Dream could almost fall asleep like this, with Sapnap beside him, spent and both of them exhausted. He’s had so much trouble sleeping lately, and it’s so nice…
But Sapnap rolls over with him, practically crawls into his skin with the way he wriggles into Dream’s embrace, pressing close and holding tight—and he’s suddenly very awake.
Dream’s hand finds his hair almost immediately, drawn to it so naturally that he doesn’t need to think about it before his fingers are curled into damp curls, threading through them with a practiced care. Sapnap shudders, presses even closer and Dream feels his chest swell again.
“You did so well, Pandas,” he says, mourning the fact that his arm is trapped between them so he can’t rub a hand on his back as well, “I love you.”
The silence tells him all he needs to know. Dream’s hand finds its way down Sapnap’s neck, along his spine and across to his side, feeling the way his chest heaves with fingers ghosting against the bottom of his ribs. If he focuses hard enough, he can almost feel his heartbeat, too, how hard it’s hammering in his chest, how it’s trying to leap out of his throat.
It’s been a while, he supposes. Both since they’ve had the time for this, and since Sapnap has dropped this fast. He wonders briefly what caused it, if it was something he did, something he said—but that isn’t helpful, that isn’t what he needs and Dream won’t let himself fall selfishly into the familiar pit of doubt and despair.
He keeps calm, keeps his hand pressed tightly to Sapnap’s chest, lets it be a consistent, comforting weight, something to ground himself with. (Something to ground both of them with.) Eventually the breathing slows somewhat, though still too fast to be comfortable, and Dream shuffles slightly, moves Sapnap back to push his head into the crook of his neck.
He plants his mouth there, lays kisses in a line leading up to his jaw, hand still holding his chest, thumb rubbing soothing circles into his skin. Sapnap shudders. Then shudders again. And again.
“So beautiful,” Dream whispers, just below his ear, repeating a mantra of worship over and over, so familiar to him by now, “I love you, you’re so perfect. I’ve got you and you got me, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
Sapnap’s fingers dig into his skin, just on the edge of painful, his muscles shaking with the strain of it, and Dream sighs, brings his hand around to Sapnap’s back, just between his shoulderblades. He holds him tight, clings back just as hard, letting Sapnap silently know that he feels it too, the mounting desperation to be held, to be loved.
It’s not as bad as it used to be, but still, he knows.
“D’you want a shower? Maybe a bath?” His words are slightly muffled by Sapnap’s collarbones, but they still come through; he knows because of the way Sapnap shakes his head so quickly, denying both options.
He laughs, wriggles his arm just enough to get it free from underneath him, reaching up awkwardly to lay his hand on Sapnap’s cheek. Dream moves his head back, then, looks up to see those big doe eyes staring right back, eyelashes damp but not quite wet—yet. It makes his heart ache.
“We have to get you cleaned up, Pandas,” he says, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin above his cheek, “we’re both sweaty and gross and I know it just makes it feel worse. So… Shower or bath?”
There’s a pause, a silence hanging between them as Sapnap mulls it over, tries to find his words. He worries his lip between his teeth, looks away from Dream’s eyes as he thinks, and just as he thinks he’s going to try to get out of it again, he says, “Bath.”
Dream beams at him, rewards him with a quick kiss and sticks close. “Okay,” he says softly, “do you think you can stand up on your own? Or would you like me to carry you?”
He does end up half-carrying Sapnap into the bathroom, arm wrapped around his waist with a hand slung over his shoulder. He’d wanted to walk on his own, but Dream had had to catch him when he took one step and started to wobble, so here they are.
He sits Sapnap down on the edge of the bathtub, thankful for the wider edge making it a more comfortable experience as he runs the taps and waits for the hot water to start flowing through. It does eventually; steam starts to creep up into the air and the room begins to heat around them as the bath slowly fills. Dream keeps close, makes sure at least one part of him is always touching Sapnap in some way, reminding him of his presence.
It’s a good sign when Sapnap reaches for the bubble bath himself, pops the cap off and starts pouring it into the tub—he hasn’t retreated too far into himself yet to act on his own wants and needs. It reassures Dream that they’re on the right path.
Bubbles form and a sweet, peach and raspberry scent mingles with the steam as it billows towards the ceiling. Even Dream is already beginning to feel a little more relaxed.
It’s even more reassuring when Sapnap manages to climb into the bath himself, only slightly aided by Dream’s hand for a grip, he seems a lot closer to being himself again and Dream could cry from joy. Sapnap has made so much progress already, and not just tonight. A year ago? If it had been this bad, it probably would’ve taken Sapnap all night to recover this much.
“I’m so proud of you.” He doesn’t mean to say it, it just comes tumbling out when he sinks into the water and beckons for Dream to join him, so warm and so much less hollow. It had just struck him, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from voicing his wonder—but he wonders for a moment if it's a mistake to point it out. Sapnap has retreated in on himself before for things like this, embarrassed by his emotions and sinking further into them if Dream so much as acknowledged they existed.
But he just smiles. It’s shaky and small, but Dream really, really wants to cry and kiss him and never let him go.
He’s so fucking proud.
The bath is large enough that Sapnap can bend his knees and get his head into the water, resting on Dream’s lap behind him. He’s thankful for that, too, mentally praising his younger self for making it a priority when they went looking for a house and sticking to his guns when Sapnap had argued that they’d never use it.
His heart is so full as he grabs the cup resting on the edge, a stupid smile etched onto his face as he dunks it into the water, then scoops it out to pour over Sapnaps hair. He can’t help it, he’s just happy.
And when Sapnap blinks up at him, eyes protected from the water by Dream’s hand resting on his forehead, he knows he’s happy too—a little more exhausted and fragile, but still.
“You’re so beautiful.” Dream muses, with his hands rubbing shampoo into the roots of Sapnap’s hair, eyes tracing the upside-down curve of his mouth, entranced by the tiny freckle at the edge of his jaw, the stubble there too. Everything about him he’s always admired, from his hair to his eyes, from his mouth to his hands, from the curve of his back to his thighs—everything.
He says as much, too, says it now and will always, has always. Every time he’s hit with that all-consuming love and adoration, he’ll say it.
Sapnap sinks into the water slightly, darts his eyes away just for a split second before they come right back, locking in place as they stare into Dream’s soul. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t respond in any way beyond the acknowledging look, and Dream doesn’t mind; he tells him every little detail he loves about Sapnap without expectations, doesn’t need anything more than to know Sapnap knows how he feels.
They spend a while like that, Dream rubbing circles into his scalp, rinsing his hair and whispering sweet nothings while Sapnap lays there, watching him with a quiet contentment. He finds himself being lulled into a sort of trance as well, the tension leeching off him like the steam that curls from the surface of the water.
It’s funny, he hadn’t realised how much he was holding until it was gone.
They’re done before Dream knows it, both clean and soft, fingers pruned from the long soak and Dream is helping Sapnap out of the water, still unsteady but able to stand on his own now. He wraps him up in a towel before he can drip too much onto the tiles, laughs at the way he looks like a puppy, water dripping into his eyes and shivering.
Dream takes his own towel, brings it up to his head and uses it to scrub Sapnap’s hair until he’s giggling too, slapping Dream’s wrist to get him to stop. He can’t help himself, has to press their lips together again when he pulls the towel back and sees his puff of hair, his flushed cheeks. Sapnap is too adorable to resist.
They make their way back to the bedroom, Dream guiding Sapnap forward by the waist to hold him steady. He sits him on the bed, lays a kiss to his damp hair as Sapnap sits patiently, playing with the edges of his towel absentmindedly.
He searches through the drawers for a very specific pair of pants, the soft ones Sapnap really likes and an oversized t-shirt of Dream’s to wrap himself in. Grabbing a set for himself as well, Dream closes each drawer with his foot, opens the top one for some boxers before returning to the bed.
“You want a hand, or do you think you can manage by yourself?” He asks Sapnap, a warm smile on his lips, trying to seem open, to convey there’s no judgement. Sapnap seems to understand since he smiles back, shakes his head and reaches for the pile in Dream’s hands.
They get dressed in a gentle sort of quiet, Sapnap pressing his face into the fabric of his shirt as he pulls it on and taking a deep breath. Dream finds him so endearing that he can’t help but reach over, brush the hair from his eyes as he gets the shirt over his head. Sapnap blinks up at him, leans into the touch, a smile pulling at his lips.
“Can I help with this, Pandas?” He asks, carding his fingers through Sapnap’s fringe and stifling a soft laugh when his eyes slide closed in response.
He nods, takes a deep breath, then sighs.
Dream puts a cushion on the floor, sits Sapnap between his legs as he shuffles onto the edge of the bed and cages him in with his knees.
Sapnap’s eyes close, his head droops and Dream lets him relax a while, lets the dragging of the brush lull him almost to sleep as he gets to work.
“You’re perfect.” He says, twisting his body down at an awkward angle while tilting Sapnap’s head back to press his mouth to his forehead, to his eyes, his nose, then his lips. It comes without thought, more instinct than anything else, an urge that runs so deep it feels like it’ll split Dream right down the middle.
He drags the brush through a few times before setting it aside and replacing it with his fingers instead, gliding them through his silky smooth hair slowly, carefully. It makes Sapnap hum with approval and Dream grins with pride, brushes his fingers down the side of Sapnap’s face, smoothing down the baby hairs, then curling against his jaw.
Sapnap blinks his eyes open, then, eyelashes fluttering so prettily that he’s struck almost painfully by it. “Kiss me?” He asks, breathless, and Dream obliges, leaning down as Sapnap twists so he can be right side up this time, reaches his hand up to place it on Dream’s neck, fingers curling into the hairs at the nape of Dream’s neck.
It makes him shudder. And he wants.
They spend a minute or two like that, pressed close, breathing the same air, clinging to each other without the desperation of earlier, more for intimacy’s sake now than for grounding each other. Then Sapnap’s stomach growls and they’re both giggling at the timing, unfurling from each other reluctantly as they both silently agree to make their way to the kitchen.
Sapnap needs no help at all now, but Dream still grabs his hand under the guise of holding onto him in case he falls, which Sapnap scoffs at while making no move to let go.
There’s not much in their fridge at the moment, a couple of vegetables, some chicken he’d been planning to make tomorrow’s dinner with, but all of it far too much effort for Dream to deal with—except the day-old leftover pizza on the bottom shelf. Not exactly the healthiest of options and there’s only a couple of slices left (and it’s got pineapple on it), but it’ll do for right now.
He sits them shoulder-to-shoulder, one plate between them. Sapnap leans into him, takes a deep breath, sighs, then reaches forward. He hands Dream a slice first because of course he does, then grabs his own, brings it to his mouth and bites down silently. When Dream turns his head, looks at the curve of Sapnap’s cheek at this angle, he notices Sapnap’s gaze pointed forward, looking at something far off that isn’t there, eyes glazed.
Tired. Of course he is, Dream is too. He’s exhausted.
And it only just hits him now, seeing the creases on Sapnap’s face, the darkness growing under his eyes, but he’s really, really fucking tired.
He leans his head back against Sapnap’s, chews his food and closes his eyes, lets the silence wash over him like a warm blanket, a soft cocoon that wraps them together, keeps them rooted in place. He grabs Sapnap’s free hand under the table, reaching across his legs to grab it from his lap.
It’s his left of course, so it’s a little awkward, but Sapnap laughs, switches his slice to the other hand so he can pull his right down, lace his grubby, greasy fingers with Dream’s. He winces, then laughs too, doesn’t say anything as Sapnap squeezes his hand, holding him tight.
“You know you’re all those things too, right?” Sapnap’s voice is hushed as Dream grabs the plate, clearing the table and heading for the kitchen.
He pauses, cocks his head in confusion. “What was that?” He asks, half processing and half genuinely confused. The words take time to crawl their way into his brain, sluggish and distorted.
“Nothing.” Sapnap says and smiles, just as it falls into place. But then he’s up out of the chair, pressing his lips to Dream’s and all too quickly drawing away from him, taking a step back before turning on his heel and heading into the hallway. He stands there buffering for about thirty seconds before he regains the ability to move and hastily puts the plate in the sink to clean later, hurrying after him.
It’s cute how shy he gets after giving compliments, but Dream is not going to let him get away with it that easily.
He catches Sapnap halfway down the hall, grabs his waist from behind, grinning as he shrieks and twists in his grip, trying to shake free. “What was that, baby? I’m perfect?” He coos, repeating his own words from earlier, digging his fingers into Sapnap’s sides where he knows he’s ticklish.
Sapnap is screaming with laughter now, wriggling with wild abandon to get out of his grip, but Dream just winds his arms around him further, pulls him tight to his chest, then lifts. “Dream!” Sapnap half shouts, half laughs. He ignores it.
“I’m beautiful? Well thank you very much,” and he does a little spin, just to show off, shuffling forward with no small amount of strain, “I’m flattered, I can’t believe you felt this way! You really think I’m gorgeous and sexy and the best minecraft player you’ve ever seen? I mean, are you sure? It’s pretty stiff competition, but… You know what, you’re right, I am the best.”
“You’re an asshole,” Sapnap giggles, slapping his arms playfully as Dream carries him through the doorway, then dumps him unceremoniously onto the bed, “I never said any of that, you are twisting my words, sir.” He waggles an accusatory finger at him, and Dream takes that like a bull takes a red cape being waved in its face.
He jumps onto the bed on top of him, shoves his fingers under Sapnap’s armpits and tickles him senseless as the man flails and kicks his feet, heel catching Dream’s hip none too delicately.
“Oh!” Dream wails dramatically, grabs the spot like a gunshot wound and falls off Sapnap with a big show, “you’ve killed me! I’m not gonna make it Sap, please, you have to… You have to tell… Patches… I love her-”
“You’re an idiot.” Sapnap says drily, completely unsympathetic. He pushes onto his elbows, watching Dream’s theatrics with a raised eyebrow only for a mere three seconds before he loses interest and begins crawling up the bed to the pillows.
“You’re so cruel… When I’m dying… Won’t you even… Give me one last kiss?” The unimpressed look Sapnap gives him tells him what he needs to know and he deflates, lips pulling into a dramatic pout as he says, “you never play along. You hate fun.”
Sapnap rolls his eyes, shifting to get his feet under the fresh covers Dream had put on the bed just before they’d left to eat, pulling the blanket up and shuffling down until he’s got it up to his neck. “I love fun. You just suck at roleplay.” He teases, snickering when Dream dramatically grabs his heart.
“Millions would disagree, y’know,” Dream says, crawling up the bed now and dropping the dramatics, “billions even.” Okay, dropping them a little.
He climbs over Sapnap’s covered form, accidentally placing his hand on his elbow, then quickly shifting his weight not to hurt him and causing a domino effect where he ends up collapsing onto him anyway. Totally planned.
“Smooth.” Sapnap quips, shoving him off and to the side when Dream lets himself go ragdoll, making it a slightly more difficult process.
He gets under the covers too after that, rests his back on the headboard with the blankets pooled at his hips and reaches for the tv remote on his bedside table. So they’re a little spoiled, okay? But having a tv in the bedroom makes it perfect for lazy sundays and friday movie nights. And now.
“What are you in the mood for?” His voice is quiet again as he looks down at Sapnap, with his nose pressed to Dream’s thigh and eyes drooping.
His eyes move up to him, lagging slightly. “Romcom?” He suggests, words cut a little short by a long yawn.
Dream takes a minute, twists a couple of his fingers gently into Sapnap’s hair, running a curl between his thumb and forefinger with slight fascination. “Sounds good to me.” Dream says softly, opens netflix and clicks onto his account. Something soft, he thinks, something easy and quiet.
“The holiday!” Sapnap startles him with the volume of his voice, the suddenness of his words, “please? Have I shown it to you before?”
He has, Dream thinks, at some point down the line. He can’t remember any of the details though so he shakes his head, smiling when it gets the expected reaction out of him—a gasp, a wide grin as Sapnap shakes his leg and tells him to put it on, they have to watch it, it’s really good he swears.
Predictable but very, very cute.
“Alright, alright,” he pretends to acquiesce, pressing play and letting the opening credits start, “happy?”
“Very.” And it’s the wobble in Sapnap’s voice that makes him look down, the slight sniffle at the end. His eyes are only slightly red, slightly watery but cheeks still miraculously dry, which is a good sign.
“Woah,” Dream says, sliding down immediately, turning so they’re face to face again, eye level, “woah, woah, woah, are you okay? What’s wrong? I really want to watch the holiday, I promise!”
Sapnap lets out a wet chuckle as Dream brings a hand to his cheek, wipes a tear away with his thumb as it slips traitorously from his lashes. “I’m okay,” he says, taking a deep breath as he grabs Dream’s hand with both of his own, bringing it to his mouth, “I’m really, really good actually. I just-”
His eyes glance away, then back at Dream, so fast he almost couldn’t catch it.
“I just forget sometimes how much you love me.”
The sweet orchestral music swells almost as if proving a point and his heart stops. Then starts again.
His eyes sting, how funny, but he doesn’t think about that, doesn’t think about anything as he leans forward, moves his hand from Sapnap’s grip to grab his face again and press their lips together. And then he’s just clinging, pulling Sapnap in and holding his head against his chest, cradling him like a small thing, like something so fragile a gentle breeze could shatter it into pieces.
“So much,” Dream says, holding him as tight as he dare, petting his hands through Sapnap’s hair as his chest tightens and tightens, “so, so much.”
He’s crying too now. It feels silly; it’s not like they’ve fought or anything, he’s not upset, not even overcome with joy, just… Overwhelmed. Everything with Sapnap is overwhelming. He feels like a can of soda that got all shook up and had its tab pulled off. Everything is so much, and then it’s not, the pressure leaves him as the tears slide down his cheeks and all he can feel is wet and cool.
It’s sort of a hollow feeling, but not in a bad way, in a tired way, in a good way. It feels like the release of something he hadn’t even known was there, something that had been building for a while.
“I love you. I won’t ever stop loving you, Pandas.”
Their tears dry, come and gone like a summer shower, making room for the sun to shine and for the flowers to beam, radiant and golden again.