Work Text:
I see your face,
In this made-up place.
I never thought I'd see you here,
But you're there
____
"I saw you at a party last night," I look at him, I really look at him, I see the tears in his eyes and the regret painted on his face. He starts "I know I shouldn't have-" "Ozai. Was there alcohol?" I cut him off, I never have cut him off before, but I know it would be excuse after excuse.
"...yes" He tells me. He's just 17, he's just a kid.
____
What I'm gonna say,
You know, you know!
I wanna be,
I wanna be disobedient!
I got nothing left to be
____
"Zhao I'm sorry, I didn't know there would be any" He says. I sigh, head in my hands. "I know, just… you could've just walked away from it-" He shoots me a look.
"No, no don't you dare do that to me, you know how hard it is for me, and with everyone drinking and daring me and that smell-" he stops. I don't know what to do.
____
Nothing, there's nothing without you.
But with you, a 'parent' I fail to be,
A brother I couldn't protect.
____
I take a step closer, hand out. "Please, I just want to protect you!-" I say, his face turns to a total look of anger. "What I need is a friend, NOT A ANOTHER FUCK UP OF A PARENT" He slaps my hand down.
Now I'm just frustrated, I want to help, why is he so pissed? "I only have your best interests in mind! I'm sorry but if you can't help yourself, I'm telling Iroh."
Wide eyed, he just looks at me. "...what?"
____
What I'm gonna say,
You know, you know!
I wanna be,
I wanna be disobedient!
I got nothing left to be…
____
He slaps me, "WHAT THE HELL!? What are you on??" Ozai is pissed at me for fairly weird reasoning. "I really don't want to at all-" "Excuse after excuse with you!" he slowly backs away.
"Wait I-I didn't mean it-! I won't please, just don't leave" I wanted to protect my brother, he's left and gone. I won't let Ozai leave me now too.
He starts running, I know I can't run fast enough to catch up. I call his phone, I call, I call, and I call. Nothing. Was I wrong to do that?
____
I sing because I can, it's the only thing left I can do that seems to be right, I sing because I feel as free as a phoenix when I do, I sing because it was our thing before it became just my thing. And I'm sorry, but I'm trying my best.
~
I have tried and tried,
now I'm just tired.
I tire of listening, and waiting, and waiting
Screw that, screw you!
..fucking hell
____
My guitarist Somuku offers me homemade drugs. "Drugs? Like, actual drugs?" I ask, "Yup" she says. I laugh, thinking she's joking, she is joking right? Agni, she's not.
I mean, it's fine, I'm of age, I can do this without any repercussions.
But I think of him, wouldn't he be even more pissed than he already is? But he doesn't have a good reason to be angry right? Then why am I angry at him? 'He has a problem' I tell myself …and that's right, right?
I'm not just seeing the worst in him, am I? Am I so toxic that I'm gaslighting him into seeing that he has a problem? Am I so delusional from what I've inherited that I'm the real problem here?.... fuck man
I take a breath, say no, and walk away. Google is my best friend, I search how to tell if a friend has a drinking problem.